"You want me to do what?!" The Captain yelled, bewildered over the first thing he hears after regaining cognizance.
Spleenk pats him on the shoulder, laughs at Lard Nar's shout and explains to him, "We all fly over to the Massive and destroy their ship a bit, then we invade the Irkens and steal all their snacks, and---"
"No, not you! I was talking to the officer here!"
Two hours since the group had started the meeting, and because Lard Nar was unconscious, practically dying on the floor, the gang got to view with thrill as Shloonktapooxis drank 14 bottles of pop, making the crazy cone extremely sugar high. The ship crashed onto a Meekrobian Universal Police ship, and one of the officers gave in some life energy into the Captain's body.
A Meekrob Officer floated by with a holographic club, swinging it hard. "I know this is against our spiritual rights and laws, but because you crashed into our ship, at 280 mph, we gonna make you drink our whole storage of Red Bull!!!"
"But officers, it wasn't my fault! I knocked myself unconscious, and my men were distracted by sugar intensity!! And why would drinking a bunch of sodas be a punishment for destroying hover vehicles?"
"WOW!" Another Officer said, awed by Lard Nar's explanation. "Anybody who'd knock himself unconscious and leave the controls to a bunch of party beasts is a total NIT WIT! Say, aren't you that Vortian who caused the destruction of Vortica and the Massive's original a couple years back?"
"DON'T remind me...."
Officer #1 came up to him with his club, not growing spikes on the sides. "And this is no punishment, nit wit----"
"The name is Lard Nar!"
Officer#1mumbled "An even stupider name!" and continued, "This is meant so the both of us can laugh pitifully at you and totally humiliate you! Oh, yeah!!!"
The second Officer brought in six boxes of the new, popular beverage, 'Red Bull', and a third Officer turned on a tiny, portable camera and started filming. Lard Nar wasn't sure why they would need this humiliating torment caught on disc, but he hoped that he can at least like this Red Bull drink. Only very few aliens in the Universe have tried it.
"What's with the camera?" Lard Nar asked.
The third Officer had a gun on on one arm, with the camera on the other. "None of your business, now drink up or we'll shoot!"
" *sigh* Here I go...."
The gang watched as their leader opened up a box and picked up a tall, skinny can with the unknown drinking fluid fizzing on its top. Nobody didn't really know what was in this 'Red Bull', but from rumors heard it had a lack of taste but a whole burst of energy in it. Maybe even too much. Lard Nar took one gulp of the drink. Two gulps. Three. Four. He threw the can behind him and started to drink some more.
Officer #1 whispered to #3, "I can't believe it! I've heard this stuff has so many vitamins in it that it actually kills people with just one full can of the poison! He just drinks it as if it were orange soda or Beetleguise!
Shloonktapooxis meanwhile cheered on for his buddy, "WOW! He's drunken five cans of it, and still going! Go Lard Nar!!! WOOOOOO!!!!!!!"
"Only 39 cans left!!! You're almost there!" Spleenk said, counting the cans on the floor.
~55 MINUTES LATER ~
Lard Nar had drunken 64 cans of Red Bull. The other Meekrob Officers came with more Red Bull as they towed the crushed police ship away. Lard Nar wanted more though, and he became highly addicted to the stuff.
Officer#3 was getting tired the most recent can dropped onto the pile. "Okay, sir, that's all we need to see, so we'll be going now and----"
"That's CAPTAIN Lard Nar to ya, buddy!!!"
"Uhhh.... That was random...." Officer #2 said.
Officer #1agreed,"Yeah, uh...Bye bye! Drive safely and at least decently!!" and he led the others to their own ship at a very, very, fast pace.
"HEY! Come back here, you bitches!!!" The drunken Captain ordered. "I haven't even started to mess y'all filthy glowing air thing-ys around yet! A deal's a deal even if it was just a stupid task!!"
He turned around to see Shloonktapooxis right at his face. "What were you looking at, CONEHEAD!?"
"First of all, its a FLOATING CONE!!!!! And second of all, are you okay? You look drunk!"
"Yeah! Soon enough you'll be killing us all and started to eat our remains with your teeth! Actually, that sounds kind of cool......!" This was obviously from the Mind of Spleenk.
The female blolb vomits something pink and fluffy. "No it wouldn't, you dumb head! I live every moment of my life with agony as it is! And Lard Nar will need to get on some pills before he gets any more crazy!"
"Shut up! I don't even know whatcha talking about, But that's okay!! Heeeheeheeheeheheheheheheehehe hehehehhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehheehehe!!!!!!! * hiccup!*
The 3-Headed Guy speaks up, "Okay, someone bring in those pills in already!!"
"What? Pills? What pills? You expect me, leader of the ultimate resistence army and king of the cadbury galaxy to take medication?!?! You're nuts!! You're all after me and my gold!!!!! AHHH!! Don't chew me horns off! They're lucky and worth selling for!!" The now-Irish Lard Nar grabs onto his horns tightly.
"Dude! Calm down! Even I'm not this messed up when I drank Vodka back in my young hip years!! Here, do you want some coffee?" He balances his pot of coffee on his head, including sugar cubes and coffee mugs.
"OH! Caffeine! Sugar! Extreme super powers, WOOOO!!!!" The crazy Vortian grabbed the whole pot of coffee and bag of sugar and poured it all down his mouth like a slaughtering rat person chews down a bucket o' chicken Mc-Nuggets!
There! Was that any better for you? Spleenk asked, hoping that the sugar healed him.
Oh I've got the most ingenious idea we can blast off the ship and have lots and lots and lots and lots o of sugar, Red Bull and caffeine and then we can drive through space around the whole entire Universe and passing by all the cool planets and comets and stuff and go really really really really really really really fast and I mean so fast man that we'll be flat as pancakes and never ever ever ever ever be able to breathe again or un-flatten ourselves oh it'll be so much, much, much, much, much, fun !!!!!WEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"
Lard Nar continued babbling things and giggled on and on, started the ship and pulled the levers and pushed the buttons maniacaly!!!
Lard Nar: HEEHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE HAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!
Shloonktapooxis looked over the speed range on the computer screen, and shouted, "Wow, we're traveling over 150 miles per hour ma---"
All the other aliens and creatures on the ship fall and fly off to the very back end of the ship, literally flattening themselves with the full speed and pressure going on!
Spleenk has the first to be flattened against the wall. "AAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WOW! Lard Nar's right!!!! This is more fun then squeezing marshmallow peeps in snack stores!!!!!"
The blob starts to get sick, trying her best to cover her mouth. "UGGHHHH!! OH GOD, NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!" A huge waterfall of vomit and goo splashes all over the place.
"EWWWWWW!!!!!! OOOH!!! This is gross!!!! I want my Oxy-Clean!!!!"
"I don't mean to act like curious in the middle of a rollar coaster ride, but where is the oxyc lean anyway? I hadn't seen the 20 gallon jug anywhere today!" Shloonktapooxis asked, shouting the question as the ship goes faster than well...cheetahs. And the rotation of the Earth!
"HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!!!!WHOA!!? This stuff pretty darn good for a cleaning detergent!!!!" The Captain smiled with a mouth covered with a white powdery substance.
One of the triangular robots find the Oxy Clean! "Oh, damn it, LARD NAR!!!!Did you had to be so hell full of insanity and alcohol that you had to gulp down all of our cleaning chemicals and substances???"
"Haven't your mother ever tell you about Oxy Clean, dude?!" That quote is copyrighted under the OxyCLean company, except for the last word, that's my own creation, dude!!
One of the members was smart enough to look through the giant wind sheild and screamed. "EEEEK!!!! WE'RE GONNA CRASH!!!!!!"
"CRASH?! Did you say that we're gonna CRASH?" Spleenk asked, his arms twitching at the sound of the word.
Yeah, he did! The headless guy said, or more likely screamed to Spleenk. "As a matter of fact, we're going to be dead on the pretty, bluish greenish planet straight ahead!!"
".......AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Everyone Else but Lard Nar: screamed just as Spleenk did, all the same time and with the same amount of 'A's, 'H's and exclamation points.
Lard Nar shook his head, irked by all the shrieks and freaks. "Oh will ya just keep your noise holes shut for once!? this is gonna be extreme to the ultimate extreme stunts of death and speed!!!! YEEEHAAAAAAAAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Oh crap, Lard Nar's gone western style!!! We're doomed!!!!!"
"AAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Jeez, he could've at least gone into slang-term surfer dude mode like you did, Shloonktapooxis!!" One member said, and Lard Nar babbled on to something strange once again.
"Before we crash and really, really, really, really, really die a very, very, very, very painful and horrifying and even more painful death and blast the survivors off with shiny laser guns or result to some damn awesome carnivorous eating plants and really, really random stuff goes on and we keep randomly saying yeah every five seconds in attempt to drive ourselves out of the roof and into these cement roof tops (hehehehehehehhehehe!owie!), I just have one last thing to say to y'all: I HATED ALL YA HELL BITCHES, so go to the hellhole where all you bastards belong!!!!!! And never, ever, ever, ever eat a moldy bunny!!!!"
"Ummm....what's a bunny?" Spleenk questioned confusedly.
"OH! Is it a snack product? I'm really hungry right now!!!" Shloonktapooxis wailed.
"So long, i'm jumping through this open door!!! and don't you little scrapping poodles go and steal my gold, ya hear?? And don't ya daring to go a-through-ing my most valuable, treasured junk which even isn't mine!!! I'll need them for my trip down under some-where-s!!"
"Great, first drunken mode, then hyper, then crazy, then wild western, then villainy mad and NOW hillbilly mode!!! What the heck was in that Red Bull substance anyway?" The headless one said.
Shloonktapooxis reads one of the cans. " Some water...artificial flavoring...a bunch of vitamin A and other nutrition junk....and a huge dose of Mec #K sleep pills from planet Uranus!!"
"Uranus? PFFT! No wonder! The critters on that moronic planet are always so screwed and backwards, with the name and everything!!"
None of the others noticed but with the ship moving remarkably slowly to the planet's surface, Lard Nar breaks the main window on the ship and jumps out of it, stabbed with glass pieces and bleeding as if blood were suddenly hating the body they were in and ditching it!
But he stupidly falls only 5ft down to the ground and lands on his head. The ship's front end just stops, barely touching the green grassy substance and the whole entire hover vehicle randomly flips over and lands on its right side.
~ 3 HOURS LATER ~
All the members, dizzy and sick from the vomiting, gathered around in a circle around their leader, lying unconscious on the ground again.
Lard Nar wakes up, finally regaining consciousness that will not go insane! "Ughh...ehhh...? It's you...all.....of.....you....You came....to save....me....how very......thoughtful....of you...al-
Spleenk leans down, glaring at the awoken leader. "Oh, you're up now?"
Shloonktapooxis flew over as soon as he saw Lard Nar standing back on his legs. "We aren't here to save ya, buddy! This sign here is a lot more important than that! Take a look:"
WELCOME, VISITORS/TERRORISTS, TO PLANET EARTH
POP.-126,444,037,327,815
Spleenk pats him on the shoulder, laughs at Lard Nar's shout and explains to him, "We all fly over to the Massive and destroy their ship a bit, then we invade the Irkens and steal all their snacks, and---"
"No, not you! I was talking to the officer here!"
Two hours since the group had started the meeting, and because Lard Nar was unconscious, practically dying on the floor, the gang got to view with thrill as Shloonktapooxis drank 14 bottles of pop, making the crazy cone extremely sugar high. The ship crashed onto a Meekrobian Universal Police ship, and one of the officers gave in some life energy into the Captain's body.
A Meekrob Officer floated by with a holographic club, swinging it hard. "I know this is against our spiritual rights and laws, but because you crashed into our ship, at 280 mph, we gonna make you drink our whole storage of Red Bull!!!"
"But officers, it wasn't my fault! I knocked myself unconscious, and my men were distracted by sugar intensity!! And why would drinking a bunch of sodas be a punishment for destroying hover vehicles?"
"WOW!" Another Officer said, awed by Lard Nar's explanation. "Anybody who'd knock himself unconscious and leave the controls to a bunch of party beasts is a total NIT WIT! Say, aren't you that Vortian who caused the destruction of Vortica and the Massive's original a couple years back?"
"DON'T remind me...."
Officer #1 came up to him with his club, not growing spikes on the sides. "And this is no punishment, nit wit----"
"The name is Lard Nar!"
Officer#1mumbled "An even stupider name!" and continued, "This is meant so the both of us can laugh pitifully at you and totally humiliate you! Oh, yeah!!!"
The second Officer brought in six boxes of the new, popular beverage, 'Red Bull', and a third Officer turned on a tiny, portable camera and started filming. Lard Nar wasn't sure why they would need this humiliating torment caught on disc, but he hoped that he can at least like this Red Bull drink. Only very few aliens in the Universe have tried it.
"What's with the camera?" Lard Nar asked.
The third Officer had a gun on on one arm, with the camera on the other. "None of your business, now drink up or we'll shoot!"
" *sigh* Here I go...."
The gang watched as their leader opened up a box and picked up a tall, skinny can with the unknown drinking fluid fizzing on its top. Nobody didn't really know what was in this 'Red Bull', but from rumors heard it had a lack of taste but a whole burst of energy in it. Maybe even too much. Lard Nar took one gulp of the drink. Two gulps. Three. Four. He threw the can behind him and started to drink some more.
Officer #1 whispered to #3, "I can't believe it! I've heard this stuff has so many vitamins in it that it actually kills people with just one full can of the poison! He just drinks it as if it were orange soda or Beetleguise!
Shloonktapooxis meanwhile cheered on for his buddy, "WOW! He's drunken five cans of it, and still going! Go Lard Nar!!! WOOOOOO!!!!!!!"
"Only 39 cans left!!! You're almost there!" Spleenk said, counting the cans on the floor.
~55 MINUTES LATER ~
Lard Nar had drunken 64 cans of Red Bull. The other Meekrob Officers came with more Red Bull as they towed the crushed police ship away. Lard Nar wanted more though, and he became highly addicted to the stuff.
Officer#3 was getting tired the most recent can dropped onto the pile. "Okay, sir, that's all we need to see, so we'll be going now and----"
"That's CAPTAIN Lard Nar to ya, buddy!!!"
"Uhhh.... That was random...." Officer #2 said.
Officer #1agreed,"Yeah, uh...Bye bye! Drive safely and at least decently!!" and he led the others to their own ship at a very, very, fast pace.
"HEY! Come back here, you bitches!!!" The drunken Captain ordered. "I haven't even started to mess y'all filthy glowing air thing-ys around yet! A deal's a deal even if it was just a stupid task!!"
He turned around to see Shloonktapooxis right at his face. "What were you looking at, CONEHEAD!?"
"First of all, its a FLOATING CONE!!!!! And second of all, are you okay? You look drunk!"
"Yeah! Soon enough you'll be killing us all and started to eat our remains with your teeth! Actually, that sounds kind of cool......!" This was obviously from the Mind of Spleenk.
The female blolb vomits something pink and fluffy. "No it wouldn't, you dumb head! I live every moment of my life with agony as it is! And Lard Nar will need to get on some pills before he gets any more crazy!"
"Shut up! I don't even know whatcha talking about, But that's okay!! Heeeheeheeheeheheheheheheehehe hehehehhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehheehehe!!!!!!! * hiccup!*
The 3-Headed Guy speaks up, "Okay, someone bring in those pills in already!!"
"What? Pills? What pills? You expect me, leader of the ultimate resistence army and king of the cadbury galaxy to take medication?!?! You're nuts!! You're all after me and my gold!!!!! AHHH!! Don't chew me horns off! They're lucky and worth selling for!!" The now-Irish Lard Nar grabs onto his horns tightly.
"Dude! Calm down! Even I'm not this messed up when I drank Vodka back in my young hip years!! Here, do you want some coffee?" He balances his pot of coffee on his head, including sugar cubes and coffee mugs.
"OH! Caffeine! Sugar! Extreme super powers, WOOOO!!!!" The crazy Vortian grabbed the whole pot of coffee and bag of sugar and poured it all down his mouth like a slaughtering rat person chews down a bucket o' chicken Mc-Nuggets!
There! Was that any better for you? Spleenk asked, hoping that the sugar healed him.
Oh I've got the most ingenious idea we can blast off the ship and have lots and lots and lots and lots o of sugar, Red Bull and caffeine and then we can drive through space around the whole entire Universe and passing by all the cool planets and comets and stuff and go really really really really really really really fast and I mean so fast man that we'll be flat as pancakes and never ever ever ever ever be able to breathe again or un-flatten ourselves oh it'll be so much, much, much, much, much, fun !!!!!WEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"
Lard Nar continued babbling things and giggled on and on, started the ship and pulled the levers and pushed the buttons maniacaly!!!
Lard Nar: HEEHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE HAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!
Shloonktapooxis looked over the speed range on the computer screen, and shouted, "Wow, we're traveling over 150 miles per hour ma---"
All the other aliens and creatures on the ship fall and fly off to the very back end of the ship, literally flattening themselves with the full speed and pressure going on!
Spleenk has the first to be flattened against the wall. "AAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WOW! Lard Nar's right!!!! This is more fun then squeezing marshmallow peeps in snack stores!!!!!"
The blob starts to get sick, trying her best to cover her mouth. "UGGHHHH!! OH GOD, NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!" A huge waterfall of vomit and goo splashes all over the place.
"EWWWWWW!!!!!! OOOH!!! This is gross!!!! I want my Oxy-Clean!!!!"
"I don't mean to act like curious in the middle of a rollar coaster ride, but where is the oxyc lean anyway? I hadn't seen the 20 gallon jug anywhere today!" Shloonktapooxis asked, shouting the question as the ship goes faster than well...cheetahs. And the rotation of the Earth!
"HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!!!!WHOA!!? This stuff pretty darn good for a cleaning detergent!!!!" The Captain smiled with a mouth covered with a white powdery substance.
One of the triangular robots find the Oxy Clean! "Oh, damn it, LARD NAR!!!!Did you had to be so hell full of insanity and alcohol that you had to gulp down all of our cleaning chemicals and substances???"
"Haven't your mother ever tell you about Oxy Clean, dude?!" That quote is copyrighted under the OxyCLean company, except for the last word, that's my own creation, dude!!
One of the members was smart enough to look through the giant wind sheild and screamed. "EEEEK!!!! WE'RE GONNA CRASH!!!!!!"
"CRASH?! Did you say that we're gonna CRASH?" Spleenk asked, his arms twitching at the sound of the word.
Yeah, he did! The headless guy said, or more likely screamed to Spleenk. "As a matter of fact, we're going to be dead on the pretty, bluish greenish planet straight ahead!!"
".......AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Everyone Else but Lard Nar: screamed just as Spleenk did, all the same time and with the same amount of 'A's, 'H's and exclamation points.
Lard Nar shook his head, irked by all the shrieks and freaks. "Oh will ya just keep your noise holes shut for once!? this is gonna be extreme to the ultimate extreme stunts of death and speed!!!! YEEEHAAAAAAAAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Oh crap, Lard Nar's gone western style!!! We're doomed!!!!!"
"AAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Jeez, he could've at least gone into slang-term surfer dude mode like you did, Shloonktapooxis!!" One member said, and Lard Nar babbled on to something strange once again.
"Before we crash and really, really, really, really, really die a very, very, very, very painful and horrifying and even more painful death and blast the survivors off with shiny laser guns or result to some damn awesome carnivorous eating plants and really, really random stuff goes on and we keep randomly saying yeah every five seconds in attempt to drive ourselves out of the roof and into these cement roof tops (hehehehehehehhehehe!owie!), I just have one last thing to say to y'all: I HATED ALL YA HELL BITCHES, so go to the hellhole where all you bastards belong!!!!!! And never, ever, ever, ever eat a moldy bunny!!!!"
"Ummm....what's a bunny?" Spleenk questioned confusedly.
"OH! Is it a snack product? I'm really hungry right now!!!" Shloonktapooxis wailed.
"So long, i'm jumping through this open door!!! and don't you little scrapping poodles go and steal my gold, ya hear?? And don't ya daring to go a-through-ing my most valuable, treasured junk which even isn't mine!!! I'll need them for my trip down under some-where-s!!"
"Great, first drunken mode, then hyper, then crazy, then wild western, then villainy mad and NOW hillbilly mode!!! What the heck was in that Red Bull substance anyway?" The headless one said.
Shloonktapooxis reads one of the cans. " Some water...artificial flavoring...a bunch of vitamin A and other nutrition junk....and a huge dose of Mec #K sleep pills from planet Uranus!!"
"Uranus? PFFT! No wonder! The critters on that moronic planet are always so screwed and backwards, with the name and everything!!"
None of the others noticed but with the ship moving remarkably slowly to the planet's surface, Lard Nar breaks the main window on the ship and jumps out of it, stabbed with glass pieces and bleeding as if blood were suddenly hating the body they were in and ditching it!
But he stupidly falls only 5ft down to the ground and lands on his head. The ship's front end just stops, barely touching the green grassy substance and the whole entire hover vehicle randomly flips over and lands on its right side.
~ 3 HOURS LATER ~
All the members, dizzy and sick from the vomiting, gathered around in a circle around their leader, lying unconscious on the ground again.
Lard Nar wakes up, finally regaining consciousness that will not go insane! "Ughh...ehhh...? It's you...all.....of.....you....You came....to save....me....how very......thoughtful....of you...al-
Spleenk leans down, glaring at the awoken leader. "Oh, you're up now?"
Shloonktapooxis flew over as soon as he saw Lard Nar standing back on his legs. "We aren't here to save ya, buddy! This sign here is a lot more important than that! Take a look:"
WELCOME, VISITORS/TERRORISTS, TO PLANET EARTH
POP.-126,444,037,327,815