"Hey Author person!"
"What Dorothy?"
"Can I be back in the story?"
"I guess so, but no monkey business."
"WHOO HOO!"
"Whatever"
"Can I do the disclaimer?"
"No"
"pleeeeeeeaaaaaase!"
"No"
"You're mean!"
"Gee Dorothy I didn't know you cared."
*Dorothy stalks off*
"Ok none of the characters from Harry Potter belong to me, they belong to J.K.Rowling, Sirius's girlfriend"
"Hey!"
"And you said you weren't cheating on me Sirius!"
"I'm not, we've been through this before, how can I be cheating on you when were not together?"
"I hate you!"
"Whoo hoo! Thank you author person!"
"You're welcome Sirius"
Chapter 11 You're From Canada So We Hate You
The next day when Harry, Sirius, Stuff, Dorothy, Tingrin and Flammable went back into the castle, they found the décor had been changed slightly. There was a large stage and a huge audience was sitting in the newly erected stands. "he he erected he he…"
"Grow up Dorothy!"
Simon guided them into a room behind the stage. "Ok guys," he said, "this is how it works, each of you will come out and sing your song. Then Randy, Gayorg and I will judge you. You will be given a number and at the end of the show, the audience will vote and the one with the most votes wins. Now some of you have talked to me about changing your songs, so just do whichever song it is that you have chosen against my superior song-picking talents. Good luck."
Simon left and the host, Elvis, announced that Sirius would be singing first.
"Now I understand you have changed your song, Sirius." Simon said.
"Yes I have, and I brought some people to help me sing it, I'm gonna sing Hair by the Cowsills."
"Well get on with it then." said Simon and the music started.
Bill Weasley came on stage and began to sing: She asks me why Mrs. Weasley appears on stage. Then Sirius starts to join in singing:
I'm just a hairy guy
I'm hairy noon and night
Hair that's a fright
I'm hairy high and low
Don't ask me why
Don't know
It's not for lack of bread
Like the Grateful Dead
Darling
Gimme head with hair
Long beautiful hair
Shining, gleaming,
Streaming, flaxen, waxen
Give me down to there hair
Shoulder length or longer
Here baby, there mama
Everywhere daddy daddy
Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair
Let it fly in the breeze
And get caught in the trees
Give a home to the fleas in my hair
A home for fleas
A hive for bees
A nest for birds
There ain't no words
For the beauty, the splendor, the wonder
Of my...
Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair
I want it long, straight, curly, fuzzy
Snaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty
Oily, greasy, fleecy
Shining, gleaming, streaming
Flaxen, waxen
Knotted, polka-dotted
Twisted, beaded, braided
Powdered, flowered, and confettied
Bangled, tangled, spangled,
Ginny comes on stage and sings: and spaghettied! Then she leaves. Bill and Sirius start marching and sing: Oh say can you see
My eyes if you can
Then my hair's too short
Down to here
Down to there
Down to where
It stops by itself
They'll be ga ga at the go go
When they see me in my toga
My toga made of blond
Brilliantined
Biblical hair
My hair like Jesus wore it
Hallelujah I adore it
Hallelujah Mary loved her son
Why don't my mother love me?
Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair
The audienc went wild as they finished the last lines of the song. As Sirius walked off stage Dorothy came on. As they passed each other Dorothy slapped Sirius's bum playfully. Sirius gave Dorothy the finger and Dorothy stuck her tongue out at him.
"Now, I believe you have changed your song as well." Simon said to Dorothy.
"Yes I have," Dorothy said proudly, "I'm going to sing Toxic by Britney Spears." Then with a pop Dorothy's dress became about seven inches shorter, the neckline plunged lower, her shoes became thigh high leather boots, and her hair had gone spiky. Then she began to sing: Baby, can't you see
I'm calling
A guy like you
Should wear a warning
It's dangerous
I'm fallin'
There's no escape
I can't hide
I need a hit
Baby, give me it
You're dangerous
I'm lovin' it
Too high
Can't come down
Losing my head
Spinning 'round and 'round
Do you feel me now
With a taste of your lips
I'm on a ride
You're toxic
I'm slipping under
With a taste of poison paradise
I'm addicted to you
Don't you know that you're toxic
And I love what you do
Don't you know that you're toxic
Dorothy then started to poll dance while she sang. Everyone turned away in disgust, even the judges couldn't bear to watch. But Dorothy kept right on singing.
It's getting late
To give it up
I took a sip
From my devil cup
Slowly
It's taking over me
Too high
Can't come down
It's in the air
And it's all around
Can you feel me now
With a taste of your lips
I'm on a ride
You're toxic
I'm slipping under
With a taste of poison paradise
I'm addicted to you
Don't you know that you're toxic
And I love what you do
Don't you know that you're toxic
Don't you know that you're toxic
Taste of my lips and having fun
With a taste of your lips
I'm on a ride
You're toxic
I'm slipping under
With a taste of poison paradise
I'm addicted to you
Don't you know that you're toxic
And I love what you do
Don't you know that you're toxic
With a taste of your lips
I'm on a ride
You're toxic
I'm slipping under
With a taste of poison paradise
I'm addicted to you
Don't you know that you're toxic
And I love what you do
Don't you know that you're toxic
I'm intoxicated now
I think you'll love it now
I think I'm ready now
I think I'm ready now
I'm intoxicated now
I think you'll love it now
I think I'm ready now
When Dorothy finished her song, no body applauded, all that could be heard was the chirping of a cricket, everyone was too shocked to speak. With another pop Dorothy went back to normal and walked off.
Tingrin came on the stage and tried to start to sing, but the microphone squeaked and squealed from the interference of his braces. Once someone had fixed the microphone Tingrin began to sing: Maybe you're like my mammon Tingrin had forgotten his words.
She nnnosos mfoos sdhsn sdofods
This is what it sounds like when doves cry.
Then Simon stopped him, and Tingrin walked off the stage embarrassed.
Then a whole bunch of house elves trooped onto the stage. They stood in a circle around one elf, who Harry recognised as Dobby. Then they began to sing: Hey Dobby, its your birthday
We're gonna party like its your birthday
Gonna sip Picardi like its your birthday
And we don't give an CENSORED cuz its your birthday.
Dobby began to break dance and then the others started too. Once they had finished their song, they all tottered off the stage, dizzy from all the head spins. The crowd cheered and Stuff came onto the stage and started to sing: hi my name is, hi my name is…
But he didn't finish the song. His short attention span had kicked in and he just wandered off the stage, a bird that had flown in had caught his attention. "Ooh pretty birdie!" he said and chased it all over the castle.
Flammable came on stage, sang a few lines of his song, spotted the hot spotlights all around and ran off screaming. Then Ryan Malcolm came on.
I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok
I sleep all night and I work all day
A whole bunch of lumberjacks come on and sing: He's a lumberjack and he's ok
He sleeps all night and he works all day
Ryan: I cut down trees, I eat my lunch
I go to the lavatory
On Wednesdays I go shopping
And have buttered scones for tea
Lumberjacks: He cuts down trees
He eats his lunch
He goes to the lavatory
On Wednesdays he goes shopping
And has buttered scones for tea
He's a lumberjack and he's ok
He sleeps all night and he works all day
Ryan: I cut down trees
I skip and jump
I like to press wild flowers
I put on women's clothing
And hang around in bars
Lumberjacks: He cuts down trees
He skips and jumps
He likes to press wild flowers
He puts on women's clothing
And hang around in bars
He cuts down trees
He skips and jumps
He likes to press wild flowers
He puts on women's clothing
And hangs around in bars?
He's a lumberjack and he's ok
He sleeps all night and he works all day
Ryan: I cut down trees
I wear high heels
Suspenders and a bra
I wish I'd been a girlie
Just like my dear papa.
Lumberjacks: He cuts down trees
He wears high heels
Suspenders… and a bra?
That's shocking!
That's rude… tut tut…
When Ryan finished his song Clay came on and started to sing. He had changed his song too.
Oh I'm too sexy for my shirt…
When he was finished, he realised that no one was judging. "Hey, wakie wakie Simon, aren't you guys supposed to be making rude and obnoxious remarks about our singing?"
"Oh shit I forgot. Everyone come out here so I can judge you." Simon said, and everyone filed out onto the stage.
"Ok," said Simon, "Sirius, you sang Hair, against the advice of me, but it seems that I was wrong, I loved it. Randy, what do you think?"
"dawg that rocked!" Randy said
"Yes I agree, but you're not as good as my kids. But very good none the less." Gayorg agreed.
"Harry," Simon continued, "you sang Stayin Alive, you sing too quiet, I didn't like it."
Harry then realised that he hadn't sung at all.
"Dawg, good job, but sing louder." Randy said
Gayorg had gone for coffee and was nowhere to be seen. The spotlight moved on to Dorothy.
This time Randy started. "Gosh girl can't you tell Sirius isn't interested? Get a life, work on your singing!"
"Yes, I agree with Randy, you suck!" Simon said.
Dorothy let out a wail and ran off the stage screaming profanities at the judges.
Then the light moved onto the house elves.
"That rocked!" Randy said and stood up and clapped.
"Meh okay," said Simon.
Then Randy went off to join Gayorg for some coffee.
"Well its just up to me now," Simon told them, " ok, lets cut the crap, Tingrin, the microphone squeaking sounded better than you, Stuff (who still hadn't come back from chasing the bird) I'm going to keep this short so you can pay attention, you suck. Flammable, you're ok, but get over the lights thing, Ryan from Canada, you're from Canada so we hate you, Clay how many times do I have to tell you not to do that thing with your face, it makes me sick to watch it!"
Then it was time for the audience to vote. When all the votes were in, Elvis came onto the stage with the envelope with the results. Everyone was back from coffee and bird chasing.
"Here in my hands I hold the results," Elvis said, "and the winner is…"
A/N hey guys! I know I said a week last time but I couldn't get the computer to work. I have one person who correctly guessed where Gayorg was from, but they forgot to tell me what they wanted me to write about. So I'm keeping the contest open for another week. DON'T FORGET TO TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT ME TO WRITE ABOUT!!!! But remember, no slash.
Good luck and keep reading and reviewing. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed!!!!!!!!!!!!