"Planet Meekrob?!?" Shloonktapooxis questioned, surprised to see it wasn't Vort. "You lived on that spiritual forest planet?!"
'Yep! Back in my young, hip days before I got a job in Vort, I crashed at flyer's ed. Ship I was driving for my third testing onto Meekrob, and got stranded there for 5 years!!"
Spleenk doubted the joy of that event. "A waste of your teen years!! Inner peace!? PFFT! As if anyone here has inner peace!!"
'Yes! I have TRUE inner peace! Just look in my mouth, man!"
Shloonktapooxis opens his mouth wide open and shows it off to everybody. Its got a bunch of peace symbol stickers attached to his tongue and teeth.
"Shloonktapooxis, Why the freaking hell did you stick a bunch of bumper stickers in your mouth?"
"It represents my young hip years, Lard Nar!! I can't just see them as the idiotic years of my life!! It's what I HAVE BECOME!!!!"
"EWWWW!!!!" Hermly screamed out "Hey," Changing moods, "We've landed! Hooray!!"
The ship had been standing there on the deserted surface of Meekrob for over 20 minutes now. The gang finally got off the ship.
"So, I guess we'll go along with Spleenk's original plan; Find the Massive, attack it and steal their snack from their storage pods! Easy! I'll just need to find out where it is...."
"But we wouldn't all die from the attempt because of the well trained Irken soldiers and the advanced destructive technological powers of the Massive ship?" Female Blob says, vomiting right afterwards.
"Yes, yes we all gonna die and everything...But it's the only plan we have for now. Now, MARCH!!"
"March to where? There isn't any civilization anywhere!!" Said one of the short chubby guys with sharp teeth.
"Damn! That stupid auto pilot landed us in the Doomed Desert! That bastard!! Everyone split up and find ANY sign of Meekrobians or anyone else lurking around, and ask them if they have seen the Massive ship. Call me if you got the directions. Everybody have their communication dial up phones?"
"Yeah, yeah...whatever...." Uttered most of the herd.
"Good, now we..."
"March! Come on, buddy! This will be fun!" Hermly cheered. "You and me alone in the middle of an empty mass of rock and sand....doesn't just give you the giggles?!?"
Lard Nar formed that 'WTF!?' look, and moved on. He was hopeless to escape the chain, any how....
~2 AGONIZING HOURS LATER ~
Lard Nar, still attached to Hermly, are in the middle of absolutely nowhere, and haven't any body or any shadows of living things for too long now...He had found an electric saw a mile back and has been trying to saw off the madness chain off of him ever since. Hermly kept singing annoying songs from musicals that'll drive you through the roof, just to keep the rage of Lard Nar lively and full of energy!
"And then we went to the where? To the where? To the......"
"Shut up, you filthy piece of fucking hell damned shit!!!!! Even I don't curse this often! That Red Bull probably had gotten into me....."
Hermly hesitated for a couple of seconds, but then started again!! "We went to the Broadway stage, BABY!!!!!!!"
"Gotta saw, gotta saw, gotta saw, gotta saw.....!!!" Lard Nar saw with the electric saw faster and more harder than ever before, but the evil goddess of love had to get strong chain to tie their souls together forever!!
"Grrrrr.....Why won't it cut the chain?!? This the latest, most advanced model for God's sake!!!!"
"Don't worry, sweet-y pie!! This chain will only break if I fell in love with someone else!"
"God help me, or at least the REAL God, anyway!!!"
"Or you can get the divorce papers filled in and signed!!"
"But there isn't any Divorce or marriage licensee law department buildings in over 44,000 miles from here!"
"Yeah, I know, isn't it great?!? Hehehehehehehehehehehe!!!!"
"I'd rather be chained to Shloonktapooxis for an eternity than to you!! At least he's more of a friend to me and he's a lot more entertaining than you'll ever be!"
"Well, too bad!! Now I'm the happy adventurous one and you're the sad depressed one I was once before!! Hehehehehehehe!!!!"
Lard Nar sighed sadly, wondering, "I wonder how the others are doing..."
~ SAME TIME, EXCEPT IN A AMUSEMENT PARK~
All the other "rebellious" members are all on a roller coaster along with other Meekrobs with cotton candy in their energy hands.
"WEEEEEHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"This rocks, man!!!!! Having the time of our lives!!!!!!!" Shloonktapooxis yelled out to the 3-Headed guy.
"Weren't we here to do something else too?" One of the 3 heads asked.
The Insectoid one with the grasshopper head pointed out, "Yeah! Something for the Captain, something very important and useful for your rebellious deeds, now what was it?"
"Ummm...".
"Uhh....."
"Hmmmm......."
Spleenk never has time to think through. "Who cares! There's cotton candy down there next to the Ultimate Puke-in-ater ride!"
"Oh dear god!!!" And so she vomits, before she even got to glance at the ride.
~ BACK TO LARD NAR AND HERMLY, THAT NIGHT....~
Lard Nar was about to give up sawing the chain to death when Hermly had fallen onto the sand, and pulled Lard Nar down with him.
"Ahh....look at those shooting stars in the sky! Pretty, huh?"
Lard Nar looked up too, nodding, "Those are burning asteroids flying towards the Nhar' Ghok home world, you dumb ass."
"................Oh I can't take it anymore! Let's do it!! I'm ready!!!"
"Wait, what are you talking about? Something bad, isn't it?"
"For the two of us under the shining stars it wouldn't be!!"
"........?" o _O
"Oh, you know......" He winked, even though his only has one eye so it does not matter!! "Why else would I fall onto this smooth sand, by accident? HA!!"
O_O ".......Eeeeeeeek!! Uggh!! Oh shit, that's just screwed!!!!!" He ran for his life as far as he can from that crazy computer, but the evil chain can and only can make them 2 feet apart at its longest.
Suddenly it got pitch black, with Lard Nar hardly seeing his hand in front of him, trying to prevent that dreadful thing from ever happening, the Vortian was half scared, half disturbed by the thought of it.
Hermly, however, had night vision and can see his love perfectly, and actually got up from the sand and pulled the chain with his spider legs, flying in the air with the help of his dragonfly wings.
Lard Nar talked into his mind, not really wanting to admit defeat to this thing. "Oh, great! Just great! He got me! He has defeated me, and I'll probably never have a comforting life with him by my side ever again! We'll probably be stranded here on this planet forever, while the Irken Empire takes over the Universe! Oh, I should've listened to myself back when I got fired! I am just some nit wit, and I should be dead on the graveyard planet, Deadzone by now!!"
"Oh please, SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!"
A hand glided forward from the ashy black air and held on to Lard Nar's hand, pulling the whole Vortian so firmly in such quick timing that the chain broke in half as soon as the door slammed right on it. Lard Nar was inside a shed, one of those emergency huts where you can contact the nearest Meekrob village by sending over ancient coded messages called, "Morris Code".
"......Uh, hello? Whoever you are, um, thanks. I kind of needed that at that particular moment, as you can see...or, not see....Heh! Heh!"
All was silent, except for the sound of breathing with some kind a mechanical machinery in its throat. It leaped right behind the Vortian and grabbed him by his hands behind his back with one claw, and choking Lard Nar's gray neck with the hand that rescued him. He felt a spider leg gently rubbing his neck with 2' foot, long shiny butcher knife. He started to shiver.
"Don't you dare move a single antennae, you are under my arrests now!! Its either you tell me what Irken civilian are you and why you've come to my lair, or its time to slice your neck off, and saw off your vocal cords? Wouldn't that be nice?!? And don't you worry about the mess, I usually get every drop of blood destroyed in under 10 minutes! Aren't I fast? I've learned to speed clean back when I was a slave to that repulsive Zim, and to clean as a punishment whenever I didn't murder that Dib human!!!
She sighed heavenly, as though she didn't have a metal object I in her vocal cords "God, did I love that boy like mad....We would've escaped the planet together! Flying through space, having the time of our lives!! But alas, when I told him my secret, he betrayed me!!!! He thought I was on their side!! He never trusted me after that day..."
Lard Nar tried to explain as she suffocated him tighter and tighter, "ACK!! ACK!! But I'm no Ir-ACK! ACK!!" He kicked the stranger right on her leg and she growled in pain, in a mechanical way of growling, with pieces of machinery supporting her tongue and lower jaw.
Rusty mechanisms down her throat to help her voice. Her hand had let go of Lard Nar's neck and left it alone for about 10 minutes or so. And for that ten minutes they were as silent as a dead, hollow bone of a carcass.
"You dare kick me and didn't even explain yourself, after I've given you the chance!! You idiotic bitch!! I outta stab you right now before I tell my whole life's story! You stupid Irken should pitying yourself right now, for being one in the first place, HA!!"
Her claw held the long butcher knife, and with her spider legs handcuffing Lard Nar's hands behind his back, her hand was feeling Lard Nar's neck, finding the perfect place to stab and slice.
"Prepare to die a bloody and professionally freakish death, Irken! Or I'm not Irk's best assassin for ANY species, Irken J---Wait, whoa?! This skin of yours is so unusually smooth, but not skin cream smooth, but naturally...."
She dropped the knife to the floor and began to feel and touch Lard Nar's body, shaping the whole thing out and was shocked to see that this was no Irken she had grabbed in the darkness.
Lard Nar was somewhat calm now, but hoping she wasn't as crazy for love as Hermly was. Her hand touched his, "3 fingers, like a typical Irken." she whispered, but her hand raised up higher, and felt his bare arm instead of a glove and sleeve.
She rubbed his goggles with her claw metal tips, "Pure unbreakable glass..." she had said to herself, studying him more and more.
Then, up on top of the Vortian's head, her hand was trying to shape out what was on top of this creature, "no antennas, no...", she claimed to her messed up mind, "but horns.". And finally, her claw extended downward and felt the odd shape of Lard Nar's legs.
It was very freaky, very odd, indeed. Most creatures and beings in the Universe who had legs were perfectly straight, but bend-able in one way and one place. But this leg was no straight line, and it had, indeed, two knees. Two ways to bend each of them.
"Just like me...." The stranger finished, gasping a quiet but an awed gasp.
Only one species had this unique quality. "Sorry, I should've known. I should've been more considerate of you screaming at the door, wanting nothing but help, and instead I gave you more of a scare for your life."
She released Lard Nar and walked away, picking up her knife and storing it back in her PAK on the way. Lard Nar was confused, but for him, it was better being threatened to death by a stranger and being confused afterwards, then having to be outside with Hermly, "crossing paths".
"Here, let me turn on the light, and don't be scarred....Its just a serious virus I have inside me...I will harm you no more." She turned on the light, and Lard Nar turned around to see what she look liked. He dropped his jaw down and widen his eyes just a bit, but he wasn't actually scared anymore, but more of a shocked/surprised feeling.
He did not know what to say, whether it was the right one, the wrong one, or the completely different one.
She was an Irken, as you might've known already, but she her spine was crooked and formed a hump right where her PAK is attached, she was a foot bigger than Lard Nar, but if she straightened her back she would've been at least almost 8 feet tall. A part of her right eye was taken off, you can see her inside flesh and her lower jaw was supported by a robot arm holding them under her fangs.
A corner of her head was eaten off, and a bit of her skull and brain can be seen. One of her arms has completely robotic, her neck was unusually long, and her legs were just like of that of a Vortian, but a lot bigger, and had two very strong feet supporting that whole heavenly destroyed body.
"The names Jil, Irken Jil, and I'm the greatest assassin known on Irk, and maybe with the rest of the Universe. I'm very young, but I'm smart and know my skills well, its just I have to live an awful life because of the Irkens and their society, and because of this evil virus destroying me day by day!!!
"I'm getting weaker and weaker by the hour, but I keep my confidence up by practicing my homicidal and martial arts skills. I've been trying to ask the Tallests if they can a new body for me from your people, since a body is expensive and very rare as it was. But they've denied me for my other secret of being taller than them, and sent me to Earth, where I had to work for Zim. And the rest you already know."
"Planet Earth? I've been there before," Lard Nar recalled, "And that Dib child you talked about earlier sounds so familiar to me....And I definitely know that Zim jerk! He worked at Vort months ago, and ended up destroying my home planet, and blaming it all on me!!! I got fired and banned from ever working there again! But now I'm a Captain, and I lead a group of revolutionaries I order to end the Irken Empire and Operation Impending Doom Two!!!!!!"
"Wow!! Destroying the Irken Empire is a vision in my life long dreams!! I've always wanted to gain vengeance from those green ants!! And why are you here anyhow? And whose sobbing outside my shed?"
"That's just Hermly, a jerk. A very creepy one, so to speak. But, I've come to seek directions to find the location of the Massive! It's part of an attack we're planning."
"I just flew off that ship with my hover-board a couple of days ago! I can track it down for you and we can follow it!! Can I join your group, please...um, what do they call you?
"Oh! Lard Nar," He said, then adding, "Captain Lard Nar."
"Please, Lard Nar? I've been an Irken all my life, I know a lot of secrets and major attacking projects they're up to for the Empire!! I can kill the whole Armada for you in just 15 minutes!! Without the use of lasers or bombs! I'm against them, too!! Just please understand that, yes, I have been one of them for all my life, but I'm different from the average Irken! Let me join your gang, you won't regret it one bit!!"
Lard Nar thought about this, debating whether what she was explaining to him now was actually true. "Oh, I don't know, you are willing and all, but....."
"I'm no Irken spy! Trust me!!" She said, as with she knew exactly what Lard Nar was thinking. "I hate those Irkens down to the dark pits in my heart and swore, promised myself, cross my heart hope to die, stab a laser needle in my eye that I'll destroy those Irkens and never leave one living!
"Please?? Ever since I had to leave Earth for of my hate for Zim and the human species I've been lonely and willing to do something worthwhile!! Please?????" She bent down to the ground as best as she could with her deformed legs, and tried to make the puppy pout look.
Lard Nar thought about it for a moment. Even though this will be the last living creature whose against the Irkens, knows their secrets and actually wants their entire Empire and fancy way of living destroyed, he still felt this was not the time to trust her entirely. It was something about her genes....
"Sorry, I just can't let you be on my side yet. But we'll wait and see. Maybe I'll see you later sometime. Thanks again for breaking the chain off of me, though.........Sorry." Lard Nar turned around, and walked out of the shed through a different exit, not wanting to meet up with Hermly.
Jil looked at her table with all her valuables on it and grabbed a paper off of it. "Wait!"
Lard Nar turned around, and remembered he had forgotten something. Jil handed him the piece of paper she took off the table. "Here, the directions for your trip. Um.........Goodbye."
"Thanks, and goodbye to you, too." He walked out of the shed and closed the door silently, but also painfully for the Irken known as Jil, Irk's Greatest and Most Professional Assassin, and......The Irken Rebel.
****************
Outside, Lard Nar walked as far away from that shed (and Hermly) as possible, but because he walked so slowly that night, he was only 20 feet away from the shed. He heard a noise and turned around to see that form one of the large windows stood Hermly and a shadow of the Irken next to him. The window was creaked open.
"Hey, you!! You evil, evil witch!! Where's Lard Nar? Huh?! Huh?! Huh?!? Where has my true love gone onto!? And you are ever so evil and you are a total bitch for breaking our love chain of the heavens!! Now you made Lard Nar and I upset, and now we can never be together ever again!! You evil witch! You evil bitch! BITCH! WITCH! BITCH! WITCH! BITCH!!!"
Lard didn't see what happened next, but he heard a bunch of stopping and electrical crashes and water splashing. Hermly dropped dead on the ground.
"Trust me, he never want to be involved with you in the first place, he's better off now, away in his ship and leading his army for war....for war....for warrrrrr!!!!" Jil shouted, with a hint of acid tears in her eyes.
Lard Nar didn't stand to find out what would occur next, and ran off as fast as his Vortian legs can go, he was kind of upset for the choice he made, it would've been a lot better for him and her to be together, and there was more of a chance of defeating the Irken Empire with her by his side. But the only thing that made him smile as ran into the desert, and found his ship with his gang sleeping like logs in their bed chambers, was that Hermly was now dead, and will never rise to bug him ever again.
"Why didn't I do that a long time ago? He smacked himself. "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid"
'Yep! Back in my young, hip days before I got a job in Vort, I crashed at flyer's ed. Ship I was driving for my third testing onto Meekrob, and got stranded there for 5 years!!"
Spleenk doubted the joy of that event. "A waste of your teen years!! Inner peace!? PFFT! As if anyone here has inner peace!!"
'Yes! I have TRUE inner peace! Just look in my mouth, man!"
Shloonktapooxis opens his mouth wide open and shows it off to everybody. Its got a bunch of peace symbol stickers attached to his tongue and teeth.
"Shloonktapooxis, Why the freaking hell did you stick a bunch of bumper stickers in your mouth?"
"It represents my young hip years, Lard Nar!! I can't just see them as the idiotic years of my life!! It's what I HAVE BECOME!!!!"
"EWWWW!!!!" Hermly screamed out "Hey," Changing moods, "We've landed! Hooray!!"
The ship had been standing there on the deserted surface of Meekrob for over 20 minutes now. The gang finally got off the ship.
"So, I guess we'll go along with Spleenk's original plan; Find the Massive, attack it and steal their snack from their storage pods! Easy! I'll just need to find out where it is...."
"But we wouldn't all die from the attempt because of the well trained Irken soldiers and the advanced destructive technological powers of the Massive ship?" Female Blob says, vomiting right afterwards.
"Yes, yes we all gonna die and everything...But it's the only plan we have for now. Now, MARCH!!"
"March to where? There isn't any civilization anywhere!!" Said one of the short chubby guys with sharp teeth.
"Damn! That stupid auto pilot landed us in the Doomed Desert! That bastard!! Everyone split up and find ANY sign of Meekrobians or anyone else lurking around, and ask them if they have seen the Massive ship. Call me if you got the directions. Everybody have their communication dial up phones?"
"Yeah, yeah...whatever...." Uttered most of the herd.
"Good, now we..."
"March! Come on, buddy! This will be fun!" Hermly cheered. "You and me alone in the middle of an empty mass of rock and sand....doesn't just give you the giggles?!?"
Lard Nar formed that 'WTF!?' look, and moved on. He was hopeless to escape the chain, any how....
~2 AGONIZING HOURS LATER ~
Lard Nar, still attached to Hermly, are in the middle of absolutely nowhere, and haven't any body or any shadows of living things for too long now...He had found an electric saw a mile back and has been trying to saw off the madness chain off of him ever since. Hermly kept singing annoying songs from musicals that'll drive you through the roof, just to keep the rage of Lard Nar lively and full of energy!
"And then we went to the where? To the where? To the......"
"Shut up, you filthy piece of fucking hell damned shit!!!!! Even I don't curse this often! That Red Bull probably had gotten into me....."
Hermly hesitated for a couple of seconds, but then started again!! "We went to the Broadway stage, BABY!!!!!!!"
"Gotta saw, gotta saw, gotta saw, gotta saw.....!!!" Lard Nar saw with the electric saw faster and more harder than ever before, but the evil goddess of love had to get strong chain to tie their souls together forever!!
"Grrrrr.....Why won't it cut the chain?!? This the latest, most advanced model for God's sake!!!!"
"Don't worry, sweet-y pie!! This chain will only break if I fell in love with someone else!"
"God help me, or at least the REAL God, anyway!!!"
"Or you can get the divorce papers filled in and signed!!"
"But there isn't any Divorce or marriage licensee law department buildings in over 44,000 miles from here!"
"Yeah, I know, isn't it great?!? Hehehehehehehehehehehe!!!!"
"I'd rather be chained to Shloonktapooxis for an eternity than to you!! At least he's more of a friend to me and he's a lot more entertaining than you'll ever be!"
"Well, too bad!! Now I'm the happy adventurous one and you're the sad depressed one I was once before!! Hehehehehehehe!!!!"
Lard Nar sighed sadly, wondering, "I wonder how the others are doing..."
~ SAME TIME, EXCEPT IN A AMUSEMENT PARK~
All the other "rebellious" members are all on a roller coaster along with other Meekrobs with cotton candy in their energy hands.
"WEEEEEHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"This rocks, man!!!!! Having the time of our lives!!!!!!!" Shloonktapooxis yelled out to the 3-Headed guy.
"Weren't we here to do something else too?" One of the 3 heads asked.
The Insectoid one with the grasshopper head pointed out, "Yeah! Something for the Captain, something very important and useful for your rebellious deeds, now what was it?"
"Ummm...".
"Uhh....."
"Hmmmm......."
Spleenk never has time to think through. "Who cares! There's cotton candy down there next to the Ultimate Puke-in-ater ride!"
"Oh dear god!!!" And so she vomits, before she even got to glance at the ride.
~ BACK TO LARD NAR AND HERMLY, THAT NIGHT....~
Lard Nar was about to give up sawing the chain to death when Hermly had fallen onto the sand, and pulled Lard Nar down with him.
"Ahh....look at those shooting stars in the sky! Pretty, huh?"
Lard Nar looked up too, nodding, "Those are burning asteroids flying towards the Nhar' Ghok home world, you dumb ass."
"................Oh I can't take it anymore! Let's do it!! I'm ready!!!"
"Wait, what are you talking about? Something bad, isn't it?"
"For the two of us under the shining stars it wouldn't be!!"
"........?" o _O
"Oh, you know......" He winked, even though his only has one eye so it does not matter!! "Why else would I fall onto this smooth sand, by accident? HA!!"
O_O ".......Eeeeeeeek!! Uggh!! Oh shit, that's just screwed!!!!!" He ran for his life as far as he can from that crazy computer, but the evil chain can and only can make them 2 feet apart at its longest.
Suddenly it got pitch black, with Lard Nar hardly seeing his hand in front of him, trying to prevent that dreadful thing from ever happening, the Vortian was half scared, half disturbed by the thought of it.
Hermly, however, had night vision and can see his love perfectly, and actually got up from the sand and pulled the chain with his spider legs, flying in the air with the help of his dragonfly wings.
Lard Nar talked into his mind, not really wanting to admit defeat to this thing. "Oh, great! Just great! He got me! He has defeated me, and I'll probably never have a comforting life with him by my side ever again! We'll probably be stranded here on this planet forever, while the Irken Empire takes over the Universe! Oh, I should've listened to myself back when I got fired! I am just some nit wit, and I should be dead on the graveyard planet, Deadzone by now!!"
"Oh please, SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!"
A hand glided forward from the ashy black air and held on to Lard Nar's hand, pulling the whole Vortian so firmly in such quick timing that the chain broke in half as soon as the door slammed right on it. Lard Nar was inside a shed, one of those emergency huts where you can contact the nearest Meekrob village by sending over ancient coded messages called, "Morris Code".
"......Uh, hello? Whoever you are, um, thanks. I kind of needed that at that particular moment, as you can see...or, not see....Heh! Heh!"
All was silent, except for the sound of breathing with some kind a mechanical machinery in its throat. It leaped right behind the Vortian and grabbed him by his hands behind his back with one claw, and choking Lard Nar's gray neck with the hand that rescued him. He felt a spider leg gently rubbing his neck with 2' foot, long shiny butcher knife. He started to shiver.
"Don't you dare move a single antennae, you are under my arrests now!! Its either you tell me what Irken civilian are you and why you've come to my lair, or its time to slice your neck off, and saw off your vocal cords? Wouldn't that be nice?!? And don't you worry about the mess, I usually get every drop of blood destroyed in under 10 minutes! Aren't I fast? I've learned to speed clean back when I was a slave to that repulsive Zim, and to clean as a punishment whenever I didn't murder that Dib human!!!
She sighed heavenly, as though she didn't have a metal object I in her vocal cords "God, did I love that boy like mad....We would've escaped the planet together! Flying through space, having the time of our lives!! But alas, when I told him my secret, he betrayed me!!!! He thought I was on their side!! He never trusted me after that day..."
Lard Nar tried to explain as she suffocated him tighter and tighter, "ACK!! ACK!! But I'm no Ir-ACK! ACK!!" He kicked the stranger right on her leg and she growled in pain, in a mechanical way of growling, with pieces of machinery supporting her tongue and lower jaw.
Rusty mechanisms down her throat to help her voice. Her hand had let go of Lard Nar's neck and left it alone for about 10 minutes or so. And for that ten minutes they were as silent as a dead, hollow bone of a carcass.
"You dare kick me and didn't even explain yourself, after I've given you the chance!! You idiotic bitch!! I outta stab you right now before I tell my whole life's story! You stupid Irken should pitying yourself right now, for being one in the first place, HA!!"
Her claw held the long butcher knife, and with her spider legs handcuffing Lard Nar's hands behind his back, her hand was feeling Lard Nar's neck, finding the perfect place to stab and slice.
"Prepare to die a bloody and professionally freakish death, Irken! Or I'm not Irk's best assassin for ANY species, Irken J---Wait, whoa?! This skin of yours is so unusually smooth, but not skin cream smooth, but naturally...."
She dropped the knife to the floor and began to feel and touch Lard Nar's body, shaping the whole thing out and was shocked to see that this was no Irken she had grabbed in the darkness.
Lard Nar was somewhat calm now, but hoping she wasn't as crazy for love as Hermly was. Her hand touched his, "3 fingers, like a typical Irken." she whispered, but her hand raised up higher, and felt his bare arm instead of a glove and sleeve.
She rubbed his goggles with her claw metal tips, "Pure unbreakable glass..." she had said to herself, studying him more and more.
Then, up on top of the Vortian's head, her hand was trying to shape out what was on top of this creature, "no antennas, no...", she claimed to her messed up mind, "but horns.". And finally, her claw extended downward and felt the odd shape of Lard Nar's legs.
It was very freaky, very odd, indeed. Most creatures and beings in the Universe who had legs were perfectly straight, but bend-able in one way and one place. But this leg was no straight line, and it had, indeed, two knees. Two ways to bend each of them.
"Just like me...." The stranger finished, gasping a quiet but an awed gasp.
Only one species had this unique quality. "Sorry, I should've known. I should've been more considerate of you screaming at the door, wanting nothing but help, and instead I gave you more of a scare for your life."
She released Lard Nar and walked away, picking up her knife and storing it back in her PAK on the way. Lard Nar was confused, but for him, it was better being threatened to death by a stranger and being confused afterwards, then having to be outside with Hermly, "crossing paths".
"Here, let me turn on the light, and don't be scarred....Its just a serious virus I have inside me...I will harm you no more." She turned on the light, and Lard Nar turned around to see what she look liked. He dropped his jaw down and widen his eyes just a bit, but he wasn't actually scared anymore, but more of a shocked/surprised feeling.
He did not know what to say, whether it was the right one, the wrong one, or the completely different one.
She was an Irken, as you might've known already, but she her spine was crooked and formed a hump right where her PAK is attached, she was a foot bigger than Lard Nar, but if she straightened her back she would've been at least almost 8 feet tall. A part of her right eye was taken off, you can see her inside flesh and her lower jaw was supported by a robot arm holding them under her fangs.
A corner of her head was eaten off, and a bit of her skull and brain can be seen. One of her arms has completely robotic, her neck was unusually long, and her legs were just like of that of a Vortian, but a lot bigger, and had two very strong feet supporting that whole heavenly destroyed body.
"The names Jil, Irken Jil, and I'm the greatest assassin known on Irk, and maybe with the rest of the Universe. I'm very young, but I'm smart and know my skills well, its just I have to live an awful life because of the Irkens and their society, and because of this evil virus destroying me day by day!!!
"I'm getting weaker and weaker by the hour, but I keep my confidence up by practicing my homicidal and martial arts skills. I've been trying to ask the Tallests if they can a new body for me from your people, since a body is expensive and very rare as it was. But they've denied me for my other secret of being taller than them, and sent me to Earth, where I had to work for Zim. And the rest you already know."
"Planet Earth? I've been there before," Lard Nar recalled, "And that Dib child you talked about earlier sounds so familiar to me....And I definitely know that Zim jerk! He worked at Vort months ago, and ended up destroying my home planet, and blaming it all on me!!! I got fired and banned from ever working there again! But now I'm a Captain, and I lead a group of revolutionaries I order to end the Irken Empire and Operation Impending Doom Two!!!!!!"
"Wow!! Destroying the Irken Empire is a vision in my life long dreams!! I've always wanted to gain vengeance from those green ants!! And why are you here anyhow? And whose sobbing outside my shed?"
"That's just Hermly, a jerk. A very creepy one, so to speak. But, I've come to seek directions to find the location of the Massive! It's part of an attack we're planning."
"I just flew off that ship with my hover-board a couple of days ago! I can track it down for you and we can follow it!! Can I join your group, please...um, what do they call you?
"Oh! Lard Nar," He said, then adding, "Captain Lard Nar."
"Please, Lard Nar? I've been an Irken all my life, I know a lot of secrets and major attacking projects they're up to for the Empire!! I can kill the whole Armada for you in just 15 minutes!! Without the use of lasers or bombs! I'm against them, too!! Just please understand that, yes, I have been one of them for all my life, but I'm different from the average Irken! Let me join your gang, you won't regret it one bit!!"
Lard Nar thought about this, debating whether what she was explaining to him now was actually true. "Oh, I don't know, you are willing and all, but....."
"I'm no Irken spy! Trust me!!" She said, as with she knew exactly what Lard Nar was thinking. "I hate those Irkens down to the dark pits in my heart and swore, promised myself, cross my heart hope to die, stab a laser needle in my eye that I'll destroy those Irkens and never leave one living!
"Please?? Ever since I had to leave Earth for of my hate for Zim and the human species I've been lonely and willing to do something worthwhile!! Please?????" She bent down to the ground as best as she could with her deformed legs, and tried to make the puppy pout look.
Lard Nar thought about it for a moment. Even though this will be the last living creature whose against the Irkens, knows their secrets and actually wants their entire Empire and fancy way of living destroyed, he still felt this was not the time to trust her entirely. It was something about her genes....
"Sorry, I just can't let you be on my side yet. But we'll wait and see. Maybe I'll see you later sometime. Thanks again for breaking the chain off of me, though.........Sorry." Lard Nar turned around, and walked out of the shed through a different exit, not wanting to meet up with Hermly.
Jil looked at her table with all her valuables on it and grabbed a paper off of it. "Wait!"
Lard Nar turned around, and remembered he had forgotten something. Jil handed him the piece of paper she took off the table. "Here, the directions for your trip. Um.........Goodbye."
"Thanks, and goodbye to you, too." He walked out of the shed and closed the door silently, but also painfully for the Irken known as Jil, Irk's Greatest and Most Professional Assassin, and......The Irken Rebel.
****************
Outside, Lard Nar walked as far away from that shed (and Hermly) as possible, but because he walked so slowly that night, he was only 20 feet away from the shed. He heard a noise and turned around to see that form one of the large windows stood Hermly and a shadow of the Irken next to him. The window was creaked open.
"Hey, you!! You evil, evil witch!! Where's Lard Nar? Huh?! Huh?! Huh?!? Where has my true love gone onto!? And you are ever so evil and you are a total bitch for breaking our love chain of the heavens!! Now you made Lard Nar and I upset, and now we can never be together ever again!! You evil witch! You evil bitch! BITCH! WITCH! BITCH! WITCH! BITCH!!!"
Lard didn't see what happened next, but he heard a bunch of stopping and electrical crashes and water splashing. Hermly dropped dead on the ground.
"Trust me, he never want to be involved with you in the first place, he's better off now, away in his ship and leading his army for war....for war....for warrrrrr!!!!" Jil shouted, with a hint of acid tears in her eyes.
Lard Nar didn't stand to find out what would occur next, and ran off as fast as his Vortian legs can go, he was kind of upset for the choice he made, it would've been a lot better for him and her to be together, and there was more of a chance of defeating the Irken Empire with her by his side. But the only thing that made him smile as ran into the desert, and found his ship with his gang sleeping like logs in their bed chambers, was that Hermly was now dead, and will never rise to bug him ever again.
"Why didn't I do that a long time ago? He smacked himself. "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid"