Chapter Eleven: "The Attack of the French Pirates"
*Lucky you! You will be provided with sub-titles the entire time, instead
of just when the beloved crew members and the Yayas are! Enjoy!*
It was another lovely sunny day aboard the S.S. Claire. As usual, the crew was doing the real work while the Captains and the remaining Yayas meandered about, spending time with whatever hot man they could at the moment.
At this time, Emily was curled up on a big couchy type thing with Sir Ian McKellan. I know, I know, you're all going "ERLACK! ERLACK! HE'S HER GRANDFATHER!" But even grandparents and their grandchildren need to spend some quality time together every now and again, so they were. (Rachael, meanwhile, was leading the Yayas on a tour of the crew's quarters.)
Sir Ian leaned over and switched the CD player back to the "Duck Tales" theme song. This was all part of the brain-therapy Emily had to undergo so that the song wouldn't be stuck in her head all the time. Who knew buying that Duck Tales tote-bag at the thrift store would cause such dire consequences? As he shifted, Emily saw a peek of his heart-printed boxers.
"Those are really nice boxers," said Emily, as he settled back onto the couch with a box of caramel bunnies.
"Thanks," he said, taking out a bunny and eating it.
"Where did you get them?" asked Emily, as she couldn't remember at the moment.
"Rachael made them for me," said Ian, as he handed her a caramel bunny.
"When?" asked Emily, not remembering Rachael being too big on the whole crafts thing.
"The first day I came," said Ian, "When she converted me."
"Ah," said Emily, and then she considered, "So...it was like, ''SOCCER GAME,' 'SOCCER GAME,' 'SOCCER GAME,' Let me make you some boxers, 'SOCCER GAME,' 'SOCCER GAME,' 'SOCCER GAME?''"
Sir Ian was completely confused as he wasn't an avid soccer player in the first place, and he definitely didn't remember playing soccer on his first day on the good ship the S.S. Claire.
"Er...excuse me?" he asked.
"You know, 'soccer games?'" asked Emily, as if trying to probe him to remember something.
"I'm sorry, I don't remember ever playing soccer at all on the S.S. Claire, much less on the first day," apologized Sir Ian.
"No, no, honey," said Emily, sitting up and trying to explain, "It's an 'ode' word, 'guess.'"
This did not help whatsoever, and Sir Ian only looked more confused. "Er...I don't understand..." he said. Luckily, at this time, Rachael, Tama, Lan, and those of the crew who were not on duty came congo line-ing out of the door that led to below-deck. As they moved up onto the deck, they all began meringue dancing. "Yayas!" called Emily, and with a snap of her fingers, the music stopped. "Aw, Emma, we were having so much fun," protested Rachael. "I know, darlings," said Emily, with an apologizing smile, "But I need to talk to the Yayas for a second." "Well, all right," complained the Yayas, and they, followed at a respectful distance by the crew, came over and sat down in front of the couchy thing so Emily could talk to them. "I've just been trying to ask Sir Ian about the 'soccer games' you played with him on his first day here, Rachael," began Emily. "Yeah, so?" asked Rachael. "Well, the thing is, I couldn't finish the conversation because he has no clue what a 'soccer game' is." The Yayas exchanged looks. "Well, did you explain that it was an 'ode' word?" asked Lan. "Yes!" exclaimed Emily, "But he has no clue what an 'ode' word is!" The Yayas gasped. "Now, 'guess,' this is a huge problem," continued Emily. "Yes, but surely the rest of the crew knows the 'ode' words, right?" said Tama, and they looked around. All the crew gathered shook their heads no. "What?" exclaimed the Yayas. "See what I mean?" said Emily, "It is my opinion that we need to let the crew in on our code."
"Now, I don't know about that," said Rachael, "I mean, if they know the code, we can never speak in code!" "Yeah, but what if it's an emergency," countered Emily, "I mean, come on, what if I have to go 'OH MY GOD! RACHAEL'S GOING INTO 'SOCCER GAME' WITHDRAWAL! QUICK, ONE OF YOU CREW MEMBERS GET OVER HERE AND GIVE HER A TACO RIGHT NOW!' but they would have no idea what I was talking about, and then we'd be in bad shape." "But likewise," argued Rachael, "What if you were planning to jump Elijah in the privy and you needed me to keep everyone away, so you said, 'No-I would never jump Elijah in the privy, so you shouldn't keep everyone away, 'infractions'!' but everyone knew that 'infractions' meant 'wink, wink, I'm just joking!' and then where would we be?" "Yeah, but-" Rachael and Emily continued arguing, with occasional input by the Yayas, and the crew paid attention and tried to learn what all of the 'ode' words, or if you haven't figured it out yet, code words meant. They didn't stop until Wesley and Èomer called to the captains from their positions at the wheel. "Perhaps you'd better see this," said Wesley, while Èomer nodded. So the girlies left their argument for the moment and went over to look at what the two men needed them to see. "Just off the starboard bow," directed Wesley. Emily, Rachael, Tamela and Lan exchanged looks, then looked at Orly and Aragorn, who sighed and nodded. Instantly, the "Star Trek" song from church camp blared over the fantastic sound system, and the Yayas, Pippin, Legolas, Frank, Arthur and James Bond broke into the dance that went along. The rest of the crew looked like they wanted to join in, but Aragorn and Orly were rolling their eyes at the captains, so they resisted. (But secretly, those two wanted to join in as well, they just didn't know how to show it. Also, they knew that if everyone joined in, they would all be extremely side-tracked and might never see whatever was lurking off the starboard bow.) Finally, the crew managed to direct the captains' attention back towards the matter at hand. Emily and Rachael climbed back up to peer off into the distance. "It looks like a ship," said Rachael. Emily nodded, and held out her hand as a demand for the Turban of Surban. Aragorn reached over and put in her hand...a spy glass?? "A spy glass?" everyone chorused, "OH! THAT'S WHAT IT'S CALLED!" YEAH! Shouted the thunderous voice from above, which was obviously the Authoress Extraordinaire, AND YOU KNOW WHAT? NO ONE TOLD ME WHAT IT WAS CALLED! YOU KNOW WHO HAD TO TELL ME? MY MOM! UNGRATEFUL WRETCHES! "Hey, Authoress Extraordinaire, cool thundering-voice-from-above-thing! Where'd you get it?" asked Lan, in an admiring tone. ER-I...UM...BORROWED IT FROM SWEET SATURN (SS), said the Authoress Extraordinaire, BUT ANYWAY...UH...YA'LL SUCK, 'CAUSE YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME...ER... "Hey, Authoress Extraordinaire," said Emily, kindly, "We get the point and we'll do better next time. How about you go away and let your mom use the computer for a little bit?" ER...OK, thundered the thunderous voice from above, BUT WHEN I GET BACK, YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS! "OK," smiled the Yayas, sweetly and indulgently, "We sure will. Have fun!" So the thunderous voice from above wondered off, and the captains, crew and Yayas of the S.S. Claire returned to the spy glass matter. "I don't like this," said Emily, after surveying the spy glass for a few minutes. She turned to Aragorn and handed back the spy glass. "Turban of Surban, please." Aragorn complied and handed her the Turban of Surban. Emily put it on, surveyed the scene before and sighed. "Not again," she said, handing the Turban of Surban to Rachael. "What is it?" enquired Johnny. "Pirates," said Emily complacently, speaking as if she had only forgotten her toothbrush on a spend the night or something. "Pirates?!" exclaimed the crew. "Yeah," said Rachael, in the same tone, once she had finished looking, "We'd better get ready." The crew yelled something unintelligible that meant they agreed, and ran off. All except Orlando. "Er...look..." he said, "You're not gonna wear prom dresses this time, are you?" The Yayas exchanged glances. The prom dresses did, after all, protect them, but at the same time, they were rather cumbersome. "Nah," they said in unison, a few minutes later, "Too hard to maneuver." And with that, everyone ran off to do their jobs.
* * * * * "All right, men," called Emily, "On my signal!" The ship was in sight, and the crew of the S.S. Claire was ready to fire should hostilities commence. The deck was silent as the pirate ship came into view, steadily moving closer to the S.S. Claire. "Nous ferons frire votre rate avec des intestins de grenouille !" yelled the crew of the opposing ship. (We'll fry your spleen with frog innards!) "Er...what?" said every single person aboard the S.S. Claire in unison. "Nous pensons que vous gagneriez, mais tristement vous manquez des pouces opposable!" called the pirates again. (We'd think you'd win, but sadly you lack opposable thumbs!) "That's not English," concluded Lan, a few minutes later. "Thank you, Lan, for that astute observation," said Rachael, sarcastically. "What language is it?" Lan, highly affronted, smacked Rachael in the nana, and a full out Knock-A- Nana war would have ensued, had Emily not glared in their direction. "We have more important things to worry about right now!" exclaimed Emily, while Tamela made a face at the Yayas behind Emily's back. "Now, does anyone know what language they are speaking?" "It's not Elvish," said Legolas. "It's not Rohhirim," said Èomer. "It's not-" began Sinbad, but Emily cut him off with a roll of her eyes. "Yes, yes, that's all very well," she said, "I don't care what language it's NOT, I want to know what language it IS!" The crew looked slightly abashed, and Emily asked again. "Does anyone know what language they're speaking?" No one said anything. Emily was looking a little annoyed. "Look, Ems, what does it matter?" asked Rach. "Well, perhaps they are trying to tell us something important. But we don't understand them and so we attack them? Not very smart." Emily explained. Everyone saw the reason in this, and they were about to comment when the rogue pirate crew of indiscernible origin began yelling again. "Nous souhaitons que nous ayons eu des bandeaus comme vos femmes ressemblent aux chiens!!" (We wish we had blindfolds as your women look like dogs!) "Look," said Elijah, after that, "I don't know what language they're speaking or what they said, but I'm guessing that it's not very nice, so perhaps we should do something?" Everyone agreed, and they all ran to man their battle stations. "All right, men, wait and see what they do!" called Emily, standing on a barrel, and the Yayas gathered protectively behind her. "Le boulon de Tash tombe d'en haut ! " called the pirates, and with that, they fired at the S.S. Claire. (The bolt of Tash falls from above!) "Watch it, men!" called Emily, and luckily, the shot flew over their heads. "FIRE ONE!" The men fired a shot, which did indeed hit, causing the pirates to yell back at them. "VOUS CHEVALIERS ANGLAIS SALES! NOUS ESPÉRONS VOS FONDS TOUT L'ABSCÈS AVEC DES ÉBULLITIONS !" yelled the pirates, really angry, now. (YOU DIRTY ENGLISH KNIGHTS! WE HOPE YOUR BOTTOMS ALL FESTER WITH BOILS!) "I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT THEY'RE SAYING!" yelled Rachael and Emily. "Where are the subtitles?" asked Lan, quickly, thinking. "SUB-TITLES! Yes! That's it!" exclaimed the captains, preparing to run off in search of the sub-titles, "Aragorn! You're in charge!" And with that, they tore off, searching the ship high and low for sub- titles. Meanwhile, the ships fired back and forth, with much shouting in various languages from both sides. The Yayas were pretty much frantic, as they could find sub-titles no where. "WHY, GOD, WHY?" they implored, on their knees. AH-HA! Thundered a thunderous voice from above, I TOLD YOU YOU'D PAY! "Authoress Extraordinaire!" gasped the Yayas, as the crew ignored the thunderous voice from above, and continued firing away. YES, 'TIS I! Thundered the Authoress Extraordinaire, AND SEE HOW YOU SUFFER AT MY HANDS! THAT'LL TEACH YOU TO KEEP INFORMATION FROM ME! "Yes, yes," said Emily and Rachael, "We're very sorry, we won't do it again!" NOT GOOD ENOUGH! "Er...very sorry?" pleaded the captains. NOPE! "Look," said Lan, getting annoyed, "I don't think I said you could borrow my thunderous-voice-from-above, so unless you want a Sweet Saturn butt- kickin', you'd best be puttin' on the sub-titles!" ...NOW THAT IS CONVINCING! HERE YA' GO! And with that, a remote control fell from the sky into their waiting hands. Tamela fiddled with it, and then pointed it at the pirates, and pressed a button. Instantly, there were subtitles! "Comment défi nous attaquez-vous? Maintenant notre bateau est tout le plein des trous!" yelled the pirates. ("How dare you attack us? Now our ship is all full of holes!") "YEAH- well you smell bad!" yelled the crew, for lack of a better come back. "Nous vous enseignerons à salir avec la résistance française !" replied the pirates. ("We'll teach you to mess with the French Resistance!") "The French Resistance?" repeated everybody. They turned to look to the captains for help. They literally saw light bulbs go off over the Yayas' heads. "EMILY!" yelled the three Yayas, "AREN'T YOU THE LEADER OF THE FRENCH RESISTANCE?" "Yes!" yelled Emily, "QUICK! Go get the supplies!" With that, the Yayas raced off, then returned, each carrying something different. Tamela drew a little curly moustache on Emily, Lan, gave her a completely black ensemble, and Rachael supplied the beret. Then Emily, with cries from the crew to be careful, stood on the barrel, and yelled to the French Resistance Pirate crew. "COMMENT DÉFI VOUS," she bellowed. "QUE VOUS A INCITÉ À VOUS PENSER A PU ATTAQUER LE CHEF DE LA RÉSISTANCE FRANÇAISE ? AVEZ-VOUS PENSÉ QUI ÉTAIT FUTÉ ? VOUS VOUS AVEZ PENSÉ PARTIRIEZ AVEC LUI ?" ("HOW DARE YOU!" she bellowed, "WHAT MADE YOU THINK YOU COULD ATTACK THE LEADER OF THE FRENCH RESISTANCE? DID YOU THINK THAT WAS SMART? DID YOU THINK YOU WOULD GET AWAY WITH IT?") By this time, the French Resistance pirates were cowering in fear and shame. Emily continued berating them mercilessly. "ET VOUS AVEZ HURLÉ DE TELLES CHOSES HORRIBLES AU SUJET DE MON ÉQUIPAGE! Je NE PENSE PAS Que Je PEUX VIVRE AVEC LUI ! ! ALLEZ-VOUS -EN ET NE M'ATTAQUEZ ENCORE JAMAIS ! VOUS ÊTES CHANCEUX Je NE VOUS TOURNEZ PAS DEDANS POUR CECI !" she finished. ("AND YOU YELLED SUCH HORRIBLE THINGS ABOUT MY CREW! I DON'T THINK I CAN LIVE WITH IT!! GO AWAY AND NEVER ATTACK ME AGAIN! YOU'RE LUCKY I DON'T TURN YOU IN FOR THIS!" she finished.) "Nous sommes désolés, nous n'avons pas su," whimpered the pirates. ("We're sorry, we didn't know!" whimpered the pirates.) And with that, they sailed away in terror. The crew let out a huge cheer of victory, but then had to survey the damages. Oliver and Dom took down quite an extensive list of repairs and supplies. "I'm tired of all this," sighed Emily, "Isn't there a quicker way?" "Sir Ian!" called Rachael. "Well, I'm not really that sort of wizard," he protested. "Please? Just this once?" pleaded Rachael. "Well...all right," he consented, and went off to dress as Gandalf the White, and repair the ship. The repairs took no time, and soon the crew was back to their usual antics. "We must be getting close to France," reasoned Emily, as she meringued by Rachael and Johnny with Frank. "Yes-indeedy-do," said Rachael. "Now, about those 'ode' words..." began Emily, and they argued and meringued the rest of the night away.
* * * * *
AN: Yay! I hope you enjoyed! Thanks to Lan for sending the review involving 'ode' words! (And the Yayas for making them up with me!) All translations are courtesy of altavista.com It's a great place, ya'll! Drop me a line! Love ya! -Emily
of just when the beloved crew members and the Yayas are! Enjoy!*
It was another lovely sunny day aboard the S.S. Claire. As usual, the crew was doing the real work while the Captains and the remaining Yayas meandered about, spending time with whatever hot man they could at the moment.
At this time, Emily was curled up on a big couchy type thing with Sir Ian McKellan. I know, I know, you're all going "ERLACK! ERLACK! HE'S HER GRANDFATHER!" But even grandparents and their grandchildren need to spend some quality time together every now and again, so they were. (Rachael, meanwhile, was leading the Yayas on a tour of the crew's quarters.)
Sir Ian leaned over and switched the CD player back to the "Duck Tales" theme song. This was all part of the brain-therapy Emily had to undergo so that the song wouldn't be stuck in her head all the time. Who knew buying that Duck Tales tote-bag at the thrift store would cause such dire consequences? As he shifted, Emily saw a peek of his heart-printed boxers.
"Those are really nice boxers," said Emily, as he settled back onto the couch with a box of caramel bunnies.
"Thanks," he said, taking out a bunny and eating it.
"Where did you get them?" asked Emily, as she couldn't remember at the moment.
"Rachael made them for me," said Ian, as he handed her a caramel bunny.
"When?" asked Emily, not remembering Rachael being too big on the whole crafts thing.
"The first day I came," said Ian, "When she converted me."
"Ah," said Emily, and then she considered, "So...it was like, ''SOCCER GAME,' 'SOCCER GAME,' 'SOCCER GAME,' Let me make you some boxers, 'SOCCER GAME,' 'SOCCER GAME,' 'SOCCER GAME?''"
Sir Ian was completely confused as he wasn't an avid soccer player in the first place, and he definitely didn't remember playing soccer on his first day on the good ship the S.S. Claire.
"Er...excuse me?" he asked.
"You know, 'soccer games?'" asked Emily, as if trying to probe him to remember something.
"I'm sorry, I don't remember ever playing soccer at all on the S.S. Claire, much less on the first day," apologized Sir Ian.
"No, no, honey," said Emily, sitting up and trying to explain, "It's an 'ode' word, 'guess.'"
This did not help whatsoever, and Sir Ian only looked more confused. "Er...I don't understand..." he said. Luckily, at this time, Rachael, Tama, Lan, and those of the crew who were not on duty came congo line-ing out of the door that led to below-deck. As they moved up onto the deck, they all began meringue dancing. "Yayas!" called Emily, and with a snap of her fingers, the music stopped. "Aw, Emma, we were having so much fun," protested Rachael. "I know, darlings," said Emily, with an apologizing smile, "But I need to talk to the Yayas for a second." "Well, all right," complained the Yayas, and they, followed at a respectful distance by the crew, came over and sat down in front of the couchy thing so Emily could talk to them. "I've just been trying to ask Sir Ian about the 'soccer games' you played with him on his first day here, Rachael," began Emily. "Yeah, so?" asked Rachael. "Well, the thing is, I couldn't finish the conversation because he has no clue what a 'soccer game' is." The Yayas exchanged looks. "Well, did you explain that it was an 'ode' word?" asked Lan. "Yes!" exclaimed Emily, "But he has no clue what an 'ode' word is!" The Yayas gasped. "Now, 'guess,' this is a huge problem," continued Emily. "Yes, but surely the rest of the crew knows the 'ode' words, right?" said Tama, and they looked around. All the crew gathered shook their heads no. "What?" exclaimed the Yayas. "See what I mean?" said Emily, "It is my opinion that we need to let the crew in on our code."
"Now, I don't know about that," said Rachael, "I mean, if they know the code, we can never speak in code!" "Yeah, but what if it's an emergency," countered Emily, "I mean, come on, what if I have to go 'OH MY GOD! RACHAEL'S GOING INTO 'SOCCER GAME' WITHDRAWAL! QUICK, ONE OF YOU CREW MEMBERS GET OVER HERE AND GIVE HER A TACO RIGHT NOW!' but they would have no idea what I was talking about, and then we'd be in bad shape." "But likewise," argued Rachael, "What if you were planning to jump Elijah in the privy and you needed me to keep everyone away, so you said, 'No-I would never jump Elijah in the privy, so you shouldn't keep everyone away, 'infractions'!' but everyone knew that 'infractions' meant 'wink, wink, I'm just joking!' and then where would we be?" "Yeah, but-" Rachael and Emily continued arguing, with occasional input by the Yayas, and the crew paid attention and tried to learn what all of the 'ode' words, or if you haven't figured it out yet, code words meant. They didn't stop until Wesley and Èomer called to the captains from their positions at the wheel. "Perhaps you'd better see this," said Wesley, while Èomer nodded. So the girlies left their argument for the moment and went over to look at what the two men needed them to see. "Just off the starboard bow," directed Wesley. Emily, Rachael, Tamela and Lan exchanged looks, then looked at Orly and Aragorn, who sighed and nodded. Instantly, the "Star Trek" song from church camp blared over the fantastic sound system, and the Yayas, Pippin, Legolas, Frank, Arthur and James Bond broke into the dance that went along. The rest of the crew looked like they wanted to join in, but Aragorn and Orly were rolling their eyes at the captains, so they resisted. (But secretly, those two wanted to join in as well, they just didn't know how to show it. Also, they knew that if everyone joined in, they would all be extremely side-tracked and might never see whatever was lurking off the starboard bow.) Finally, the crew managed to direct the captains' attention back towards the matter at hand. Emily and Rachael climbed back up to peer off into the distance. "It looks like a ship," said Rachael. Emily nodded, and held out her hand as a demand for the Turban of Surban. Aragorn reached over and put in her hand...a spy glass?? "A spy glass?" everyone chorused, "OH! THAT'S WHAT IT'S CALLED!" YEAH! Shouted the thunderous voice from above, which was obviously the Authoress Extraordinaire, AND YOU KNOW WHAT? NO ONE TOLD ME WHAT IT WAS CALLED! YOU KNOW WHO HAD TO TELL ME? MY MOM! UNGRATEFUL WRETCHES! "Hey, Authoress Extraordinaire, cool thundering-voice-from-above-thing! Where'd you get it?" asked Lan, in an admiring tone. ER-I...UM...BORROWED IT FROM SWEET SATURN (SS), said the Authoress Extraordinaire, BUT ANYWAY...UH...YA'LL SUCK, 'CAUSE YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME...ER... "Hey, Authoress Extraordinaire," said Emily, kindly, "We get the point and we'll do better next time. How about you go away and let your mom use the computer for a little bit?" ER...OK, thundered the thunderous voice from above, BUT WHEN I GET BACK, YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS! "OK," smiled the Yayas, sweetly and indulgently, "We sure will. Have fun!" So the thunderous voice from above wondered off, and the captains, crew and Yayas of the S.S. Claire returned to the spy glass matter. "I don't like this," said Emily, after surveying the spy glass for a few minutes. She turned to Aragorn and handed back the spy glass. "Turban of Surban, please." Aragorn complied and handed her the Turban of Surban. Emily put it on, surveyed the scene before and sighed. "Not again," she said, handing the Turban of Surban to Rachael. "What is it?" enquired Johnny. "Pirates," said Emily complacently, speaking as if she had only forgotten her toothbrush on a spend the night or something. "Pirates?!" exclaimed the crew. "Yeah," said Rachael, in the same tone, once she had finished looking, "We'd better get ready." The crew yelled something unintelligible that meant they agreed, and ran off. All except Orlando. "Er...look..." he said, "You're not gonna wear prom dresses this time, are you?" The Yayas exchanged glances. The prom dresses did, after all, protect them, but at the same time, they were rather cumbersome. "Nah," they said in unison, a few minutes later, "Too hard to maneuver." And with that, everyone ran off to do their jobs.
* * * * * "All right, men," called Emily, "On my signal!" The ship was in sight, and the crew of the S.S. Claire was ready to fire should hostilities commence. The deck was silent as the pirate ship came into view, steadily moving closer to the S.S. Claire. "Nous ferons frire votre rate avec des intestins de grenouille !" yelled the crew of the opposing ship. (We'll fry your spleen with frog innards!) "Er...what?" said every single person aboard the S.S. Claire in unison. "Nous pensons que vous gagneriez, mais tristement vous manquez des pouces opposable!" called the pirates again. (We'd think you'd win, but sadly you lack opposable thumbs!) "That's not English," concluded Lan, a few minutes later. "Thank you, Lan, for that astute observation," said Rachael, sarcastically. "What language is it?" Lan, highly affronted, smacked Rachael in the nana, and a full out Knock-A- Nana war would have ensued, had Emily not glared in their direction. "We have more important things to worry about right now!" exclaimed Emily, while Tamela made a face at the Yayas behind Emily's back. "Now, does anyone know what language they are speaking?" "It's not Elvish," said Legolas. "It's not Rohhirim," said Èomer. "It's not-" began Sinbad, but Emily cut him off with a roll of her eyes. "Yes, yes, that's all very well," she said, "I don't care what language it's NOT, I want to know what language it IS!" The crew looked slightly abashed, and Emily asked again. "Does anyone know what language they're speaking?" No one said anything. Emily was looking a little annoyed. "Look, Ems, what does it matter?" asked Rach. "Well, perhaps they are trying to tell us something important. But we don't understand them and so we attack them? Not very smart." Emily explained. Everyone saw the reason in this, and they were about to comment when the rogue pirate crew of indiscernible origin began yelling again. "Nous souhaitons que nous ayons eu des bandeaus comme vos femmes ressemblent aux chiens!!" (We wish we had blindfolds as your women look like dogs!) "Look," said Elijah, after that, "I don't know what language they're speaking or what they said, but I'm guessing that it's not very nice, so perhaps we should do something?" Everyone agreed, and they all ran to man their battle stations. "All right, men, wait and see what they do!" called Emily, standing on a barrel, and the Yayas gathered protectively behind her. "Le boulon de Tash tombe d'en haut ! " called the pirates, and with that, they fired at the S.S. Claire. (The bolt of Tash falls from above!) "Watch it, men!" called Emily, and luckily, the shot flew over their heads. "FIRE ONE!" The men fired a shot, which did indeed hit, causing the pirates to yell back at them. "VOUS CHEVALIERS ANGLAIS SALES! NOUS ESPÉRONS VOS FONDS TOUT L'ABSCÈS AVEC DES ÉBULLITIONS !" yelled the pirates, really angry, now. (YOU DIRTY ENGLISH KNIGHTS! WE HOPE YOUR BOTTOMS ALL FESTER WITH BOILS!) "I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT THEY'RE SAYING!" yelled Rachael and Emily. "Where are the subtitles?" asked Lan, quickly, thinking. "SUB-TITLES! Yes! That's it!" exclaimed the captains, preparing to run off in search of the sub-titles, "Aragorn! You're in charge!" And with that, they tore off, searching the ship high and low for sub- titles. Meanwhile, the ships fired back and forth, with much shouting in various languages from both sides. The Yayas were pretty much frantic, as they could find sub-titles no where. "WHY, GOD, WHY?" they implored, on their knees. AH-HA! Thundered a thunderous voice from above, I TOLD YOU YOU'D PAY! "Authoress Extraordinaire!" gasped the Yayas, as the crew ignored the thunderous voice from above, and continued firing away. YES, 'TIS I! Thundered the Authoress Extraordinaire, AND SEE HOW YOU SUFFER AT MY HANDS! THAT'LL TEACH YOU TO KEEP INFORMATION FROM ME! "Yes, yes," said Emily and Rachael, "We're very sorry, we won't do it again!" NOT GOOD ENOUGH! "Er...very sorry?" pleaded the captains. NOPE! "Look," said Lan, getting annoyed, "I don't think I said you could borrow my thunderous-voice-from-above, so unless you want a Sweet Saturn butt- kickin', you'd best be puttin' on the sub-titles!" ...NOW THAT IS CONVINCING! HERE YA' GO! And with that, a remote control fell from the sky into their waiting hands. Tamela fiddled with it, and then pointed it at the pirates, and pressed a button. Instantly, there were subtitles! "Comment défi nous attaquez-vous? Maintenant notre bateau est tout le plein des trous!" yelled the pirates. ("How dare you attack us? Now our ship is all full of holes!") "YEAH- well you smell bad!" yelled the crew, for lack of a better come back. "Nous vous enseignerons à salir avec la résistance française !" replied the pirates. ("We'll teach you to mess with the French Resistance!") "The French Resistance?" repeated everybody. They turned to look to the captains for help. They literally saw light bulbs go off over the Yayas' heads. "EMILY!" yelled the three Yayas, "AREN'T YOU THE LEADER OF THE FRENCH RESISTANCE?" "Yes!" yelled Emily, "QUICK! Go get the supplies!" With that, the Yayas raced off, then returned, each carrying something different. Tamela drew a little curly moustache on Emily, Lan, gave her a completely black ensemble, and Rachael supplied the beret. Then Emily, with cries from the crew to be careful, stood on the barrel, and yelled to the French Resistance Pirate crew. "COMMENT DÉFI VOUS," she bellowed. "QUE VOUS A INCITÉ À VOUS PENSER A PU ATTAQUER LE CHEF DE LA RÉSISTANCE FRANÇAISE ? AVEZ-VOUS PENSÉ QUI ÉTAIT FUTÉ ? VOUS VOUS AVEZ PENSÉ PARTIRIEZ AVEC LUI ?" ("HOW DARE YOU!" she bellowed, "WHAT MADE YOU THINK YOU COULD ATTACK THE LEADER OF THE FRENCH RESISTANCE? DID YOU THINK THAT WAS SMART? DID YOU THINK YOU WOULD GET AWAY WITH IT?") By this time, the French Resistance pirates were cowering in fear and shame. Emily continued berating them mercilessly. "ET VOUS AVEZ HURLÉ DE TELLES CHOSES HORRIBLES AU SUJET DE MON ÉQUIPAGE! Je NE PENSE PAS Que Je PEUX VIVRE AVEC LUI ! ! ALLEZ-VOUS -EN ET NE M'ATTAQUEZ ENCORE JAMAIS ! VOUS ÊTES CHANCEUX Je NE VOUS TOURNEZ PAS DEDANS POUR CECI !" she finished. ("AND YOU YELLED SUCH HORRIBLE THINGS ABOUT MY CREW! I DON'T THINK I CAN LIVE WITH IT!! GO AWAY AND NEVER ATTACK ME AGAIN! YOU'RE LUCKY I DON'T TURN YOU IN FOR THIS!" she finished.) "Nous sommes désolés, nous n'avons pas su," whimpered the pirates. ("We're sorry, we didn't know!" whimpered the pirates.) And with that, they sailed away in terror. The crew let out a huge cheer of victory, but then had to survey the damages. Oliver and Dom took down quite an extensive list of repairs and supplies. "I'm tired of all this," sighed Emily, "Isn't there a quicker way?" "Sir Ian!" called Rachael. "Well, I'm not really that sort of wizard," he protested. "Please? Just this once?" pleaded Rachael. "Well...all right," he consented, and went off to dress as Gandalf the White, and repair the ship. The repairs took no time, and soon the crew was back to their usual antics. "We must be getting close to France," reasoned Emily, as she meringued by Rachael and Johnny with Frank. "Yes-indeedy-do," said Rachael. "Now, about those 'ode' words..." began Emily, and they argued and meringued the rest of the night away.
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AN: Yay! I hope you enjoyed! Thanks to Lan for sending the review involving 'ode' words! (And the Yayas for making them up with me!) All translations are courtesy of altavista.com It's a great place, ya'll! Drop me a line! Love ya! -Emily