Disclaimer: The
characters of Hannibal Lecter, Clarice Starling, Ardelia Mapp and Paul
Krendler (as
well as anyone
you may recognize) belong to Thomas Harris, not to me. But they
are so great I couldn't resist borrowing them for a while. I will turn
them back when I've finished. No copyright
infringement intended. No profit. I'm harmless and broke ... So don't
sue me.
A/N: Little romance transition chapter before we get back to action. Thanks for reading.
Chapter 13
The first rays of sun where playing in her hair. The effect was stunning. She had been sleeping peacefully whole night. Hannibal was getting stiff and his body was aching, but he didn't dare to move, afraid to wake her up. For one thing, she deserved the rest. And the feeling to have her so close to him was so overwhelming that he wanted it to last as long as possible.
After an hour or so, Clarice finally started to move slightly. She stretched and then opened her eyes. It took her a few seconds to realize where she was and remember what had happened the night before. Not knowing if Lecter was sleeping or not, she carefully turned to him. He was staring at her, a gentle smile on his lips.
" - Good morning, Clarice. Did you sleep well ?
- Umm ... Best sleep I had in a long time.
- I'm happy for that.
- You look tired. Are you sure you're OK ?
- Umm ... Best night I had in a long time." he answered, imitating her accent.
She chuckled and he laughed with her. Clarice was feeling easy, safe in his arms. But a little shy too. Though he had haunted her thoughts for years, she did not really know him. As if he was sensing her feelings, his hand went to her arm and he pulled her closer. She rested her head on his chest and put her hand on his stomach. She could hear the steady beat of his heart.
Hannibal could still not believe that she accepted so easily such physical intimacy with him. He had imagined she would be tensed this morning, almost regretting what had happened. This woman would never stop surprising him, he thought. And yet, he did not want to be too demanding. He would not force her to do anything. She would have to decide the next steps. He knew they did not have much time left, though. And this hurt. But he was ready to wait till she was ready. For her, he would wait.
They remained like that for a moment, silent, each of them lost in his thoughts. Clarice was the one to break the silence.
" - I will have to go back." she said softly.
" - I know." She raised her face to him.
" - Do you know everything ?". He chuckled.
" - No, Clarice. I do not have this pretense ... But I do know you still have many things to sort out. And I cannot help you with these. You will have to do it by yourself.
- I'm not sure I can do that." she sigh.
" - Oh yes, you can. It will take you time, but you are up to the task ... As a matter of facts, I can't think of any task you would not be up to.
- ... Thank you, Dr. Lecter."
Hannibal smiled.
" - To be honest, I'm actually thinking about something I am not sure you can do.
- What is it ?" she asked, puzzled. He made a pause before he answered mischievously.
" - Do you think one day you will be able to ... No ... I don't think you can ...
- Dr. Lecter ! Tell me.
- Do you think one day you will stop calling me 'Dr. Lecter' ? I have a name, you know ...
- Umm ... I don't know. Looks like a pretty tough job. But I will think of it, Dr. Lecter."
He did not have time to answer as the door suddenly opened. Jason entered the room with a tray in his hands. He froze when he saw them tucked together in the bed. None of them made a move.
" - My !" Jason finally said, smiling. "I was not sure I would find the both of you alive this morning, but I guess you have made peace ...
- I would say so, but you should ask the lady ...
- We have." Clarice confirmed.
She sat up on the bed and helped Hannibal to do the same.
" - What have you got there ?" she asked Jason.
" - Breakfast. A special one ! I went to the village and bought fresh bread and milk. I thought you two could need it, but I'm not so sure now ...
- Of course we do !" Hannibal answered.
" - I'm starving." Clarice added.
Jason set the tray on the bed between them and pushed the armchair closer for him. In half an hour, all the good things Jason had brought had disappeared. When they were done with the breakfast, Hannibal looked at his son.
" - Clarice will have to go back home today." he said quietly. "Could you drive her to the closest town and see if she can rent a car ?
- I can stay till tomorrow ..." Clarice said.
- As much as I would like it, I don't think this is reasonable, Clarice. You certainly had a difficult week. You need some rest before you get back to office.
- Yeah ... I guess you're right." she surrendered.
Jason was watching them.
" - So ... You're going home ?" he asked hesitantly.
" - Yes, I'm going home.
- ... Alone ?"
Clarice saw in the young man' s eyes the tension he had endured in the last days, not knowing if she would bring his father back to jail ... Not daring to ask. "Yes, Jason. Alone."
He took a deep breath and looked so relieved that it made both Clarice and Hannibal smile.
" - Good." he said. Then he realized what he had just said. "I mean ... I'm not happy that you go ! What I mean is that ...
- I know what you mean, Jason. And it's OK. I'll miss you too.
- ... Yes."
Hannibal interrupted them before the atmosphere became too heavy. "Do you think one of you could help me up ?" he asked. "I am getting tired of laying in this bed and I would like to try these crutches." Clarice and Jason looked at him.
" - Do you really think this is a good idea ?" Clarice asked. "I'm not sure you're strong enough yet.
- Of course I am. I do not intend to run. Just a few steps ... maybe go out ... It seems we're having a beautiful day."
Clarice looked perplexed, but she finally nodded. "All right." she said. "Let's try."
Jason brought the crutches and stood by the bed. Clarice helped Hannibal moving his leg to the edge of the bed and sit. She saw his eyes flicker but did not say anything. When he was ready, she crouched down and put her arm behind his back and under his armpit. He raised his hand to her shoulder.
" - Ready ?" she asked.
" - When you want, Clarice.
- Jason, get ready."
They stood up together. He choked a groan as his foot hit the floor. Jason promptly put the two crutches under his arms and he leant on them, his hands clutching the handles. Clarice released her grip on him. She was about to let him go when she felt his body sway. She had just the time to catch him to prevent him from falling back on the bed.
" - Easy ! I got you.
- I'm all right." he whispered, visibly in pain.
" - You don't look like you're all right, dad.
- I'm fine, Jason. I am just feeling a little bit ... dizzy.
- This was definitely not a good idea." Clarice said. "You're still too weak for this ...
- It's OK, Clarice ... Just give me a little time, will you ?
- You've got all the time you want." He gave her a poor smile.
" - Yes. Thanks to you.
- Jason, give me one of these pills there, will you ? The blue box. And a glass of water."
Jason gave his father the pain-killer. Hannibal was taking deep breaths. Clarice was still supporting him. After a while, she felt his body relaxing a bit.
" - Is it getting better ?" she asked.
" - Yes. You can let me go now.
- Are you sure ?
- Clarice ...
- OK ! All right."
She moved away and this time he seemed more assured. He remained immobile for a few seconds and then made a first step. She could see the muscles of his arms trembling. Giving a look at Jason, she knew he had seen this too. But he did not say anything and she imitating him. Hannibal made a second step towards the door.
" - You see !" he said with a triumphant smile. "I told you I could do it.
- Yeah ... Get back to bed now."
He didn't even answer, but went on his way. "Jason, could you open the door for me please." Jason had a look at Clarice. She shrugged. She knew it was a lost fight: Hannibal Lecter was definitely too stubborn for her.
Getting down the stairs proved to be a difficult operation, but he managed. A few moments after, they were out of the old hotel. The air was cold but the sun was shining. Jason had followed them to the door but stopped at the outside steps. "I guess you two need a little privacy." he said mischievously. Clarice was about to protest but Hannibal intervened before she could.
" - Thank you, Jason.
- You know where to find me in case of need." he said. And he went back in.
Hannibal tilted his head. "Shall we ?" he asked softly, a grin on his face. She followed him.
" - There is a little pond over there." he said. "It's not far, and very nice.
- How do you know this place, Dr. Lecter ?
- Umm ... I first came here long ago, as a guest. I was still a renowned psychiatrist then. They had organized a kind of congress.
- I see.
- Then we came back about two years ago, with Jason. It was on our way, and I just wanted to show him the place. It used to be beautiful, you know.
- I can imagine. I've never been to any rich resort, like this one has been. Not that I'm fond of this kind of places either. I guess I would feel a little bit ... out of place.
- I don't believe you could be out of place anywhere, Clarice. Neither in a palace nor in a barn. It is just a fear you have.
- ... I'm not sure. Rich people are a kind of ... clan. I mean, you can recognize them.
- Why ? Because they are wearing expensive clothes ? It is not a matter of how much you can spend for your dress. All it is about is natural grace. And you have it, Clarice. You can trust me, I have some experience in these things. I used to have a lot of rich patients. And most of them would not have stood the comparison with you."
Even if she could not quite believe him, his compliments were sweet to her ears. They were progressing slowly on a little path. After a curve, the pond finally appeared to their sight, about fifty yards ahead. He had not exaggerated: it was really beautiful. The water was transparent and the wind was drawing little wrinkles on it. The grass around was dark green and high, with some almost black rocks emerging here and there. On the left bank, a little group of trees were casting their shadows on the water and on the shore. They headed to the trees.
" - Do you ever missed these times, Dr. Lecter ?" she asked. "I mean, your practice, the reputation, ...". He glanced at her.
" - Not really. I admit there were moments of fun though. And living ... how could I phrase it ... in the open, had some advantages. But most of it was tedious. You know, Clarice, the majority of people who go to a psychiatrist do not have real neurosis. They just want someone to listen to them, someone who can hear them exaggerate their little problems without running away. That makes them feel important. And they are ready to pay for it. Of course, I also had real interesting cases. but it didn't represent more than ten percents.
- Must be really boring.
- You get used to it. But it is not as exciting as it may seem."
She hesitated before asking aloud her next question. Last thing she wanted was to spoil this relation they had started to build in the last few hours, but she had to know. "Am I part of the ten percents, Dr. Lecter ?"
He stopped walking and turned to her. There was genuine incredulity in his eyes.
" - You're not a case, Clarice. I hope you don't believe I am trying to ... analyze you ?
- ... I don't know, Dr. Lecter. I'm ... I'm still confused ... I ... Forget I asked. It was stupid.
- I won't forget." He made a pause, as if he was looking for the best words. "You are allowed to ask. It is natural. Especially considering the way we met ... and the things I told you in Baltimore. But I never considered you as a case.
- Then why ?
- You intrigued me, from the very first moment. I saw the qualities behind the standard FBI costume and I wanted to know more about you. But it was my personal curiosity, not professional one."
He started to walk again. She followed. Without turning back to her he added: "There is nothing wrong with you, Clarice. One day you will have to admit it."
They remained silent until they reached the trees. Hannibal leant on a trunk. The physical effort of the walk had marked his face.
" - Are you OK ?" she asked, putting a hand on his forearm.
" - Yes." he answered. Then, seeing he could not fool her, he added: "A little tired, to tell the truth. I may have slightly overestimated my strengths.
- Come on, let's sit here for a moment. I'll help you.
- Are you sure you can lift me up after if I do sit ?
- Don't worry. Put your arm on my shoulder."
She took his crutches and helped him down. Once seated on the floor, his back against a tree, he sighed with relief.
" - You should have told me." she scolded him. "We would have gone back inside.
- This is precisely why I did not tell you."
He winked at her and she could not help a laugh. She went to sit on his right. Without a word, he took her hand in his. His fingers were very cold and she shivered. He misunderstood the meaning of her reaction and tried to let go her hand, but she held him back.. "Just the cold." she whispered.
Long minutes passed before any of them dared to break the silence. They were both feeling in peace. But there were some things Clarice simply had to tell him. "Dr. Lecter ..." she started hesitantly. He turned his face to her.
" - Yes ?
- About last night ...
- Don't worry, Clarice. Nothing happened last night.
- ... Yes. Something happened last night." Why was it so difficult for her to say these things. "You were there, for me. And you did the one thing I needed. I wanted to thank you for that.
- You're welcome. I am glad I could help, but I didn't do much, really.
- Umm ... And thank you for not having done more ..."
She did not have to word it. They both did know what she meant. Hannibal took a long breath before he answered.
" - I will no more do things you don't want me to do, Clarice. I promise.
- I don't think I was ready yesterday.
- No. I don't think so either."
The next question was the most difficult to ask. Clarice had never been that daring with any man before. She looked away from him before she started to talk again. "Were you ready, Hannibal ?".
Her voice had been a mere whisper. Hannibal felt as if his heart had stopped beating. He squeezed her hand, and as soon as he had regained enough composure to speak, he took her chin in his free hand and forced her to look at him. He spoke very slowly, his blue eyes staring at her intensely.
"I love you, Clarice Starling. Believe me, it is as awkward to me as it can be to you. But I can't help it. I love you from the bottom of my heart. It took me a long time to understand it, but I know it now." He made a pause to give her time to accept the confession he had just made to her. "I know your emotions are confused now. You'll have to clarify how you feel and what you want. But you will have to do it by your own. I cannot help you with this, Clarice, because helping you would mean influencing you. And that would not be fair. That would not be love. I don't know if you will love me one day. But I will wait, as long as it takes. If one day you decide you want to be with me, I'll be there."
She nodded.
"This is all I can promise you, Clarice." he went on. "I am who I am. I won't insult your intelligence by pretending I am or will become someone else."
Clarice took his hand from under her chin and brought it to her lips. She gently kissed his palm. He stopped her.
" - Don't do this, Clarice. Please. As much as I desire it, I am not sure I could control myself further. And you have to go. We both know it.
- All right." she said. She let go his hand. "We'd better go back now. Or Jason will worry."
He nodded. She helped him up and they headed to the hotel. Not a single word was said on their way back.
They had a last lunch all together. The atmosphere was a little bit morose but each of them was trying his best not to show it. Then Clarice packed her things.
Hannibal accompanied her to the door. Jason was already waiting in the car.
" - Well ..." she said. "I guess it's time.
- Yes it is. I am not fond of long goodbyes, Clarice.
- Neither am I."
She smiled, a little bit embarrassed. He handed her a little piece of paper. "Take this. Learn it by heart and then throw it away. It is an email address. You can use it whenever you want to contact me. Just in case ...". She took it and stared at him in disbelief.
" - It is the way Jason contacts me. The address belongs to a Rodrigo Montes, in Argentina. An old friend of mine. It is reasonably safe, but I would prefer you don't use it from your office computer.
- Of course I won't !
- Good. Go now."
For a second, she hesitated to hug him in a last embrace. But she did not do it. She knew it would have been tougher on him.
" - Goodbye, Hannibal." she simply said instead.
" - Goodbye, Clarice. Take care.
- Yes. You too."
She went to the car without giving him another look. Jason started the engine and they left.
Hannibal stayed a long time at the steps, watching their car go first, then sending an empty look at the nature around. She would never know how hard it had been for him not to call her back. It was all in her hands now.
Jason was driving fast towards Laking, the nearest town where she could find a car. They were not talking much, and the few sentences they exchanged turned around the weather or other neutral topics. He parked before the Hertz agency. They both stepped out of the car.
The paperwork didn't take long. Jason insisted on paying, arguing his father would kill him if she would not let him do. An employee brought the car for Clarice and left them in front of the little office.
" - You'd better go if you want to be home before the night falls. It will take you more than two hours to get there.
- Yes. Will you stay long with him ?
- Until Thursday. I have an exam on Friday I can't miss. But I should be back in a couple of weeks.
- He must keep the cast for at least a full month.
- I know. You told me. Now I just have to convince him."
They both laughed, but it was a forced laugh, that did not hide their sadness.
" - Thank you, Clarice. For everything you did and ... for what you didn't do.
- Come here."
She drew him to her and gave him a big hug.
" - You're a great kid, Jason. Don't let anybody tell you the contrary. I don't regret any minute.
- Yeah. Take care of yourself. You've got my number. Don't hesitate to call if you need something.
- I won't. Goodbye, Jason.
- Goodbye."
She patted his shoulder one last time and she jumped in the car.
To be continued ... Thanks for reading. Reviews are as usual MOST welcome ...
Absolut.
A/N: Little romance transition chapter before we get back to action. Thanks for reading.
Chapter 13
The first rays of sun where playing in her hair. The effect was stunning. She had been sleeping peacefully whole night. Hannibal was getting stiff and his body was aching, but he didn't dare to move, afraid to wake her up. For one thing, she deserved the rest. And the feeling to have her so close to him was so overwhelming that he wanted it to last as long as possible.
After an hour or so, Clarice finally started to move slightly. She stretched and then opened her eyes. It took her a few seconds to realize where she was and remember what had happened the night before. Not knowing if Lecter was sleeping or not, she carefully turned to him. He was staring at her, a gentle smile on his lips.
" - Good morning, Clarice. Did you sleep well ?
- Umm ... Best sleep I had in a long time.
- I'm happy for that.
- You look tired. Are you sure you're OK ?
- Umm ... Best night I had in a long time." he answered, imitating her accent.
She chuckled and he laughed with her. Clarice was feeling easy, safe in his arms. But a little shy too. Though he had haunted her thoughts for years, she did not really know him. As if he was sensing her feelings, his hand went to her arm and he pulled her closer. She rested her head on his chest and put her hand on his stomach. She could hear the steady beat of his heart.
Hannibal could still not believe that she accepted so easily such physical intimacy with him. He had imagined she would be tensed this morning, almost regretting what had happened. This woman would never stop surprising him, he thought. And yet, he did not want to be too demanding. He would not force her to do anything. She would have to decide the next steps. He knew they did not have much time left, though. And this hurt. But he was ready to wait till she was ready. For her, he would wait.
They remained like that for a moment, silent, each of them lost in his thoughts. Clarice was the one to break the silence.
" - I will have to go back." she said softly.
" - I know." She raised her face to him.
" - Do you know everything ?". He chuckled.
" - No, Clarice. I do not have this pretense ... But I do know you still have many things to sort out. And I cannot help you with these. You will have to do it by yourself.
- I'm not sure I can do that." she sigh.
" - Oh yes, you can. It will take you time, but you are up to the task ... As a matter of facts, I can't think of any task you would not be up to.
- ... Thank you, Dr. Lecter."
Hannibal smiled.
" - To be honest, I'm actually thinking about something I am not sure you can do.
- What is it ?" she asked, puzzled. He made a pause before he answered mischievously.
" - Do you think one day you will be able to ... No ... I don't think you can ...
- Dr. Lecter ! Tell me.
- Do you think one day you will stop calling me 'Dr. Lecter' ? I have a name, you know ...
- Umm ... I don't know. Looks like a pretty tough job. But I will think of it, Dr. Lecter."
He did not have time to answer as the door suddenly opened. Jason entered the room with a tray in his hands. He froze when he saw them tucked together in the bed. None of them made a move.
" - My !" Jason finally said, smiling. "I was not sure I would find the both of you alive this morning, but I guess you have made peace ...
- I would say so, but you should ask the lady ...
- We have." Clarice confirmed.
She sat up on the bed and helped Hannibal to do the same.
" - What have you got there ?" she asked Jason.
" - Breakfast. A special one ! I went to the village and bought fresh bread and milk. I thought you two could need it, but I'm not so sure now ...
- Of course we do !" Hannibal answered.
" - I'm starving." Clarice added.
Jason set the tray on the bed between them and pushed the armchair closer for him. In half an hour, all the good things Jason had brought had disappeared. When they were done with the breakfast, Hannibal looked at his son.
" - Clarice will have to go back home today." he said quietly. "Could you drive her to the closest town and see if she can rent a car ?
- I can stay till tomorrow ..." Clarice said.
- As much as I would like it, I don't think this is reasonable, Clarice. You certainly had a difficult week. You need some rest before you get back to office.
- Yeah ... I guess you're right." she surrendered.
Jason was watching them.
" - So ... You're going home ?" he asked hesitantly.
" - Yes, I'm going home.
- ... Alone ?"
Clarice saw in the young man' s eyes the tension he had endured in the last days, not knowing if she would bring his father back to jail ... Not daring to ask. "Yes, Jason. Alone."
He took a deep breath and looked so relieved that it made both Clarice and Hannibal smile.
" - Good." he said. Then he realized what he had just said. "I mean ... I'm not happy that you go ! What I mean is that ...
- I know what you mean, Jason. And it's OK. I'll miss you too.
- ... Yes."
Hannibal interrupted them before the atmosphere became too heavy. "Do you think one of you could help me up ?" he asked. "I am getting tired of laying in this bed and I would like to try these crutches." Clarice and Jason looked at him.
" - Do you really think this is a good idea ?" Clarice asked. "I'm not sure you're strong enough yet.
- Of course I am. I do not intend to run. Just a few steps ... maybe go out ... It seems we're having a beautiful day."
Clarice looked perplexed, but she finally nodded. "All right." she said. "Let's try."
Jason brought the crutches and stood by the bed. Clarice helped Hannibal moving his leg to the edge of the bed and sit. She saw his eyes flicker but did not say anything. When he was ready, she crouched down and put her arm behind his back and under his armpit. He raised his hand to her shoulder.
" - Ready ?" she asked.
" - When you want, Clarice.
- Jason, get ready."
They stood up together. He choked a groan as his foot hit the floor. Jason promptly put the two crutches under his arms and he leant on them, his hands clutching the handles. Clarice released her grip on him. She was about to let him go when she felt his body sway. She had just the time to catch him to prevent him from falling back on the bed.
" - Easy ! I got you.
- I'm all right." he whispered, visibly in pain.
" - You don't look like you're all right, dad.
- I'm fine, Jason. I am just feeling a little bit ... dizzy.
- This was definitely not a good idea." Clarice said. "You're still too weak for this ...
- It's OK, Clarice ... Just give me a little time, will you ?
- You've got all the time you want." He gave her a poor smile.
" - Yes. Thanks to you.
- Jason, give me one of these pills there, will you ? The blue box. And a glass of water."
Jason gave his father the pain-killer. Hannibal was taking deep breaths. Clarice was still supporting him. After a while, she felt his body relaxing a bit.
" - Is it getting better ?" she asked.
" - Yes. You can let me go now.
- Are you sure ?
- Clarice ...
- OK ! All right."
She moved away and this time he seemed more assured. He remained immobile for a few seconds and then made a first step. She could see the muscles of his arms trembling. Giving a look at Jason, she knew he had seen this too. But he did not say anything and she imitating him. Hannibal made a second step towards the door.
" - You see !" he said with a triumphant smile. "I told you I could do it.
- Yeah ... Get back to bed now."
He didn't even answer, but went on his way. "Jason, could you open the door for me please." Jason had a look at Clarice. She shrugged. She knew it was a lost fight: Hannibal Lecter was definitely too stubborn for her.
Getting down the stairs proved to be a difficult operation, but he managed. A few moments after, they were out of the old hotel. The air was cold but the sun was shining. Jason had followed them to the door but stopped at the outside steps. "I guess you two need a little privacy." he said mischievously. Clarice was about to protest but Hannibal intervened before she could.
" - Thank you, Jason.
- You know where to find me in case of need." he said. And he went back in.
Hannibal tilted his head. "Shall we ?" he asked softly, a grin on his face. She followed him.
" - There is a little pond over there." he said. "It's not far, and very nice.
- How do you know this place, Dr. Lecter ?
- Umm ... I first came here long ago, as a guest. I was still a renowned psychiatrist then. They had organized a kind of congress.
- I see.
- Then we came back about two years ago, with Jason. It was on our way, and I just wanted to show him the place. It used to be beautiful, you know.
- I can imagine. I've never been to any rich resort, like this one has been. Not that I'm fond of this kind of places either. I guess I would feel a little bit ... out of place.
- I don't believe you could be out of place anywhere, Clarice. Neither in a palace nor in a barn. It is just a fear you have.
- ... I'm not sure. Rich people are a kind of ... clan. I mean, you can recognize them.
- Why ? Because they are wearing expensive clothes ? It is not a matter of how much you can spend for your dress. All it is about is natural grace. And you have it, Clarice. You can trust me, I have some experience in these things. I used to have a lot of rich patients. And most of them would not have stood the comparison with you."
Even if she could not quite believe him, his compliments were sweet to her ears. They were progressing slowly on a little path. After a curve, the pond finally appeared to their sight, about fifty yards ahead. He had not exaggerated: it was really beautiful. The water was transparent and the wind was drawing little wrinkles on it. The grass around was dark green and high, with some almost black rocks emerging here and there. On the left bank, a little group of trees were casting their shadows on the water and on the shore. They headed to the trees.
" - Do you ever missed these times, Dr. Lecter ?" she asked. "I mean, your practice, the reputation, ...". He glanced at her.
" - Not really. I admit there were moments of fun though. And living ... how could I phrase it ... in the open, had some advantages. But most of it was tedious. You know, Clarice, the majority of people who go to a psychiatrist do not have real neurosis. They just want someone to listen to them, someone who can hear them exaggerate their little problems without running away. That makes them feel important. And they are ready to pay for it. Of course, I also had real interesting cases. but it didn't represent more than ten percents.
- Must be really boring.
- You get used to it. But it is not as exciting as it may seem."
She hesitated before asking aloud her next question. Last thing she wanted was to spoil this relation they had started to build in the last few hours, but she had to know. "Am I part of the ten percents, Dr. Lecter ?"
He stopped walking and turned to her. There was genuine incredulity in his eyes.
" - You're not a case, Clarice. I hope you don't believe I am trying to ... analyze you ?
- ... I don't know, Dr. Lecter. I'm ... I'm still confused ... I ... Forget I asked. It was stupid.
- I won't forget." He made a pause, as if he was looking for the best words. "You are allowed to ask. It is natural. Especially considering the way we met ... and the things I told you in Baltimore. But I never considered you as a case.
- Then why ?
- You intrigued me, from the very first moment. I saw the qualities behind the standard FBI costume and I wanted to know more about you. But it was my personal curiosity, not professional one."
He started to walk again. She followed. Without turning back to her he added: "There is nothing wrong with you, Clarice. One day you will have to admit it."
They remained silent until they reached the trees. Hannibal leant on a trunk. The physical effort of the walk had marked his face.
" - Are you OK ?" she asked, putting a hand on his forearm.
" - Yes." he answered. Then, seeing he could not fool her, he added: "A little tired, to tell the truth. I may have slightly overestimated my strengths.
- Come on, let's sit here for a moment. I'll help you.
- Are you sure you can lift me up after if I do sit ?
- Don't worry. Put your arm on my shoulder."
She took his crutches and helped him down. Once seated on the floor, his back against a tree, he sighed with relief.
" - You should have told me." she scolded him. "We would have gone back inside.
- This is precisely why I did not tell you."
He winked at her and she could not help a laugh. She went to sit on his right. Without a word, he took her hand in his. His fingers were very cold and she shivered. He misunderstood the meaning of her reaction and tried to let go her hand, but she held him back.. "Just the cold." she whispered.
Long minutes passed before any of them dared to break the silence. They were both feeling in peace. But there were some things Clarice simply had to tell him. "Dr. Lecter ..." she started hesitantly. He turned his face to her.
" - Yes ?
- About last night ...
- Don't worry, Clarice. Nothing happened last night.
- ... Yes. Something happened last night." Why was it so difficult for her to say these things. "You were there, for me. And you did the one thing I needed. I wanted to thank you for that.
- You're welcome. I am glad I could help, but I didn't do much, really.
- Umm ... And thank you for not having done more ..."
She did not have to word it. They both did know what she meant. Hannibal took a long breath before he answered.
" - I will no more do things you don't want me to do, Clarice. I promise.
- I don't think I was ready yesterday.
- No. I don't think so either."
The next question was the most difficult to ask. Clarice had never been that daring with any man before. She looked away from him before she started to talk again. "Were you ready, Hannibal ?".
Her voice had been a mere whisper. Hannibal felt as if his heart had stopped beating. He squeezed her hand, and as soon as he had regained enough composure to speak, he took her chin in his free hand and forced her to look at him. He spoke very slowly, his blue eyes staring at her intensely.
"I love you, Clarice Starling. Believe me, it is as awkward to me as it can be to you. But I can't help it. I love you from the bottom of my heart. It took me a long time to understand it, but I know it now." He made a pause to give her time to accept the confession he had just made to her. "I know your emotions are confused now. You'll have to clarify how you feel and what you want. But you will have to do it by your own. I cannot help you with this, Clarice, because helping you would mean influencing you. And that would not be fair. That would not be love. I don't know if you will love me one day. But I will wait, as long as it takes. If one day you decide you want to be with me, I'll be there."
She nodded.
"This is all I can promise you, Clarice." he went on. "I am who I am. I won't insult your intelligence by pretending I am or will become someone else."
Clarice took his hand from under her chin and brought it to her lips. She gently kissed his palm. He stopped her.
" - Don't do this, Clarice. Please. As much as I desire it, I am not sure I could control myself further. And you have to go. We both know it.
- All right." she said. She let go his hand. "We'd better go back now. Or Jason will worry."
He nodded. She helped him up and they headed to the hotel. Not a single word was said on their way back.
They had a last lunch all together. The atmosphere was a little bit morose but each of them was trying his best not to show it. Then Clarice packed her things.
Hannibal accompanied her to the door. Jason was already waiting in the car.
" - Well ..." she said. "I guess it's time.
- Yes it is. I am not fond of long goodbyes, Clarice.
- Neither am I."
She smiled, a little bit embarrassed. He handed her a little piece of paper. "Take this. Learn it by heart and then throw it away. It is an email address. You can use it whenever you want to contact me. Just in case ...". She took it and stared at him in disbelief.
" - It is the way Jason contacts me. The address belongs to a Rodrigo Montes, in Argentina. An old friend of mine. It is reasonably safe, but I would prefer you don't use it from your office computer.
- Of course I won't !
- Good. Go now."
For a second, she hesitated to hug him in a last embrace. But she did not do it. She knew it would have been tougher on him.
" - Goodbye, Hannibal." she simply said instead.
" - Goodbye, Clarice. Take care.
- Yes. You too."
She went to the car without giving him another look. Jason started the engine and they left.
Hannibal stayed a long time at the steps, watching their car go first, then sending an empty look at the nature around. She would never know how hard it had been for him not to call her back. It was all in her hands now.
Jason was driving fast towards Laking, the nearest town where she could find a car. They were not talking much, and the few sentences they exchanged turned around the weather or other neutral topics. He parked before the Hertz agency. They both stepped out of the car.
The paperwork didn't take long. Jason insisted on paying, arguing his father would kill him if she would not let him do. An employee brought the car for Clarice and left them in front of the little office.
" - You'd better go if you want to be home before the night falls. It will take you more than two hours to get there.
- Yes. Will you stay long with him ?
- Until Thursday. I have an exam on Friday I can't miss. But I should be back in a couple of weeks.
- He must keep the cast for at least a full month.
- I know. You told me. Now I just have to convince him."
They both laughed, but it was a forced laugh, that did not hide their sadness.
" - Thank you, Clarice. For everything you did and ... for what you didn't do.
- Come here."
She drew him to her and gave him a big hug.
" - You're a great kid, Jason. Don't let anybody tell you the contrary. I don't regret any minute.
- Yeah. Take care of yourself. You've got my number. Don't hesitate to call if you need something.
- I won't. Goodbye, Jason.
- Goodbye."
She patted his shoulder one last time and she jumped in the car.
To be continued ... Thanks for reading. Reviews are as usual MOST welcome ...
Absolut.