We all know Mario and Co are the property of Nintendo. Now...

MarioLand!

~*~*~*~

Mario: Oh wo wo wo wo!

[Mario falls onto his butt on a patch of grass next to a moat surrounding a castle.]

Mario: Momma mia! *dusts self off*

[A weird noise is heard get louder above Mario. Mario looks up in the sky and notices a falling green object.]

Mario: Oh no! *eyes widens as the green animal falls on top of him*

Yoshi: *bounces off Mario* Pipoo!

[A silhouette hides behind a tree covering the mouth of a princess in pink. The figure stares at a soggy piece of paper with barely legible letters on it.]

Figure: *thinks to self* Kidnap Princess Toadstool of MarioLand... Okay, I'm doing good.

[Princess Toadstool struggles under the firm grip of her kidnapper. As a last resort, she bites the shadowed person's finger and and begins to scream.]

Princess Toadstool: Mario! Yoshi! Help me!!!!!

[The figure punches the pink princess on the top of her red-hair. The princess falls out unconscious.]

Mario: Princess!

Yoshi: Pipoo!

[Mario hits a red box with his head and receives wings on his hat as he jumps into the air thrice to fly toward the villian. The masked villian clad in black looks a little confused at the flying Italian and backs away a little as the fat man lands with the lizard-dog running to be by his side.]

Mario: *overly dramtic* Who are you? A partner of Wario or Bowser???

Figure: *still confused at the concept of a flying out-of-shape man in tight red overalls* ...

Mario: *irritated* Don't you know who I am!? It's a me, Mario!

Figure: *muffled voice* ...so?

Mario: *angered* That's a it-a! Yoshi! A flower!

[The figure raises an eyebrow as the lizard whips out its tongue and retreives a daisy for Mario. The red-suited man devours the flower causing his face to turn red as he burps.]

Figure: What the hell...? Are you that hungry?

Mario: *frowns* Whatcha tryin' ta do ta me Yoshi! That was-a the wrong-a flower!

Yoshi: Pipoo! *unleashed its tongue again as it grabs a glowing flower*

[Yoshi presents the radiating flower to Mario with its tongue and Mario chomps on the defenseless plant.]

Figure: I'm guessing you're not a tree hugger--

[The figure is interrupted by the light emitted from Mario as his Papa Smurf suit turns white.]

Mario: Feel-a the wrath-a! *spits out a small bouncing fireball*

Figure: *sweatdrop* You've gotta be kiddin' me... *side-steps Mario's ball of fire*

Mario: Aye! Yoshi! Get him!

Yoshi: Pipoo! *extendeds its sticky tongue towards the figure*

Figure: *quickly unsheathes a katana, slicing the green creature's tongue off*

Yoshi: *cries watching its tongue slithering on the grass frantically* PIPOO!

Princess Toadstool: *awakens into consciousness weakly* Uh... what's going on...?

[The figure kicks the princess in the head knocking her out once more. But Mario, trying to be sneaky, tackles the figure.]

Mario: Gotcha! *holds the figure tightly*

[Mario's head buries into a soft chest with shock as he realizes the figure has breasts!]

Figure: *punches the perverted man off her* Hentai...

Mario: Momma mia! You've gotta-- Momma mia's!!!

Figure: That's it Mr. Mario Molester... *agitated*

Mario: *stands up proudly with his theme music blaring* Ah ha ha!

Figure: *confused by the music and pulls out her magnums shooting at the crazy marshmallow-looking man*

[The figure watches as Mario turns into a pink mess as a different music plays.]

Figure: *looks around at surroundings* This place is weird...

[The figure's communicator goes off as a staticy voice is heard.]

Voice: HardCore? Come in?

Figure: Yeah, this is Cora.

Voice: Did you kidnap Phillip Thomasson from Maryland?

Cora: Who...? *looks at the soggy paper again in disbelief at her mistake*

Voice: Well...?

Cora: Err... I'm still on my way there...

Voice: Oh! *surprised* It's not like you to be so late about things... I'll contact in 3 hours to hear your status. Over and out.

Cora: *looks at the mess of Mario on the grass and at the lizard-thing trying to put its tongue back together*

Princess Toadstool: *again foolishly awakens, only to see Mario as a mass of pink on the grass* Oh my god!!!

[The pink princess lets out ear-piercing cries as the figure winces in pain.]

Cora: Shut up, you annoying powder puff!

[As if a reflex, Cora aims her magnum at the shrieking pink banshee and pulls the trigger, leading to a calming silence.]

Cora: *sighs relieved* Thank, kami.

Yoshi: *growls* Pipoo!

Cora: *frowns at the stupid animal and points out the lifeless bodies of its friends with her magnum* Don't be stupid.

Yoshi: *notices the mess of corpses and picks up its wiggling tongue as it sprints off*

Cora: *thinks to self* Now how do I get to Maryland from here...?