Disclaimer: I own nothing and make no money. This is just a silly little
ficlet done for fun.
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Captain Jack Sparrow had braved many terrible things. Over the years he'd ventured to the ends of the earth – or a least to the ports and shoreline areas, having little interest in land locked places. He'd seen fantastic and magical things, things that delighted and enraged, things he remembered fondly and many he truly wished he could forget. He'd swing into battles, his sword drawn, with a smile on his face. He'd not only survived a mutiny - he'd regained control (after a mere ten years of plotting, scheming and chasing his ship). Why he'd even faced a crew of undead, cursed pirates and come out triumphant.
With all this in mind Jack was still hesitant to face his next obstacle. Sure, he'd done this before a couple times. He'd thought the treasure would last, that he'd got enough but his supply had run out again. This was the only place on earth to get it though and Jack could see no way around this.
It certainly hadn't been easy to get here. No, he'd had to use all his skills as a mariner, pirate and man to find this place. Actually, he'd resorted to dark magics and the help of a Voodoo Priestess who, despite her complaints that this particular spell was outside her area of expertise, had been convinced to aid him again on his journey. It had not been easy to get her to agree to help him and the trip itself had been as unnerving and creepy as seeing one's own skin and flesh disappear in the full light of the moon (a point of reference admittedly shared by very few).
Despite the difficult journey he had arrived.
Jack stood at the entrance of the strange and fantastical place. This was the last place on earth he wanted to be, save the gallows again, but there truly was no other choice. This was a treasure he could not stand to be without. Taking a deep breath Jack readied himself, put a confident grin on his face and strode forward.
The doors whooshed open in front of him, a bright, unnatural light assaulted his eyes.
"Welcome to Walmart!" greeted an overly cheerful and clearly oblivious older woman. "Is there anything I can help you find today?"
Barely resisting the urge to either shrink away in horror or pull his sword, Jack hurried past. Hand securely resting on the hilt of his weapon, Jack spared the blue vested monstrosity a final glance before speeding up his perpetual swagger.
His boots thumped softly on the dazzlingly white tiled floor. Passing by other people (Jack assumed they were humans though by their dress he thought it equally likely they were demon) he grinned and nodded his head politely. Strange creatures just stared after him and pointed making him wonder if perhaps they were feeble-minded. More likely, he supposed, they just had such vastly different customs that his attempts at polite greeting were unrecognizable. The older woman at the entrance had so startled him that he found himself pondering if his own attempts to greet new people, when not under so different circumstances. He'd been accused of being far too informal many a time but really, he would never bark in someone's face in a strange land, and certainly not with such volume and false cheer. Or at least he wouldn't do that if he were sober. He was far too well traveled not to know better than to act however he chose in strange and unfamiliar lands. No, this was certainly not a land where he could to act according to whim.
Continuing through the strange, indoor market, Jack passed a number of families, complete with wailing infants and screeching toddlers. Finding the din nearly unbearable, Jack quickened his pace until he found himself in the area he needed. He spun on his heel past a rack of brightly coloured bottles and containers full of unknown potions, coat tails flapping in his haste. He really could take this bizarre place no longer. It made Singapore look refined and boring by comparison.
Quickly scanning the little boxes with pictures of women with toothy smiles and blindingly shiny hair, Jack finally found just what he was looking for. He quickly gathered up all the boxes in the row, arms full.
"For crying out loud. I've been to four frickin' stores and nobody has what I need!" grumbled a young woman to herself. "You'd think they would have the right colour, but no. This is the closest they've got and it's SO not going to look right."
Jack said, "Luv, I've 'ad a lot longer journey than you. If you don't wan' it then give it 'ere, eh?"
The woman, finally noticing him, looked up with wide eyes and an open mouth and held the box out to him. Snatching the box from her hands and adding it to his pile, Jack spared her a charming grin and wink before adding, "Thanks Luv!" and leaving the area as quickly as he'd come. The woman just stared after him in shock.
Jack resisted the urge to run, but only barely. He disliked having his hands full and thus unable to draw his weapon as needed. Sure, the locals here appeared harmless, but it wasn't an assumption he wanted to test. The sooner he left the better.
Jack left out a small sigh of irritation. This whole ordeal was really a result of his own vanity. He had trinkets and wraps, dreadlocks and even bones woven into his hair but he'd be damned if he was going to let grey hairs creep up on him. Though he was thankfully ageing well (which was to say nearly not at all) he had more than a few ghastly white hairs that, as far as he was concerned, were most unwelcome and spoiled the eclectic and distinct look. Glancing down at the boxes in his arms, reading the name, Jack smiled to himself.
"I 'ave no idea who you are Miss Clairol, but I thank ye' for making "Black Pearl" hair dye."
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Note: Clairol really does make a hair dye colour called "Black Pearl".
************************************************************************
Captain Jack Sparrow had braved many terrible things. Over the years he'd ventured to the ends of the earth – or a least to the ports and shoreline areas, having little interest in land locked places. He'd seen fantastic and magical things, things that delighted and enraged, things he remembered fondly and many he truly wished he could forget. He'd swing into battles, his sword drawn, with a smile on his face. He'd not only survived a mutiny - he'd regained control (after a mere ten years of plotting, scheming and chasing his ship). Why he'd even faced a crew of undead, cursed pirates and come out triumphant.
With all this in mind Jack was still hesitant to face his next obstacle. Sure, he'd done this before a couple times. He'd thought the treasure would last, that he'd got enough but his supply had run out again. This was the only place on earth to get it though and Jack could see no way around this.
It certainly hadn't been easy to get here. No, he'd had to use all his skills as a mariner, pirate and man to find this place. Actually, he'd resorted to dark magics and the help of a Voodoo Priestess who, despite her complaints that this particular spell was outside her area of expertise, had been convinced to aid him again on his journey. It had not been easy to get her to agree to help him and the trip itself had been as unnerving and creepy as seeing one's own skin and flesh disappear in the full light of the moon (a point of reference admittedly shared by very few).
Despite the difficult journey he had arrived.
Jack stood at the entrance of the strange and fantastical place. This was the last place on earth he wanted to be, save the gallows again, but there truly was no other choice. This was a treasure he could not stand to be without. Taking a deep breath Jack readied himself, put a confident grin on his face and strode forward.
The doors whooshed open in front of him, a bright, unnatural light assaulted his eyes.
"Welcome to Walmart!" greeted an overly cheerful and clearly oblivious older woman. "Is there anything I can help you find today?"
Barely resisting the urge to either shrink away in horror or pull his sword, Jack hurried past. Hand securely resting on the hilt of his weapon, Jack spared the blue vested monstrosity a final glance before speeding up his perpetual swagger.
His boots thumped softly on the dazzlingly white tiled floor. Passing by other people (Jack assumed they were humans though by their dress he thought it equally likely they were demon) he grinned and nodded his head politely. Strange creatures just stared after him and pointed making him wonder if perhaps they were feeble-minded. More likely, he supposed, they just had such vastly different customs that his attempts at polite greeting were unrecognizable. The older woman at the entrance had so startled him that he found himself pondering if his own attempts to greet new people, when not under so different circumstances. He'd been accused of being far too informal many a time but really, he would never bark in someone's face in a strange land, and certainly not with such volume and false cheer. Or at least he wouldn't do that if he were sober. He was far too well traveled not to know better than to act however he chose in strange and unfamiliar lands. No, this was certainly not a land where he could to act according to whim.
Continuing through the strange, indoor market, Jack passed a number of families, complete with wailing infants and screeching toddlers. Finding the din nearly unbearable, Jack quickened his pace until he found himself in the area he needed. He spun on his heel past a rack of brightly coloured bottles and containers full of unknown potions, coat tails flapping in his haste. He really could take this bizarre place no longer. It made Singapore look refined and boring by comparison.
Quickly scanning the little boxes with pictures of women with toothy smiles and blindingly shiny hair, Jack finally found just what he was looking for. He quickly gathered up all the boxes in the row, arms full.
"For crying out loud. I've been to four frickin' stores and nobody has what I need!" grumbled a young woman to herself. "You'd think they would have the right colour, but no. This is the closest they've got and it's SO not going to look right."
Jack said, "Luv, I've 'ad a lot longer journey than you. If you don't wan' it then give it 'ere, eh?"
The woman, finally noticing him, looked up with wide eyes and an open mouth and held the box out to him. Snatching the box from her hands and adding it to his pile, Jack spared her a charming grin and wink before adding, "Thanks Luv!" and leaving the area as quickly as he'd come. The woman just stared after him in shock.
Jack resisted the urge to run, but only barely. He disliked having his hands full and thus unable to draw his weapon as needed. Sure, the locals here appeared harmless, but it wasn't an assumption he wanted to test. The sooner he left the better.
Jack left out a small sigh of irritation. This whole ordeal was really a result of his own vanity. He had trinkets and wraps, dreadlocks and even bones woven into his hair but he'd be damned if he was going to let grey hairs creep up on him. Though he was thankfully ageing well (which was to say nearly not at all) he had more than a few ghastly white hairs that, as far as he was concerned, were most unwelcome and spoiled the eclectic and distinct look. Glancing down at the boxes in his arms, reading the name, Jack smiled to himself.
"I 'ave no idea who you are Miss Clairol, but I thank ye' for making "Black Pearl" hair dye."
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Note: Clairol really does make a hair dye colour called "Black Pearl".