The Fellowship Orders Pizza
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I own the plot, JRR owns the rest.
Summary: The Fellowship Orders Pizza
~*~
The Fellowship of the Ring was hungry. They were trapped in a snowbank under Caradhras for the 20th time that day, and had nothing to eat. So Aragorn came up with the idea of ordering pizza. He took out his cell phone and dialed a number.
"Hello, this is Middle-Earth Pizza Hut, Lothlorien franchise, Haldir speaking," answered a voice.
"Hey Haldir, this is Aragorn. We'd like to order a pizza."
"Personal Pan, Medium, Large, or Extra-Large?" Haldir asked.
Aragorn glanced around at the Company before answering, "Extra-Large, if you please."
"And what would you like on it?" Haldir asked.
"I want Pineapples!" said Legolas. The hobbits chimed in, "Mushrooms!!" Boromir said "Diced Orc." Gandalf and Gimli looked at him strangely before saying "Pepperoni." Aragorn said that he wanted sausage and extra cheese.
"Is that all?" Haldir asked. Before Aragorn could reply, a low, harsh voice said "Anchovieses for usss, preciousss!"
"What the fuck?" said the fellowship, and Haldir, at once.
"Is it too much to ask nice hobbitses, Men, Elf and Dwarf for one sssssssimple sssssslice of pizza with some anchoivieses for us?" asked the voice of Smeagol.
Aragorn sighed. "No, I guess not. Do you have all that, Haldir?"
"We've got an extra-large pizza with pineapples, mushrooms, diced orc, pepperoni, sausage, extra cheese and anchovies. What kind of crust?" asked the Middle-Earth Pizza Hut worker.
"Hand-tossed!" said Legolas. "Stuffed-Crust!" said Aragorn and the Hobbits. "Deep-Dish!" said the rest.
Haldir sighed. "Master Legolas, we can make your portion hand tossed, Aragorn and you hobbit-folk's portion stuffed crust, and the rest deep- dish. Trust us, we're elves of the Realm of the Lady of the Wood. We can do anything."
"Oh," said Aragorn. "I forgot about that. Yes, that will be what we want. Could you deliver it to us under the biggest snowbank on Caradhras?"
"Yes we can Aragorn. Our delivery eagle will be with you within the hour. Good-bye." With that, Haldir hung up.
~*~
When the delivery eagle arrived, there was a brief squabble over payment that ended up with Aragorn and Gandalf having phone sex with Arwen and Galadriel. The pizza was distributed, everybody in the company receiving their slices, and Aragorn giving the box with Smeagol's anchovy pieces to the creature.
THE END
Notes: Well, that was random. I had pizza tonight and wondered to myself what kind of Pizza Aragorn would like. And thus the fanfic was born. Enjoy, reviewers get a slice of e-pizza of their choice.
Phoenix II
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I own the plot, JRR owns the rest.
Summary: The Fellowship Orders Pizza
~*~
The Fellowship of the Ring was hungry. They were trapped in a snowbank under Caradhras for the 20th time that day, and had nothing to eat. So Aragorn came up with the idea of ordering pizza. He took out his cell phone and dialed a number.
"Hello, this is Middle-Earth Pizza Hut, Lothlorien franchise, Haldir speaking," answered a voice.
"Hey Haldir, this is Aragorn. We'd like to order a pizza."
"Personal Pan, Medium, Large, or Extra-Large?" Haldir asked.
Aragorn glanced around at the Company before answering, "Extra-Large, if you please."
"And what would you like on it?" Haldir asked.
"I want Pineapples!" said Legolas. The hobbits chimed in, "Mushrooms!!" Boromir said "Diced Orc." Gandalf and Gimli looked at him strangely before saying "Pepperoni." Aragorn said that he wanted sausage and extra cheese.
"Is that all?" Haldir asked. Before Aragorn could reply, a low, harsh voice said "Anchovieses for usss, preciousss!"
"What the fuck?" said the fellowship, and Haldir, at once.
"Is it too much to ask nice hobbitses, Men, Elf and Dwarf for one sssssssimple sssssslice of pizza with some anchoivieses for us?" asked the voice of Smeagol.
Aragorn sighed. "No, I guess not. Do you have all that, Haldir?"
"We've got an extra-large pizza with pineapples, mushrooms, diced orc, pepperoni, sausage, extra cheese and anchovies. What kind of crust?" asked the Middle-Earth Pizza Hut worker.
"Hand-tossed!" said Legolas. "Stuffed-Crust!" said Aragorn and the Hobbits. "Deep-Dish!" said the rest.
Haldir sighed. "Master Legolas, we can make your portion hand tossed, Aragorn and you hobbit-folk's portion stuffed crust, and the rest deep- dish. Trust us, we're elves of the Realm of the Lady of the Wood. We can do anything."
"Oh," said Aragorn. "I forgot about that. Yes, that will be what we want. Could you deliver it to us under the biggest snowbank on Caradhras?"
"Yes we can Aragorn. Our delivery eagle will be with you within the hour. Good-bye." With that, Haldir hung up.
~*~
When the delivery eagle arrived, there was a brief squabble over payment that ended up with Aragorn and Gandalf having phone sex with Arwen and Galadriel. The pizza was distributed, everybody in the company receiving their slices, and Aragorn giving the box with Smeagol's anchovy pieces to the creature.
THE END
Notes: Well, that was random. I had pizza tonight and wondered to myself what kind of Pizza Aragorn would like. And thus the fanfic was born. Enjoy, reviewers get a slice of e-pizza of their choice.
Phoenix II