"THE SHEPHERD IS HERE AGAIN"
or "The Assamite Schism Song"


Zagros Mountains, on the Iran-Iraq border. A military transport truck with Iraqi insignia is driving through the night. In the truck there are several soldiers. The soldier sitting next to the driver is arguing furiously.

SOLDIER #1
It does seem kind of rash
And I sort of fear you're mad
We search a hidden stash
Just based on a dream you had

The truck arrives at a cave, blocked with a boulder. The driver looks pleased and gestures other soldiers to blow the boulder up.

SOLDIER #2
I told you that it's here
And the way was not too long
So do forget your fear
What could possibly go wrong?

Cut to all the soldiers lying dead and exsanguinated in an underground chamber. The Assamite Methuselah ur-Shulgi, second childe of Haqim, is standing in the middle, yawning

UR-SHULGI
They disturbed my slumber
Now I'm up, in quite a daze
I just cannot under-
stand the way they found this place?

He realizes something

UR-SHULGI
Could it be my sire
That these tasty mortals sent?
(Shrugs)
If such is His desire
I will roam this world again!

Cut to ur-Shulgi making his way through through desert and mountains towards Alamut, singing the chorus as a travel song

UR-SHULGI
The Shepherd is here again
Yes, the Shepherd is here again
Oh it will be such fun
Just to see what they have done
'Cause the Shepherd is here again!

Cut to ur-Shulgi greeting Jamal, the current Assamite leader aka 'the old man on the mountain', deep within Alamut

UR-SHULGI
The herald has arrived
To present you with a plan
The clan seems quite deprived
So I'll aid you as I can

Jamal bends forward. It seems for a moment he is going to bow to ur-Shulgi, but then he proceeds to tussle the child-sized Methuselah's hair (or what little is left of it). Ur-Shulgi doesn't look pleased

JAMAL
There has been some tension
But I've always seen us through
(Nonchalantly)
But now that you mention
There is something you could do...

He beckons ur-Shulgi to follow

Cut to Al-Ashrad, the Amr (head sorcerer) of clan Assamite, working in his quarters. He is, as usual, trying to break the Tremere blood curse and looking very frustrated

AL-ASHRAD
Centuries of working
but it did not do much good.
Could have spent them jerking
off and same result I would...

Jamal bursts through the door, very excited and anxious

JAMAL
Oh, I'm so gonna faint!
Guess who's back? No need to stand!

Ur-Shulgi comes in. Al-Ashrad is very shocked and surprised to see his sire. Ur-Shulgi slides next to him and shuffles through the alchemical potions

UR-SHULGI
It's all so very quaint
(Pokes Al-Ashrad in his empty left sleeve)
So, old one-eye, need a hand?

Ur-Shulgi begins chanting while Jamal is dancing around him singing the chorus

JAMAL
The Shepherd is here again
Yes, The Shepherd is here again
He'll break the Witches curse
Oh, for better and for worse
'Cause The Shepherd is here again!

Ur-Shulgi finishes chanting. Al-Ashrad has an unimpressed expression. ur-Shulgi picks a 'Kiss the Amr' mug from the table, fills from his own wrist and hands it to Al-Ashrad.

UR-SHULGI (Spoken)
Go ahead.

An anxious tune begins to play. Al-Ashrad looks at the mug, then at ur-Shulgi who is sporting a wide grin and nodding impatiently. Al-Ashrad sighs deeply, then, as the music crescendoes, drinks it all in one go. Everyone falls silent. Then a slow smile spreads across Al-Ashrad's face

AL-ASHRAD (Spoken)
It was... exquisite!

Al-Ashrad and ur-Shulgi high-five each other. Jamal is ecstatic . He cartwheels next to ur-Shulgi, lifts him from the waist and whirls him around, then puts him down.

JAMAL
You have erased our shame
Yes, the deed you did is great
In Allah's holy name
Will you be my new best mate?

Ur-Shulgi shin-kicks Jamal, who proceeds to hop around in pain as ur-Shulgi sings.

UR-SHULGI
Allah? You can fuck him
He's my junior: do the math!
I just follow Haqim
On his one true bloody path.

Jamal slaps both hands on his own cheeks, Home Alone-style.

JAMAL
To himself, worried
He is acting so odd
He may have to greet the dawn
He keeps mocking my god
This suspected demon spawn

(To ur-Shulgi, smiling)
We should work out something
But rest assured, my brother
Our faith is one thing,
The mission is another!

Ur-Shulgi grabs Jamal and raises him against the wall. Because he is much shorter than Jamal, the effect is as comical as it is horrifying. The chorus has an ominous tone now

UR-SHULGI
The Shepherd is here again
Yes, The Shepherd is here again
There will be no debate
On your thoughts regarding faith
'Cause The Shepherd is here again!

He rips Jamal in half. Al-Ashrad looks alarmed.

AL-ASHRAD (Spoken)
Oh shit.

Cut to ur-Shulgi adressing a great number of assembled Assamites in a large hall inside Alamut

UR-SHULGI
Ain't other clans a plague?
Not us though, we are better
Leave ashes in your wake
And purge this world together!

Loyalists cheer and rejoice

LOYALISTS
It makes such perfect sense
Their sweet blood will be ours!
We'll shatter their defense
And burn their Ivory Towers!

The loyalists pick ur-Shulgi up and carry him out of the hall while chanting 'Long live the herald!'. However, a considerable number of Assamites, including Al-Ashrad, stays behind unnoticed. Al-Ashrad looks at the others

AL-ASHRAD
Should we just take this chore?
Just accept his masterplan?
When we could be much more
Than 'The Arab Ninja Clan'?

The schismatics shake their fists in the air

SCHISMATICS
We too must have some rights!
He's not our kind of killer
So we must leave his sights

The schismatics fall silent and look at each other. Then they join hands and shout the final line with great relief and resolve while marching out of Alamut

SCHISMATICS
And join the CA-MA-RIL-LAAAAAAH!

Fade to black. Then in huge letters:
"GEHENNA: THE MUSICAL. COMING FEB '04"