Nightshade spoilers.

TEN MILLION WAYS
or "The Tzimisce Antediluvian Rampage"


Calebros, the Nosferatu "Prince" of New York, is sitting in his haven, logged on to ShreckNet, sending vital messages into Camarilla cyberspace

CALEBROS (Mumbling to himself as he types)
Mwahaha... "bush suxx!"...Hehehe... "all roleplayerz worship Satan!".... Bwahaha... "the new WoD will be D20!"... Ohhh yesss.

Somebody coffs behind him. He turns around and sees the Camarilla fanboy Jan Pieterzoon, the legendary Archon Theo Bell and Cristof Romuald (of the Vampire computer game fame). They are accompanied by several skilled (read: "expendable") warriors from various clans.

PIETERZOON
A monster is loose in your town
The rampage may risk to tear down
The whole Masquerade
So we ask your aid
Come with us, you art'ritic clown!

Calebros shrugs

CALEBROS Well... I am free for the evening.

Cut to the party walking through a restricted area. There are dead bodies and burning wrecks of cars everywhere. Calebros sees patches of moss and dead flesh on the wall. He realizes something

CALEBROS
Now all my suspicions have mounted
It must be the thing that has haunted
The sewers before
I'll face it once more
It can't be as bad as you doubted

An undescribably horrible Vicissitude monster confronts the party from behind a corner. It's multiple heads loom hungrily over the vampires and it's freakish tentacles trash violently about

CALEBROS (Matter-of-factly)
Ooookay. It's grown.

The monster launches it's tentacles at the party.

PIETERZOON
Look out!

Everyone dodges, but a tentacle makes contact with one of the Malkavians in the party, infecting him with Vicissitude. His eyes glaze over and he starts walking towards the monster.

VICISSITUDE INFECTED MALKAVIAN (Vacantly)
Hee hee... Coolness.

He reaches the monster, there's a giant *SLURP!*, and then the Vicissitude Infected Malkavian is gone.

VOICE
Heh. Poor Camarilla suckers...

Pieterzoon turns around to see Polonia, New York's dethroned Sabbat leader, watching the fight.

PIETERZOON (Offering the hand of truce)
Our whole race is now in danger
Hey, Tan-boy, don't be a stranger!

Polonia flips him the bird, and starts walking away

POLONIA
Your city, your show
I'll get me a bow
And then find a job as a Ranger!

The monster starts to sing the chorus in a slow and heavy bass voice that makes windows tremble

MONSTER
Ten million bodies I've infected
Ten million souls that I can claim
Ten million twists so unexpected
Now twenty million is my aim

Cristof strikes a heroic pose and adresses his fellow warriors

CRISTOF
Thank you for holding the fort
I'll vanquish the beast with my sword
I'll see that it dies
With "Prison of Ice"
(He dashes at the beast)
Onward! In the name of the Lord!

One of the monster heads descends on Cristof and eats him

PIETERZOON
Clearly that beast has no soul
It just went and gobbled down whole
Our Fighter/Saint
"Diablo" this ain't
Can somebody come fill his role?

Cyscek, a fourth gen Tzimisce Methuselah (but honestly, where do all these guys come from?), runs to the scene, brandishing a huge spear

CYSCEK
Looks like you could use some aid
I'm glad that I was not too late
Now tasteth my spear!
And leaveth from here!
O clanfounder twisted and great!

He leaps at the monster, wounding it, but gets splattered by some acid in the progress and dies. The wounded monster screams and climbs on top of the Empire State building to evade it's enemies

MONSTER
Ten million reasons to rejoin me
Ten million ways to say my name
Ten million XPs if you beat me
Ten million points to win this game

Two helicopters follow the monster, one piloted by Pieterzoon's posse, the other by a bunch of delusional Caitiff.

THE DELUSIONAL CAITIFF BUNCH
OK, guys. LET'S GET IT ON!!!

Their helicopter goes out of control and crashes into the ground, killing everyone in it.

PIETERZOON (Dumbstruck)
What the hell was THAT all about?

He shakes his head, remembering what Cyscek said only moments before

PIETERZOON
So clanfounders really exist?
That makes me terribly pissed!
So Hardestadt lied
He hurt me inside
(To Calebros)
Remove him from my "Best Friend"-list!

Calebros takes a piece of paper from his pocket. It's titled "JAN'S BUDDIES" and has one name "Hardestadt". He rips it into pieces

CALEBROS
Done! Now, can we concentrate on killing the thing?

Bell gets an inspired look on his face

BELL
Yo, that's the Shihmeehtsay clanfounder? Hot damn! I have a question for it!

He shoots at the monster with his shotgun to get it's attention

BELL
Yo! Big mutha! I wanna know how you pronounce Tshimmetzky!

The monster looks confused. Then it suddenly produces millions of tiny mouths upon it's skin, each screaming in pain. Finally it explodes in a shower of goo, raining over the streets of NY

CALEBROS
Well, *that* was obvious.

Cut to Saulot, prancing around wherever, dressed stylishly in the stolen body of Tremere himself. Suddenly he hears a voice inside his head

TZIMISCE
Say, karma-boy, you wouldn't happen to have any *Vicissitude* in that stolen body of yours?

SAULOT
Aww, crap. Not fair!

Tzimisce is reborn in Saulot's body, promptly killing the silly sod and ending all his weird schemes

Cut back to New York. Pieterzoon's helicopter lands on the street, and our questionable heroes step out, facing a crowd of people

PIETERZOON
Oh shit, is the Masquerade lost?
I'll fix it, no matter the cost!
(Staring at the crowd)
Look in my eyes, kine
Your will is now mine
All that has happened is glossed...
Eh...over.

Nobody seems interested

NEW YORKER #1
Uhh, whatever, freaks.

NEW YORKER #2
Like I care.

NEW YORKER #3
I'm busy.

People start going about their business as usual. Pieterzoon just stands there, astonished

BELL
C'mon, you didn't really think that the people of New York would be impressed by an Antediluvian? Please.

NEXT in Act 4:
Fashion, Raves and Snakes!