Tiny Gehenna spoilers
FINALE (Part 1)
or "Back to the big house"
We pick up where we left off. Everything is frozen in time, from Etrius' ritual to Lambach's raid on Paris. The three mysterious men remain unfrozen preparing a giant ritual in their lair
MYSTERY MEN
All these endings myriad
Were not what we expected
God's Wormwood or the Great Jyhad
All these things we rejected
Let's bring all the Antes back
Let us call them from their lairs
So we can stage a sneak attack
On the God that hardly cares
MYSTERY MAN #1
We'll turn the clock back to achieve our goals!
MYSTERY MAN #2
We'll bring back their spirits...
MYSTERY MAN #3
...and their souls!
MYSTERY MEN
So be it!
Reality goes wonky. As Arikel's followers fight Lambach's hordes, the scene is suddenly overlapped by a ghost-image of a perfectly normal evening in Paris. Buildings ruined by Tzimisce in New York knit themselves back together. Screaming spirits fly through the air only to vanish. A bright light envelopes everything. As the light subsides, we see...
A vampire is running down a street. It's Pentweret, the Setite from Lair of the Hidden. He is trying to escape a toxic-looking red mist that fills the street behind him. He sees a cathedral and hurries towards it. Reaching the doors, he is greeted by maliciously grinning face...
PENTWERET (Shocked)
Master Saulot!
SAULOT
Sorry. (Slams the door in his face) We're full.
We get a view inside the cathedral. Scattered around the place are 17 vampires: The 13 clanfounders, the diablerist trio of Tremere, Augustus & Troile, and a white Gargoyle who is chained tightly to the wall and staked through his heart. Saulot returns from the door and addresses everyone
SAULOT
Welcome to this sacred hall
Three and Thirteen, gathered all
All who once have been third gen
Now have the chance to plot again
He grins
SAULOT
God's plan for us does not mean shit
Let's bend the laws a little bit
We used all our strongest tools
Wormwood's back... with our rules
He looks at the Gargoyle
SAULOT
Oh, and don't mind Mr. Ferox here. I'm sure he's only glad to lend us his place.
The Antediluvians look at each other, bewildered
ABSIMILIARD
Ravnos, you old crook! I haven't seen you in ages! Where were you during Gehenna?
Ravnos blushes and looks away
SAULOT (Embarassed)
Ah yes, our friend Ravnos. Ahem. I'm afraid, he sort of... got too excited and... finished prematurely.
RAVNOS
I'm so ashamed.
ARIKEL
Aww, sweetie. It happens to all the guys every now and then... (Glances at Absimiliard) Or so I'm told.
Malkav, or rather two little girls who are Malkav, start screaming
MALKAVS #1 & #2
Is this shit canon? Fuck Saulot and his cop-out endings! Have you any idea how many metaplot issues we had that needed solving!
Set slides next to them
SET
Come now, this is merely an opportunity to write a NEW canon. Something of our very own...
They start whispering enthusiastically. Tremere has been observing Tzimisce's true human form for a while. He laughs and points at his face
TREMERE
What a huge nose!
Now everyone knows
Why he would learn Vicissitude...
SAULOT
Hey, there's no need to be rude!
Tzimisce looks at Tremere angrily
TZIMISCE
Are my Disciplines intact...
You don't mind if I try?
(Pulls Tremere's arm clean from the socket)
It appears they are, in fact
So cry, big baby, cry!
SAULOT
Do try to behave. Now be a good lad and give Tremere his arm back.
Tzimisce sticks Tremere's arm fingers first in his side
TZIMISCE
Fine, here's your arm back. Crybaby.
TREMERE
Why Saulot... I didn't know you cared!
SAULOT (Blushing)
Well, it sort of feels like my body too... You know?
MALKAV #1 (Looks up)
What the fuck? Tremere has ARMS?!?!
Malkav #2 slaps Malkav #1, and they continue plotting with Set
LASOMBRA (Chuckles)
Ennoia, you've lost weight! About aplanet's worth, I'd say.
ENNOIA(Unamused)
And you've gained some substance since I last saw you. So what's your poin-*Silence*
Suddenly, all sounds become muted. Everybody looks confused. They look around and see Haqim standing in a pile of ash where Augustus used to be. He grins and drops the silence
VENTRUE (Disgusted)
Honestly...
HAQIM
What? I'm just culling the weak!
Meanwhile, Arikel is busy flirting with Ravnos
ARIKEL (Giggling)
Wow, you used to date "Annoy-a"?
Really? I went out with Abs!
Was no doctor or a lawyer
But he always paid the tabs
Absimiliard steps in, making hand gestures like a creepy dandy and holding roses in his hand
ABSIMILIARD (Crooning at Arikel)
We meet again, my lady fair
It must be fate, I say
I beg, just let me touch your hair
ARIKEL (Chops him to pieces with Celerity, rolls her eyes)
And they call MY clan gay...
Set and the two Malkavs are still plotting. Set points at True Brujah and whispers something. Malkav #1 nods, walks to True Brujah and tugs on his sleeve
MALKAV #1
Mr. True Brujah, sir. We'd like to discuss some canon issues concerning your clan.
TRUE BRUJAH
Yes. No doubt my cold rationality will help sort out any problems.
MALKAV #2 (Chilling smile)
Umm... Sure. Follow us.
They lead him in the back room. Lasombra looks at Saulot
LASOMBRA
So... Why exactly are we here? You said you have a cunning plan.
SAULOT
I'm glad you asked...
He clears his throat
SAULOT
You see, this entire "Jyhad" game
Was getting really old and lame
So we...
CAPPADOCIUS (Cutting him off)
Yes, we saw all the battles fought
And all the plots, they stood for naught
So we...
SAULOT (Pushes him aside, continues)
As I was saying, we have planned
The one true victory for the damned
So we...
CAPPADOCIUS (Trips Saulot, continues)
It is so cool, this thing we've done
We'll take our revenge on The One
So I...
SAULOT (Stands up, looks at Saulot)
I think you mean: "So we"?
CAPPADOCIUS
No, actually, I think I mean: "You're an assface!"
SET (Grinning maliciously)
Dissention in the ranks? Oh, my...
CAPPADOCIUS (Jabbing his finger in Saulot's chest)
It was MY idea you stole!
My destiny to have the role
The one redeemer of Caine's curse
SAULOT (Grabs the finger and breaks it)
Boo hoo, jerk, I got there first!
CAPPADOCIUS (Shinkicks Saulot)
I'm Vampire Jesus!
SAULOT (Pulls Cappadocius' beard)
No, I'm Vampire Jesus!
Suddenly a blinding light flashes in the room and a bearded man in a toga appears
GOD
Let's settle this right here, shall we?
He who dies first shall sit with me
On the throne of alabaster...
SAULOT & CAPPADOCIUS (Enthusiastic)
We'll do it at once, oh Master!
They use their powers to implode into bloody pulp. The bearded man smiles serenely, and heavenly choirs sing. Everyone falls quiet, waiting for what comes next. Suddenly Ravnos starts to laugh
RAVNOS
Oh boy! Hah! I can't believe they fell for it! They were all like: "We don't care about God!" but then I went: "God says kill yourself!" and they were like: "Whee! Sure thing!" Man! I'm a genious!
VENTRUE (Dryly)
Well, I'm glad *you've* cheered up. You do realize that now we won't find out about their plan? We're screwed.
ENNOIA
Not that I care about any of you fuckers, but we can ask True Brujah... Wasn't he in on it?
TROILE (Walking next to Ventrue)
I hate to say this, honey, but the bitch makes a good point. Where is that cold fish?
An inhuman scream comes from the back room. True Brujah returns, looking shocked
TRUE BRUJAH
Malkavs tried to kill me! They said my powers were "unvampiric" and should be erased from canon!
SET (Looking innocent)
"Unvampiric"? Now that's just silly. Time travel is every bit as vampiric as Serpentis! So, what did you do?
TRUE BRUJAH
I used Temporis with other Disciplines to kill... Huh? (Looks at his hands. They are dissolving) Aww, man. Stupid Revised Temporis! (Bursts into a pile of ash)
Ventrue walks to the window and looks out at the swirling red mist. He sighs heavily
VENTRUE
Swell. Now what do we do?
END OF PART 1