Blinded

Part Eleven

In the past, during their cold wars, Schuldich would have jumped at the chance to read his leader's mind. But now, as the usually stronger-than-lead shield is dropped, Schuldich just cannot bring himself to enter Crawford's mind. He will be damned if he takes advantage of the moment.

It has not taken much time for Crawford to calm down, only a couple of minutes, but he shows no sign of wanting to move from his position right now, still curled up and resting his forehead on his knees. Gently, slowly, his mind begins to close off, mentally disconnecting him from Schuldich until the layer of black ice that had always separated their minds forms again securely around his thoughts. Strangely, it does not make him feel any safer. If anything, it is as though a layer of skin has been torn from him, leaving him more exposed and vunerable.

Despite his height and physique, Crawford seems so small in Schuldich's arms, like the child Nagi was when they first met. Schuldich did not know the boy's name, and had respected him enough, because of Crawford, not to pry it from his mind. During their journey home from Yokohama Penichua Church, Nagi had fallen asleep on Schuldich's lap, and immediately the German understood why Crawford was so taken by this boy - he had never guessed the telekinetic was a boy so young, so flawlessly beautiful, like a porcelain doll. Yet this nameless child was anything but weak, his telekinesis so immensely powerful it was enough to make Crawford reluctant to step into the church. Fragile yet unbreakable, what an interesting contradiction, Schuldich had marvelled. And eventually, he had come to learn that everything about Nagi Naoe - his desires, his love, his needs - are contradictions.

He caught Crawford glancing at the two of them using the back mirror, lips graced with a rare smile of satisfaction - he did not exactly see the smile, the mirror was too small for it, but he read it from Crawford's eyes.

Schuldich could not help but smile back at Crawford, through the mirror. //Now I see why you're so taken by "the church telekinetic"//

He could see it, the flicker of delight in those brown eyes before Crawford turned them back on the road. Schuldich returned to stroking the boy's hair, whilst humming to himself again. If Crawford liked this boy so much, Schuldich would learn to love him too.

It was that night he realised he had learned to read the American using only his eyes, something he had never bothered to do with anyone else.

On the other hand, out of trust and respect, as well as because it was too difficult a task for him, he had hardly ever bothered to try reading Crawford's mind, except during the crazy times when he was angry and frustrated with everything, particularly with himself. He wanted to know whatever the American was thinking, even though he was sure Crawford felt the same as he did, patience overwhelmed by frustration. That was why they had to take it out on each other, finding nowhere else to direct that anger at. It soothed them in one way, having someone to stand willingly on the sharp end of their hateful words, but it was all a temporary illusion, they were just letting the pain and frustration accumulate inside them, slowly and steadily destroying themselves and each other. Because they were too mature to scream and shout and break things in their rooms, they broke each other instead, clawing and tearing at their wounds until -

//Schuldich.//

It takes a moment for the German to realise Crawford has just spoken to him. Understanding the unvoiced request, he moves away from the other man's back, who begins to slowly uncurl himself, then gets off the bed to find something to drink.

//Well.// The redhead pats the bed once and stands up too. //Get some sleep, Brad, I'll see you tomorrow.//

No words about what happened just now. They both need some time to process things.

Crawford eyes the other man once, finishes his water, setting the crystal glass on a table gently before speaking. "Where are you going?"

Lifting his hands, Schuldich shrugs. //Not a clue.//

//Let me rephrase my question.// Crawford eyes him, his smile taking on an evil edge. //Where can you go?//

Shaking his head and sighing, Schuldich drops back into the bed. Of course he wants to just stay here, because there is nowhere else he can go. He loves people, he thrives on attention, and Crawford is the only man who can provide this now. And Crawford knows this. It does take several years of knowing the American to see through the small insult though, to the invitation for him to stay - not that Schuldich is complaining at all.

"Besides, I'm not too tired." Crawford wants to finish his tale before the funeral on Monday. As memories poured out of him, he realised there is much more to tell than he had thought. He wants to recall everything, for Schuldich as well as for himself, and there are only several days left before Monday. Sleep becomes optional now. "I'm going to continue."

Schuldich props his head on a palm, the elbow resting on his knees. //You really don't think I might get bored do you?//

"Well are you?"

//Well, no.//

For his first night in the new home, Nagi slept in Crawford's room whilst the original occupant crashed in the couch downstairs.

Crawford had not expected to receive the boy so soon, but this was a fine time too, since they were in the limbo between one job and another. After spending several moments checking Nagi would not run away as soon as he woke up, Crawford allowed himself to rest.

He was sure his clairvoyance showed him a peaceful day, but it did not turn out how it was supposed to be from the moment he woke. Cracking his eyes open when he heard the floorboards squeak, he saw Naoe Nagi tiptoeing towards the front door. He jumped off the couch and grabbed the child by his shoulders.

For a boy his size, Nagi had put up a good fight. "Let go!"

"You have no place to go." Crawford told Nagi calmly, spinning the boy around so that he faced him. "Accept it. Accept your power. There is more for you than that church."

"You're not a normal person, but I am!" Nagi was completely overpowered by the man who was almost twice his age, but he thrashed about the best he could, trying to get away. "Let go of me! I want Sister!"

"She's dead!" Giving up, Crawford bent down and hooked an arm around the child's waist, lifting the boy off his feet.

As he dumped Nagi on the couch, Schuldich came running down the stairs. "The hell? He's up already?"

"No! I want Sister! She's the only person good to me! Sister!"

"She's dead! DEAD!"

Precognition did not warn him of this struggle. It surely did not warn him of Nagi throwing him and Schuldich towards the wall with his power, either. He was not sure how his spine stayed intact, but miraculously it did. Instead of using this opportunity to run straight to the door though, Nagi dashed into the kitchen and found himself an eight-inch knife.

Cursing, Schuldich was up on his feet before Crawford. "Are you absolutely sure you want this kid, Crawford?"

"Yes, if I don't have to go through this everyday."

The two of them blocked the front door. Nagi advanced, holding the knife with steady hands and pointing forwards. "I am normal. Sister loves me. I am normal. Let me leave now or I'll kill you both."

The knife was easy to deal with, but the resolve burning in Nagi's eyes made Crawford pause. Nagi knew what he was doing.

//He means it.// Schuldich whistled mentally.

//I know.// Crawford replied with a hint of a smile.

The German could not help but smile back. //I think I like him already.//

Nagi glared at the two of them, put off by Schuldich's smile. It was not degrading or mocking, but a genuine, soft smile that could sweep Crawford off his feet. Crawford caught the flicker in Nagi's eyes, and knew the child was affected by that smile as well. Shaking his head once, Nagi bit his lower lip, then his attention became focused on the task on hand again: get out of this place.

"LET. ME. LEAVE."

//How good are you with kids? It's going to take more than disarming him to win him over.// Beside him, Schuldich crossed his arms to show Nagi that he was not threatened by the knife at all. "We haven't hurt you, so why are you pointing that at us?"

Nagi ignored the redhead, continuing his advance. Not sure how to use his weapon, he lifted his knife up high above his head and slashed down, aiming at Schuldich's torso. The German's arms stayed crossed before his chest, unmoving and trusting. As expected, Crawford caught the arm easily and twisted it, forcing Nagi to drop his weapon.

When the second burst of power pushed him to take a step back, Crawford debated briefly in his mind whether his life was just not made for working with telekinetics.

//If he's going to do what he did in that church last night, I'm not sure it's safe to keep him here.// Schuldich stepped forward and helped Crawford hold Nagi down, then the two of them took the kicking and screaming boy upstairs, into Schuldich's room. //And if he doesn't stop screaming right now, our neighbours will think there's child abuse going on here.//

//So what do you suggest?// Crawford asked as they dumped Nagi into the bed as gently as they could.

//Make an agreement with him. Give him a choice.//

What agreement could Crawford make with Nagi? What would be the one realistic thing that Nagi may want?

"What if I say I can help you control your power, so that what happened with your mother won't be repeated?"

That did it. Nagi's fighting ceased. Large, blue eyes became unfocused for a moment. "My mother..."

"Give me a week. If you don't want to be here after a week, then leave."

There was no reason for Nagi to trust him, but after a moment, he nodded. Seeing the way he glanced between him and Schuldich, there might had been silent words between the child and the telepath had convinced him. In fact, a silent conversation between them had begun, and Crawford left the two of them alone in the room.

After that morning, Nagi had glued himself to Schuldich. Besides living up to his end of the deal by teaching Nagi how to control his telekinesis by strength of will, like all other powers, Crawford did nothing special to convince the child to stay.

Nagi slept in Schuldich's room, the two of them sharing a single bed. Crawford suggested they buy another bed to put into the bedroom, but Schuldich disagreed.

"I think he likes my bed, Crawford." Schuldich shrugged, smiling. "If he wants his own, he'll ask for one."

"You seem to know him quite well already." Crawford said, sipping tea from a mug.

"We talk."

"I'm not aware he actually talks very much."

Schuldich joined Crawford on the couch. "I used to do some babysitting. Didn't get enough lunch money from home, see. I know how to talk to kids." Turning towards the taller man, Schuldich grinned. "And since you made a pact with him, I did too."

"What is it?"

"Not telling you."

Crawford was very sure he did not like that mischievous grin on the German's face.

It was the last day of the one-week period. Schuldich took Nagi out, driving Crawford's car since the German had finally learned how to drive. With no car to use, Crawford took the bus back to the Yokohama Penichua Church, now fenced off by the authorities because of danger of collapse, went inside without being noticed and found something he was looking for, in case Nagi decided to stay. It was stupid, but hopefully it would make the child happy - Nagi had never smiled at him, ever since they first met over six months ago. Laughter was out of the question. Nagi's face was so blank, expressionless like an exquisite china doll, making him hauntingly beautiful. Despite that, Crawford wanted to see him smile. He could imagine how beautiful it would be, and he had to see it no matter what. Afterall, if there was only one thing that could motivate him to do anything, it was to see and obtain beautiful things. It was the one obsession he allowed to take over rational thinking.

He hoped Nagi would stay. But if the child wanted to leave, Crawford would not stop him. The last thing he wanted was to force the telekinetic to stay with them, and besides, the Plan could not work if the telekinetic was not completely on their side.

Losing the boy, though, would be painful. Those amazingly blue eyes, that chocolate-brown hair, that formidable beauty... Crawford could not imagine parting with that. Sometimes when Schuldich slept with his door open, Crawford would stand in the doorway to watch Nagi curled up towards the blonde, Schuldich draping a hand on Nagi's little body, his long blonde hair spreading on the pillow... they created a heartbreakingly beautiful picture that could make Crawford feel dizzy.

It was past dinner time when Schuldich and Nagi came back to the house.

"Something wrong?" Crawford turned off the television, studying the look on their faces. He would bet all his wealth that something was wrong.

"Sorry Crawford, we er..." Schuldich looked down on his feet, long white-blonde hair tumbling forward to hide his eyes. "We wrecked your car."

Unable to stop himself, Crawford was on his feet and rushing over to them before he knew what he was doing. "Are you hurt?"

Schuldich shook his head, and Crawford turned his attention to Nagi. "You okay?" Crouching down, he held Nagi's chin and turned the face towards him. "Does it hurt anywhere?"

There were no bruises or cuts, but there could be internal injuries. How did they manage to crash anyway? Of course Schuldich did not have a driving license, but he learned driving from Crawford and he was sure the German was competant so he never worried when Schuldich borrowed his car. And he did not foresee any accidents for today...

When Nagi refused to look at him in the eye, Crawford looked up at Schuldich, lifting one wary eyebrow. His suspicions were confirmed when Schuldich winked at him playfully.

"Very funny." And to think he actually fell for it. Crawford got up and walked away before he looked even more a fool than he had already been. If Nagi was going to stay, the pair of them better not pull any more of these tricks!

"See!" Schuldich ruffled Nagi's hair. "We are more important than his limited-edition sports car! I win!"

With the first smile Crawford had seen that graced the boy's lips, Nagi nodded. "Yes, you win."

If that was a test they set to see if Crawford would pass, then the American was glad he acted on impulse just now rather than reasoning that if they were hurt, they would not be standing there.

As the pair retreated upstairs, Crawford remembered what he took from the church. "I brought - "

"My name is Naoe Nagi. You can call me Nagi." The boy stopped at the foot of the stairs and cut him off mid-sentence.

Finally the boy gave them his name. He was going to stay. A weight inside Crawford that he was not aware of was lifted. He did not know he wanted Nagi to stay so much until this moment - he almost felt like walking over and hugging the boy.

"Nice to meet you, Nagi. I'm - "

"Brad Crawford. You told me when we first met." Nagi's voice was gentle and inoffensive.

"Nagi." The American could not help but smile. Nagi was a very smart boy indeed. "I got you something. It's upstairs in your room."

//I told Nags that he would want to stay by the end of the week, and that I'd prove to him you cared more about him than his powers. I told him if I was wrong, I'd leave with him.//

"That was your pact with him?"

//Yup.//

"So sure of yourself, weren't you."

//Nope, I was sure about you.//

Crawford had risked losing both of them without knowing it. He laughs dryly. "What changed his mind then?"

//The main difference between life outside and life with us was that we treated him as a real person.// Schuldich plays with his red hair, rocking himself back and forth on the bed. //Actually, why don't you ask Nags yourself on Monday?//

//You won't want to leave by the end of the week.//

//Why?// Nagi did not like speaking, but once he learned how use telepathy with Schuldich, he had no objection using it.

Schuldich glanced as Crawford once as the American left the room, closing the door quietly behind him. //Because I don't want to leave since the moment I met him. And I promise you, you'll feel the same.// He said, stressing the word "promise", a word with significant power when used on children.

But Nagi did not easily fall for it. //Or what? I dare you put your life on this one.//

//Vicious, aren't you?// The German chuckled. //I'll prove to you you're worth more to him than your powers. If I'm wrong, I'll leave him with you.//

//That's not a powerful promise at all.//

//It'll hurt me more than death to leave him. I can't prove this to you, you'll just have to trust me on this one.//

That time he found Crawford in London, he really should not have ran away to Farfarello. He remembers, during that split second the bomb went off and he knew he was going to die, he thought this was his price to pay for running away, this was prove that it hurt more than death to leave Crawford. That moment when death claimed him, he reminded himself to tell Nagi that he had finally proved it.

It was strange, the type of things that came to mind at a man's last moments. He thought about never being able to pay Farfarello back for the plane ticket; He thought it was a shame that his spot in the graveyard would be wasted since there would be no body to be buried in it; He thought about the turning point of his life, when one American man appeared and told him to go with him; He thought about the games on the dance machine with Nagi; He thought about Schwarz's final battle with the SS, when a blood-covered Crawford smiled triumphantly at him, a hand pressing down on life-threatening wounds; He thought about the time when he said to Farfarello he wanted to be the first one to die in Schwarz, and his death would be spectacular.

And he thought, well it was rather spectacular, like big, bright fireworks in the sky. It was just a shame Crawford was not there to watch. What he would give to see the look on Crawford's face!

Schuldich had never, ever guessed Crawford would react the way he did though.

//So, what are you going to do after Monday? Go with Nagi, or go on your own?// Schuldich closes his eyes and lays down on the bed. //Can you see it, mister precog?//

Crawford shakes his head, sinking further into the bed. "There's a key decision that needs to be made before the end of Monday. Without it, things can spin in every direction."

//What key decision?//

"It's going to affect every decision that I make after Monday. But I can't see what it is. Something else more powerful is controlling it."

//Oh. Like someone with a stronger willpower? Are you worried?//

"No. It's not worth worrying about. I'll take things as they come."

//That's very uncharacteristic for a precog to say.//

"I know." Crawford replies, turning his face towards the German, whose eyes remain closed. "It's also the only thing I can say when it's out of my control."

//And in the past, everything was in your control.//

"Almost everything."

//Was life ever boring for you then?//

"There were always you and Nagi to keep me entertained, weren't there?"

//True.// A chuckle. //But how about now?//

Crawford gives Schuldich a flitting glance, then closes his eyes too. "I was hoping you wouldn't ask that."

//Go talk with Nags and Farfie, Brad.// Schuldich mutters, aware that Crawford had once made the decision to leave, and he probably will do it again after the funeral, for the same reasons he had four years ago, the reasons Schuldich has yet to find out. //Life won't ever be boring with them.//

After a few moments of no reply from the American, Schuldich turns on his side, thinking Crawford's mind has wandered off. //Brad?//

He smiles and moves closer to Crawford, draping a protective arm on the man the way he did to Nagi when Nagi used to sleep in his bed. The precognitive has fallen asleep.

[to be continued]

Author's note: Crawford was a lot more human in the past. "Human" is the only word I can think of now, but it doesn't really describe it. I'll come back to this one later.

Crawford is changing as he tells his story. I'm sure everyone notices that. It's happening earlier than I originally planned though. Ouch. This fic is running out of hand again.

The fic is going at a very fast pace. Almost every chapter has enough material for at least one stand-alone fic, but that will drag [Blinded] on until eternity. I guess [Blinded] (and its predecessors) are the outline of my Schwarz universe. (okay not mine but you get what I mean) Every Schwarz fic I write in the future will undoubtly spring from some part in [Blinded], latching on to one event and exploring it in depth.

This fic has been going on for 2 months now, I have a feeling it'll take almost a year to finish, but the side stories/other fics in the same universe will be coming out parallel to this fic, which is quite strange for me because I always only write one thing at a time. But when the stories compliment each other I guess I can give it a go. Let's hope for the best...