Thank you to everyone who had commented on this story. Please let me know what you think of this part, too. Somehow I think this part is quite a mess but I'm not sure why. Plot-wise it's fine because it's following what I planned, but the way I wrote it... I just can't bring myself to rewrite it anymore, after staring at my screen for hours and hours and only managing small improvements on my words.

Anyway, please R&R.

=YS=

Blinded

Part Fifteen

//No...//

Sitting down on a wooden chair at the balcony, Crawford looks up to Schuldich, who is preferring to stand and lean on the railing, looking out.

"'No' to what?"

//You weren't really jealous of Farfie were you?//

Crawford rolls his eyes. He does not say things twice unless necessary. And he did add the "almost" to that sentence.

//Come on.// Schuldich turns around so that he now faces Crawford, and leans his back on the railing instead. //You weren't really. You couldn't be.//

As his answer, Crawford shrugs.

//We moved house soon after that, didn't we.// Turning away again, Schuldich murmurs into Crawford's mind, his voice comfortable and familiar. //You got your own apartment, just next door to Nagi and me. There was a room for Farfie too, in my apartment. You separated yourself from the rest of us.//

Crawford bites his lower lip, knowing what is coming. "True."

//You separated yourself from me.//

"You can say that." The American admits.

The wind is picking up again, lifting Crawford's hair, and even the smaller, lighter items in the hotel room since he has left open the door that leads to the balcony. Schuldich remains as still as he can be, bright orange hair framing his face perfectly, not touched by the wind at all. He puts an elbow on the railing to prop his chin up with a palm.

//And what did you just say? You think you were jealous of Farfie because I stayed with him for a couple of days when you didn't even want to live with me.//

"It doesn't make sense, that's what you want to say."

Schuldich nods once. //And that doesn't matter, that's what you're going to tell me.//

To this, Crawford chuckles.

"So you've been doing the precognition exercises."

//Oh fuck you.// The term "precognition exercises" brings back some funny, yet unpleasant, memories. //I'm not letting this one go easily, Brad. What the hell is all this? You always make sense of things, and you justify everything you - //

"No, You always try to make sense of things. Not me."

A moment of silence falls between them. Then Schuldich grins, blue eyes shining as they turn to Crawford. He pushes himself away from the railing, circles around to Crawford's back and puts his hands on the other man's shoulders. He leans forwards and down to look into the American's eyes. He loves that colour, that golden brown reminds him of caramel, of honey, of sweet-tasting things; It reminds him of one cold, hard American-Asian with a burning passion deep inside, a man he chose to follow until death. And even after death.

//Actually... on second thought, I can probably understand it.//

"Do share."

//Oh?// Schuldich fakes surprise, raising an eyebrow to mimic Crawford's usual expression. //You want me to tell you what it was that you felt?//

"Should I say 'please'?" Crawford asks dryly.

Schuldich stands straight again, disappearing from the other man's view. Crawford has to know. He is not stupid, despite being a little blind to some things. He must have a rough idea that he wants to confirm, or perhaps this is all rhetoric, guiding the German to see what he is trying to say.

Schuldich snickers. And decides to say something that seems completely random.

//Something happened between Nags and I when we had our own house. Actually, not really between us, it was just him, but sort of involved me. I don't think you knew about it.//

Crawford is put off by the sudden change of topic. "What was it?"

//I just let the boy go through it himself, without doing anything about it. Nothing to encourage or discourage. It lasted until... um, probably until two months into the Takatori job.//

The American shifts in his seat, turning around to look up at Schuldich. He knows there is no need to tell him to get to the point. He is merely doing it to show he is listening and interested.

//I don't think Nags will mind if I tell you, it's all old stuff anyway.// Getting the desired effect, Schuldich lets the coin drop. //He had a crush on me.//

Crawford's lips part slightly in surprise. Schuldich walks around the chair to sit on the little table where Crawford has placed his cup of coffee.

//You know, boys during puberty, hormones rushing, and they get confused about their sexuality. The ususal stuff. So I just let him grow out of it and decide what he wants.// The corners of Schuldich's mouth tug upwards to form the smile he knows Crawford likes. He gazes at Crawford meaningfully. //It's kinda flattering for me, actually, to know someone I really value have had feelings for me.//

Crawford smiles back, but looks away, staring into a non-exsistant spot just behind the German. Schuldich can only place that expression as "slight embarrassment". It is the first time he sees it on the man's face, he would have made fun of him and made sure he rubbed it in if this was during their cold war, but this is not the time now.

//Farfie wasn't too far off when he said you and Nagi were alike, hm?//

Now Crawford knows why Schuldich is suddenly talking about this. The topic has not changed, after all.

//I'm really, really flattered, Brad. Honestly. Thank you.// Schuldich leans forward, putting an elbow on his thigh and chin in the palm. He lifts the other hand and wriggles his fingers to get Crawford to look at him again. When their eyes meet, Schuldich speaks again. //And thanks for telling me.//

Schuldich can only guess how hard this admittance is for Crawford, even if he has already went around with words to guide Schuldich's thoughts rather than saying it out loud himself.

Their gaze only holds for several seconds. Then Crawford relaxes, gathering enough inside himself to smirk again. "I thought you were going to be quite sarcastic about it."

//I would, except that there's enough irony in this you don't need my sarcasm - I did say a while ago I'd let you, you know, if you wanted me, and you did but I didn't know - //

Crawford cuts Schuldich off. He closes his eyes, brows furrowing ever so slightly as he draws a breath. "Do you know you unsettle me when you say things like that?"

Schuldich tilts his head, and shrugs, not giving a "yes" or "no". //That means I should stop telling you how I feel?//

"... No."

//There we go.//

Seeing Schuldich's smug grin, there is nothing Crawford can do but to sigh, shake his head, and smile back.

The day after Crawford, Nagi and Farfarello landed in Japan, the leader's application for new houses was approved. Within two weeks they moved to Tokyo. Nobody said anything or commented on their new living arrangement - there were three bedrooms in Schuldich's apartment, one of which never got used because Farfarello stayed in the asylum. Crawford had no idea if Nagi still slept in Schuldich's bed during their stay there.

The American's apartment was next door. It was equally sized as that was the standard size throughout the building.

"Three rooms for you too? Office... gym... bedroom, like this? Or are we actually staying here for long?" Schuldich asked Crawford, examining the new home. He was wearing a black, knitted sweater a size too big for him, and comfortable looking jeans. Crawford cursed himself for not only staring at Schldich's bullet scar, but also trailing his gaze up the man's neck, and down the collarbone...

The only comforting side to all this was that precognition promised him he would get over this quite soon.

"You do realise this is my apartment." Crawford pointed out, pulling his suitcase into the only room that had a bed, the one Schuldich said should be the office instead.

"You mind?"

Crawford stopped, stared at Schuldich across the room, and narrowed his eyes. "I believe that's fairly obvious."

Schuldich sat himself on the bed. Crawford chose to stand. "What happened to you? For the last week or two you've been so damn agitated." The telepath snickers. "Time of the month, hm?"

A long journey; moving house; landing himself in the biggest and most dangeours job ever in terms of backstabbing and being checked by the Council; teamming with a half-blind schizophrenic (that was his own fault); and finding himself having a goddamn crush - God help him he was not a teenager anymore - on a colleague. If these were not reasons enough for him to lose patience over things, then Crawford did not know what was. He had no mood to appreciate any jokes right now.

The change of air around Crawford registered with Schuldich. He dropped the smirk.

//Something happened to you and Nagi in Rosenkreuz?//

Crawford put the suitcase on the bed, opening it. He shot a glance at Schuldich. "No."

//Something about our new contract?//

//We'll be going to the HQ within this week. There'll be a formal meeting with the Council.//

Schuldich whistled. He knew the implications of that. The upcoming job was very, very important indeed. He flicked stray locks of pale-green hair behind his shoulders, and said something. Crawford did not hear what it was as he felt an unbidden vision gnaw at the edge of his senses. He held it back, raising a hand to gesture Schuldich to be quiet, then allowed the vision to come through.

His heart was beating so fast he was sure it would jump out of his chest. He covered his chest with sweating hands, over where the organ was, then a shock coursed through him as if he had been electrocuted. At least he guessed that was how it must feel to be electrocuted. He fell from the chair, one shoulder hitting the ground before the rest of his body.

He could not breathe. Was someone squeezing his throat? Panic. He felt his own throat constricting, but nobody was strangling him. Panic. He could hear a woman's voice in the background, screaming and moaning. He heard himself - Crawford - and Schuldich calling, yelling, Crawford verbally and Schuldich mentally, but he could not form any reply to either of them. Panic.

"Nagi!"

He could not breathe. Panic. He was going to die. He did not want to die yet. No. No. No.

A sharp pain in his palm brought Crawford back to his senses. His eyes shot open and found himself on the wooden floor, laying on his side. Schuldich had crouched down beside him, his thumb pressing hard into the pressure point in between Crawford's thumb and forefinger to cause enough pain to wake him from the vision.

"Thank you." The American sat up, testing his throat, relieved that he could breathe just fine. He had sweat so much his shirt was soaked.

"Shit, I thought you had cardiac arrest or something."

Crawford's head hurt. Fingers gingerly brushed over a spot at the back of his head, feeling a lump starting to form. He must have hit his head when he fell. "Where's Nagi?"

"Gone to buy kitty treats."

"Call him. Tell him to come home right now. And keep him right under your nose."

Crawford stood. These visions... this time all he got was a lump in the head and a soaked shirt. But could they kill him? What if he foresaw the moment of death?

Schuldich watched him wordlessly pick clean clothing from the suitcase and head for the shower. Crawford paused at the door, turning to eye him questioningly, but Schuldich just shook his head and left to call Nagi, choosing not to voice what was in his mind.

This did not happened often. And whenever it did, Crawford wished he was a telepath.

He never admitted that to anyone.

Brad looked up at Crawford, nuzzled his legs, then jumped onto his lap, curling into a ball of fluff.

Crawford noted that there would be cat hair all over his pants, then ignored the cat, letting it sleep in his lap. He was reading a book, "Death Dealer's Manual", which he found in the living room. Nagi's, probably. That child did have an interesting book collection, especially for someone his age. There were notes, mostly translations of individual words, made in the margins, and the page that discussed garrotting was bookmarked. Beside the title, there was a doodle of a man being strangled.

Crawford noticed that the man wore glasses.

He could hear Schuldich's voice at the door. A while ago he went out to fetch Nagi home so that the teenager did not have to take the bus, and said something about renting a video. The two entered the house, dumping several carrier bags on the nearest piece of furniture. The cat in Crawford's lap woke.

"Look what I got you... tuna! Come here Brad!" Nagi said, gesturing at the cat.

Crawford turned.

Schuldich bursted out laughing. Nagi froze, and then covered his mouth to laugh.

Crawford wanted to dig a hole and bury himself.

To rub it in further, Schuldich laid out the take-out they bought, and told Crawford, "Dinner's ready. Come here Brad! Come on, boy!" The only thing Crawford could do was eat dinner in silence and let them laugh until they got tired.

Schuldich was talking about their journey home. Nagi added details, but not speaking much, as usual. Somehow, whenever the two were together, so much seemed to happen. They always had so much... fun.

"... Incidentally, why were you here instead of your own apartment, Br - Crawford?" Schuldich snickered.

"My house hasn't got a kettle yet." Crawford replied, gesturing at the cup of tea he had been drinking.

"Oh, you poor thing. I'll let you borrow ours then."

Schuldich could not stop laughing. They threw away the foil boxes after finishing, dumped what should not be thrown away into the sink, then the German announced it was video time.

Nagi picked up the video from the coffee table, and tossed it to Crawford. "Not my idea."

The American studied the box. "Playboy?"

Schuldich snatched the box from Crawford and loaded the video. "The store had a good collection too. I thought they wouldn't have much Western porn here."

Crawford just stood there, glancing between Schuldich and Nagi. Was Nagi not a bit too young?

"Come on, he's fifteen! Already too late to start learning about sex!"

"Not in this country." Crawford just laughed at the logic. "And woman-on-woman isn't really proper sex education."

"What, you're going to sit down and tell him about the birds and the bees then?"

The Japanese boy did not seem to agree or disagree with watching the video. In fact the other two might have been speaking too fast in English for him to understand much of the conversation. Joining the boy, Schuldich sat down on the couch too, whereas Crawford turned to leave.

"You not watching?"

"Not after I've just eaten. Makes me sick."

"It's not as if you're eating and watching at the same time."

"That's worse." Crawford sighed, leaving for his own home. //Keep an eye on him.//

//Will do.//

They sat, silent, outside the emergency room.

Schuldich stole a glance at his companion, wanting to say something. He opted for telepathy.

//You foresaw this.//

Crawford nodded, leaning back into the overstuffed chair, eyes closed. //I saw the outcome, not the reason.//

He was still fishing out the keys from his pocket for the door when the realisation dawned.

Nagi... woman's voice in the background... that video!

//SCHULDICH!//

//Wh - Nagi? NAGI! CRAWFORD!//

Crawford had rushed back to find Nagi already on the floor, convulsing, struggling to breathe.

Schuldich was on his knees, trying to get air into the teenager's lungs. Crawford contacted the SS, who instructed him to take Nagi to a normal hospital. SS had yet to set up a medical team in Tokyo, and Nagi was still registered as a citizen, with Crawford as his legal guardian. There should not be any problems.

Crawford hated hospitals. They reminded him of his little brother dying in the emergency room. He thought he felt nothing back then, impassively watching his parents comfort each other and praying for their children, but he did, he wanted Jamie to live. He so desperately wanted him to live, despite knowing that was not possible. Fifteen years later, he sat just like he did then, hoping the boy inside would live. Both times he had been given a warning, and both times he failed to steer things the right way. The boy Brad had been... had died with Jamie, leaving a hollow space inside him. The man he became, Crawford, could not take the same blow again. It was too hollow and weak inside to deal with the same failure. Gods, how he hated being weak.

Precognition told Crawford Nagi would be fine, but that was beside the point.

Perhaps he should have tried for another vision, one to see the reason of Nagi's sudden collapse. But after the first one that almost stopped his breathing, he did not want to try it again. He thought it would be safe just to watch the boy for any strange signs.

//Crawford, I think you could do with some empathy training.//

//... Empathy?//

//You sometimes seem to get wrapped up in the emotions and senses when you have a vision. I've seen this before already, just before you went with Nagi to Rosenkreuz. You saw something drastic happening and didn't let me go with you guys. The waves were so strong I could pick up some bits as well. I think you might have empathy as a secondary... power.// Schuldich explained, choosing his words carefully. Rosenkreuz liked calling their special abilities "gifts". Schuldich used to see telepathy as a curse, but now that he had control over it, he preferred calling it a "power". Never a gift.

Crawford took a moment to digest this.

//I can give you some pointers about it if you want, to keep it secret from the Council. It can be a card to play against them should we need it.//

//What can my tiny bit of empathy do that you can't?// Crawford snorted.

//You never know - well perhaps you do, hm? But at least you can protect yourself from whatever you foresee.//

Schuldich knew. He knew Crawford was too frightened to get another vision, afraid it would kill him. And he did not laugh or call him a coward, merely pointing out there was a way to get around it.

It made Crawford wonder just how much Schuldich knew and understood, without even using his telepathic skills.

It made him want to get away from the German even more.

Crawford's lips curl into a faint mocking smile. What was he doing, punishing himself in his mind for something he knew Nagi would get through, worrying over something Schuldich could see no matter how well it was hidden. There really was nothing he could do about any of it except, perhaps if he knew beforehand, prevent Nagi from eating that dinner. It had been a very serious case of nut allergy that almost killed the boy.

And almost killed him, too.

//None of us believed in talking things over.//

"No. And I could not." Not with a team to lead, an escape plan to execute, and SS breathing down his neck. He had to convince everyone that he could do it.

//You didn't think,// Schuldich said, eyes focused on Crawford, //you could tell me things without hurting your ego?//

Crawford glares at the German. "It was not about my ego."

//But it was.//

Blue eyes gaze challengingly into golden brown ones.

Schuldich says again. //That's why we didn't just escape from SS. We went back to destroy them. The same way you didn't run away from home, choosing to kill your parents instead. They doubted you and hurt your pride.//

"Schuldich - "

//Takatori, too, committed the same crime against you.//

Annoyance fades from Crawford's features, replaced by a blankness. Takatori. Schwarz had worked for this man for almost two years, and Crawford itched about killing him every moment of it. He had never felt that much passion over a kill, one that in the end he did not do himself.

Those two years drove him to near madness.

"Yes, you're right. Takatori too."

And he was not the only one who suffered the consequences.

[to be continued]