*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Chapter 20 - Waking
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
There was the awareness of hands moving over his body. He sensed, somehow, that neither lust nor the desire to cause pain drove them, but their touch was still unwanted.
"We saw only children."
The pain was returning as the darkness retreated, forcing its way into his dreams, bringing him closer to waking.
"I do not believe that children could have done so for him."
And there were familiar voices, floating loosely on the edge of his recognition, just beyond his grasp, but they were too loud and too many. They were disturbing his peace.
"It may not be as we feared, my Lord, but I will have to speak with him before I can be certain."
All he could hear were small bits and pieces of what was being said, his mind refusing to concentrate wholly, to wake completely.
"His injuries do not heal as they should and infection yet lingers. He may be long in recovering."
That was the Master Elendir… and his Lord. He was home. Home, it was what he had prayed for, to be back in the Wood, to be with his family. It was what he wanted, was it not?
'Rúmil, you must wake. Your body grows weaker by the hour.'
Not yet… not yet, he needed more time. He could not face them. He had been careless… weak. He had failed them.
"Why he continues to sleep, I do not know. 'Tis my hope that the Lady…"
'If not now, when? You seek escape from your memories, from your thoughts, but this is not the way, penneth.'
He wanted to forget, forget it all. He just wanted the peaceful bliss of a quiet, dreamless sleep.
'Rúmil, 'tis time for you to awake. Your brothers worry so, and Celeborn and I long to see your smile.'
I cannot. Saes… saes, do not ask it of me, Lady; I am not ready. He was cold and tired, too tired.
'You are ready, penneth. You need not carry this burden alone. Let us help you. Saes.'
Unable to ignore his Lady's plea, Rúmil's eyes slowly opened, straining against the soft light of the healing talan.
"Welcome back," Galadriel said with a soft sigh. "How do you fare, dearest Rúmil?"
She was stroking his hair lightly, and Rúmil tried to get his blurry vision to focus on his Lady and her tranquil features. He reached out with a tentative hand, touching her face softly, wanting to make sure that she was real. He had not really expected to see her again, and he felt a too brief spark of joy when she smiled at him.
Galadriel winced slightly at the coolness of his touch but quickly covered his hand with hers, pressing it into her cheek, and asked, "The healers are just outside speaking to Lord Celeborn and your brothers. Shall I call them in?"
Rúmil shook his head. "I am not sure that I can face them, Lady. I…" His voice broke, rough from long disuse.
Galadriel slid the hand against her cheek down into her lap, grasping it tightly, trying to warm his skin.
"You are dear to us, Rúmil. We will help you to overcome this."
"Rúmil!" exclaimed a greatly relieved Haldir, as he and Orophin dashed into the room. "We were beginning to fear that you would never wake."
Rúmil flinched at their sudden appearance and glanced away quickly, unable to meet their gaze. Confused by Rúmil's shyness, Orophin reached over and cupping his brother's chin in his hand, turned his face back to theirs.
"Why do you turn away?" he asked softly.
Celeborn entered quietly behind the guardians, and crossing the room to stand at the end of cot, he said, "Your brothers refused to leave your side, Rúmil, much to the consternation of the healers."
As Rúmil brought his gaze up to those clustered around him, his heart began to pound, and he was suddenly gripped by the need to escape, to get away. Trying not to alarm Haldir and Orophin, Galadriel silently soothed him, tightening her hold on his hand when he attempted to yank it free.
'Rúmil, 'tis only your brothers and Lord Celeborn. There is nothing to fear.'
"Rúmil?" Orophin's anxious voice pulled him back. Rúmil shifted uncomfortably under their scrutiny, willing his heart to slow and his body to relax, and weakly replied, "I… 'tis good to be home."
Sighing quietly, the Lady slipped Rúmil's hand into Haldir's and then rose and glided across the room, meeting the eyes of her Lord. She had felt Rúmil's terror.
'He is greatly troubled, ind nín. We will have to watch him closely.'
Celeborn nodded in reply. Relief had flooded through him when he, as well as Haldir and Orophin, had heard Rúmil voice, but that relief was tempered upon seeing the guardian's downcast gaze.
"We will leave you now," said Celeborn, and locking his gaze with that of the injured guardian, he smiled warmly, and said, "Rúmil, your return was paramount to all of us. 'Tis a relief and a blessing to have you back." Then looking to Haldir, he said, "Haldir, a moment please." Nodding, Haldir reluctantly released his brother's hand to join the Lord and Lady on the balcony.
Grasping the guardian's shoulder, Celeborn said, "If you require anything, anything at all, notify us immediately."
"Thank you, my Lord," and as Haldir turned to thank the Lady, she said, "Haldir, limit Rúmil's visitors to no more than one, two at the most, and they should sit beside him, not hover over him. I sense that he feels… overwhelmed." Seeing the look of concern of Haldir's face, she said, "Tell Rúmil for us that we will visit with him after he has rested."
"Thank you, my Lady."
Haldir had just returned to his brother's side when much to his growing ire, the Master Healer placed his hand on his shoulder, drawing him away once more.
"May I have a few moments with your brother, Captain? I need to check his injuries and there are some questions that I need to ask about what occurred during his time away from us," and seeing Haldir's hesitance, he said, "It must be done, and I will not be long."
Grudgingly, Haldir nodded in agreement. Gesturing to Orophin, he leaned down and brushing his hand over Rúmil's cheek, said, "Master Elendir needs to tend to you now. Orophin and I will be right outside if you need us."
With Rúmil's quiet nod, the brothers stepped away, allowing the healer to move into the vacated seat next to the bed. Master Elendir watched Rúmil in silence, observing his furtive glances around the room as the guardian tried to avoid looking in his direction. After a few minutes, he asked, "Rúmil, can you tell me what is causing you the most pain?"
Not missed by the healer but unaware of the gesture himself, Rúmil placed his hand over his heart, clutching at the fabric of the blanket.
"My side troubles me…," and Rúmil's hand drifted to cover his shoulder, now tightly bandaged against his chest to prevent movement, "…and my shoulder."
Rúmil grew silent once again, staring blankly at the wall. It was just too much. He knew they were growing frustrated with him, but his memories were still cloudy and broken, and what he could remember… Rúmil squeezed his eyes shut and shuddered.
"Rúmil, I have a question to ask and it may cause you some discomfort."
However, before the healer had a chance to utter another word, something occurred to Rúmil, and glancing around the room again, he asked, "Where are the children?"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Looking into the brothers' anxious faces, Master Elendir stepped out of the room shaking his head.
"He will not speak of it to me. Perhaps I could ask one of you to attempt to get him to say what needs to be said. His avoidance of the subject does not bode well."
Taking a deep breath, Haldir nodded to the healer then moved to stand quietly in the doorway. Orophin hovered just on the other side and Haldir reached out and squeezed his hand before he entered. He approached the bed slowly, putting himself between Rúmil and the wall that suddenly seemed to fascinate him so.
"Muindor, will you speak with me?"
His question met with silence, Haldir dropped to his knees, moving into Rúmil's eye line, forcing his brother to look at him. He grasped Rúmil's hand in his and braced himself to ask the question. Looking into the troubled eyes of his brother, he asked, "The healers need to know, Rúmil… I need to know. Did they… were you…?"
Rúmil met his brother's gaze reluctantly, trying to force his mouth to speak the words that his brother needed to hear. He knew this was hard for Haldir, knew that his silence was hurting him, hurting Orophin, and he did not wish to cause his brothers to suffer because of his shame.
Haldir's heart squeezed painfully inside his chest when Rúmil's eyes began to shimmer with unshed tears and the hand in his began to shake. He began to fear the worst, and in a choked voice, he said, "Nay, do not answer. This… this can wait. I will tell…"
"Haldir, wait," Rúmil whispered, and he tried desperately to swallow the lump that was swelling in his throat, stealing his voice. Why was this so difficult for him to say?
"'Twas twice attempted… and I was twice reprieved."
Closing his eyes, Haldir let out a long, profound sigh, and lifting his brother's hand to his cheek, he said, "That is well then… that is well."
Rúmil wished with all his heart that he felt as relieved as Haldir.
How will you react, Haldir, when you learn of my weakness? What will Orophin say when he learns that I gave in, that I had prayed for release from my torment? What will you say to me when you learn that I had desired death?
Frantic for something to quell his dark thoughts, he asked, "Haldir, where are the children? Master Elendir seemed to know them not, and I would very much like see them."
Haldir's dark brows rose in surprise at the sound of the longing in his brother's voice. "They fled into the forest as we approached, and we could not tarry; we wanted to get you home."
"Oh," was all Rúmil could say. He suddenly ached to return to that little talan in the woods, to see the children and their curious faces and bright eyes. He never had to face their questions. Now, he was being asked to speak of it, to remember it, and that made it all too real.
"I am tired," he said wearily.
"Sleep then, we will watch over you." As Haldir made to rise, Rúmil tightened his grip on the hand in his. Leaning over, he cupped Rúmil's cheek in his other hand, and said, "Worry not, muindor, I will return in but a moment with Orophin; he waits just outside."
Rúmil nodded, unwillingly releasing his hold, and continued to follow Haldir with his eyes as he exited the room, waiting anxiously for his return. He was not ready for their questions, but he still needed them near.
Haldir slid down the wall to sit next to Orophin and pulled his brother close against him.
"'Tis well, Orophin. The deed was not done."
Orophin collapsed against his brother, sobbing quietly, all the tension, all the fear, released in a sudden torrent. Haldir rocked him gently, and after his brother had quieted, he said, "Come, he awaits our return."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
~* To Be Continued *~
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*