Then:
It was at times like these that The Doctor wondered why he ever bothered with assistants. The answer of course was for companionship. Other than that he didn't expect much else from his chosen companion. Just someone to share in his adventures, and his eternal fascination with the universe. He didn't expect an assistant to be his intellectual equal. Indeed his vanity would not concede that this had ever happened.
But it had once, she was a fellow Time Lord, Time Lady to be more precise. Of the others most had been from a small green blue planet known to all Time Lords as sol 3. Or Earth, to its inhabitants.
Most of them had been very resourceful, even when separated on strange worlds, and involved in alien conflicts where circumstances had been such that they had been separated.
On such occasions The Doctor's companions often showed remarkable resilience in the face of the unknown. They were able to adapt very quickly, to deduce who to side with, and what action to take. When eventually he was reunited with Tegan, Sarah Jane, Zoe, Jamie, Ian, Barbara, or Harry, or indeed any of the others The Doctor never ceased to be amazed by what they had experienced and how they had overcome the odds. The information they provided was often vital to the problems resolution and therefore their assistance was invaluable.
At the very least if all else failed The Doctor's companions knew how to scream and alert The Doctor to the presence of danger. Providing vital seconds with which The Doctor could take the necessary steps to ensure their safety.
And then there was Digby, the Doctor's current companion. The Doctor had always considered himself to be a good judge of character that is until he met the vacant host of cellular matter that called itself "Digby," and regrettably invited him to share his travels through time and space.
The Doctor poked his head out from beneath the Tardis console and gave Digby one of his withering looks, with this particular incarnation The Doctor bore long oval features, an aristocratic nose and a full but currently upturned mouth. And his normally sad blue eyes looked just plain irritable.
"Digby, I asked you to tell me when you see the red light come on did I not?"
Digby nodded in confirmation.
"Well has it?"
Digby took one look at the Tardis console with all it's flickering switches and shrugged.
"Don't know…" he replied pathetically.
It had taken one small but disastrous adventure in the outermost regions of the galaxy to convince The Doctor it would be better to return said lump of cellular matter back to his correct time and location, and find someone far more suitable. The crew of a stranded spaceship had needed The Doctor's help to fix their engines, The Doctor's instructions to Digby had been very clear.
"Sit down and don't touch anything."
There had obviously been some misunderstanding as Digby chose to interpret this instruction as "pace around the room and ask stupid questions whilst The Doctor tries to concentrate." The highlight had been when Digby after hovering over a large red button for five minutes decided to press it thus initiating an auto destruct sequence.
Fortunately The Doctor got everyone to the Tardis in the nick of time, and for once the Tardis had been in a co-operative mood and managed to drop the survivors back on their home planet, and in their correct time zone. However the same could not be said for Digby, The Doctor had been trying ever since, to land the Tardis on earth in the early 21st century, but unfortunately the old girl had other ideas.
In Earth time The Doctor had calculated he had been saddled with Digby for almost three months! Three months in which the Tardis, temperamental at the best of times, had resolutely refused to land where she was asked to. Three months of adventuring in time and space during which Digby's contribution had been to simply to stand around and whinge, or fiddle with things that he shouldn't, or simply lose interest and whinge about how much he missed "pizza". On several occasions Digby's inability to warn The Doctor of oncoming danger, or to pitch in and help had almost ended in disaster. In short, Digby was a liability, one that The Doctor could not afford to carry.
But The Tardis it seemed was hellbent on travelling everywhere else other than the desired destination of Earth in May 2005, and The Doctor was beginning to think that he had upset the old girl in some unintentional way.
If he didn't return the useless…
The Doctor refrained from even thinking of the most appropriate adjective as such language was usually beneath him, but if something didn't happen soon he was going to have to take drastic action.
"Did I not also ask you to make some tea?"
The Doctor's carefully controlled irritation was beginning to betray itself as he pushed and pulled and huffed and puffed in the throes of his ongoing to fiddling with the Tardis circuitry.
Digby shrugged again in response to The Doctor's question. "Forgot…" he muttered.
With a sigh of exasperation The Doctor got out from underneath the service panel that held the Tardis navigation circuits. He stood up rearranging his clothing; which in this case was a velvet green Edwardian jacket, over a silk white shirt, dark waistcoat and plum cravat.
The Doctor noticed that the red light in question was on after all, further fuelling his mounting irritation.
"Never mind Digby, I'll do it."
So saying the Doctor grabbed the teapot in a manner that suggested he held a lethal weapon and was about to use it, and stormed off to make the tea.
"You got any video games?" Digby called after him, a question he had asked countless times in the last few months.
"NO!" The rest of The Doctor's reply was an indiscernible murmur that held a decidedly unfavourable tone.
One cup of tea later and his nerves feeling slightly more settled, The Doctor returned his attention to the problem he was trying to resolve. His desperation to get shod of Digby had finally driven The Doctor to attempt the repair of a technical problem that he had so far in roughly a thousand years of travel in this beloved type forty spacecraft been unable to resolve.
Once and for all The Doctor had attempted to get the Tardis onboard navigation system in proper working order. Now with his tinkering finished for the day it was time for the moment of truth. Time to see if once and for all he had finally cracked it.
The Doctor ran his hands soothingly over the Tardis console.
"Come on old girl, I really need your help here."
Digby looked quizzically at The Doctor, "we going to land now?"
"That's the idea yes…"
"Where?"
"You know me Digby, like to keep our journeys random," The Doctor lied, "far more interesting that way." Although there were times throughout his travels when this had been true, this was not one of them.
"Will there be video games?"
"Possibly."
"Sweets?" Asked Digby hopefully.
"I've told you I've got jelly babies!"
"Don't like jelly babies…"
"Then drink your tea and have a biscuit," The Doctor told him sternly.
Honestly it was like talking to a kid! You would never believe that Digby was in fact twenty-seven years old. He also had never had a job in his life and still lived with his mum. Both of which were facts that never failed to surprise anyone when revealed.
There was no need to set the coordinates; they had remained unaltered for the past three months. The Doctor merely crossed his fingers and pulled the lever.
*****