Chapter 3: Deeper than the surface
Estel woke to a light rap on his door. He groaned and rubbed his eyes clear of sleep. Throwing off the covers, he slowly crawled out of bed, savoring every moment on that soft mattress after his almost sleepless night.
"Estel, please, let me in," a sweet feminine voice whispered. Estel tensed like a hunted animal. "I need to speak with you," Arwen pleaded as she fiddled with the handle of the door. He patted himself on the back for locking it. "Estel, this isn't funny. I know that you heard me, and we must talk. It is urgent."
"The urgency is apparent," he replied in an offhand manner. There was a little moan of frustration while Arwen began to pound harder.
"Estel, this isn't funny! Let me in your room. We have to converse! Estel, Estel!" He had other plans. Without making a sound, he crept to the back window. Estel looked around and saw a tree branch, jutting out to touch the windowsill. He cracked it open just a little while Arwen's screams were the loudest.
"Estel!" she almost shrieked. "Let me in!" It was too late for her though. Estel waved farewell from the safety of the tree and, quicker than he thought he could, he descended from it. He looked up to the window, wondering how long she would be there, oblivious to the fact he departed, and scampered away, his spirits lighter already.
As he passed beneath the trees, Estel marveled at the scenery. He had no idea a forest could be so captivating as this. There was a strange feeling to it of darkness, for the light did not penetrate fully through the branches, but the eeriness gave it some of its power. All the trees stretched far up the heavens, with some low lying branches to climb in. The trunks were so great in width that Estel doubted he could put his arms around any of them.
This would prove an exciting day.
***
Though Estel might not have wholeheartedly enjoyed the start of his day, had Legolas known of it, he would have readily exchanged.
The first moment he woke up, he felt the tension in the air around his room. He was sprawled out on top of his bed, the sheets all around him as if he dove there for cover. Morning light streamed through the open doors to the balcony, gold sunbeams scattering across the room. He blinked twice to clear his eyes and sat up. His legs made small protests; just the smallest bit after the run last night.
Pain brought with it painful memories.
Now Legolas understood the tension he felt. He would most definitely have to face Haldir today, sometime or another. They always have the uncanny ability to find each other, whether they mean to or not. Most of the time, Haldir was actively searching for Legolas. It would be hard to avoid him, even if he hid in some of the more unused sections of the palace.
Or stole into the woods.
Legolas turned his attention to the forests of Mirkwood. Out there, he saw the sunlight fading under the cover of the trees, trees stretching endlessly around. It was perfect for him. He could sneak away into Mirkwood, and not only would he escape Haldir, but he would escape any duties which might arise that day. He would escape Estel!
That solidified his plan. Throwing off the covers as best he could (while they were so thoroughly tangled around him); he sprang from bed and sauntered out the doors. On the balcony, he inhaled the fresh scent of the forest. Looking back and playfully winking to the inhabitants inside, he grabbed hold of the branch and began his long jaunt through the maze of trunks.
***
Clouds swirled overhead that afternoon, mimicking the dark feel of the halls of Thranduil. Slowly, rain fell, harder and harder until it was almost impossible to see through any window. Many should know this, as Elrond and Thranduil watched anxiously through a window.
"So," Elrond repeated, "you said that Estel snuck out of his window?" He turned around to face Arwen, who nodded her head.
"Yes, he did, and I haven't seen him all day. I'm sure that he's in the forest somewhere." This was the wrong thing to say.
"How do you know this?" Elrond roared. Arwen took a step back.
"Where else would he go?" Elrond closed his eyes slowly and nodded his head. Thranduil now turned around.
"Well, they have not found Legolas either. I expect that he will be just fine out, even in the rain we have. He is a resourceful elf, and you must remember that they might have met up. They appeared to get along fine." Elrond looked back over his shoulder at the rain before nodding consent.
"I suppose." His face brightened a little. "Well, we mustn't fret over it forever. Come, Thranduil, we have matters to discuss. Our sons should manage fine, and if they do not return by the night, then there might be concern to worry."
Arwen watched the two elves leave the room, bantering with each other, and she nervously returned to the window.
"Oh, Estel," she sighed, "where have you gone in this great storm? I will feel so guilty if something happens to you; you have to come back!" She put her elbows on the windowsill and stared out pitifully into the downpour.
***
Estel slipped in another puddle, cursing the sudden lack of light and his misfortune to wander into a very dense patch of forest.
"At least," he grumbled, "the rain doesn't get very far into these trees." He lifted up his muddied leg and trudged forward in the direction of the palace. The forest around him suddenly was not so inviting when churned up with rainwater. The trees swayed above him in the roaring wind, and it was dark as night beneath them. "If only I knew where I was going." He once again cursed himself for not bringing a cloak as he shook off some more water from his damp clothing.
The trees thinned, bringing semi darkness with them, but they also brought rain. The little drops hit Estel's head, and he looked up through squinted eyes at the grey sky above. He was hungry, wet, tired (from, yet again, his sleepless night), and his patience was running thin. He had been out in forests before in storms, but this one bothered him to no end.
He tilted up his head again, feeling quite hopelessly lost. The palace was in the opposite direction that he headed, right? Still, it felt that he even farther now than before. He would probably just have to wait out this storm where he could before trying to pick his way back to the palace.
Estel cast his eyes around to see if he could find some roots to hide in beneath these massive trees. Luckily, for him, he did find two large roots sticking quite high out of the ground. He curled up between them in the mud, prepared to wait there as long as he needed before the storm ended.
***
Legolas, on the other hand, found this storm not bad at all. He sang a little song as he scampered along the wet ground, gleefully accepting this as part of the day. He upturned his face and opened his mouth to catch some of the water. It had been so long since his father let him out into the rain, since he was a little child, actually.
When Legolas was younger, life was by far better for him. His mother was still alive then, and Thranduil was much looser in his parameters of his son. He lived quite a nice life as a pampered prince, but his age forbade him from the burden of public life. Slowly, he grew, and then, one day, his mother disappeared, never seen again. Thranduil did not recover fully from that.
He became overly protective of his only son, fearing to lose even that link to his beloved wife. Legolas could not go out without someone near to him; he could not run and frolic like before. That was when Haldir came.
Legolas' father needed a teacher and protector for Legolas. Haldir was a messenger from Lothlorien at the time. Once, Thranduil proposed his idea, and with a little glance at Legolas, Haldir accepted. The two were instant friends.
Suddenly, his father decided he needed to come to many more of his gatherings. Being a prince caged him, wearing away at his energy and childish nature until it molded his heart to stone. The first hints of sarcasm crept into his ways, his cynical look at prince hood and his distaste of foolish parties clear to him.
Thinking back, Legolas realized that now, he was much older than before, able to slip through his father's bars. He had the ability to free himself now, as he proved just by his little jaunt. He could run away, escape without a trace, leaving behind his old life, his father, his princely duties, leaving behind Haldir.
"That would be good," Legolas decided. He could never face Haldir again in his life, not after that night. He was not ready to face him.
Still, when Legolas thought hard enough, he came to another conclusion: he would miss something. He was not sure what he would miss, for it was just a small sting in his heart, but there was some absence that would inevitably follow. It was not a normal absence either but an odd feeling he never encountered before, like a small ache in the very center of his heart. It spread out a little and dimmed but came back every time he took a breath. It was no physical pain though, only the very longing for something.
Suddenly, Legolas lost his footing. He shouted out and fell to the ground, tripping on what he thought was just a root.
Estel woke with a start from the sharp pain in his leg. He jerked up, further tripping the poor elf that stumbled across the sleeping figure. Legolas let out a cry as he tried to catch himself as he fell. Estel jumped to his feet, apologizing left and right.
"Legolas, I am sorry!" he cried, crouching down beside Legolas. The elf lifted his head and growled at Estel. "I meant you no harm!"
"Don't keep on blundering around like that, then," he spat. He sat up, dusting some dirt off of him, his ice-blue eyes glaring at Estel. The human shrank away as Legolas stood.
Legolas made to leave without even the slightest word back to Estel, but the human decided it was time. Legolas might be fiery now, but in that sleepless night before, Estel had come to a conclusion. He knew what it was that pulled him towards that elf and he would not rest until he explained himself fully. After that night mulling about possibilities, he had to seize this moment here and now. Scrambling up, he grasped Legolas' arm and turned him around.
"Don't leave," he pleaded. Legolas laughed coldly and shook him off.
"What, human, are you frightened?" Even as he said it, there was a little thawing at the edges of his heart, but Legolas paid it no attention. Estel shook his head, very close to tears.
"Legolas, I," he gulped back a lump in his throat, "why are you so cold to me? I don't mean you any problems. I just want to be with you!" he blurted the last sentence in one breath, hugging the elf's arm frantically. Legolas held back a gasp. "You are so captivating, breathtaking." Two in one day, heartless Legolas muttered. Still, that little gap grew, and another Legolas felt the impulse to put his own arm around Estel, to comfort the human and hold him like Legolas wished he could...no, I don't wish that!
"You can take this as you please," Estel continued, "but truly, Legolas, even if we never speak after this, I just want you to know how I feel about you, how I felt from the very first moment we spoke, from the first moment I saw you."
"I love you."
***
Arwen woke, feeling an unusual surface beneath her. She looked up and found she fell asleep looking out the window sill, standing up. Outside, the rain had not slackened, and her heart went out to Estel in that storm.
Suddenly, a great flash of lightning struck the ground outside the window. She shrieked and fell back, shielding her eyes from the great flash. Why did there have to be lightning too?
Getting up, she dusted off her dress and looked around. The hall was deserted except for an occasional servant here and there. She felt very restless and started down to the right towards her own room, but something stopped her. Behind her, she heard footsteps. She froze as there were also faint voices, though she could not hear any of the words. She turned slowly, feeling the hairs on the back of her neck prick up in fear. It could be just a servant, but her little intuition told her otherwise.
Two figures, drenched from the rain, stumbled down the corridor. They held each other desperately as if afraid to let go. The fairer haired one glanced around while the darker haired one shivered a little. He pressed himself closer, letting out an audible sigh in the comfort and the warmth.
She knew both of those faces. She knew them all too well. Arwen sprang to her feet and darted towards them even when fear and despair threatened to paralyze her. As she neared, the dream faded, and she reached out only to meet thin air.
Her legs collapsed beneath her, and she hid her head in her hands. It was all a dream, but the dream was too real. There they were, right in front of her, coming in...together.
The inward pressure was too great and she fell into a fit of sobs.
***
Legolas was not sure how far his legs took him before he stopped running, out of breath, drenched from stumbling blindly into large clearings, muddy and quite wet. Still, he felt nothing but rampant anger for that bold and foolish human. He ran with all his strength to put as much distance between them as possible, so he wouldn't have to see Estel's face ever again.
He collapsed on the ground, clutching at his chest as he leaned back on a trunk. The rain drummed around him, slipping through the branches to ping on the ground and hit his dirtied head. He wiped a strand of hair from his face and cursed, Estel's words fixed in his mind.
"I love you."
One cursed phrase threw Legolas off for just a moment, made him hesitate as he saw that strong face, those beautiful features, his long hair, and his bright eyes. Estel was a captivating human, no matter what Legolas wished to think. He saw a little of that beauty, yet he also saw the human's gentler side. He was not just like many other humans, heartless, uncaring. Estel had a great heart.
"He won't get me again," Legolas confided to the trees now. "I know that he won't. I will never fall to that trap again!" He kicked up some mud and let out a great cry. This was too much. First, Haldir made his move upon the prince, and now, Estel confided in him great love. Legolas, at the current moment, despised both of them and wished nothing to do with either.
He put his hands in defeat and sunk to the ground. There was nothing he could do to deter both of them at the same time.
Was there?
***
The rain did not abate, and darkness crept over the forest. Neither Estel nor Legolas had wandered home that afternoon. Now, Haldir wrapped a cloak around him, ready to set off and look for his prince. He knew it was risky, being the state in which Legolas was at their last encounter, but this was an opportune time to patch up any misunderstandings. He looked back to the castle, nodded a farewell, and set off into the darkness.
It was not his original intention to be so forceful with Legolas. He though, after the elf's willingness at the ball, that he would allow for Haldir to have the love he craved. He thought Legolas willing to return it, but last night made it quite plain that Legolas was in no manner ready for that relationship with his long time friend. Haldir, hurt and shamed, left him be for the entire day, but he could stand it no longer. He had to see that clear face once more, even if it was riddled with anguish.
Legolas of course will be loath to see me, Haldir chided himself. I should not embark on this venture. But his feet pushed him onward beneath the weighted boughs of the trees, weaving around the damp trunks hopefully closer to Legolas.
Suddenly, there was another noise nearby. Haldir glanced around him and sensed another presence. He drew the dagger hidden in his cloak, fearful it was some ill-mannered creature of Mirkwood, but instead, out stepped a muddy and distraught human. He stumbled forward, looking up to see Haldir glaring down at him. Estel jumped back a few feet before regaining his composure.
"Haldir!" he cried. "Now I can say I have found an f...elf who knows these woods better than I." Haldir glowered at the human.
"So it would seem," he said coldly. "Tell me, what have you seen of Legolas? Does he still wander as you?" Estel paused for a moment, and it seemed that a shadow passed over his face.
"Legolas and I...parted a few hours back. I do not know where it is that he left for." Estel gulped back a lump in his throat as his eyes glazed over. Haldir measured him slowly.
"What direction did he travel in?" Estel pointed to the north, for he was unable to speak now. "Well, that is good to know. I come in search for him."
"Please," Estel suddenly begged, "might I come with you? I wish to converse with Legolas, if I might."
"What is there for you to say to him?" Haldir spat a little too harshly. Estel recoiled.
"Can two men not speak to each other without question?" he retorted, his own embers of hate kindled. He knew what Haldir intended.
"I might ask you the same, for I too set out to speak with the elvish prince."
"Then we go with common purpose, all the more reason to go together. To hinder one would give the other advantage." Sadly, for Estel, he did not know the truth in his own words. Haldir did, and he turned on his heel and began to march away into the distance.
"I will not suffer you to follow now, human. Return to the palace; the Lady Arwen awaits you." Fear grew in Estel's heart at those words, and determined, he set out after the elf with as much stealth as he could muster, hoping to flit as a shadow would and go unnoticed. He would track the elf back to Legolas. He needed to apologize for his actions.
Still, as they walked (and he scampered), Estel mused over what exactly he would say to the elf. Obviously, Legolas was deeply offended and angered by the show of affection. Would he say it was all a ploy? Nay, he could not lie to such a perfect creature like that. So, what would he say? How could he confront Legolas after the elf's retreat? Presently, Estel felt very foolish and silly indeed. He considered turning back, but with one look at the ground already covered, he decided he was too far in to return. Now, he would have to follow Haldir and hope that those two never parted so he never had a moment to speak bumbling words to the golden elf.
Slowly, the shadows grew even heavier, and Estel almost lost sight of Haldir, but in the gloom, he caught a little glint of color that was his hair and rushed to it, hiding behind a tree as he saw they had reached a glen. A usually small stream ran through, but now, it was swollen because of the rain. Haldir stopped; beside the stream, Legolas crouched, peering pensively into the water. Estel gulped and made sure to stay well hidden.
"Legolas?" called Haldir. Legolas looked up slowly though he stood with all swiftness. His hands fumbled with something. "Legolas, so this is where you are! I came to find you!" Haldir walked forward, and Legolas stood his ground. Estel peered around the trunk just a little more to get a good view.
Two pairs of eyes met then, and Estel sunk to the ground discovered. Legolas would not be very happy with this indeed.
"Well, Haldir," Legolas said after a pause, his voice taking on an odd tone, "I did wonder when it would be that you came to me, but you should know I can manage just fine in the woods."
"That is not it," Haldir whispered. "I just wished to be with you once more, mellon."
"Do you still use that word?" Legolas asked, and there was an audible gasp from Haldir. Legolas put on his most infatuated face and looked up into Haldir's eyes. He stood on his toes and whispered something in Haldir's ear. Estel saw Haldir's back stiffen, but he relaxed when Legolas stepped away. There was a moment when they just stood, Legolas leaning his head on Haldir's chest, Haldir stroking his arm.
Estel's chest tightened and he pulled his knees to his chest. All his fears crashed down on him. He was sure they were just friends; he confirmed this the first time he saw them together. Something was wrong here. He looked up sadly, as he heard the crunching of leaves, and Legolas and Haldir walked by him, paying the little lump no heed. They stole past him; hand in hand, quite close and silent.
Still, Estel thought he caught a little smirk at the corner of Legolas' mouth as he walked away.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Well, so far I am not making this as light-hearted as I planned for it to be. The ideas are just really coming to me, and most are a little dark and all and they all fit in this, so I use them. It will get happier; don't worry! Methinks...
Review more=get happy Legolas and Estel! Savvy?