Broken Promises

Chapter Three

Morning came entirely too soon to the Donovan household. Laura had spent most of the night wide awake and staring at the ceiling. Frank had made love to her so sweetly, so gently that it had almost broken her heart. After his release claimed him, he had briefly looked into her eyes and she could have sworn that she'd seen tears. That more than anything scared her to death. Whatever problem was plaguing him, it was something so much more than just some sort trouble…..it was hurting him, and she felt helpless. She'd agreed not to ask him about it until the morning, and somewhere in the back of her mind, she silently prayed that morning would never get come.

It was after 7:30 before she opened her eyes, the pale sunlight filtering through the curtains of their bedroom. She knew without looking that Frank was no longer in bed beside her. After 11 years of marriage, a wife just knew those things. She glanced at the clock on her nightstand, and noticed that the alarm had been turned off. Frank. She knew he'd done it purposefully. Maybe he knew that she hadn't slept more than a couple of hours all night. Sitting up in their bed, the sheets pooling around her waist, she could just barely make out voices. Both of the children were usually up by 7:00, and it appeared as if Frank had taken care of their breakfast.

Rising from the bed, she reached for her robe and tied it around her waist. Then, taking a deep breath, she opened the door to their room and padded down the hallway. She could hear Christopher's voice. He was telling his father about a little league team that he wanted to join this coming summer. Frank asked him a few questions here and there, and then announced that he'd have to talk about it with mommy. Laura stopped in the doorway and snuck a peek before entering. Christopher was just finishing up his breakfast and Alicia was sitting on her daddy's lap while she finished up a drawing that she'd been working on. All in all, another typical day in their busy lives, but something didn't feel the same. A sense of dread clouded everything she heard or saw.

Frank looked up and saw Laura standing in the doorway and for a few seconds their eyes locked and everything else seemed to fade away. She couldn't quite read the expression in his eyes. She thought she saw……regret?……sadness?……all mixed with the love that she always saw there. He gave her a sad smile before returning his attention to Alicia's drawing.

"I know of two children who are going to be late for school if they don't get a move on," Laura finally interjected.

"We were being quiet," Alicia announced proudly. "Daddy said you were still sleeping."

"I was, baby, and that was very sweet of you," Laura returned with a smile of her own.

Christopher rose from his kitchen chair, and came over to give Laura a morning hug. She returned the gesture and whispered in his ear to go get his things together. He smiled and ran off to his room to do just that.

Once their son was out of the room, Laura turned to Frank and said, "I was hoping you'd wake me up earlier this morning so we could have that talk before you had to go to work."

"I'm not going to work today. I thought I'd run the kids to school and then come back here," he replied, his eyes never straying from Alicia's masterpiece.

"Oh…..OK," she answered trying to sound as blasé as possible, and she knew she was failing miserably. She then turned away from him and poured herself a cup of coffee, her hands gripping the mug tightly.

"All right, princess. It's time to go. Grab your backpack and let's get this show on the road," Frank informed his daughter. She scrambled off his lap and dashed out of the kitchen to do as her father asked.

Frank rose from the table, and approached Laura. He leaned in, gave her a soft kiss on the cheek and told her, "I'll be back in about fifteen minutes." She nodded in reply, still not facing him, almost afraid to look in his eyes again.

After a few more minutes, Frank and the children were out the door after a round of 'I love yous' and 'be good todays'. And then Laura waited. Her eyes straying to the clock on the wall, counting down each second that passed before Frank's return.

A little more than twenty minutes later, Laura heard their SUV pull into the driveway. She took another deep breath and tried to mentally prepare herself for whatever he had to tell her.

Frank entered their house and found Laura still in the kitchen, almost in the exact same spot that he'd seen her last. The only thing that was different was the clothes she wore.

The two faced each other and neither spoke for several moments. He, not being sure where to start and she, being afraid to ask. Laura couldn't stand the penetrating silence anymore and finally spoke up. "What's wrong?" As the words left her mouth she wanted to retract them immediately. Part of her wanted to know, the other part desperately didn't.

Frank sighed heavily and pulled out a chair to sit down. Resting his forearms on his knees, he looked down at his hands not knowing how to start. Start at the beginning…it's the only way to explain it all. "I was invited to a meeting yesterday after I left the office."

"What kind of meeting? And with who?" she asked as she crossed her arms in front of herself.

"Well…..maybe invited is too kind of a word. I wasn't more than 10 minutes from home when I noticed a car following me. I turned off the highway instead of coming straight here, just in case there was trouble. Anyway…..I pulled into a parking lot and waited for the car to follow me, which it did. Two agents got out of the car and asked me to accompany them to some sort of meeting. We exchanged a few words and I finally gave in." Frank leaned back in his chair and looked up at Laura. "I was led to some sort of abandoned office complex in DC, and that's where the meeting took place."

"And….," she prompted, her eyebrows furrowed.

"And…..I found out who the meeting was with."

"Who? Do I know this person?"

Sighing tiredly, Frank ran a hand through his hair before answering. "Raymond Marsh."

Laura's eyes widened dramatically upon hearing the man's name. She knew his reputation just as well as Frank did and…..she knew he worked for the CIA. "What the hell did he want, Frank? What does the CIA want with you after all these years?"

Frank couldn't answer at first. In fact he couldn't look at his wife anymore. He rose from his chair and walked to the window facing the back yard and just looked outside. Seconds turned to minutes and Frank still couldn't say what he needed to say.

"Frank?? What does the CIA want from you?" she asked again the volume of her voice rising slightly.

Again he sighed and finally answered, "They want Luis Mendoza."

Laura stared at his back and felt as if she couldn't breathe. No….it can't be……they wouldn't! HE wouldn't!! "Frank……tell me that you told them no," she pleaded slightly above a whisper. Again there was a lingering silence. "Frank…..you told them no, right?" she asked, but she already knew the answer. His silence spoke volumes.

After several more minutes, he finally turned to look at her. "I leave in a week," was all he said in response.

Her face paled considerably, and her eyes lost their focus. From the second he'd said Raymond Marsh's name, she'd been prepared for just about anything. That he was in huge trouble with the CIA….that they'd be forced to move to avoid whatever trouble his refusal would have caused, but the one thing that she hadn't even considered was that he would agree to do this mission. "You son of a bitch…." she barely whispered, as her eyes once again bore into his face. "How could you do this?" she asked him, her anger escalating exponentially. She couldn't face him any more. She turned quickly and headed out of the room.

"Laura….." he pleaded as he followed her. She'd entered their bedroom and had just about closed the door when he reached it. His hand stopped the door from closing completely, a turn of events that she was not happy with. "Don't walk away from me like that," he added as he entered the room.

She spun around and glared at him. She needed to be alone, but obviously he wasn't going to let that happen. So be it! "I'll do whatever I damn well please! Don't order me around like I'm one of your students!" she nearly shrieked in his face.

"Ok," he started out, trying to regain some measure of calm, "that was poor choice of words. What I meant was, please don't walk away when we still have to discuss this."

Her mouth nearly hung open in disbelief. "Talk about it?!? What the hell is there to talk about Frank? You already agreed to the mission….whatever it may be…..and just announced to me that you're leaving in a week. So I'll repeat the question.…what is there to talk about?" She tried desperately to control the jumble of emotions inside of her. She felt hurt….angry….betrayed…..and mostly she felt scared. She remembered all too well what he'd been like after completing one of those types of missions. The thought that he could revert to being that type of man again sent cold chills down her spine.

Frank sat down on the edge of the bed and took a deep breath. "I know this isn't going to be easy on you……" Before he continued, she brusquely interrupted him.

"You're right, it isn't going to be easy on me. Worrying about you every second of every day. Wondering if you're dead or alive. Hoping and praying that they haven't found you out. But why don't you just tell me the truth?"

He looked at her with a expression on his face that bordered between confusion and a frown. "What truth?" he asked her, puzzled.

"You miss it, don't you? Admit it. That's why you jumped at the chance to do this! All that bullshit about how you wouldn't trade your teaching position for any type of field assignment. All along you were just hoping that someone would make you an offer. Well, there you go….have at it!" She was barely able to ward off the tears that were desperate to fall. As each second ticked by, she felt like she was coming closer and closer to losing any type of control she had left.

Frank stared at her in disbelief. Did she really think that about him? Or was she just lashing out because she was angry? And more importantly, would she be willing to listen to the truth?

"Laura…I swear to God, I haven't been lying to you. Yes….sometimes teaching can be a little boring, but what I get in return far outweighs any drawbacks. And the best part is that I'm able to spend all the time I want with you and the kids."

Folding her arms in front of her, she replied sarcastically, "Oh…of course, that explains why you're leaving us. And by the way, how long will it be, Frank? A few weeks? A month?"

Frank felt his own anger rising slowly but steadily. Just like all married couples, Frank and Laura had had their share of fights and battles over the years, but he could never stomach her sarcastic tone when she really got rolling, and now was no exception. "Does it matter?" he asked for some reason. More than likely just to make her madder.

"Excuse me?!?! What the hell is that supposed to mean?? Or are you asking me why I should care because you're going to stay gone as long as you damn well please!? And if that's the case, then go to hell, for all I care!!!" And with that she flew past him and exited their bedroom. She didn't know where she was heading, she just knew that she needed to get as far away from Frank as she could. Frank, of course, wasn't going to make it easy one her as he followed hot on her heels down the hallway and into the living room.

He expected her to stop and face him again, but she didn't. Instead she grabbed her keys and purse and headed for the front door. "Where are you going?" he asked her.

"As far away from you as I can possibly get on a tank of gas," she replied, almost muttering to herself through clenched teeth. As she reached for the front door, his hand shot over her shoulder and pressed up against the door, effectively barring her escape. She spun around, ready to do battle.

"You're not leaving like this," he announced to her. "I don't want you driving when you're this upset."

Her eyes blazed, and she nearly shook from the force of her anger. How dare he tell her what she could or couldn't do! "What the hell are you going to do to stop me Frank? Cuff me to a chair? Tie me up? Let me spell this out for you…..I'm leaving whether you like it or not!" She looked him directly in the eyes before delivering her next lines. "Does that sound familiar, Frank? It should. Now get out of my way!" With that she placed a hand in the middle of his chest and pushed him slightly away from her, using just enough force to make him move so that she could turn around and open the door. And without another word or look, she was gone.

Frank stared at the closed door and felt as if he'd just been kicked in the stomach. She was right……he had no right to demand anything from her. He was leaving, and he was doing so without her blessing or consent. He closed his eyes and ran both hands through his hair. How could he make her understand? Maybe this time away from him would help her sort through everything. Maybe she just needed some time to accept this. Please God! I can't do this without her.

He turned from the door and tried to think of something to do to preoccupy his mind…..anything to keep him from dwelling on the events of the past hour. And so, Frank's wait began. Minutes turned to hours, and through it all, Frank tried desperately to think of anything but what was foremost in his thoughts.

Later in the day, he went to pick up first Alicia and then Christopher from their schools. Once he had them with him, he felt more at ease, but of course, he had to field the inevitable question….."Where's Mommy?" Cringing to himself, he made up some story about Laura helping out a friend, because, quite frankly, he had no idea how long she intended to be gone.

Dinner time came and went and still no Laura. At first he'd been concerned, but now his concern was blossoming into full blown worry. He'd expected her to take a couple of hours, but when 8:00 rolled around and his wife was still nowhere to be found, he was visibly becoming upset by the situation. After putting the kids in bed and reading the obligatory story now and again, he found himself pacing the house restlessly.

Frank looked at the phone in his hand for the hundredth time. He'd left her at least a dozen voice mails on her cell phone and still nothing. Where the hell is she? Why won't she at least answer her damn phone so I know she's OK? For more than a few seconds he even considered calling the area hospitals. Maybe she'd been so upset, that she'd gotten into a wreck…..maybe that's why she's not answering the phone…..Stop it Frank! She's not answering her phone, because you're the last person she wants to talk to right now! He continued his pacing, knowing that what he was thinking was probably the truth, but worrying just the same.

Tired of walking to and fro, he finally settled on the couch and tried to calm down a bit. Looking at the clock on the wall, he saw that it was nearly midnight. Sighing exasperatedly, he lay back on the cushions and closed his eyes. He intended to just rest for a moment or two, but sleep soon claimed him.

A few hours later, he opened his eyes, and seemed a little disoriented. First off, he didn't remember falling asleep and wondered how long he'd been out. Second, the lights were no longer on in the living room, and finally, he felt something brush up against his hand closest to the edge of the couch.

Even in the dim light, he could see Laura sitting on the floor next to him. She had her back to him as she leaned against the couch for support, her legs drawn up in front of her and her arms wrapped around them. If she sensed that he was awake, she made no move to acknowledge that fact.

He reached out and touched her hair, letting a few strands slip through his fingers. She turned slightly toward him as he did so, but she didn't really look at him. Instead she leaned her head forward, resting it against her bent knees, effectively pulling her hair out of his reach. He sighed then, knowing that this was still far from over.

"When did you get back?" he asked in the quiet darkness, still not moving from his reclined position.

"About an hour ago," she answered simply and succinctly, not elaborating in the least. He heard more than just her words, he heard the sound in her voice. He knew that sound and it broke his heart…….she'd been crying, and probably still was.

"Laura….I don't know how to make you understand, but I have to do this," he told her trying to plead his case.

"Frank…..I don't want to talk about it any more. I…..I'm tired. The decision's been made and whether I like it or not you're leaving in a week. And in spite of whatever promises you made to me or the kids, you're going to do this thing. And that's all there is to it."

Frank rose and moved to sit next to her on the floor. "No….that's not all there is to it. Do you really think this is what I want to do? Do you truly think that I want to be away from you and the kids? Do you really think that I want to break those promises? And finally…..do you really believe that I want to go back to that kind of life?" He stared at her profile, but couldn't see her as clearly as he would have liked in the darkness. He couldn't see if he was getting through to her or not. "Laura, you know me better than anyone ever has. If you don't believe me……" he couldn't finish the sentence, but the meaning was abundantly clear. He looked at her expectantly for what seemed like endless minutes.

Finally, she turned her head to look at him. Tears staining her face, her eyes searched his, wanting to see if the words matched what she saw there. "I believe you…..but that doesn't mean that it still doesn't hurt." She continued to just stare at him, as she sought the words she needed to say. "I love you, Frank, and I will until the moment I take my last breath, but right now……right now…..I don't like you very much, and I hate what you're going to do to this family," she finished as a sob overtook her.

He was stunned by what she said, and in those few simple sentences she'd wounded him more than any physical blow or words shouted in anger ever could. He was speechless, utterly and horribly speechless. His shoulders slumped, his head hung in defeat, he had no defense for any of his actions.

Finally he managed to utter, "I'm surprised you came back," he stated, not out of malice, no hidden meaning or sarcasm in his voice. He was just stating a fact.

She sighed heavily. "I thought through a thousand different scenarios, but I kept coming back to one thing."

He turned his head to look at her, "What's that?"

"If you're leaving in a week, I don't want to waste another second."

He was shocked. But before he could question her reasoning, she stood and turned to face him, her hand stretched out toward him.

"I just need some time, Frank……just give me some time. But in the meanwhile, I'm tired and I want to go to bed now."

He could still see the sadness in her eyes and what remained of the tears on her face, but she was reaching out for him, and for the first time in his life, he felt what true forgiveness was all about. Taking her hand, he too rose from the floor, and hand in hand, the two made their way to find what rest they could.

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