Broken Promises
Chapter Six
Frank sat alone on the back porch for close to a half hour before Laura finally emerged from the house. She silently moved toward him and took a seat beside him on the steps.
"How is he?" Frank asked quietly, knowing that Laura had probably spent the last half hour trying to calm their son down .
She sighed before answering, "He's hurt….he's angry."
Frank nodded his head solemnly as he continued to just stare out into the back yard. There was nothing else to say. He'd done what he had to do, and felt lower than low. Dirt stuck to the bottom of a filthy shoe.
Laura leaned even closer to him, entwined her arm with his and lay her head against his strong shoulder. "They'll be OK, Frank. They just need some time to come to grips with the idea that they won't see their father every day. We've all gotten spoiled having you here 7 days a week."
Once again, Frank simply nodded. He knew she was right. Children were remarkably resilient. What seemed to be a crisis one day could become inconsequential the next, but Christopher's words kept playing over and over in his head. And no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't make them go away. His son hated him…..hated him for leaving….hated him for taking their family away from Chicago.
"I want to ask you a question, and I want you to tell me the truth," he stated, turning slightly in order to be able to look at her.
"OK….what is it?" she asked curiously.
"Do you wish we'd stayed in Chicago?" he asked as he looked straight into her eyes, knowing that he'd be able to read the answer there before she even uttered a word.
She smiled sadly and brought her hand up to caress the side of his face. "Frank…..sure there are things I miss about Chicago. I miss the people…..the change of seasons…….we had a good life there, but the one thing we didn't have was you. Your work took you from us, sometimes for weeks at a time. And when you were home, there were more days than I could count that you wouldn't get home till after midnight."
He continued to gaze into her eyes trying to see if she were telling him the truth, or merely telling him what she thought he wanted to hear. He saw no deception in their depths and knew that she meant what she said. He reached for her hand and tenderly kissed her palm. She'd always had a way of making things better for him. And as always happened in situations like this, he felt his heart swell with the love he held for her there. "Thank you," he replied quietly.
"I'm only telling you the truth," she told him with an understanding smile. "And speaking of Chicago, I had a very interesting phone call right before I came out here."
"Really?" he asked, looking down at his hand now entangled with hers.
"Yep. It was Alex. She wanted to know if we were free to come to Chicago anytime soon. Seems she has some vacation time coming up and was hoping to plan some of that around us. Isn't it weird that she just happened to call now?" she asked, with a slight hint of sarcasm to her voice.
"That is weird," Frank replied, still not meeting her penetrating stare.
"Frank…..did you have something to do with this?" she asked, although she already knew the answer.
Although he still hadn't looked at her, a tiny trace of a smile began to grace his lips. "Maybe……." was all he said in reply.
She smiled at him and then leaned forward and kissed his lips tenderly. "Thank you for that, although it really wasn't necessary."
"I just thought it might be nice for the three of you to get away for a while once the kids are out of school. Maybe it'll help take your minds off…….other things."
"Maybe we will go, but I want to be here if you need us."
"Laura…..I'll know where to find you. I always do. Go to Chicago….have a good time with everyone, and don't worry about me. I'll do this job and then I'll come home as quickly as I can."
She looked at Frank for a short while longer before answering. Part of her wanted to stay here and try to go about their lives as normally as possible in Frank's absence, but the other part thought it might be a good idea to find something to occupy their time while he was gone. Since her "accident" over a year ago, they'd all grown very close to the member's of Frank's former team. They were like family now and she missed them.
"All right. I think we will go. I'll call Alex later and see what we can work out."
"Good. Maybe Jake or one of the others can help Christopher with his swim lessons."
Laura hesitated a second before asking her next question. "Do they know? About this mission, I mean."
Frank shook his head. "Not really. I told them that I had an important assignment that I had to deal with, and that I'd be gone for a couple of months. I just didn't say who it was for, although they'll probably be able to guess."
"Frank……do you know any of the details of this mission?" she asked him hesitantly, gripping his hand a little tighter.
He turned once again to look at her and could see the fear and tentativeness in her soft features. "No…..All Marsh told me was that he needed Luis back. That's all I know. I'm assuming that I'll be going back to Colombia, but I'm not sure."
"And you won't know before you leave here, will you?" she asked looking into his soft brown eyes.
He merely shook his head in response, not knowing what else to say.
"So I really won't know where you are once you walk out this door on Monday morning."
"Laura…..please…..please don't worry. I'll be all right," he told her as he wrapped his arm around her waist and kissed her forehead softly.
Laura breathed in deeply, trying to calm her escalating emotions. She didn't want to start crying again. In fact she made a promise to herself, to try to prevent that at all costs. She knew it tore Frank up to see her upset, and she'd try everything in her power to not add to his steadily growing guilt.
She tilted her head up to look at him and smiled as brightly as she could. "I know. You've probably been in worse situations, and I never knew about it."
He smiled in response. "Me?? Never," he kidded with her. He knew very well that she was trying to put on a brave front for him. He wished she didn't feel that was necessary, but he appreciated her efforts just the same.
He was married to an amazing woman. He knew that unequivocally and without question. How many other women would have been able to put up with his work schedule over the years? Although he knew she hadn't liked him being gone as much as he had been, she'd never once thrown a fit or made him feel guilty for it. As he often did, he marveled at how strong their marriage was throughout it all, and most of the credit had to be given to the beautiful creature sitting at his side. Her strength had seen them through even the worst of times and he silently prayed that that same strength could endure this latest storm.
He leaned toward her slowly, almost as if he wanted to savor each second….each movement. His lips lightly and almost delicately captured hers. He kissed her much the same as he had that very first time so many years ago. After so many years of being together….being married, she could still take his breath away. He kissed her gently, sensually……molding his lips to hers. Then, as often happened, he felt the heat inside begin to rise. He brought his hand up to her face, his thumb softly caressing her cheek as he intensified the kiss. His tongue now sought and gained entrance to her eagerly awaiting mouth.
Just as their heart rates increased, their breaths became shallow and rapid, Frank suddenly broke off the kiss and pulled away from her. She was startled by his sudden movement and looked into his eyes trying to figure out what the problem was. What she saw there was something very much like confusion.
"Frank? What is it?" she asked as her own hand moved to stroke his forearm.
He shook his head as if trying to clear his mind. "I….I thought I heard one of the kids. Maybe Alicia's woken up from her nap."
Laura nodded. "You're probably right. She usually doesn't nap during the day anymore, so if she isn't up already, I'm sure she will be soon. Maybe I should go check on them," she said as she reluctantly stood and gazed down at her husband as he still sat on the porch steps.
He nodded and took her hand and kissed it lightly. "You probably should. I'd do it, but I'm sure that I'm the last person they want to see right now," he told her with a sad grin.
"It'll be all right, Frank. Just give them a day or so."
"I know……I know," he answered, lowering his head so that she couldn't read the uncertainty in his eyes.
She didn't know what else to tell him so she moved toward the door and went to check on her children, leaving Frank alone once more.
After he heard the screen door open and close and her soft footfalls move further into the house, he buried his face in his hands. There were many things that he was certain of in his life. He knew that his wife and children loved him (in spite of recent events)……he knew that he was very good at what he did for a living (arrogance be damned)……and he knew that there were certain friends that he could depend on unquestionably. The one thing he was not certain of anymore was whether or not he had a firm grasp on reality.
Just a few short moments ago, while he had been intently kissing his wife, he could have sworn…….just for a few seconds……no longer than it would have taken to bat an eye………he could have sworn that he was kissing someone else. The image was there and gone before he could really even register it, but it bothered him nonetheless. What the hell is wrong with me?? I've been a lot more stressed about work before. So why now?
He sighed heavily and tried to recapture the fleeting image that had so rudely interrupted a tender moment with his wife. Who was the woman he kept picturing? Was she someone he had known before? During a mission perhaps? Once again so many questions flooded his mind.
What disturbed him even more than not remembering was the feeling that came with each "vision". A weird mixture of lust and disgust that disturbed him relentlessly. How could he have such an intense sexual reaction and yet still feel like he needed to have himself deloused?
He stood suddenly and paced out into the back yard. He needed to do something….anything to keep his mind off of……..well…..off of whatever it was. A dream….a vision……a memory. For about a second and a half, he actually considered telling Laura about it. She was a psychologist/psychiatrist after all, maybe she could help him through whatever was bothering him. Then, of course, he thought about what he had to tell her, and decided against it. How do you explain to your wife, even if she is a doctor, that you're having fantasies about another woman?
A sound disturbed his reverie, and he turned to see Laura walking down the porch steps with a clearly upset Alicia wrapped around her. Any other thoughts went flying out of his head when he saw them.
"Hey….what's wrong, princess?" he quietly asked his daughter.
"She was having a bad dream when I went upstairs. When she woke up she insisted that she wanted to see you," Laura explained to him.
"Daddy?" Alicia managed to say between sniffs, as she reached for her father.
Frank took her in his arms and hugged her tightly to him. "What is it, baby?" he asked her tenderly.
"I…..I woke up and I……thought you were gone…..like you said. You didn't say…..goodbye," she told him through gentle sobs.
He held onto her tighter, rubbing her back trying to comfort her. "Sssshhhh….it's OK. I'm still here, and I would never leave you without saying goodbye. You know that, don't you?"
"Uh huh," she replied, her head still buried around his neck.
He looked at Laura and the two exchanged silent dialogue. He was telling her that this was killing him and she was telling him that the kids just needed time to adjust…..all of this without uttering a single word. Laura reached up and rubbed her daughter's back as well, her fingers grasping Frank's for a second or two in comfort.
"Hey sweetie," Laura began. "Do you want to help me get lunch ready?"
Alicia at first did not respond, but then she slowly pulled back and looked at her mother while she wiped away the remaining tears from her face. "OK……can we have grilled cheese?"
Laura smiled warmly and exchanged another quick glance with Frank as if to say, See…..all it took was a little grilled cheese to make her feel better. "That sounds good. How about we see if your brother wants to help, too?"
Alicia nodded her head and scrambled down out of her father's arms. "Do you want to help too, Daddy?" she asked as she took his hand, pulling him toward the house.
"Sure, honey. Although I think the three of you cooking may be enough," he told her jokingly.
"Sweetie….why don't you run and get Christopher?" Laura suggested.
"Ok," she responded before taking off toward the house in a full tilt run.
"See……she'll be OK," Laura told Frank as she took his hand herself.
He held onto her and the two strolled toward the back door. "If only all the other problems could be solved so easily," he told her, never quite turning in her direction.
Lunch didn't go quite as smoothly as either Laura or Frank had hoped. While their daughter seemed to be accepting her father's impending departure, Christopher was insistent on being stubborn and angry. He rarely spoke and when he did it was always in one syllable answers. And so it continued for the rest of the afternoon and evening. Frank sighed sadly, hoping that somehow, someway, Christopher would find a way to accept things before he left.
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Later that evening, Frank sat tiredly on the side of his bed. The whole day had been an emotional roller coaster, and Christopher's behavior only seemed to magnify that. His mind was so preoccupied that he almost didn't hear Laura enter the room and quietly close the door.
He watched her as she went around the room preparing herself for bed. Every movement she made was part of her nightly ritual, but for some reason, Frank was looking at her as if she'd gone through none of these same steps before.
Laura slipped a simple white t-shirt over her head…..what she always wore to bed……when she suddenly caught Frank's gaze in the mirror. His expression was intense but unreadable. She turned around to look at him, cocking her head to one side, trying to figure out what mood he was in. She knew that today had not been easy on him, and she'd half expected him to be sound asleep when she came down from putting the children to bed. She saw the tiredness in his eyes, but there was something else there as well…..sadness, of course……but also……what?
She approached and stood before him, her hand instinctively reaching out to run her fingers through his short hair. As she did so, he closed his eyes and pulled her closer to him. He wrapped his arms around her slim waist and rested his head between her breasts. She was caught off guard by the vulnerability that she sensed within him. She knew her husband could be many things……intense……angry……passionate….. tender……but somehow she never thought of him as being vulnerable.
Her hands soon left his hair and began an exploration of his broad shoulders and strong back. As she did so, he breathed in deeply, snuggling his head even further into her embrace. For a second she could have sworn that he almost sounded like he was purring in contentment.
His hold on her waist loosened somewhat as his hands began their own journey. Slowly they drifted to her waist and down, skimming the outside of her smooth thighs, before traveling upwards under the hem of her t-shirt. They soon found the waistband of her panties and insistently began to pull them down. Once they found their way around her ankles, she easily stepped out of them and kicked them to the side.
Now that she was free of any other clothing, save her t-shirt, Frank's hands found no other barriers as they were now able to explore her smooth skin at will. Starting at her calves and working upward, his hands caressed the soft skin at the back of her legs. Once at the backs of her thighs, his hands continued on until they found the soft flesh of her derriere, kneading the flesh hungrily before moving on. Up her back they continued before moving toward the outer swells of her ample breasts. The second his probing hands connected with her all ready erect nipples, she moaned softly and rested her head on top of his, her hands now playing with the hair at the back of his neck.
In one swift move, he pulled her body down onto the bed next to him. The minute his own body covered hers, his mouth hungrily devoured her eager lips. No gentleness, just pure unadulterated want and need. When, after several minutes, Frank suddenly pulled back away from her, Laura worried that something was wrong, much as she had in the afternoon when Frank had broken off their kiss.
Before she had a chance to say anything, Frank quickly explained in between labored breaths, "I want to slow this down. I want to remember every move….every touch."
She brought her hands up to frame his face, smiling warmly in the soft light from the bedside lamp. She raised her lips to his, barely touching, just softly exploring. This simple gesture was all the response that he needed to know that she understood.
So he loved her…..unhurriedly….gently. And when he entered her sometime later, his eyes never left hers, as if he was sharing so much more than the pleasure that two bodies could give each other. He was sharing his soul.
Almost three hours later, Frank was still wide awake with Laura curled up comfortably beside him. He turned on his side to look at her, and reached out gently to brush a stray hair out of her face. It amazed him to no end how much he loved her…..how much he needed her. So if everything is so wonderful, why can't you sleep?
Rolling onto his back once more, he thought about the events of the day. After waking from a disturbing dream, the day had pretty much gone to hell. His daughter was afraid that he'd slip out of her life without saying goodbye. His son hated him and refused to talk to him, and Laura…… Sighing contentedly, he turned his head to gaze at her sleeping form. Somehow, she always managed to make things better. He silently thanked God, that she'd somehow found it in her heart to forgive him for what he was about to do. Because if he'd been forced to leave on Monday morning without that forgiveness, he knew he'd have been pretty much ending his marriage. He shuddered just thinking about how empty his life would be without her.
He closed his eyes, once again trying to will himself to sleep, but gave up after several minutes when it appeared that sleep would not come that easily to him. Rising carefully from the bed, he made his way to the kitchen to get a drink. In the nearly silent house, he made his way to the cabinet above the sink. In it, he found an already opened bottle of Jack Daniel's. Taking a small glass from one of the cabinets, he poured himself the equivalent of maybe 2 shots before once again recapping the bottle. Staring at the brown liquid as he swirled it around the bottom of the glass, he prepared himself for its burning after effects. Downing the contents in one swallow, he grimaced at the feel of it washing down the back of his throat. He stood with his hands braced up against the kitchen counter and felt the liquor begin to work its way through his body. Once the initial effects began to fade away, he put the bottle back into the cabinet, washed out the now empty glass and headed back toward his bedroom.
As he stood in the doorway, he noticed that Laura had turned over in her sleep so that she was now facing him, the sheets twisted around her still nude body. He let his eyes drift over her form, lingering on the bare arm and shoulder and bare leg that had escaped the sheets. Perhaps due to the alcohol he'd just consumed, he felt his body responding once again. He wondered briefly if she'd mind if he woke her.
"Go ahead….wake her," a disembodied voice urged him.
"No….she needs her sleep," he responded, seemingly oblivious to the fact that he was carrying on a conversation with no one.
"What's wrong, Luis? Do you have no control over your woman?"
"It's not that," he responded, his eyes never leaving his wife's sleeping form. "She has a lot to deal with. She needs her rest."
The voice, a female voice he decided, laughed evilly very close to his ear. "Soooo…..my dear Luis is…..how do they say in America?…..pussy-whipped?"
"Stop it!" he nearly hissed in the quiet room. "It's not like that!"
"Isn't it? The man I used to know would never allow a woman to rule his needs….his wants. You desire her, yes?"
"Of course, I do. She's my wife."
"Wife?!? She's just another woman, my love. Someone to be used and discarded, just like every other woman you've fucked and left behind. Or have you forgotten?" the voice purred in his ear.
"No! I love her and she loves me!" he stammered, a frown creasing his forehead.
"Does she now? How precious! Of course once you've left, God only knows how many men will have their way with her. Do you truly believe that she opens her legs only for you? Why do you think she wants to go back to Chicago? That young agent….what's his name? Jake? Have you seen the way she looks at him? He's had her, Luis, and he will again just as soon as you're out of the picture."
Frank stared at his wife and knew that what the voice said wasn't true, but somewhere in the back of his mind, a small seed of doubt was planted. Laura loved him. He was absolutely sure of that……or was he? Was the reason she'd forgiven him so easily due to the fact that she couldn't wait for him to leave? His brow furrowed deeply before dismissing the idea with a nearly violent shake of his head.
"No…..she loves me. I know that," he responded, although with slightly less conviction than when the so-called conversation had started.
The tone of the woman's voice changed slightly. Now it was less caustic…less venomous…..taking on a sultry timber. "Of course she loves you……she desires you just like I do. Have you begun to remember me?"
Frank closed his eyes as he felt a hand begin to drift up his still bare back. He swore he could feel heavily polished nails lightly scratch his sensitized skin, causing him to shudder, with desire or repulsion, he wasn't sure. "Lucia…..stop…..please," he whispered into the darkness.
"Ahhhhh…..so you do remember me. Do also remember the hours and days that we would spend together in bed, my darling Luis? Hmmmm? No? Your mind may not, but I can already feel your body responding to my touch, just as it did so many years ago."
For a few seconds, Frank allowed her touch to lull him into some sort of hazy, lust-filled dream state. His eyes were closed and all he could sense was the touch of her hands as they meandered over his steadily hardening form. He opened his eyes and the first thing he saw was Laura's still sleeping form. As if on fire, he pulled himself away from Lucia's phantom embrace. Adrenalin rushed through his veins, as he tried to calm his panicked mind. Oh dear sweet Jesus! What the hell is wrong with me?!?
His back was now to the bed, his hands splayed out on the dresser top as he hung his head trying to calm himself. After several seconds, he finally felt his heart rate begin to return to normal. He raised his head to look into the mirror, trying to assure himself that Laura had not awoken during his latest hallucination. What he saw instead nearly stopped his heart.
In the mirror, not only did he see a reflection of himself as he looked some 14 years ago, but standing slightly behind him he saw the woman that just seconds ago had invaded his mind and troubled his body. Spinning around faster than what he would have thought possible, he grabbed Lucia by the upper arms in a nearly violent grip and glared at her as if he wanted her dead.
"Leave me the hell alone!!" he yelled at her shocked face. He shook her pliable body, as if doing so would finally rid him of her.
A voice slowly worked itself into his overtired, disturbed brain. Something familiar about it drew him, and he closed his eyes trying to relax his tense muscles, following its sound.
"Frank…….Frank! Stop it! Please!" he heard the voice urge him.
Frank opened his eyes once more, but the woman that had been there just mere seconds ago was gone, but in her place, Frank found himself clutching his frightened wife. The look on her face was one of pure fear and panic. His hold on her immediately loosened as he slowly made the transition from sleep to wakefulness.
"Oh God," was all he managed to whisper, before the look of dread took over his once violent features. He looked at Laura's crying face and knew that he'd scared her to death and probably hurt her in the process. He took one of his hands off of her arm and made a gesture toward her face, just wanting to wipe away a tear, but she scrambled away from him, nearly falling as she sat on the side of the bed, her legs no longer able to support her.
"Stay away from me," she hissed at him.
"Laura….oh God…..I'm so sorry. Did I…..did I hurt you?" he asked, although he could already see the bruises beginning to form on her upper arms.
"What the hell was that, Frank? What's happening to you?"
He shook his head as he closed his eyes, trying to keep himself from breaking down in front of her. "I….I don't know. Just a bad dream," he told her trying to convince himself more than her.
"A bad dream?? Are you kidding me? You looked like you were ready to kill me just now! You call that a dream?!"
"Laura….." he began as he tried to move toward her.
"NO!!! Stay away from me!" she yelled at him as she clutched at the sheets and blankets off of their bed, covering up her nakedness.
He approached her nonetheless, kneeling down at her feet. He felt totally defeated. He'd almost caused her more bodily harm than just mere bruising and it killed him inside to see the fear in her eyes.
"Laura….please," he whispered, his head hung before her, his eyes closed tightly. "I swear to God….I didn't know it was you. I would never intentionally hurt you. You have to know that," he barely managed to say before losing his voice entirely. He looked up at her still suspicious, apprehensive face.
She simply looked at him for a moment, studying his obviously apologetic features. There was something so much more than a bad dream going on with him. She could sense it with every fiber of her being. It was more than a dream….more than the stress of this upcoming mission. Before she had a chance question him about any of it, he rested his head on her lap, his arms wrapping around her lower legs.
Once again she felt that vulnerability that she's sensed earlier. "What's going on, Frank? Please……please tell me," she implored him.
"I don't know……I swear. I don't know what it is," he told her, silently wishing that it were true, but somewhere in the back of his mind, he already knew and it made his blood run cold.
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