Broken Promises

Chapter Twenty Two

Frank stared up at the ceiling fan as it lazily stirred the air. As he watched its seemingly unending rotations, his mind began to wander as it had for the past couple of hours.

For a very short, blessed amount of time, he'd actually felt at peace. After what had happened in the kitchen, he and Laura had retired to the bedroom that she had been using during her stay. The two had clung to each other in desperation, needing to feel the warmth of each other's bodies as if in doing so, they could finally recharge their souls. No words were spoken. No apologies or explanations were offered. Not now. Now was a time of bonding, a rebirth.

After what seemed like an eternity, Frank pulled back and looked at his wife's tear streaked face. Framing her face with his hands, he finally forced himself to look at the damage that he had done. Not just at her swollen cheek, but at the pain he saw in her eyes, the pain that he knew he could never fully erase. He knew that there were no words he could say to her that would make it go away, nothing that would make the events of the last weeks fade into oblivion, something he wanted frantically to make happen.

But pain and anguish weren't the only things that he saw. Wiping away her tears, he saw the dark circles under her eyes. How many sleepless nights had he caused? How many times had she cried herself to sleep, alone in the bed that they'd shared for so many years? How many hours had she spent offering consolation and assurances to their children that he would soon return to them? Dozens of other questions tore at his gut and caused his heart to ache. What could he do for her….. now…..at this moment? Before anything else, he instinctively knew that she needed to rest. The explanations, the apologies, and, most importantly, the accusations and guilt could come later.

Guiding her to the bed, he saw the questioning look in her eyes. He also saw the wariness….the mistrust. For well over a decade, the two had shared the same bed, and yet now, he saw that she feared what would happen if she laid beside him once more.

"You need to rest," he barely whispered to her.

She stared at him, unblinking for a second or two as she realized that she'd misunderstood his intent. "But we……"

Before she could finish the sentence, he interrupted her. "I know….I know, and we will. But right now, we're both drained, physically and emotionally. If we start this now……"

It was Laura's turn to stop him. Reaching up, she gently pressed her fingertips to his lips. "I understand." Still sniffling back the tears that continued to flow, she managed to give him a weak smile. "We have so much to talk about."

Capturing her hand, he knelt down beside her as she sat on the edge of the bed. Tentatively, he skimmed his fingertips across her now swollen and slightly bruised cheek. Closing his eyes, his hand dropped once more to his side. How could he possibly ask for her forgiveness? What possible penance could he pay to redeem himself?

Laura saw the battle being waged behind her husband's eyes before they were closed off from her. Part of him desperately wanted forgiveness, the other knew that he would never deserve it. "We'll work through this," she said almost silently, her breath still hitching from her most recent crying jag. She closed her own eyes and rested her forehead against his. In a way, she knew that he was right. As much as she wanted to talk about what happened, as much as she had a thousand questions that she needed answers to, the two of them were too exhausted now to begin.

Leaning her back once more, he took her shoulders in his hands and eased her back toward the mattress. Swinging her legs up, she stared up at him, so many questions unasked. Once she was situated comfortably, he began to pull away. Immediately her hand shot out and captured his, causing him to turn to her once more. "Please…..stay with me?" she asked hesitantly.

Frank stared at her for a moment or two, one more conflict ensued within him.

Laura's eyes pleaded with him. She needed him there….beside her. Partly because she just needed to see him, to touch him, and partly because she was afraid that he would disappear once more.

After a moment or two more, a decision was reached and he moved around to the other side of the bed and settled down next to her. Without hesitation, she wrapped herself around him, her head pillowed against his chest. Only when she felt his arms enfold her, did she truly relax and allow herself to succumb to her exhaustion.

Within what seemed to be mere minutes, Frank heard her breathing even out and knew that she had finally fallen asleep. He closed his eyes and tried desperately to will himself to join her, but his still troubled mind had other plans. Despite the exhaustion, his thoughts raced wildly. Laura wasn't the only one with questions. The events of the last few days were hazy at best. What was real and what was part of his ongoing nightmare? What had he imagined and what had really happened? As much as he wanted to know, he was also afraid to delve into those particular waters right now. Could he explore what had happened without being dragged under once more? Could he recall the events of the last couple of days without the threat of succumbing to the part of him that he abhorred? Sighing raggedly, he knew that he didn't dare. Not now. Too much damage had already been done.

Shifting his head slightly, he looked down at the woman laying in his arms. She was his world….his reason for living. She and the children had brought more happiness and love to his life than he had ever thought humanly possible. He couldn't risk doing any further harm. What had already transpired was already more than his tortured soul could bear.

Staring at the ceiling fan once more, he contemplated how he could possibly make things right again. At this particular point in time, what possible assurances could he give that the events of the past few weeks wouldn't be repeated or made even worse? Once again he sighed. There were none…..no promises that he could make that he wouldn't fear might break yet again.

Shifting slightly on the bed, Frank felt Laura's grip tighten around him. Even in sleep, she subconsciously was clinging to him, afraid to let him go. Glancing down, he saw that she had grasped part of his shirt in her hand, appearing as if she were clutching it for dear life. The sight gripped his heart and squeezed painfully. How much damage had he caused, and more importantly, was it irreversible? Tears stung the backs of his eyes as he pondered the destruction that his behavior had wrought.

Closing his eyes from the sight, he slowly and gently combed his fingers through her hair. A tired, weak smile graced his lips as he wallowed in the comforting sensation that such a simple gesture brought to him. He'd always loved her hair, the silkiness, the way it shone like coppery gold in the sunlight, the scent of honeysuckle that he always associated with her, and the softness of it against his cheek when he nuzzled her neck as they made love. The gesture also seemed to calm her during her sleep. A slight trembling sigh escaped her parted lips as she slowly relaxed the hand that anchored her to his shirt. It unclenched and relaxed as it slowly caressed and then came to rest as it sensed the beating of his heart.

Frank sighed yet again as he finally contemplated what he would need to do to put his world to right once more. For a few more minutes he allowed himself to wallow in the simple pleasure that holding his wife had brought to him, but he knew that soon…..very soon, he would need to put certain plans in motion. Reluctantly, he turned his thoughts toward what had to be. The only question was whether what needed to be done would be the final blow that would finally end his marriage and cost him everything.

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Laura woke some time later. How long she slept, she had no idea. It could have been minutes. It could have been hours or even days. What she did know was that although she still felt slightly drained, she felt more rested than she had in weeks. Stretching slightly, she closed her eyes once more and breathed in deeply as she luxuriated in the sensation between dream and wakefulness. Slowly, the outside world began to filter in and she became aware of sounds. Nothing loud, just the soft scraping of feet outside of the bedroom as someone passed, or the hushed voices that she could just barely make out through the solid wood door. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, that was until she remembered……

"Frank?" she whispered in the silence of the room as she suddenly sat up and glanced this way and that. Her heart began to beat wildly as she tried desperately to shake off the remnants of her sleep. Had she dreamed his presence? The tips of her fingers brushed against her cheek and could still feel the slightly swollen tissue. No….what had happened had been all too real. And if that were so, where was he?

Rising from the bed on shaky legs, she slowly made her way toward the door and placed her hand upon the knob. She stared at the piece of hardware for several seconds before slowly turning it, afraid of what she might find on the other side. Someone was out in the living room, and she was afraid that it wasn't who she desperately hoped that it would be. Leaning her head against the door for a few seconds, she gathered the strength to find the answers she sought, as she silently prayed that her worst dreams would not come true.

The door gradually opened and her view of the room ahead was revealed to her inch by inch. As the opening widened, a cold panic began to set in. Alicia and Christopher were sitting on the floor playing some sort of game, and she could clearly see Alex curled up on the couch watching the two with a smile on her face. If anyone else occupied the room, they were hidden from her view.

Laura entered the room so soundlessly that it took a few seconds for Alex to notice her. Pivoting her head to look at her friend, Alex commented, "Hey sleepy head! I thought you were going……" Her words trailed off as she caught sight of two things, Laura's obviously swollen cheek and the anguished look on her face as her eyes darted round the room.

Quickly rising from the couch, Alex approached Laura. Reaching out, she took the other woman's upper arms in her hands, and asked softly, "Laura? What is it? What happened?"

"Where is he?" she asked barely above a hoarse whisper.

Alex was both confused and frightened. "Where is who, Laura?" she asked in the same hushed tones, not liking the implications of the question one bit.

The question was more answer than Laura needed. Closing her eyes, she felt all of the energy and will drain from her body. Not again….dear God, not again!!

Alex saw Laura's legs give way and was barely able to maneuver her to a nearby chair before she collapsed entirely. Turning around quickly, she saw the concerned and frightened looks on the children's faces and knew that she had to do something and quickly. Pivoting once more, she was torn between helping her friend and shielding the children from what, she didn't know. Something terrible had happened in the time that she and the children had been gone. What that something was, she could only guess at. Deciding that the children needed to come first at this particular moment, she quickly moved toward them and ushered them out of the room and into the kitchen. Both were extremely reluctant to leave and peeked around her several times trying to figure out what was happening with their mother.

Once Alex had the children away from Laura's view, she quickly reached for the phone and called for help. Jake had left less than fifteen minutes earlier, so she knew that he hadn't yet made it home. Dialing his cell, she hastily explained that she needed him to return as quickly as he could. Not wanting to go into graphic detail, she simply told him that Laura needed his help.

Once the call had been placed, she sat down at one of the kitchen chairs and brought the children toward her. "Ummm……your mom isn't feeling well right now," she explained as simply as she could. "I need you to do me a big favor right now, OK? I need for the two of you to stay in here while I figure out what I need to do to help her. Can you do that for me?" she asked as brightly as she could, hoping to ease some of the tension that she felt coming from them.

"What's wrong with her?" Christopher asked, his eyes pleading and filled with worry as he unconsciously wrapped his arm around his little sister.

Forcing a smile to her face, Alex answered, "That's what I need to find out, sweetie. I'm sure she's just very tired, and probably didn't get enough sleep. So….will you stay in here with your sister?" Glancing around the room, she quickly added, "I'll bring some crayons and paper in here and the two of you can draw her a picture to make her feel better. How does that sound?" Not waiting for an answer, she quickly brushed by them and returned within seconds with what she had promised. Situating them both at the table, she smiled at both before returning to the living room.

She found Laura exactly where she'd left her. Now that the children were occupied, she could finally concentrate on what might have happened. Laura had said 'he'. He who? The bruise on her face led her to a myriad more questions. Had someone broken in while they were away? If so, had Laura been attacked? Why would the attacker have left the rest of the apartment untouched? A sick panic settled in her belly as she approached Laura once more. Instinctively she knew that whatever had happened, she wouldn't like….not one bit.

"Laura?" she called faintly as she settled herself on the edge of the coffee table in front of the chair.

At first it seemed as if Laura didn't hear her. But just as she was about to reach out and gently rouse her, she saw her friend slowly open her eyes and turn her head toward her. The look in Laura's eyes sent shivers down her spine. Never in her life had she seen anyone so lost and despairing.

"Laura…..can you tell me what happened?" she asked, knowing that she needed to get to the bottom of whatever had happened before she could find a way to help.

Many seconds ticked by before Laura finally answered. "He was here, Alex……he was here." The last part was spoken barely above a whisper, as if the effort required to do so was more than Laura could manage.

Confusion clouded Alex's face as she tried to fathom what Laura was telling her. Who was here? Who would have……. Suddenly her eyes flew open. She knew. "Oh dear God……." was all she was able to mutter. Frank had come to Chicago? He'd found Laura here, at her apartment? If so, where in God's name was he and what……

"Laura…….did he…….?" she was barely able to ask, as she hesitantly pointed to the blue marks on Laura's cheek, not wanting to believe that her friend would ever be capable of such an act.

Laura simply nodded in reply, a single tear tracing down the same swollen cheek. How could she possibly explain what happened? Yes, Frank had struck her, but in so many ways, he wasn't to blame. The effort required to detail what had happened was almost more than she could bear right now. It didn't matter. Explaining it all to Alex wouldn't change anything. In the end, after all stories were told, Frank would still be gone.

Suddenly, Laura stirred from the chair and rose to her feet. Brushing off Alex's attempts to help her, she simply shook her head and turned away. She couldn't do this……not now. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she was cognizant of the fact that the children were just in the other room, able to hear everything that was going on. She didn't want that. They'd already seen too much, been exposed to too much turmoil and heartache. She wouldn't burden them with anything further. Slowly she staggered away from her friend and sought out the solitude of the room that she had exited just minutes before. She barely heard Alex's questioning voice or her following footsteps, but simply shook her head once more, signifying that she needed no assistance. Once inside the room, she softly closed the door behind her and leaned against it's smooth surface, her eyes closing as she did so.

What was she to do now? For weeks, she had prayed that he would come back to her. Now that he had, her heart and soul hurt more than she could have ever imagined. This was different. Before she worried about what could be happening as he went about his mission. This….this was something else entirely. Before he'd left her to fulfill his duty to the CIA. Now, he'd simply left…..he'd left her. The thought made her blood run cold. The thousand questions that she'd had before, multiplied. What had happened in the weeks that he was away? Why had he returned so quickly and obviously without having been through any sort of therapy or counseling? Why had he left once more, and more importantly……would he be return? The last question was what was tearing her apart. She'd thought that all she needed was to have him back with her and now that he had returned, she hadn't been enough to keep him here. Her love hadn't been enough to hold him.

Opening her weary eyes once more, she focused on something she hadn't seen when she'd awoken earlier. A piece of paper was lying on the bed. The side of the bed that Frank had occupied not so very long ago. With shaking hands and legs, she slowly made her way across the room, and finally willed herself to pick the sheet up and read what was written there. The note contained only two words and as she read them, she felt a seeping coldness fill her heart and mind.

"I'm sorry" was all that it said. Sinking to her knees, Laura clutched the paper to her chest and broke down crying…..alone in the gathering darkness of the coming night.

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A/N: One more chapter to go! Thanks again for hanging in there. I hope the ending won't disappoint. :-0