Chapter 2: An End
~`~,*`~,~
Hey.
Written to Linkin Park's Meteora album. Alternating from sad to depressed to violent.
Black: Very appropriate! ^__^
Okie, loads of reviews!
Black: I can't believe people actually read this.
-_-
So. before I get going it seems like I'm going to have to resolve an issue: This IS NOT Rei's POV. It wasn't in the plan originally, but sense so many people seem to want one; I'm going to have to shove it in somewhere and see if I can actually make it fit without ruining the over-all fluidity.
Platinum Rei: Thanx, I like to start my fics oddly so I don't' know if people like them like that.
Esuna: I luv doing angst, very realistic and something people can relate to. And sorry, this isn't Rei's.
Hikari no Yami: um, same. See above.
Eresphen's Light: Thanx, but. It's not a one-shot! ^__^ I'm taking that as a complement, since that's how I write.
Vampyre Neko: YES!
Ryu_Blader: I will! ^__^
Ashla: Thanx for being my first reviewer and I'm sorry for the typo!
Black: AND NOW, TO RED'S FIRST FLAMER *drum roll* FUCK OFF!!! There happens to be a lot wrong with us, and nothing at all, at the same time. DEAL!!!
^__^ I love having an evil muse to make me feel better.
Anyways.
As you may have guessed in the previous chapter, Kai isn't very happy with himself and wants to do something to deal with his confusion. This is his decision. Probably what you think, as it's been done to death, but I'm doing it anyways!
Black: -_-'
This is where it all starts, really.
Black: Red doesn't own Beyblade. I mean seriously. Do you people THINK?
~`,~*`~,~
I take off my vambrances and let them fall to the ground in front of me. I hesitate only a short second before reaching behind my neck and slowly untying my scarf. I carefully fold it into a small rectangle and set it on top of my vambrances.
Feeling naked and unusually open I put my hand into my pocket and pull out the round object in it. Dranzer, my trusting friend and staunch supporter through long, hard times.
Another pause of consideration.
"I'm sorry," I whisper, sad and feeling slightly guilty, "I can't anymore. I know you tried, don't blame yourself." I falter, those inevitable hard words sticking in my throught.
"Good bye."
I hear her silent, final plea echoing in my head, but I resolve myself and block her out, knowing she was fighting to get out, and would if I gave her even the slightest spot of weakness.
I open my hand and she falls down onto the smooth cloth of my scarf, face down.
I jerk my eyes away from the sad sight, everything I had ever thought of as me sitting alone on the dirt. I was now truly naked to the world.
My hand drifted down and I put it into my pocket again for the last part of my plan. When my fingers closed over the metal, slightly warm from my body heat, I reviewed everything to make sure it would work, knowing I was just delaying, but unable to take that final step just yet.
The note was written earlier this morning and was next to the telephone. They should find it as soon as they got back. Probably about now. It would take them a few minutes to get here if they walked. I would tell them, tell Rei, everything. Then if they rejected me, if Rei rejected me, I would do it. No hesitation there.
If they accepted me.
Well, what were the chances?
I waited. The sun started to go down. Good ambiance. Few more minutes. As each second passed I grow more anxious. What if they didn't find it? What if they just didn't come? I suppressed the fearful questions and decided to give them a few more minutes. Maybe they were just taking a while.
A few more minutes and the sun disappeared behind the trees and hills. This was it. They weren't coming. The pain fueled my anger as I pulled out my hand from my pocket. In it lay my final end. A small pocket knife with a phoenix engraved on one side, a flame on the other. A present from Rei, ironically enough.
I flicked the blade open, the metal glinting silver in the shadowy light. I'm not afraid of pain, or of death. Not anymore, not after having faced it so many times, over and over.
I felt oddly calm, now that I had a definite end. The jugular, the under- arm or the wrists? Which ever is fastest. The jugular, I think. One arm rises and feels out the beat of life, right next to the wind-pipe. The other reaches up and the sharp edge lays against the cool skin, marking the spot.
The air grows cool, as if sensing my movement.
My eyes close and my heart slows to a calm beat of confidence.
The hand presses and the skin breaks. I feel it tear into me, a clean cut, perfect; a surgeon with a scalpel couldn't have done better.
My hand drops, suddenly heavy. My head gets light and airy. Dots swim in front of my eyes as my body automatically fights the darkness.
My knees hit the ground, jarring me painfully before I even realize I've fallen.
I hear a thumping sound, my heartbeat, I guess. Suddenly it speeds up as I fall from my knees the remaining space to the ground.
Except I don't hit.
Soft?
I pry open my eyes, not having noticed them close before. The sky was there, blurry and a deep blue. Then black covers my eyes, but not the darkness that I was expecting. A pale face with deep golden jewels set in it. I force myself to focus, trying to blink away the growing dots.
A voice reaches my tired ears, somehow an important one. Who's?
"Kai!"
Black hair, gold eyes, knows my name. Someone important. I know this.
"Rei?"
"Thank god, Kai who did this to you? What's going on? You're bleeding like crazy!"
It takes a few seconds for the questions to sink in. I have to swallow a lot of blood to speak.
"You did this. I did it because of you."
"Why?! Damnnit, Kai, I never knew I hurt you enough to make you do this!"
I have my answer ready, knowing I was almost gone, almost in the shadow that hung over me.
"I'm gay, Rei. I've liked you for a long time and I wanted to be with you, but it's too late now. Good bye."
I close my eyes again, feeling extremely exhausted. Just tired of everything. This was taking longer than I had wanted it to. My own fault, I guess.
It must be raining. Funny, I didn't see any clouds.
My arm won't lift to get it off my face.
Now a breeze.
The shadow is so close.
~`~,*`~,~
Ta duh!
Black: ^___^ I love depression.
Hopefully you got the inside meanings on a couple things in there, I tried to convey everything properly.
Black: Isn't the first person so much better? I made her learn how to do it properly.
This took. about 2 hours. I just typed it straight in so it took shorter than usual. On my new laptop! ^__^
Back: _'
SO, if you like, there will be a new chapter, if not, well.
Black: There'll still be another chapter!
Bye-bye!
(Black: Sometimes I wonder how she can manage to be so cheerful after writing stuff like that. @_@)
Clicky-clicky!
~`~,*`~,~
Hey.
Written to Linkin Park's Meteora album. Alternating from sad to depressed to violent.
Black: Very appropriate! ^__^
Okie, loads of reviews!
Black: I can't believe people actually read this.
-_-
So. before I get going it seems like I'm going to have to resolve an issue: This IS NOT Rei's POV. It wasn't in the plan originally, but sense so many people seem to want one; I'm going to have to shove it in somewhere and see if I can actually make it fit without ruining the over-all fluidity.
Platinum Rei: Thanx, I like to start my fics oddly so I don't' know if people like them like that.
Esuna: I luv doing angst, very realistic and something people can relate to. And sorry, this isn't Rei's.
Hikari no Yami: um, same. See above.
Eresphen's Light: Thanx, but. It's not a one-shot! ^__^ I'm taking that as a complement, since that's how I write.
Vampyre Neko: YES!
Ryu_Blader: I will! ^__^
Ashla: Thanx for being my first reviewer and I'm sorry for the typo!
Black: AND NOW, TO RED'S FIRST FLAMER *drum roll* FUCK OFF!!! There happens to be a lot wrong with us, and nothing at all, at the same time. DEAL!!!
^__^ I love having an evil muse to make me feel better.
Anyways.
As you may have guessed in the previous chapter, Kai isn't very happy with himself and wants to do something to deal with his confusion. This is his decision. Probably what you think, as it's been done to death, but I'm doing it anyways!
Black: -_-'
This is where it all starts, really.
Black: Red doesn't own Beyblade. I mean seriously. Do you people THINK?
~`,~*`~,~
I take off my vambrances and let them fall to the ground in front of me. I hesitate only a short second before reaching behind my neck and slowly untying my scarf. I carefully fold it into a small rectangle and set it on top of my vambrances.
Feeling naked and unusually open I put my hand into my pocket and pull out the round object in it. Dranzer, my trusting friend and staunch supporter through long, hard times.
Another pause of consideration.
"I'm sorry," I whisper, sad and feeling slightly guilty, "I can't anymore. I know you tried, don't blame yourself." I falter, those inevitable hard words sticking in my throught.
"Good bye."
I hear her silent, final plea echoing in my head, but I resolve myself and block her out, knowing she was fighting to get out, and would if I gave her even the slightest spot of weakness.
I open my hand and she falls down onto the smooth cloth of my scarf, face down.
I jerk my eyes away from the sad sight, everything I had ever thought of as me sitting alone on the dirt. I was now truly naked to the world.
My hand drifted down and I put it into my pocket again for the last part of my plan. When my fingers closed over the metal, slightly warm from my body heat, I reviewed everything to make sure it would work, knowing I was just delaying, but unable to take that final step just yet.
The note was written earlier this morning and was next to the telephone. They should find it as soon as they got back. Probably about now. It would take them a few minutes to get here if they walked. I would tell them, tell Rei, everything. Then if they rejected me, if Rei rejected me, I would do it. No hesitation there.
If they accepted me.
Well, what were the chances?
I waited. The sun started to go down. Good ambiance. Few more minutes. As each second passed I grow more anxious. What if they didn't find it? What if they just didn't come? I suppressed the fearful questions and decided to give them a few more minutes. Maybe they were just taking a while.
A few more minutes and the sun disappeared behind the trees and hills. This was it. They weren't coming. The pain fueled my anger as I pulled out my hand from my pocket. In it lay my final end. A small pocket knife with a phoenix engraved on one side, a flame on the other. A present from Rei, ironically enough.
I flicked the blade open, the metal glinting silver in the shadowy light. I'm not afraid of pain, or of death. Not anymore, not after having faced it so many times, over and over.
I felt oddly calm, now that I had a definite end. The jugular, the under- arm or the wrists? Which ever is fastest. The jugular, I think. One arm rises and feels out the beat of life, right next to the wind-pipe. The other reaches up and the sharp edge lays against the cool skin, marking the spot.
The air grows cool, as if sensing my movement.
My eyes close and my heart slows to a calm beat of confidence.
The hand presses and the skin breaks. I feel it tear into me, a clean cut, perfect; a surgeon with a scalpel couldn't have done better.
My hand drops, suddenly heavy. My head gets light and airy. Dots swim in front of my eyes as my body automatically fights the darkness.
My knees hit the ground, jarring me painfully before I even realize I've fallen.
I hear a thumping sound, my heartbeat, I guess. Suddenly it speeds up as I fall from my knees the remaining space to the ground.
Except I don't hit.
Soft?
I pry open my eyes, not having noticed them close before. The sky was there, blurry and a deep blue. Then black covers my eyes, but not the darkness that I was expecting. A pale face with deep golden jewels set in it. I force myself to focus, trying to blink away the growing dots.
A voice reaches my tired ears, somehow an important one. Who's?
"Kai!"
Black hair, gold eyes, knows my name. Someone important. I know this.
"Rei?"
"Thank god, Kai who did this to you? What's going on? You're bleeding like crazy!"
It takes a few seconds for the questions to sink in. I have to swallow a lot of blood to speak.
"You did this. I did it because of you."
"Why?! Damnnit, Kai, I never knew I hurt you enough to make you do this!"
I have my answer ready, knowing I was almost gone, almost in the shadow that hung over me.
"I'm gay, Rei. I've liked you for a long time and I wanted to be with you, but it's too late now. Good bye."
I close my eyes again, feeling extremely exhausted. Just tired of everything. This was taking longer than I had wanted it to. My own fault, I guess.
It must be raining. Funny, I didn't see any clouds.
My arm won't lift to get it off my face.
Now a breeze.
The shadow is so close.
~`~,*`~,~
Ta duh!
Black: ^___^ I love depression.
Hopefully you got the inside meanings on a couple things in there, I tried to convey everything properly.
Black: Isn't the first person so much better? I made her learn how to do it properly.
This took. about 2 hours. I just typed it straight in so it took shorter than usual. On my new laptop! ^__^
Back: _'
SO, if you like, there will be a new chapter, if not, well.
Black: There'll still be another chapter!
Bye-bye!
(Black: Sometimes I wonder how she can manage to be so cheerful after writing stuff like that. @_@)
Clicky-clicky!