Disclaimer : I don't have any right on Gilmore Girls, if I had, do you seriously think I would have kept Dean that long on the show?




Author's Note 2004/02/24: Thank you for all the wonderful reviews I received they mean the world to me. And a big thanks to Jayde, who is my beta, and is constantly pushing me to have more of this story.




To Remember You
Chapter 6: Tristan: The Point Of No Return




Lying down on their bed, Tristan looks at Rory, still unconscious. Softly playing with her hair, waiting for her to come back to reality, scared that she'll erase him again, he looks at the clock, ten minutes in a world without pain.




"Remember the love Rory; remember how in love you feel this morning."




Rory is laying in her old bedroom, wondering why she is still single at twenty seven with no job when she used to work, why the whole town treats her like a porcelain doll. Lorelai enters the room, her eyes red from crying too much. "How do you feel this morning Rory?"

"Incomplete, like there's just so much out there that I should have. But here I am, single, no job, no single girlfriends that could go out with me. It's as if I lost track of time and I just woke up."




"Only if you don't leave me again."


Opening her eyes, Rory is met with Tristan's concerned blue orbs, uncertain of the way he should act; he plays with her tangled hair. Placing her head over his chest, Rory lets the tears go as he holds her close to him. Picking up the phone on night table beside the bed, he presses the 'memory 1' button. The answering machine picks up, "Lorelai, come over as soon as you can, use the spare key." Tristan hangs up the phone, trying to comfort Rory of the pain still too raw inside of her.




"Lorelai, help me, she's going mad. She doesn't remember that Vicky is dead, she takes care of a doll, rocking it and singing the same lullaby all the time."

"I'm on my way."




"Rory? It's Tristan's turn to take care of Victoria. Why don't you come in Stars Hollow with me? We were supposed to have a movie night."

"Really? I must have forgotten about it."




"I'm not really feeling for a movie night mom, rain check?"

"Sure."




"Tristan, she needs a break, she'll call you when she's ready."

"Lorelai, she's been with you for the last two weeks and she still hasn't called."

"Give her time Tristan. She has a lot to heal."

Feeling guilty, Tristan walks inside the little club he hasn't stepped into in over a year. The same crowd is there, after ordering a double Scotch, he walks over to his drinking friends, knowing that if he was sober, they would be anything but friends to him.


Using the spare key to enter the house, Lorelai climbs up the stairs quietly, not hearing any sound. Stopping in front of the entrance of Tristan and Rory's bedroom, she takes a deep breath before walking over to the bed, where she sees that Rory has fallen asleep from crying while Tristan seems lost in memories. As Lorelai approaches the bed, Tristan disentangles himself from Rory; motioning for Lorelai to be quiet and to follow him.




Sitting in front of two steaming coffee mugs, Lorelai asks, "How do you feel?"

"Relieved, she cried herself to sleep which means she lives in the same reality we do."

"How could everything come back so fast? She only left four hours ago."

"It's the house."

Taking Tristan's hand, Lorelai asks, "How are you really feeling?"

Extracting his hand from Lorelai's, he takes hold of his mug, looking intensely at it, "I'm thirsty, everyday I'm thirsty and each day is harder than the previous one. I'm hungry for it." Looking at Lorelai's eyes, he resumes, "But don't worry, that phase of my life is over forever. I almost reached the point of no return, and I'll die of thirst before I drink again."




Looking through the window of the small bar, Lucas doesn't see his cousin anywhere. Walking inside, he walks up to the bartender but before he can say anything, the bartender says, "I told you already Tristan, you've had enough tonight, go home and sleep."

Lucas smiles as he asks, "I'm his cousin Lucas, actually. I'm looking for Tristan."

"Well, ya' could have fooled me, the last time I saw him he was going in the washrooms."

Following the barman's direction, Lucas enters the men's-room only to find an unconscious Tristan lying on the floor, his head bleeding. Hurrying to his cousin, Lucas shakes him a little. Tristan opens one eye, trying to stand up but he feels paralyzed, "Wouca, my hen, ame to guy my a burr?"

Trying to help Tristan up, Lucas replies sharply, "I'm bringing you home, where you'll be able to rest and get yourself back on your feet."

Protesting, Tristan tries to get away "Cursed, cam't, is cused!"

Frustrated by his cousin incoherence, Lucas says, "I'll bring you to my place then."




"Hey handsome, guess what you called my dear boyfriend last night? Well, I'll tell you, you called him a hen."

Slowly opening his eyes, Tristan sees Brooke, cheerful as always. Looking at her dark green eyes, he lets out, "Huh?"

Giving him a mug of strong black coffee, Brooke explains, "See, we were worried about you. You didn't go to work since Rory went back to her mom, you're never home and you never answer your cell. Lucas, out of curiosity, went to your little bar and found you unconscious in the washroom."

Closing his eyes in shame and from the headache intensified by the light, Tristan whispers with a dry throat, "I don't remember."

"With the smell emanating from you, I don't even have to guess why. Now, why don't you go take a nice hot shower while I change these sheets?" Brooke doesn't wait for his answer, she helps him out of bed and sends him in the bathroom where a set of clean clothes from Lucas is waiting for him.




Looking at the night clock on the night table, Tristan gets up, feeling in shape to go back to the bar, Tristan wets his hair and goes down the stairs to leave Lucas's house only to be met by Lucas and Brooke waiting for him. Opening his mouth to say something, Tristan is cut-off by Lucas, "You're not going anywhere tonight, you're not going anywhere for a while."

"Lucas, let me go, there's stuff I need to do and take care of."

"No. Cancel everything, because this is not you. You're better than this."

"Who the hell are you to tell me that? I'm perfectly fine and I'm leaving now."

"Tristan, you have to stop drinking, you're killing yourself."

"I would be better off dead, my daughter is dead and my wife left me."

Deciding to enter the conversation, Brooke exclaims, "What?"

"You heard me, she's gone crazy, Lorelai came to get her and she hasn't given me news ever since."

"Lucas, why don't you go make us some coffee, we'll be in the living room." Lucas nods, and leaves them alone to talk.


Waking up to an empty room, Rory lights up the bed lamp and opens the drawer of her night table, retrieving a photo album. On the first page, written by her own hand, she reads the words, 'To my Victoria, in this album you'll find all your past, Your loving mom.' As tears slowly escapes her eyes, Rory turns the pages, looking at every pictures reading the inscription she wrote, at the hospital less than two hours after her birth, the first night she spend in her little cradle, her first Halloween dressed in a pumpkin suit even though she was only a month old, pictures in the bath, her first smile, her first Christmas, new year's eve at the Gilmore's mansion, her first time in the snow, her first Valentine's Day dressed as a big heart. And then empty pages. Rory lies down again on the bed, holding the album close to her heart, crying silent tears.




Entering the room, Lorelai sees Rory holding the baby album tightly against her chest. Lying down beside her daughter, she speaks softly, "Rory, remember how you felt this morning. He needs you as much as you need him."

Facing her mom, Rory cries, "That's the thing, I just feel a void, I don't feel anything beside sadness and I feel like it's drowning me."

Lorelai holds her daughter tight against her, soothing her to sleep.




Tristan wakes up at the crack of dawn, watching his beautiful wife while she sleeps. Instinctively, she gets closer to him, holding him tight as she sleeps, breathing him in.




Opening her eyes to see Tristan, Rory says, "I want you to bring me to her grave."




"Want me to go with you?"

"No, just tell me which one it is."

Pointing the location, he whispers, "It's where your grandmother is standing. I'll wait for you right here, if you need me, call me."

Without answering, Rory starts walking holding the photo album close to her when she hears, "I love you Rory." Still silent, she continues down the path.




Emily Gilmore is standing and talking in front of the headstone of her great-granddaughter, "…I beg you Victoria, please help your mommy, she is lost in darkness, not remembering you or her husband. Help her find her way to happiness again. Help her remember you, she's the same she always was but we never know what to say to her because we might damage her memory even more. Sometimes, her eyes wander to a place where only she knows, but her eyes, in those moments are so sad. I know that I've asked you before, but I'm scared for her. She loved you so much…she needs to grieve with her husband. The stars in her eyes left the day you died but she doesn't know it and your father needs her to help heal his pain. I'm begging you Vicky, help your mother remember…" The sound of shoes walking on the grass interrupts her, turning around; Emily sees Rory standing behind her, tears covering her beautiful face. "Rory, I didn't… what are you… I'm sorry… how much did you…"

"It's okay grandma, I know. I remember everything. I just… I came to say my goodbyes."

"How did you…"

"Can we talk about it another time? I just want to talk with Victoria now."

Walking to Rory, Emily holds her and kisses her cheek, "Of course. I was just leaving, I'll call you later."

"Okay, call me at my house. I moved back."

Turning to leave, Emily sees Tristan sitting on a bench; she nods and leaves to go meet Tristan.

Once alone in front of the grave, Rory falls on her knees crying, "Victoria, can you forgive me, I never meant to erase you. It was just too hard, help me, I don't know how to live without you. I carried you for nine months and then I held you for five months. I brought you the picture album I made you, wanting to bury it with you but I can't, I'm not ready to let go just yet. I need it to remember how wonderful you were. All I feel is sadness inside my heart; I have no place for love anymore. Yesterday I was in love with your father, but now that you're not here anymore, I also remembered that you're the reason we didn't get a divorce. Without you, I'm not sure I want to be with your father. Please, light my way Vicky."

Rory rests her head on the stone and closes her eyes, waiting for an answer she won't receive. Crying out loud, she loses consciousness.




Author's note: Loved it? Hated it? Too short or too long to read? Just drop me a note!
Siaram