Disclaimer : I don't have any right on Gilmore Girls, if I had, do you seriously think I would have kept Dean that long on the show?




Author's Note 2004/02/28: Hey everybody, I just wanted to let you all know that I'm a review addict and that I loved everyone of them. Jayde… my wonderful BETA, thank you.




To Remember You
Chapter 7: Rory: Making Decisions




Running to Rory, Tristan and Emily are worried by the way her head had made a weird move before falling onto the mud, the first to reach her is Tristan. Kneeling beside her, he takes her in his arms, asking, "Rory, do you hear me Rory?"

With no answers on her part, he lifts her in his arms and joins Emily who is trying to run the fastest she can with her expensive high heeled shoes. Tristan runs with Rory in her arms to his car as Emily screams, "I'll meet you at your place."




Rory regains consciousness in the car, sitting up in the back seat, she asks, "Why didn't you leave me with her?"

Glancing at her in his mirror, Tristan says while parking the car on the side of the street, "I couldn't just leave you there Rory. I love you too much for that."

Rory looks out the window, not saying a word. After a little while Tristan starts the engine to drive back home.




Rory looks out the window, waiting for Tristan to leave the house to go to work. Seven days since she went to the grave, seven days wondering what was in her best interest. Seven days wanting to scream to the world that she wanted to die, that she wanted to go to heaven and hold her child again. Tristan is standing in front of her, "Are you sure you'll be alright by yourself? I can always take another week of unpaid leave."

"No, I'll be fine. I'll read, maybe go take a walk. Go work, don't worry. I'll be fine."

Bending down to kiss her goodbye, she shifts her head to make him kiss the cheek. Keeping a frustrated groan for himself, he says, "Well, I'll be home around five. I love you." But she is already lost in her memories as he walks out the door, frustrated.




Sitting on her daughter's grave, Rory whispers, "Hey, baby. We have another five hours to talk."




Entering the house after work the way he had for the previous month, Tristan sighs knowing exactly what kind of evening lays ahead of him. Entering the kitchen where Rory is doing the final preparations for dinner, he gets close to her and tries to kiss her, knowing that she will move to escape his kiss. "How was your day Rory?"

Not turning to face him, she takes the pasta out of the stove. "Good, as always."

As Rory fills the plates, Tristan sits at the table asking, "Did you do anything interesting?"

Sitting down to eat, Rory answers, knowing it will break any kind of conversation, "Not really, the usual."




As Rory washes the dishes, Tristan is beside her drying it and unnerving her at the same time for doing it. When the last plate is dry, Rory says, "I'm burned, I'm going to bed." She leaves without saying another word.




Tristan is walking through the streets of Hartford, wishing for the good old times to come back. The times when Rory had stars in her eyes, when she was talking, when she wanted to talk and eat junk food 'til it made them sick, or the crazy nights that they had spent making love and talking about the future. Now, all he got was a wife preparing supper, wanting to wash the dirty dishes right after, and then go to bed, closing herself to him. Passing in front of his old favourite bar, he takes out his cell phone and dials a familiar number.




Rory is awakened by the repetitive doorbell ring. Standing up, she shouts while donning a robe, "Tristan, why don't you answer the door? You knew I was asleep!" Walking down the stairs, she turns to look at Tristan, who is as usually asleep in front of the television to find it dark and empty. Walking to the door, she opens it angrily. "Hey girlfriend, no need to worry about your yummy husband, he's drinking coffee with my dreamy boyfriend."

Moving aside a little to let Brooke in, Rory closes the door behind her to follow Brooke into her living room. "What brings you here this late at night, Brooke?"

Brooke sits down on the couch followed closely by Rory, "It's not late Rory, it's barely ten. Plus I think it's time for us to talk."

Looking bored, Rory asks, "About what?"

"About the way you're shutting everything that's good out of your life."

"Name me three things that are good about my life."

"Rory, I know it's hard but you have to get over it. You have to have fun in life, it's already short enough, and you can't keep on living like a zombie for the rest of your life."

"Not everything in life is about fun Brooke."




"Brooke, I have a deadline, and right now is not a good time. I need to focus, but I can't if you stay here."

"Rory, we've been over this, Lucas and Tristan are out of town, let's do something fun. Like go play pool or dancing."

"Have you looked at me Brooke? I'm the size of an elephant! I won't go play pool."

"Then let's go dancing, you would have fun."

"My feet hurt when I stand up too long, you don't know what it's like to have watermelon in your stomach. If I tried to dance I'd probably pee myself, anyway. The wonders of gravity, and a baby on your bladder."

"Well, let's go have coffee and a movie, it would be better than nothing."


"What are you doing here with a beer in front of you? We made a deal Tristan."

Raising his eyes to look into Lucas's, Tristan whispers, "I'm testing myself, but tonight I can't do it alone."

"What are you talking about? Come on, let's get some coffee."

Looking at his beer one last time, Tristan follows Lucas, craving for just a little taste of his drink.




"What are you scared of Rory? He's been in love with you forever and you love him too. Where did everything turn bad?"

"When he started to love his beer more than me."

"You know that that phase of his life is over forever, right?"




"Tristan, you have to stay strong, you can't go back there. You'll kill yourself."

Tristan looking at the floor answers Brooke, "Maybe that's what I really want. I could survive the death of Victoria if I was with her, if we could hold on to each other, but she abandoned me. I'm all alone; I can't go through it alone. We were supposed to cry together, stay together for better or worse."

Looking up, Brooke sees Lucas holding a tray filled with mugs of coffee. She holds Tristan in a tight embrace, letting him weep. "You're not alone Tristan. I'm here." Looking at Lucas again, "We're here"

Lucas puts the tray on the coffee table before sitting down beside Tristan, waiting to be needed.


"Then he stayed with us for a month, spending the next one trying to get a glance of you while parked in front of your house at night, expecting you to join him."

"I didn't even know that he existed. I didn't even know I was married, but I knew something was wrong, the whole town was acting weird around me."

"You have to give him another chance, because I don't think that he could survive losing you again."

"What are you saying? That I should stay with him even if I don't feel anything anymore?"

"No, I'm just saying that you should talk to him, try and figure out where you stand."

Rory is walking around the cemetery, trying to find her daughter's grave in the dark. Recognising the place, she lies down on the ground, wrapping herself in the baby blanket she brought with her. Closing her eyes to fall asleep, tears fall freely from her eyes. "Vicky, sleep is escaping me, but when I'm awake I can't live my life because I miss you too much. I have to let you go to be able to live again. I won't abandon you, you'll always be in my heart and I'll come and visit you often but it won't be every day. Do you know that today you would be ten months old; you would probably be crawling on the floor or crying of the pain caused by your teething. You would have probably called me mama once or twice by now." Wiping the tears from her eyes, she sobs, "But I'll never be able to hear these words from you. The simplest word in the world, and yet the most important one." Crying freely, against her daughter's grave, Rory falls asleep from exhaustion.




Rory is walking on a rainbow, sitting on it, she slides down to land beside a pot of gold. Laughing freely, she turns around, looking for someone who could tell her how to get back over the top of the rainbow. The pot of gold fades as she sees a little girl aged around ten or twelve years old. She asks the girl, "Hey, do you know how to get back on the rainbow?"

A crystalline laugh escaped the little girl's mouth, "No, you can only ride it once per rainbow, yours just faded away."

Turning around, seeking the rainbow, Rory realises that it disappeared. Looking at the little girl with dark blond hair and turquoise eyes, she asks, "What are you doing here all by yourself?"

Laughing again, the little girl sits down on the green meadow, "I'm not alone, I never was. My parents can't be with me right now but it's okay, because they think about me and love me."

Sitting in front of the little girl, Rory asks, "Then why are you here?"

"To show myself to you and help you live your life like you should." Tears fill the little girl's eyes but it's not interrupting her, "I need to tell you that I love you Mommy, and that you need to live. Without you and dad I'll be forgotten, without you, daddy's lost. He'll only remember his failures; I need you to come back mommy. I need to live inside you the way I know you'll never let me die."

Rory holds the little girl in her arms, rocking her softly as she whispers, "I'll never let you die Vicky; you'll always have a place in my heart. I'll let you grow in my heart as I grow old."

"I love you mommy."


"I love you too Vicky. You're so beautiful; just hold me tight to let me know that I'm not dreaming."

As two big and strong arms surround Rory, she slowly opens her eyes to find herself in the cemetery ground. "It was just a dream. It wasn't real!" Turning around to face the person holding her, she faces Tristan and starts to mourn.

Tristan lets her cry for a while and as the sun rises, he whispers, "Let me take you home."




It's been three days, three days of watching Rory cry between small amounts of rest, when Tristan wakes up alone in bed. Fear stuck in his heart, he gets up to find her. Seeing her sitting on the couch listening to David Bowie's old compilation as she drinks a cup of coffee, he slowly walks up to her and sits beside her, waiting for her to say something.

"We need to talk, Tristan."

"Why don't I like the sound of that?"

Facing him to look him in the eyes for the first time in a long time, she notices suddenly how tired he looks. Raising a hand to cup his cheek, and hopefully help alleviate his eyes of the sadness, she whispers, "We have a long way to go, but I want to try. Can we start over?"




Author's Note: That's it for today, another chapter coming up soon, meanwhile, a little click of purple button would make me very happy ;-)
Siaram