LOVE JUST IS
I grabbed the towel as I stepped out of the shower. I felt very energized even though I'd just instructed fifty slayers in Thai kickboxing. And with the new slayers, it's basically monkey see, monkey do. I towel dried my hair and dressed in a pair of khaki shorts and a pastel green peasant top. I didn't have any more workouts today and felt like a walk outdoors would do me good. I really needed to clear my head anyway. I combed my still wet hair and braided it back a little clumsily. I took my wallet out of my purse and put it in my back pocket. I wanted to be ready just in case anything came up. I strolled out the doors of the huge mansion that the newly formed Counsel let Slayer's Inc. have. The house was so big that Xander, Andrew, Willow, Faith, and I had all our own rooms; Dawn did too until she left. I still couldn't get over the fact that I am no longer the only Slayer. I don't even patrol anymore; Slayer's Inc. is divided into classes and within each class is various groups. The classes are age orders, the first class consisting of five to ten year olds with groups of five. The classes go all the way to twenty-five year olds and the classes that contain fifteen to twenty year olds and the twenty to twenty-five year olds have to patrol every so often and of course either Faith or myself must patrol with each group at least three times, now they are on their own and I am left with nothing to do. So a stroll through Surrey, England would do me wonders as well as clear my mind of a certain piece of information that shouldn't have bothered me anyway. Giles' bombshell about getting married was what had floored me into taking on Faith's workouts today as well as mine. I mean why was I so shook up about Giles getting married when Catherine and him had been seeing each other for nearly six months now. A wedding would be the most logical conclusion to their relationship, but somehow it didn't seem right. I really should be happy for him, but I'm not and I need to figure out why. Before it's too late.
When the night won't fall and the sun won't rise
And you see the best as you close your eyes
When you reach the top as you bottom out
But you understand what it's all about
"Where's Buffy?" I asked as I walked up to Willow and Kennedy. "I was hopping to talk to her about the watcher training, I mean I will be gone for a month and I need someone to oversee it."
"Buffy... oh, yeah she went for a walk. That's been her custom since... well since Dawn left and she stopped patrolling." Willow said as she turned to walk with me. Kennedy must have had something else to do because she just left. I tried yet again to remove the nonexistent glasses from my face; I really must remember that Catherine wanted me to wear contacts now. I didn't feel the contacts but sometimes I missed having my glasses to occupy my time. Willow had change a great deal since coming to England with Slayer's Inc. After becoming the White Goddess, many Wiccans from around the world wanted a chance to be taught by her. Most of her time now was either teaching various youths about magic and spending time with her life mate Kennedy. I think that most of Buffy's depression comes from Dawn being gone, Willow being busy with love and life, and Xander pursuing his career as a watcher now. She basically had no one that she started with. It broke my heart to see Buffy wasting away from all of the various tasks she does for this project. Buffy, Buffy Summers; she was such a bright and bubbly youth and yet all of the death around her has made her grow up so fast. Losing three great loves, Angel, Riley, and then Spike; and now she loses her friends even though they all live in the same house. Not to mention that she was losing me as well, but to think that had any impact on her was nonsense. She's probably very happy to finally be rid of me. I was vaguely aware that Willow was veering from my path.
"I will see you later, Willow." I politely called to her and she waved, but my mind was on Buffy. I reached my room within the mansion and went straight through to my bedroom. I opened the French doors and came to the balcony. I was somewhat thankful that Catherine was not here. I sat down and observed the beautiful garden that was at the back of the house and noticed that the one I was seeking was lazily walking around the lip a fountain. Catherine, blue-eyed, brown-haired Catherine Norris that I had met six months ago in town at the local bookstore. I was there trying to find a birthday present for Buffy; she was harder and harder to buy for the older she got, now at the age of twenty-six, it was damn well near impossible but I loved the challenge.
I had settled on the book A Tale Of Two Cities when Catherine had bumped into me. She was polite and interested which was more than I could have asked for from someone else, but I knew that I was trying to forget about Buffy and the feelings that would never be returned. I had been her 'old' and 'ugly' watcher for nearly ten years now and I will always be just a nuisance. So when Catherine asked me to marry her I said yes and then we announced our engagement. The Council was happy and I now know why, Catherine is the daughter of William Norris, the oldest of the members of the new Council. So the wedding was planned and the date set, Saturday as it is, and now I must go through with it even though I know I do not love Catherine Norris. But what can an old Englishman do?
Nothing's ever what it seems
In your life or in your dreams
It don't make sense, what can you do
So I won't try makin' sense of you
"Mrs. Catherine Giles well sounds better than my name." I said as I tried really hard not to fall into the fountain. I had decided to just walk through the huge garden that Giles and Catherine were getting married in tomorrow. Tomorrow! It was tomorrow and I couldn't do anything about it. Do I want to? I don't know. What's wrong with me? Rupert Giles, Rupert; his first name was always a no-no when I was addressing him; it was always Mr. Giles or eventually just Giles, but never Rupert. Pity because the name demands attention and respect, kinda sexy... What! Stop thinking like that! What is wrong with me? He's engaged to a wonderful lady named Catherine Norris and they are getting married tomorrow and then they will go on a month long honeymoon to Ireland. The lucky English dogs, I want to go to Ireland, Angel's homeland... damn it girl, snap out of it. Stop thinking about one love to the next! Or before you know it you'll be bled dry from slitting your own wrists. Man I didn't even have a wedding present for Giles and Catherine. What would a slayer get her ex-watcher for their wedding? Why don't I want them to get married? I have to talk to Rupert, I mean Giles. I jumped off the fountain lip and ran full speed to the house; I knew that Giles was in his room because I had seen him sitting on his balcony. I saw Willow and she waved frantically at me.
"Buffy, Giles is wanting to talk to you!" She yelled at me as I passed her in almost a blur.
"I know, that's where I'm heading!" I yell back but somewhat surprised to know that I already knew he wanted to talk to me. Am I picking up on ESP? I skidded to a halt at his room and found that my blonde hair flitted down around my face; apparently my clumsy braid had come undone. I tried to comb through it with my fingers when Giles door opened. I froze I mean major deer-in-headlights-scare. I didn't even knock on the door.
"Buffy, yes, please come in." I dropped my hands to my side and gulped the air I had been preventing my lungs to have.
"Right, Rupert... I uh mean Giles." I walked past him into the room and smacked myself in the head without him seeing. I heard the door close and I swung around to face him so fast that I nearly fell over.
"Is everything alright Buffy?" He asked, but whether he meant if I was all right because I had nearly fallen or if I was all right with him marrying someone he doesn't love. That's it! That's why I didn't like the idea of him marrying Catherine; it was because I knew he didn't love her! I opened my mouth to tell him just that but nothing would come out.
"Buffy I needed to talk to you about the month that I will be gone, please do sit." He said as he offered me the sofa while he sat in an armchair across from me. My heart dropped at the realization that he only wanted to know that I would take care of the watcher classes while he was gone. He means to still go through with this even though he doesn't love her, why? Again I opened my mouth to voice theses frustrating questions and again nothing.
"I desperately need you... uh, need you to watch over... teach my watcher classes." I was a little confused as to why he suddenly looked flustered. His hair was neatly combed and the few gray hairs that was spread through the dark brown was cute, his gray eyes weren't behind his usual glasses and that was because Miss Catherine wanted him to wear contacts. His cheeks were a little rosy as if flushed and he was pulling at his collar. I focused on his eyes again and his looked into mine, I snapped back to what he was saying.
"Buffy, did you hear me? I need you to..."
"You don't love her." I finally found my tongue and voice and yeah they worked together. The stunned expression on his handsome face told me that I was right. He shook his head to deny it but I held up my hand to stop him. "You know I was wondering why I didn't fully support the whole wedding thing when you told us and it was because I knew that you don't love her. Ok, there it is you don't love Catherine Norris, but yet you are still going to marry her. Why?" I looked at Giles and he hung his head where I couldn't see his eyes. He pinched the bridge of his nose, like he does when something's troubling him, and then he sighed.
"Buffy... you don't understand... I..." He trailed off and I tried to figure out what was so bad that he couldn't tell me. I mean I had been there for him all of those years that he had been there for me. What was going on? Why did I feel as if this was a major issue? I could feel his pain. I got up from the couch and kneeled down in front of him, I took that hand he had at his nose in my hand and I forced him to look at me.
"What is it? You can tell me, you've always been able to tell me anything." I said softly with his gray eyes staring into mine. Slowly he started to shake his head no, with his eyes still locked on mine.
"Actually, Buffy Summers, this has been the only thing I was never able to tell you."
Love just is...
Whatever it may be
Love just is...
You and me
Nothing less and nothing more
I don't know what I love you for...
Love just is...
Dear God, she's so beautiful and she knew, she knew all along that I never loved Catherine, but she doesn't know why. I take in her billowy long blonde hair perfectly framing her rosy cheeks and her intense blue eyes just stare into mine. God the feel of her hand in mine is more than I can bare but there's no way I can tell her. She would never forgive me, I am not what she would want or expect in a man. I almost let the sight of her take away rational thought as my hand inched closer to her face. I see her eyes dart to my hand and it's like a slap in the face. Surely there would be disgust when she knew. I withdrew my hands, both from her face and from the warmth of her hand, still kneeling in front of me; she looks a little confused; her shapely eyebrows drawn together in a question that will never be answered. With my hands now in my lap and her hands with nothing to do she rests them on my knees and I close my eyes as an electrical shock flows through me.
"Rupert..." I snap my eyes open when I hear my first name. Buffy has never called me by my first name; I look down at her and she's not looking at me but at my door. I slowly turn my head and there standing in the doorway is Catherine. Shocked I rush to my feet almost throwing Buffy on the ground.
"Catherine, you back so soon. Was your shopping successful?" I asked to throw suspicion. Buffy pops up beside me and I could barely make out her expression as she walks to the door. I hate to have to leave things unanswered as they were but it is best for Buffy that she never knows. I resolved to carry through with this wedding even though Buffy knows and even though my heart is broken.
"Rupert, I have bags and they need to be brought up. Oh, and your slayer can help, Buffay." Catherine smiled as she walked past Buffy, I was going to correct her on Buffy's name but she walked into the bedroom before I could get a word in. I looked at Buffy and she was staring at me. I so wanted to go to her and take her in my arms, damned if Catherine saw or not, but I just studied her expression, I believe it was hurt and sadness I saw there. I was about to tell her that she needn't worry about the bags when she opened her mouth.
"I... I'll find out why... and I hope I do before you make a terrible mistake... Rupert." She said it very slowly and almost in a whisper, but when she said my first name chills ran up and down my back. She lowered her eyes from mine and walked out of the door before I could say anything. Why did she care so much whether I made a mistake or not? I was her watcher, no her mine. I hurried out of the room before Catherine emerged; I really didn't want to talk to her right now and forget about the bags. The woman was too lazy to get them herself but I didn't feel like playing lapdog right now. I hurriedly walked out the front door of the house and made my way to the garden; it was getting dark and I noticed that the lights that came on in the garden cast a green sheen to the atmosphere. The flowers that bloomed during the day had been replaced with the night blooms and with the green light it made the garden seem forbidden and secretive. I followed various paths that would lead to any fountain so that I could just sit and let the bubbling water soothe the day's wrinkles out. I finally found a fountain and it happened to be the one with a mermaid holding a baby dolphin and the water sprays out of the dolphin's mouth. Willow's favorite one I believe; anyway I sat down and closed my eyes listening to the music that simple water can make, then I heard a distinctive plop. The sound that would come about if someone dropped a coin into a pool of water. Of course I knew someone was there but I didn't want to leave and I didn't want to face reality so I just sat there.
"Do you want to know what I wished for?" My heart literally skipped a beat as I realized that it was Buffy speaking. I continued to just sit there with my eyes closed and thank god it was dark so she didn't see the tears at the corners of my eyes. I hung my head down and slowly shook it, I was tired and old and I had already resolved to go through with the marriage so why does my heart perk up when I hear Buffy's voice?
"Buffy... I can't do this... I can't betray someone I love..."
"You don't love her Rupert Giles and I... I want to know why."
"There is no 'why.' I don't... I didn't mean Catherine... Of course I don't love her, not for lack of trying... it's just... well." I stopped completely flustered and with a lack of an example that would make her understand without her understanding. I leaned my head back up but kept my eyes closed, good lord if I seen her in such provocative light there would be no stopping. I felt her near and then I felt her brush past my knees, she's walking around the fountain? I finally realized how I could make her understand without telling her anything at all. I would answer the 'why' question she asked.
"Buffy, do you remember Angel?"
"Yes, but this has nothing to do with my past..."
"I know I'm using a metaphor. Now you loved Angel with all of your heart, even after he left, you continued to love him... Now during this time say you met Riley, in your own right you love Riley, but it'll never be like loving Angel. So you continue to see Riley and say he eventually asks you to marry him. Ok, now you will always love Angel but because you can't be with him...you settle... for Riley." I stop and try to sense where she might be, there was no movement and I don't really hear anything either. For a moment I was scared that she had run off because I had brought up her past. I peek out and look to the left, then the right. No sign of Buffy; I sigh and open my eyes fully and look straight ahead. There she is, I suck in the breath I was about to exhale. She's standing there right in front of me, her knees centimeters from mine. Her arms are by her sides and her face is looking down at me. Eyes wide and lips slightly parted with her blonde hair hanging around her head like a halo, mix that with the soft sea green lights with a fountain and night flowers all around and you'd have the perfect romantic spot for... anything.
"My God..." I let slip before I realize that I am already on my feet; our faces mere centimeters apart. My right hand was bracing the small of her back; her left hand was on my shoulder and her right hand on my cheek. I felt a little disoriented as I looked deeply into her eyes.
When you ask to stay and then disappear
It seems you're gone but you're really here
When every move seems out of place
But every kiss is filled with grace
"Rupert..." I squeak before I realize that I am in his arms and my hand's on his face and I'm looking right into his beautiful gray eyes and, and it seems right. No icky-ness which should have been my reaction but there was a whole lot of right-ness. I was meant to be here... wasn't I? I mean I seam to be attracted to the sort that either has lived a millennia or is human but would rather boink other slayers and not to mention that they either end up leaving me or they die. I tried to rationalize the situation while studying the appearance of Rupert. His gray eyes were washed with more a sea green color than gray and in this light the laugh lines and worry lines were sharp and cute, his hair was a little helter- skelter but nice and the way he was holding me... I was melting. I was a huge chocolate ice cream cone and I was left out in the sun, melting and melting fast because it was a hot day. I thought back to the 'metaphor' Rupert had used... what was this, it's not Giles anymore, but Rupert... yeah, I kinda liked it. Ok focus, so he was telling me that him marrying Catherine was like me marrying Riley even though I unconditionally loved Angel but couldn't have Angel... Rupert was in love with someone he couldn't have so he is settling for someone that wants him, Catherine. Finally I got it, like a smack in the face I got...
Some things never get defined
In your heart or in your mind
It don't make sense, what can you do
So I won't try makin' sense of you
I must be dreaming because I swear her eyes glistened with an unnatural light just then. What was she thinking? She must surly realize that this is beyond disgusting; any minute she'll pull away and run. I must be crazy to actually think that she can return my feelings and the metaphor thing was really done in bad taste, I mean it was screaming 'I love you, Buffy Summers!' but thank God that my love was a little too blonde to think. I smiled at my little joke and she smiled back at me. My heart stopped and I think I might have a heart attack right this minute. Her smile was like the sun itself, full of radiance and warmth; I could understand why a vampire would faun after such a smile and woman. They are denied the sun everyday of their existence and to have that smile directed at them would be like a free pass to play in the sun for one day without burning up; I envied Angel, Riley and Spike because they had known Buffy the way I would never get to. My smile saddened and her arched eyebrows drew together in yet another question, but her smile never faded and I was glad. Buffy's hand moved on my cheek and an electric shock was sent straight to my brain. I closed my eyes in ecstasy and felt her fingers caressing my lower lip. I parted them and exhaled through my mouth; what was a man to do?
Love just is...
Whatever it may be
Love just is...
You and me
Nothing less and nothing more
I don't know what I love you for...
Love just is...
The reaction that Rupert gave me confirmed my suspicions and I smiled. He loves me and yet he knows nothing of my feelings. I, myself, have just realized them, how on earth could he have? I rubbed my thumb over his bottom lip and smiled at the tingles I was getting, I wonder if it felt like that for him. I noticed that his hand at my back was caressing and man did it feel good. I know my hair's gonna be fried tomorrow because of all the electricity going on between us. I couldn't stand it anymore; I didn't want my thumb to get to feel his lip when my lips ached for it. I tiptoed closer to him, he still had his eyes closed, the moment the rest of our bodies touched I almost lost it, and I tried hard not to faint. It felt so good to be close to a man again, I had been missing this so much. His other hand came around to my back to join the one that was already there and the tug and pull he put on me was unreal, I felt like I was in a dream or under a spell. I returned my hand to his cheek and I leaned closer.
When my lips touched his, he gave such a moan it nearly broke my heart into, it was like a cry; a cry for something you know you cannot have. I nearly cried back but then the sensations of our mouths melded together like it was meant to be. I sighed into his mouth, which parted my lips, and he parted his but he was too much of a gentleman to do anything uncivilized. I smiled into his mouth and took his tongue away from him; I sucked on his much fuller lower lip and heard him whimper a little. I melted when he finally took control, but then it was breathing time. We parted, gasping for air; I rested my face against his cheek and put my arms around his neck. His hands left my back but came back in a more hug like embrace. I was a little confused, that had been the best kiss I have ever had, even if I had to take the initiative.
"Oh... Buffy..." He said my name with such sadness and hurt that my heart really did start to break.
Don't ever ask me for reasons
I can't get to you
Don't ever ask me for reasons
Why I live for you... I just do
"You love me, right? Rupert, you love me..." Buffy said as if trying to convince herself. The tears were running freely down my face and I hated myself. I knew I should never have let her know and now that she does it will be even harder to let her go. This kind of relationship would never work and I have to make her see that. She tried to pull away to look into my face but I kept a tight hold on her back with one hand and used my other to hold her face against mine.
"That's why you don't love Catherine... because you love me..." Buffy trailed off again leaving the question for me to answer. I didn't want to encourage anything, this was a goodbye thing; I will make this a goodbye thing.
"Buffy, surly you know how illogical this is... to go through with anything would be a mistake on my part and yours. Eventually you will hate me and then you'll be miserable, just like when Angel, Riley, and Spike left you." I finished and tried to keep Buffy as close as possible but I forgot that she had slayer strength. She pushed me away, which confirmed that she too realized that this was disgusting. The force of the push made me resume my seat on the fountain and I was now crying freely. Buffy was yet again standing over me, but this time the look in her eyes was dangerous.
"Buffy..." I started but she cut me off when she fell to her knees in front of me, the look of danger changed to a look of hurt. I didn't know what to do or say; I noticed that there were tears in her eyes now and I was trying to figure out why.
"Rupert... you're right... this... this would be ludicrous... I..." She paused as if searching for the right words and her hands snaked up my legs and found my hands. She inched a little closer to me so that there was no room between her stomach and my knees. She looked into my eyes and I studied them as she continued. "I... understand what you mean to do... I hope you have a happy life... I wish you the best of luck... but I need you to know before you go... that I love you..." She said and narrowed her eyes. "I love you and this is goodbye..." She said as she leaned up to me, I involuntarily leaned down to meet her lips and the force and movement of her mouth consuming mine was more finale than if she had just died. We pulled back at the same time and with one swift movement Buffy was up and running back to the mansion, all I could do was cry and watch her leave.
Nothing's ever what it seems
In your life or in your dreams
It don't make sense, what can you do
So I won't try makin' sense of you
I cried and cried until I could cry no more, but by then it was Saturday and time for the wedding. I hadn't seen Rupert Giles or anyone for that matter because I haven't left my room since I ran to it. Of course every half hour someone would come by and tick off the time till the big event, no one knew what had happened between us and I guess no one would. I heard Catherine walk by a few times commenting that if I was to be the Bride's Maid I had better be presentable. I cringed at the thought of being in the wedding; I didn't want to see anyone. Rupert had commented that he needed to do this so that he didn't turn out like Angel, Riley and Spike, but to me this was a lot worse. I missed him already and he was just down the hall. Three doors down and all I had to do was barge in and give him a reason, one reason, not to go through with it. I wiped my eyes on my pillow and resolved that I had said goodbye last night and he knew how I felt because I had told him. The decision was his. I checked the clock and it was three thirty, thirty minutes till the wedding. Suddenly a knock on the door sounded. I turned my head to the sight of my redheaded best friend entering.
"Buffy, you haven't even eaten anything and now I see that you aren't even ready, by still wearing shorty-shorts and a tank top all red and stuff with blood? Catherine wanted you down for pictures. I just came to get you..." Willow trailed off, as I shook my head no. I stood up off of my bed and walked over to Willow, I hugged her tightly.
"Hey, Will can you tell the happy couple that I haven't been feeling that great and I don't want to mess up their big day, so you step in for me and tell them that I wish them the best." I said feigning sickness; the puffy eyes and the running nose from crying sealed the deal because Willow actually thought I was sick. I gave her my Bride's Maid dress to put on and then she left. I climbed back onto my bed and let the tears come again.
I must have fallen asleep because I was woken up by the demanding knock on my door. I looked at the clock beside my bed and saw that it read eight thirty-eight. Rupert Giles was married and flying to Ireland as I lie here I said to myself as I smoothed my hair a little and pulled my bloodied tank top down to cover my stomach. I went to the pounding door and yanked it open with an air of anger that was replaced by wonder as I took in the dashingly handsome man in a tuxedo. His hair was immaculate and the tux was iron-stiff and not a fuzz ball in sight. His cheeks were rosy and his face flushed, his gray eyes beautiful behind his familiar glasses. Rupert rushed into my room and closed the door behind him; I had involuntarily taken a couple of steps backwards but he rushed to me and pulled me into his arms.
"Goodbye..." He said before consuming my mouth. The kiss was brutal and demanding and so much unlike the prim and proper Englishman. I demanded just as much as he with my kisses back. When I had to breath he moved his mouth against my neck and I was back to the night before melting. His hands were running along my back underneath my tank top and I was going crazy with the sensations he was causing, but I needed some answers first. I kissed his mouth again and then distanced myself from him and his hands. When he tried to close the distance between us yet again I stepped back farther until the back of my knees were against my bed. Finally getting that I needed to talk without him touching he stopped and stared deeply into my eyes, silent.
"Rupert..." I said not really knowing where to begin. He smiled at me when I said his name and that smile threw me for a moment, then my attention came back. "What's... happening? What's going on?" He laughs and comes closer, almost a whisper,
"I love you and I realized that you love me and that you basically told me last night that you wanted, no needed me here..."
"Yes I do, you really have no idea what I was about to do when I realized that you were now married and flying off..." I trailed off and brought up my arms. Angry red whelps ran across them where I had tried to carve the hurt in my heart out of my arms. "I... I was ready to die... because I... I was not going to hurt the way you made me hurt." Tears came into my eyes as the memory assaulted my mind yet again. "You promised that you would not let me hurt anymore because of... of them... but you hurt me far worse, I can't live with you gone to someone else. Rupert Giles you have my love, but you'll not have my life."
"Buffy, you misunderstand." Rupert said closing the distance between us with just half a stride. His arms came around me and I let the rain of tears fall. I held nothing back and it felt nice to once again be in his arms. "Buffy, I love you and I promise yet again that they will never hurt you, but more importantly I will never hurt you again. Catherine is gone and I am not married, I couldn't knowing that I was indeed hurting you. Be with me Buffy give me your love... Let me have your life so that I may be with you always." I looked up and into his gray eyes and we cried together in complete understanding. Rupert's hand came up to cup my cheek and he leaned down to give me the most precious and romantic kiss my mind and body had ever received. I broke away and looked deep into his eyes through his glasses, I reached up and removed his glasses so I could better lock onto him.
"I think that we... us... makes since... finally. We were meant to be... like this..."
Love just is...
Whatever it may be
Love just is...
You and me
Nothing less and nothing more
I don't know what I love you for...
Love just is...
Buffy put my glasses back on my face and laid her head against my chest, I just held her there. Letting her cry the hurt away. I couldn't believe that she had taken her hurt out on herself; I saw the offending razor blade on her nightstand. Willow had said that she wasn't feeling well and didn't want to ruin the wedding, but I knew the real reason Buffy hadn't come and I didn't blame her at all. Surely Willow had seen the blood on her blouse and the whelps on her arms, why hadn't she said anything? I stepped back from Buffy to study her face, how had I let the hurt last so long? I thought about today, when I had told Catherine that I couldn't marry her because I loved someone else. The smart woman had known right away that it was my former slayer and she had mouthed off the insult to anyone still residing in the house. The ones that I had known as long as I'd known Buffy seemed to understand, but the younger ones, the slayers that looked up to me... I could see the disgust in their eyes. But I didn't care any more.
I let go of Buffy only long enough to get out of the stuffy tuxedo that I was supposed to have gotten married in. I left the undershirt on and the pants because this was still too new for me. I may have been marrying Catherine but I would not sleep with her because... for one I didn't love her and two I was still the old stuffy gentleman. I noticed that Buffy had been watching me while I had removed the tuxedo coat and tie. She looked down at herself and I guess realized that she was covered with her own blood. Her face flushed red with embarrassment and turned to her dresser; with her back to me she removed the tank top. She still had her bra on but the act itself was erotic and I sucked in a breath, my heart started racing and I nearly had to sit down. She reached over to the light switch and cut it off, but the candles that I just noticed made the remaining light dance over her perfect skin. She wriggled out of her shorts and turned around to face me again. The simple white cotton bra and panties were far more seductive than anything she could have worn that was lacy and black. I walked over to her and before I could take her in my arms, she removed the undershirt I had left on.
I looked at her with a question in my eyes and she smiled. She ran her hands over my chest and I shivered from the sensations; the gentleman in me was telling me to make her put on more clothes but I quickly pushed that out of my mind. I swept her off her feet into my arms and she snuggled up against my chest I walked over to her bed and placed her there. I looked at her with the same question in my eyes as I slowly undid the button on my pants, when there wasn't an objection I let the pants fall and I climbed onto the bed with just my boxers on. We climbed under the covers, because the England nights became very cold, and I pulled Buffy into my arms revealing in the feel of her skin, all of it, against mine. I was completely content to just hold her all night. I kissed her shoulder and she turned in my arms to face me, I kissed her supple mouth and before her eyes closed for the night she whispered,
"You will love and hold me all my life because... Love just is that way..."
Author's Note
Ok people, who watched the Musical Buffy Episode and didn't get the feeling that Mr. Rupert Giles, has more than platonic feelings for Buffy? I mean the way the man acted during the whole episode screamed sexual-tension. NEway Hilary Duff sings the song that is featured in this Songfic on her new album "Metamorphosis," which I highly recommend. I enjoyed writing this Songfic and I hope that my readers enjoyed it enough to review. I really love the feedback I get. For example, I wrote a Songfic called Seduces Me; and one of the reviews I got said they would have liked a happy ending. I went back and wrote a second Songfic that made the first a happy ending and thus I made them happy, hopefully. NEway I enjoy writing anything from DragonBall Z Fanfic to Harry Potter Songfics. I would like to also promote a new Fanfic I am working on entitled "Destiny Shall Tell." It's a Buffy, the Vampire Slayer Fanfic but the main character is Dawn Summers not her sister. I would tell more about the plot but that would be too easy. I have four chapters on it done and posted. I am currently working on chapter five. NEway all you BTVS fans out there watch for my new one and as always reviews are wanted.
- Seraphyne
I grabbed the towel as I stepped out of the shower. I felt very energized even though I'd just instructed fifty slayers in Thai kickboxing. And with the new slayers, it's basically monkey see, monkey do. I towel dried my hair and dressed in a pair of khaki shorts and a pastel green peasant top. I didn't have any more workouts today and felt like a walk outdoors would do me good. I really needed to clear my head anyway. I combed my still wet hair and braided it back a little clumsily. I took my wallet out of my purse and put it in my back pocket. I wanted to be ready just in case anything came up. I strolled out the doors of the huge mansion that the newly formed Counsel let Slayer's Inc. have. The house was so big that Xander, Andrew, Willow, Faith, and I had all our own rooms; Dawn did too until she left. I still couldn't get over the fact that I am no longer the only Slayer. I don't even patrol anymore; Slayer's Inc. is divided into classes and within each class is various groups. The classes are age orders, the first class consisting of five to ten year olds with groups of five. The classes go all the way to twenty-five year olds and the classes that contain fifteen to twenty year olds and the twenty to twenty-five year olds have to patrol every so often and of course either Faith or myself must patrol with each group at least three times, now they are on their own and I am left with nothing to do. So a stroll through Surrey, England would do me wonders as well as clear my mind of a certain piece of information that shouldn't have bothered me anyway. Giles' bombshell about getting married was what had floored me into taking on Faith's workouts today as well as mine. I mean why was I so shook up about Giles getting married when Catherine and him had been seeing each other for nearly six months now. A wedding would be the most logical conclusion to their relationship, but somehow it didn't seem right. I really should be happy for him, but I'm not and I need to figure out why. Before it's too late.
When the night won't fall and the sun won't rise
And you see the best as you close your eyes
When you reach the top as you bottom out
But you understand what it's all about
"Where's Buffy?" I asked as I walked up to Willow and Kennedy. "I was hopping to talk to her about the watcher training, I mean I will be gone for a month and I need someone to oversee it."
"Buffy... oh, yeah she went for a walk. That's been her custom since... well since Dawn left and she stopped patrolling." Willow said as she turned to walk with me. Kennedy must have had something else to do because she just left. I tried yet again to remove the nonexistent glasses from my face; I really must remember that Catherine wanted me to wear contacts now. I didn't feel the contacts but sometimes I missed having my glasses to occupy my time. Willow had change a great deal since coming to England with Slayer's Inc. After becoming the White Goddess, many Wiccans from around the world wanted a chance to be taught by her. Most of her time now was either teaching various youths about magic and spending time with her life mate Kennedy. I think that most of Buffy's depression comes from Dawn being gone, Willow being busy with love and life, and Xander pursuing his career as a watcher now. She basically had no one that she started with. It broke my heart to see Buffy wasting away from all of the various tasks she does for this project. Buffy, Buffy Summers; she was such a bright and bubbly youth and yet all of the death around her has made her grow up so fast. Losing three great loves, Angel, Riley, and then Spike; and now she loses her friends even though they all live in the same house. Not to mention that she was losing me as well, but to think that had any impact on her was nonsense. She's probably very happy to finally be rid of me. I was vaguely aware that Willow was veering from my path.
"I will see you later, Willow." I politely called to her and she waved, but my mind was on Buffy. I reached my room within the mansion and went straight through to my bedroom. I opened the French doors and came to the balcony. I was somewhat thankful that Catherine was not here. I sat down and observed the beautiful garden that was at the back of the house and noticed that the one I was seeking was lazily walking around the lip a fountain. Catherine, blue-eyed, brown-haired Catherine Norris that I had met six months ago in town at the local bookstore. I was there trying to find a birthday present for Buffy; she was harder and harder to buy for the older she got, now at the age of twenty-six, it was damn well near impossible but I loved the challenge.
I had settled on the book A Tale Of Two Cities when Catherine had bumped into me. She was polite and interested which was more than I could have asked for from someone else, but I knew that I was trying to forget about Buffy and the feelings that would never be returned. I had been her 'old' and 'ugly' watcher for nearly ten years now and I will always be just a nuisance. So when Catherine asked me to marry her I said yes and then we announced our engagement. The Council was happy and I now know why, Catherine is the daughter of William Norris, the oldest of the members of the new Council. So the wedding was planned and the date set, Saturday as it is, and now I must go through with it even though I know I do not love Catherine Norris. But what can an old Englishman do?
Nothing's ever what it seems
In your life or in your dreams
It don't make sense, what can you do
So I won't try makin' sense of you
"Mrs. Catherine Giles well sounds better than my name." I said as I tried really hard not to fall into the fountain. I had decided to just walk through the huge garden that Giles and Catherine were getting married in tomorrow. Tomorrow! It was tomorrow and I couldn't do anything about it. Do I want to? I don't know. What's wrong with me? Rupert Giles, Rupert; his first name was always a no-no when I was addressing him; it was always Mr. Giles or eventually just Giles, but never Rupert. Pity because the name demands attention and respect, kinda sexy... What! Stop thinking like that! What is wrong with me? He's engaged to a wonderful lady named Catherine Norris and they are getting married tomorrow and then they will go on a month long honeymoon to Ireland. The lucky English dogs, I want to go to Ireland, Angel's homeland... damn it girl, snap out of it. Stop thinking about one love to the next! Or before you know it you'll be bled dry from slitting your own wrists. Man I didn't even have a wedding present for Giles and Catherine. What would a slayer get her ex-watcher for their wedding? Why don't I want them to get married? I have to talk to Rupert, I mean Giles. I jumped off the fountain lip and ran full speed to the house; I knew that Giles was in his room because I had seen him sitting on his balcony. I saw Willow and she waved frantically at me.
"Buffy, Giles is wanting to talk to you!" She yelled at me as I passed her in almost a blur.
"I know, that's where I'm heading!" I yell back but somewhat surprised to know that I already knew he wanted to talk to me. Am I picking up on ESP? I skidded to a halt at his room and found that my blonde hair flitted down around my face; apparently my clumsy braid had come undone. I tried to comb through it with my fingers when Giles door opened. I froze I mean major deer-in-headlights-scare. I didn't even knock on the door.
"Buffy, yes, please come in." I dropped my hands to my side and gulped the air I had been preventing my lungs to have.
"Right, Rupert... I uh mean Giles." I walked past him into the room and smacked myself in the head without him seeing. I heard the door close and I swung around to face him so fast that I nearly fell over.
"Is everything alright Buffy?" He asked, but whether he meant if I was all right because I had nearly fallen or if I was all right with him marrying someone he doesn't love. That's it! That's why I didn't like the idea of him marrying Catherine; it was because I knew he didn't love her! I opened my mouth to tell him just that but nothing would come out.
"Buffy I needed to talk to you about the month that I will be gone, please do sit." He said as he offered me the sofa while he sat in an armchair across from me. My heart dropped at the realization that he only wanted to know that I would take care of the watcher classes while he was gone. He means to still go through with this even though he doesn't love her, why? Again I opened my mouth to voice theses frustrating questions and again nothing.
"I desperately need you... uh, need you to watch over... teach my watcher classes." I was a little confused as to why he suddenly looked flustered. His hair was neatly combed and the few gray hairs that was spread through the dark brown was cute, his gray eyes weren't behind his usual glasses and that was because Miss Catherine wanted him to wear contacts. His cheeks were a little rosy as if flushed and he was pulling at his collar. I focused on his eyes again and his looked into mine, I snapped back to what he was saying.
"Buffy, did you hear me? I need you to..."
"You don't love her." I finally found my tongue and voice and yeah they worked together. The stunned expression on his handsome face told me that I was right. He shook his head to deny it but I held up my hand to stop him. "You know I was wondering why I didn't fully support the whole wedding thing when you told us and it was because I knew that you don't love her. Ok, there it is you don't love Catherine Norris, but yet you are still going to marry her. Why?" I looked at Giles and he hung his head where I couldn't see his eyes. He pinched the bridge of his nose, like he does when something's troubling him, and then he sighed.
"Buffy... you don't understand... I..." He trailed off and I tried to figure out what was so bad that he couldn't tell me. I mean I had been there for him all of those years that he had been there for me. What was going on? Why did I feel as if this was a major issue? I could feel his pain. I got up from the couch and kneeled down in front of him, I took that hand he had at his nose in my hand and I forced him to look at me.
"What is it? You can tell me, you've always been able to tell me anything." I said softly with his gray eyes staring into mine. Slowly he started to shake his head no, with his eyes still locked on mine.
"Actually, Buffy Summers, this has been the only thing I was never able to tell you."
Love just is...
Whatever it may be
Love just is...
You and me
Nothing less and nothing more
I don't know what I love you for...
Love just is...
Dear God, she's so beautiful and she knew, she knew all along that I never loved Catherine, but she doesn't know why. I take in her billowy long blonde hair perfectly framing her rosy cheeks and her intense blue eyes just stare into mine. God the feel of her hand in mine is more than I can bare but there's no way I can tell her. She would never forgive me, I am not what she would want or expect in a man. I almost let the sight of her take away rational thought as my hand inched closer to her face. I see her eyes dart to my hand and it's like a slap in the face. Surely there would be disgust when she knew. I withdrew my hands, both from her face and from the warmth of her hand, still kneeling in front of me; she looks a little confused; her shapely eyebrows drawn together in a question that will never be answered. With my hands now in my lap and her hands with nothing to do she rests them on my knees and I close my eyes as an electrical shock flows through me.
"Rupert..." I snap my eyes open when I hear my first name. Buffy has never called me by my first name; I look down at her and she's not looking at me but at my door. I slowly turn my head and there standing in the doorway is Catherine. Shocked I rush to my feet almost throwing Buffy on the ground.
"Catherine, you back so soon. Was your shopping successful?" I asked to throw suspicion. Buffy pops up beside me and I could barely make out her expression as she walks to the door. I hate to have to leave things unanswered as they were but it is best for Buffy that she never knows. I resolved to carry through with this wedding even though Buffy knows and even though my heart is broken.
"Rupert, I have bags and they need to be brought up. Oh, and your slayer can help, Buffay." Catherine smiled as she walked past Buffy, I was going to correct her on Buffy's name but she walked into the bedroom before I could get a word in. I looked at Buffy and she was staring at me. I so wanted to go to her and take her in my arms, damned if Catherine saw or not, but I just studied her expression, I believe it was hurt and sadness I saw there. I was about to tell her that she needn't worry about the bags when she opened her mouth.
"I... I'll find out why... and I hope I do before you make a terrible mistake... Rupert." She said it very slowly and almost in a whisper, but when she said my first name chills ran up and down my back. She lowered her eyes from mine and walked out of the door before I could say anything. Why did she care so much whether I made a mistake or not? I was her watcher, no her mine. I hurried out of the room before Catherine emerged; I really didn't want to talk to her right now and forget about the bags. The woman was too lazy to get them herself but I didn't feel like playing lapdog right now. I hurriedly walked out the front door of the house and made my way to the garden; it was getting dark and I noticed that the lights that came on in the garden cast a green sheen to the atmosphere. The flowers that bloomed during the day had been replaced with the night blooms and with the green light it made the garden seem forbidden and secretive. I followed various paths that would lead to any fountain so that I could just sit and let the bubbling water soothe the day's wrinkles out. I finally found a fountain and it happened to be the one with a mermaid holding a baby dolphin and the water sprays out of the dolphin's mouth. Willow's favorite one I believe; anyway I sat down and closed my eyes listening to the music that simple water can make, then I heard a distinctive plop. The sound that would come about if someone dropped a coin into a pool of water. Of course I knew someone was there but I didn't want to leave and I didn't want to face reality so I just sat there.
"Do you want to know what I wished for?" My heart literally skipped a beat as I realized that it was Buffy speaking. I continued to just sit there with my eyes closed and thank god it was dark so she didn't see the tears at the corners of my eyes. I hung my head down and slowly shook it, I was tired and old and I had already resolved to go through with the marriage so why does my heart perk up when I hear Buffy's voice?
"Buffy... I can't do this... I can't betray someone I love..."
"You don't love her Rupert Giles and I... I want to know why."
"There is no 'why.' I don't... I didn't mean Catherine... Of course I don't love her, not for lack of trying... it's just... well." I stopped completely flustered and with a lack of an example that would make her understand without her understanding. I leaned my head back up but kept my eyes closed, good lord if I seen her in such provocative light there would be no stopping. I felt her near and then I felt her brush past my knees, she's walking around the fountain? I finally realized how I could make her understand without telling her anything at all. I would answer the 'why' question she asked.
"Buffy, do you remember Angel?"
"Yes, but this has nothing to do with my past..."
"I know I'm using a metaphor. Now you loved Angel with all of your heart, even after he left, you continued to love him... Now during this time say you met Riley, in your own right you love Riley, but it'll never be like loving Angel. So you continue to see Riley and say he eventually asks you to marry him. Ok, now you will always love Angel but because you can't be with him...you settle... for Riley." I stop and try to sense where she might be, there was no movement and I don't really hear anything either. For a moment I was scared that she had run off because I had brought up her past. I peek out and look to the left, then the right. No sign of Buffy; I sigh and open my eyes fully and look straight ahead. There she is, I suck in the breath I was about to exhale. She's standing there right in front of me, her knees centimeters from mine. Her arms are by her sides and her face is looking down at me. Eyes wide and lips slightly parted with her blonde hair hanging around her head like a halo, mix that with the soft sea green lights with a fountain and night flowers all around and you'd have the perfect romantic spot for... anything.
"My God..." I let slip before I realize that I am already on my feet; our faces mere centimeters apart. My right hand was bracing the small of her back; her left hand was on my shoulder and her right hand on my cheek. I felt a little disoriented as I looked deeply into her eyes.
When you ask to stay and then disappear
It seems you're gone but you're really here
When every move seems out of place
But every kiss is filled with grace
"Rupert..." I squeak before I realize that I am in his arms and my hand's on his face and I'm looking right into his beautiful gray eyes and, and it seems right. No icky-ness which should have been my reaction but there was a whole lot of right-ness. I was meant to be here... wasn't I? I mean I seam to be attracted to the sort that either has lived a millennia or is human but would rather boink other slayers and not to mention that they either end up leaving me or they die. I tried to rationalize the situation while studying the appearance of Rupert. His gray eyes were washed with more a sea green color than gray and in this light the laugh lines and worry lines were sharp and cute, his hair was a little helter- skelter but nice and the way he was holding me... I was melting. I was a huge chocolate ice cream cone and I was left out in the sun, melting and melting fast because it was a hot day. I thought back to the 'metaphor' Rupert had used... what was this, it's not Giles anymore, but Rupert... yeah, I kinda liked it. Ok focus, so he was telling me that him marrying Catherine was like me marrying Riley even though I unconditionally loved Angel but couldn't have Angel... Rupert was in love with someone he couldn't have so he is settling for someone that wants him, Catherine. Finally I got it, like a smack in the face I got...
Some things never get defined
In your heart or in your mind
It don't make sense, what can you do
So I won't try makin' sense of you
I must be dreaming because I swear her eyes glistened with an unnatural light just then. What was she thinking? She must surly realize that this is beyond disgusting; any minute she'll pull away and run. I must be crazy to actually think that she can return my feelings and the metaphor thing was really done in bad taste, I mean it was screaming 'I love you, Buffy Summers!' but thank God that my love was a little too blonde to think. I smiled at my little joke and she smiled back at me. My heart stopped and I think I might have a heart attack right this minute. Her smile was like the sun itself, full of radiance and warmth; I could understand why a vampire would faun after such a smile and woman. They are denied the sun everyday of their existence and to have that smile directed at them would be like a free pass to play in the sun for one day without burning up; I envied Angel, Riley and Spike because they had known Buffy the way I would never get to. My smile saddened and her arched eyebrows drew together in yet another question, but her smile never faded and I was glad. Buffy's hand moved on my cheek and an electric shock was sent straight to my brain. I closed my eyes in ecstasy and felt her fingers caressing my lower lip. I parted them and exhaled through my mouth; what was a man to do?
Love just is...
Whatever it may be
Love just is...
You and me
Nothing less and nothing more
I don't know what I love you for...
Love just is...
The reaction that Rupert gave me confirmed my suspicions and I smiled. He loves me and yet he knows nothing of my feelings. I, myself, have just realized them, how on earth could he have? I rubbed my thumb over his bottom lip and smiled at the tingles I was getting, I wonder if it felt like that for him. I noticed that his hand at my back was caressing and man did it feel good. I know my hair's gonna be fried tomorrow because of all the electricity going on between us. I couldn't stand it anymore; I didn't want my thumb to get to feel his lip when my lips ached for it. I tiptoed closer to him, he still had his eyes closed, the moment the rest of our bodies touched I almost lost it, and I tried hard not to faint. It felt so good to be close to a man again, I had been missing this so much. His other hand came around to my back to join the one that was already there and the tug and pull he put on me was unreal, I felt like I was in a dream or under a spell. I returned my hand to his cheek and I leaned closer.
When my lips touched his, he gave such a moan it nearly broke my heart into, it was like a cry; a cry for something you know you cannot have. I nearly cried back but then the sensations of our mouths melded together like it was meant to be. I sighed into his mouth, which parted my lips, and he parted his but he was too much of a gentleman to do anything uncivilized. I smiled into his mouth and took his tongue away from him; I sucked on his much fuller lower lip and heard him whimper a little. I melted when he finally took control, but then it was breathing time. We parted, gasping for air; I rested my face against his cheek and put my arms around his neck. His hands left my back but came back in a more hug like embrace. I was a little confused, that had been the best kiss I have ever had, even if I had to take the initiative.
"Oh... Buffy..." He said my name with such sadness and hurt that my heart really did start to break.
Don't ever ask me for reasons
I can't get to you
Don't ever ask me for reasons
Why I live for you... I just do
"You love me, right? Rupert, you love me..." Buffy said as if trying to convince herself. The tears were running freely down my face and I hated myself. I knew I should never have let her know and now that she does it will be even harder to let her go. This kind of relationship would never work and I have to make her see that. She tried to pull away to look into my face but I kept a tight hold on her back with one hand and used my other to hold her face against mine.
"That's why you don't love Catherine... because you love me..." Buffy trailed off again leaving the question for me to answer. I didn't want to encourage anything, this was a goodbye thing; I will make this a goodbye thing.
"Buffy, surly you know how illogical this is... to go through with anything would be a mistake on my part and yours. Eventually you will hate me and then you'll be miserable, just like when Angel, Riley, and Spike left you." I finished and tried to keep Buffy as close as possible but I forgot that she had slayer strength. She pushed me away, which confirmed that she too realized that this was disgusting. The force of the push made me resume my seat on the fountain and I was now crying freely. Buffy was yet again standing over me, but this time the look in her eyes was dangerous.
"Buffy..." I started but she cut me off when she fell to her knees in front of me, the look of danger changed to a look of hurt. I didn't know what to do or say; I noticed that there were tears in her eyes now and I was trying to figure out why.
"Rupert... you're right... this... this would be ludicrous... I..." She paused as if searching for the right words and her hands snaked up my legs and found my hands. She inched a little closer to me so that there was no room between her stomach and my knees. She looked into my eyes and I studied them as she continued. "I... understand what you mean to do... I hope you have a happy life... I wish you the best of luck... but I need you to know before you go... that I love you..." She said and narrowed her eyes. "I love you and this is goodbye..." She said as she leaned up to me, I involuntarily leaned down to meet her lips and the force and movement of her mouth consuming mine was more finale than if she had just died. We pulled back at the same time and with one swift movement Buffy was up and running back to the mansion, all I could do was cry and watch her leave.
Nothing's ever what it seems
In your life or in your dreams
It don't make sense, what can you do
So I won't try makin' sense of you
I cried and cried until I could cry no more, but by then it was Saturday and time for the wedding. I hadn't seen Rupert Giles or anyone for that matter because I haven't left my room since I ran to it. Of course every half hour someone would come by and tick off the time till the big event, no one knew what had happened between us and I guess no one would. I heard Catherine walk by a few times commenting that if I was to be the Bride's Maid I had better be presentable. I cringed at the thought of being in the wedding; I didn't want to see anyone. Rupert had commented that he needed to do this so that he didn't turn out like Angel, Riley and Spike, but to me this was a lot worse. I missed him already and he was just down the hall. Three doors down and all I had to do was barge in and give him a reason, one reason, not to go through with it. I wiped my eyes on my pillow and resolved that I had said goodbye last night and he knew how I felt because I had told him. The decision was his. I checked the clock and it was three thirty, thirty minutes till the wedding. Suddenly a knock on the door sounded. I turned my head to the sight of my redheaded best friend entering.
"Buffy, you haven't even eaten anything and now I see that you aren't even ready, by still wearing shorty-shorts and a tank top all red and stuff with blood? Catherine wanted you down for pictures. I just came to get you..." Willow trailed off, as I shook my head no. I stood up off of my bed and walked over to Willow, I hugged her tightly.
"Hey, Will can you tell the happy couple that I haven't been feeling that great and I don't want to mess up their big day, so you step in for me and tell them that I wish them the best." I said feigning sickness; the puffy eyes and the running nose from crying sealed the deal because Willow actually thought I was sick. I gave her my Bride's Maid dress to put on and then she left. I climbed back onto my bed and let the tears come again.
I must have fallen asleep because I was woken up by the demanding knock on my door. I looked at the clock beside my bed and saw that it read eight thirty-eight. Rupert Giles was married and flying to Ireland as I lie here I said to myself as I smoothed my hair a little and pulled my bloodied tank top down to cover my stomach. I went to the pounding door and yanked it open with an air of anger that was replaced by wonder as I took in the dashingly handsome man in a tuxedo. His hair was immaculate and the tux was iron-stiff and not a fuzz ball in sight. His cheeks were rosy and his face flushed, his gray eyes beautiful behind his familiar glasses. Rupert rushed into my room and closed the door behind him; I had involuntarily taken a couple of steps backwards but he rushed to me and pulled me into his arms.
"Goodbye..." He said before consuming my mouth. The kiss was brutal and demanding and so much unlike the prim and proper Englishman. I demanded just as much as he with my kisses back. When I had to breath he moved his mouth against my neck and I was back to the night before melting. His hands were running along my back underneath my tank top and I was going crazy with the sensations he was causing, but I needed some answers first. I kissed his mouth again and then distanced myself from him and his hands. When he tried to close the distance between us yet again I stepped back farther until the back of my knees were against my bed. Finally getting that I needed to talk without him touching he stopped and stared deeply into my eyes, silent.
"Rupert..." I said not really knowing where to begin. He smiled at me when I said his name and that smile threw me for a moment, then my attention came back. "What's... happening? What's going on?" He laughs and comes closer, almost a whisper,
"I love you and I realized that you love me and that you basically told me last night that you wanted, no needed me here..."
"Yes I do, you really have no idea what I was about to do when I realized that you were now married and flying off..." I trailed off and brought up my arms. Angry red whelps ran across them where I had tried to carve the hurt in my heart out of my arms. "I... I was ready to die... because I... I was not going to hurt the way you made me hurt." Tears came into my eyes as the memory assaulted my mind yet again. "You promised that you would not let me hurt anymore because of... of them... but you hurt me far worse, I can't live with you gone to someone else. Rupert Giles you have my love, but you'll not have my life."
"Buffy, you misunderstand." Rupert said closing the distance between us with just half a stride. His arms came around me and I let the rain of tears fall. I held nothing back and it felt nice to once again be in his arms. "Buffy, I love you and I promise yet again that they will never hurt you, but more importantly I will never hurt you again. Catherine is gone and I am not married, I couldn't knowing that I was indeed hurting you. Be with me Buffy give me your love... Let me have your life so that I may be with you always." I looked up and into his gray eyes and we cried together in complete understanding. Rupert's hand came up to cup my cheek and he leaned down to give me the most precious and romantic kiss my mind and body had ever received. I broke away and looked deep into his eyes through his glasses, I reached up and removed his glasses so I could better lock onto him.
"I think that we... us... makes since... finally. We were meant to be... like this..."
Love just is...
Whatever it may be
Love just is...
You and me
Nothing less and nothing more
I don't know what I love you for...
Love just is...
Buffy put my glasses back on my face and laid her head against my chest, I just held her there. Letting her cry the hurt away. I couldn't believe that she had taken her hurt out on herself; I saw the offending razor blade on her nightstand. Willow had said that she wasn't feeling well and didn't want to ruin the wedding, but I knew the real reason Buffy hadn't come and I didn't blame her at all. Surely Willow had seen the blood on her blouse and the whelps on her arms, why hadn't she said anything? I stepped back from Buffy to study her face, how had I let the hurt last so long? I thought about today, when I had told Catherine that I couldn't marry her because I loved someone else. The smart woman had known right away that it was my former slayer and she had mouthed off the insult to anyone still residing in the house. The ones that I had known as long as I'd known Buffy seemed to understand, but the younger ones, the slayers that looked up to me... I could see the disgust in their eyes. But I didn't care any more.
I let go of Buffy only long enough to get out of the stuffy tuxedo that I was supposed to have gotten married in. I left the undershirt on and the pants because this was still too new for me. I may have been marrying Catherine but I would not sleep with her because... for one I didn't love her and two I was still the old stuffy gentleman. I noticed that Buffy had been watching me while I had removed the tuxedo coat and tie. She looked down at herself and I guess realized that she was covered with her own blood. Her face flushed red with embarrassment and turned to her dresser; with her back to me she removed the tank top. She still had her bra on but the act itself was erotic and I sucked in a breath, my heart started racing and I nearly had to sit down. She reached over to the light switch and cut it off, but the candles that I just noticed made the remaining light dance over her perfect skin. She wriggled out of her shorts and turned around to face me again. The simple white cotton bra and panties were far more seductive than anything she could have worn that was lacy and black. I walked over to her and before I could take her in my arms, she removed the undershirt I had left on.
I looked at her with a question in my eyes and she smiled. She ran her hands over my chest and I shivered from the sensations; the gentleman in me was telling me to make her put on more clothes but I quickly pushed that out of my mind. I swept her off her feet into my arms and she snuggled up against my chest I walked over to her bed and placed her there. I looked at her with the same question in my eyes as I slowly undid the button on my pants, when there wasn't an objection I let the pants fall and I climbed onto the bed with just my boxers on. We climbed under the covers, because the England nights became very cold, and I pulled Buffy into my arms revealing in the feel of her skin, all of it, against mine. I was completely content to just hold her all night. I kissed her shoulder and she turned in my arms to face me, I kissed her supple mouth and before her eyes closed for the night she whispered,
"You will love and hold me all my life because... Love just is that way..."
Author's Note
Ok people, who watched the Musical Buffy Episode and didn't get the feeling that Mr. Rupert Giles, has more than platonic feelings for Buffy? I mean the way the man acted during the whole episode screamed sexual-tension. NEway Hilary Duff sings the song that is featured in this Songfic on her new album "Metamorphosis," which I highly recommend. I enjoyed writing this Songfic and I hope that my readers enjoyed it enough to review. I really love the feedback I get. For example, I wrote a Songfic called Seduces Me; and one of the reviews I got said they would have liked a happy ending. I went back and wrote a second Songfic that made the first a happy ending and thus I made them happy, hopefully. NEway I enjoy writing anything from DragonBall Z Fanfic to Harry Potter Songfics. I would like to also promote a new Fanfic I am working on entitled "Destiny Shall Tell." It's a Buffy, the Vampire Slayer Fanfic but the main character is Dawn Summers not her sister. I would tell more about the plot but that would be too easy. I have four chapters on it done and posted. I am currently working on chapter five. NEway all you BTVS fans out there watch for my new one and as always reviews are wanted.
- Seraphyne