Disclaimer : I don't have any right on Gilmore Girls, if I had, do you seriously think I would have kept Dean that long on the show?




Author's Note: Thank you for all the wonderful reviews; I loved every one of them. I want to give a special thank you to Jayde for taking the time to go over the chapter.




To Remember You
Chapter 9: Rory & Tristan: The Mourning




Entering the house after a long day at work, Tristan is happy to be back at home that night for the first time in almost a year.  All day long, he remembered making love to Rory in the morning and his hope of their life going back to normal increased.  Entering the kitchen quietly, he sees Rory making the final touches on dinner.  Tristan leans on the door frame, waiting for Rory to notice his presence.  Her eyes, still red from crying, finally meet his and her cheeks blushes.  "I didn't hear you come in."

Crossing the distance separating them, Tristan bends to kiss her softly but Rory moves her head to have his kiss land on her cheek.  Frowning in surprise and disappointment, Tristan asks, "Is everything all right?"

Forcing herself to smile, Rory sits down in front of her plate, leaving Tristan to do the same. Deciding to avoid his question, Rory starts to eat, "How was your day?"

Confused at her behaviour, Tristan also starts to eat, "Disturbing but good. Yours?"

"The usual."

Sorrow fills Tristan's heart as he realises that nothing really changed.  Bringing his fork close to his mouth, he changes his mind dropping the fork and standing up, "You know what?  I'm not that hungry I'll just go do some work."  Tristan exits the room without another word.




Rory enters her and Tristan's apartment exhausted after her last final.  A smile crosses her features as the aroma fills her nostrils.  Walking into the kitchen, the room is lit only by candles placed around the room, a bouquet of lilies placed in the middle of the table.  She is met by Tristan offering her a glass of red wine, "Congratulations Mary, you're now a Yale Graduate."

Blushing, Rory nears the table, smelling the lilies "I haven't graduated yet, but if I'm one, so are you."

"Nope, still have one exam tomorrow."

"Then, let's wait to celebrate together."

Walking to stand beside Rory, Tristan holds her in his arms, "No, tonight is all about you.  You want to do something, we do it."

Rory returns the embrace and raising herself on her tiptoes, she kisses him softly, "I love you."




Entering his house after a long day at work, a day where he spend all day trying to figure if it was better for his sanity and Rory's to just file for a divorce and go on their separate ways, he passes in front of the kitchen, not even bothering to enter the kitchen, knowing that Rory is there colder than ever preparing dinner.  Entering his workout room, he takes his jacket off, opens the radio, boosting the volume knowing it will annoy Rory then lie down on the bench to lift weights.




Sitting in front of her house, Rory waits for Tristan to come home.  It's been a week since they made love, since she shut him out that evening by pushing him away, each night he came back home later than the previous day, avoiding her altogether.  As she's waiting, she replays the event of the afternoon in her head.




Sitting in the garden, Rory tries to read a book but she can't concentrate on it.  Closing her eyes, she tries to imagine Tristan's arms around her, kissing her.  "Hey friend.  Guess who it is, no need to beg I'll tell you, it's me Brooke. The girl who's friend decided that she wanted to be alone, shutting everybody out of her life."

Slowly opening her eyes, Rory looks at Brooke with a smile, "I wasn't expecting you.  How are you?"

"Me? I'm always fine.  The question is: how you are?"

Looking confused, Rory says, "I'm fine."

"Then why didn't you come for dinner yesterday with Tristan.  He said you cancelled on him at the last minute saying you weren't feeling well."

Rory's heart is seized by coldness, "He never mentioned that we were invited.  In fact, he's been avoiding me for a while now."

"I know it's none of my business but this time it's not Tristan's fault that you two are having problems."

Standing up, Rory turns her back on Brooke, hiding the tears that are threatening to fall.  As she walks away, she whispers, "You don't know what you're talking about Brooke."

Brooke watches Rory walk away, not knowing how to make her friend react, she screams, "You're going to lose him for good if you don't react soon."  Acting as if she hasn't heard, Rory enters her house, closing the door on Brooke without a goodbye.




Parking the car in front of his house, Tristan sighs deeply, wishing he could be anywhere but here.  The mansion is dark but he's not surprised as it is midnight and Rory usually goes to bed early. Slowing as he walks to the entrance, he sees Rory asleep in front of it, dried tears covering her cheeks. Lowering himself, he shakes Rory, trying to wake her up.  "Why aren't you in bed Rory?"

Rubbing her eyes to fight the sleep away, "I needed to talk to you."

Helping her up on her feet, Tristan whispers, "I'm really tired, can we talk tomorrow?"

Rory nods, knowing that she's going to have to wait, but that at least tomorrow is Saturday and he won't be able to avoid her for two days.




Sleep escaping her, Rory looks at Tristan's back in the bed; he's resting on his side the closest possible to the bed side.  Unable to resist the urge she feels to get close to him, she moulds her body against his back, holding him tightly.  Since sleep is also escaping him, Tristan gently takes Rory hands away from him. Standing up, he asks, "Want some coffee?"

"Sure."  Tristan leaves the room without another word.




Sitting at the kitchen counter, Rory observes Tristan making coffee, clad only in his boxers. He fills two mugs of coffee, sits down facing her while sliding a mug in front of her.  Tristan looks at her in the eyes, waiting for her to say something. Rory contemplates her coffee, not touching it.  Getting exasperated, Tristan says while standing up, "Okay, if you don't have anything to say, I'll just go back to bed."

Panicking, Rory mumbles, "I'm sorry."

Tristan sits back, looking intensely at his wife as she keeps avoiding eye contact.  "Look Rory, I've done everything I could to support you but I just can't take it anymore.  I don't mind if we fight and argue, hell it would be better than the silences, but now you're just shutting me out.  I... I… I want out, Rory."

Rory shivers as the coldness of his words fills her body.  Raising her eyes to meet his cold and tired eyes, she whispers, "I'm scared to get close to you again but I'm even more afraid to lose you completely."

"I feel like I lost you already Rory.  Last week, I had hope but after this week's behaviour, I realised that I'm holding onto nothing."

"I'm sorry if I shut you out after we made love, but it felt so natural to do that with you that I freaked out.  I don't want out of this; in fact I want to start over."

"We can't start over; we have a past we cannot erase."

"Then I want to try to deal with it with you."

He pauses, "Give me some time to think about it, will you?"  Rory nods her head and he stands up to get back to bed.




As the filtered sun begins to illuminate Victoria's room, Rory has packed most of the baby stuff in the room in three kinds of boxes. The dispose, keep in case for later, and the box that will contain her reminders of Victoria.  Holding minuscule pyjamas in her hands, she folds it tenderly to place it in the souvenirs pile.




Rory is rocking Victoria while nursing her for the first time in her house.  Her whole body still hurts from the labour but her heart is ready to explode from happiness and love.  And even though she is exhausted, she doesn't want to rest, wanting to admire her little angel in her first pyjamas.  Tristan leans on the door frame observing the perfect picture in front of him. The perfect future.




Tristan enters the nursery quietly, watching as Rory is sitting on the floor going over Victoria's stuff and packing it in boxes.  There are eight boxes taped and placed in one corner and three lining on another corner. Tristan silently approaches Rory and sits down behind her, wrapping is arms around her.  Feeling her body tensing at his touch, Tristan brings his lips near her left ear, "Relax, just let me hold you for a minute.  Then we'll talk."  Rory slightly relaxes in his embrace and after a couple of minutes, Tristan let go of her.  "I'm ready to talk now."

Rory turns to face him, waiting for what he has to say.  Tristan watches her waiting anxiously for him to speak, just like a child ready to be grounded.  Standing up, he offers his hand to help her up, happy that she accepts it.  "Let's get some coffee."




Both sitting on different ends of the couch, facing each other, neither Rory nor Tristan knows how to break the silence that has surrounded them for too long.  Finally, Tristan decides to speak, "You know, I still want to be with you, I just can't deal with your silences.  I just want to deal with things with you instead of watching you run away from me.  If this is going to work, I think we need to talk to each other even if the words can hurt.  I'd rather have you screaming at me instead of seeing you ignoring me."  Moving a bit to be closer to Rory, he takes her left hand in his, "I want us to do things together like we used to.  We were friends before lovers; can't we at least be friends for now?"

Rory closes her eyes to take a deep breath, "I want to move out."

"What?  I thought you said you wanted to try and you're just going to run away again?"

Tristan takes his hand away but Rory takes it in both of her hands, "I meant it and I mean it, but can't we do it somewhere else?"

"Why?"

"Because I wanted an old house and I mostly have bad memories of this place.  Why don't we have the new house you wanted, where we'll build it the way we want it, where we have no sad memories.  Before this house, I only have good memories of you and me. We got lost in this house."

"You really mean it?"

"Yes"

Closing the distance between them, Tristan leans to kiss her but she moves her head.  Tristan lets a frustrated groan when he feels Rory's lips on his.  She smiles shyly, whispering "I guess that's another habit I'll have to break.  Be patient with me?"

"Kiss me often, and I will be."

Moving to sit on top of Tristan, Rory moves her hands on his chest, feeling the hardness of his muscles, she lowers her mouth to his neck, kissing it softly, her hands moving to his back holding him tight. 




Author's Note: It's still not finished…  Make me happy and review, comments and suggestion are always appreciated.
Siaram