The True story of Hansel and Grettel
Kuroi Shi
Dedicated to Personification of fluff. Because, the witch is a veggie.
Hi. I am one of the many witches here at "The prison for fairy tale bad guys." I was arrested for threatning to eat children. Can you believe that! I wouldn't eat a child! I'm a vegetarian. So, Because of two cute, innocent looking kids, I am stuck here for life. But, that is why most of us are here. The cute kids are evil man. . . EVIL!!! Only because everyone believes them. Those kids got millions of dollars when I was found guilty. This is my story.
One day, some time in the middle of winter, in my costomized candy house - Those things aren't cheap ya know. But, I am a rich lady. - I was cooking me some vegetable soup for dinner. It wasn't snowong outside, because I was living in California at the time, and besides, and candy house wouldn't survive the snow. It isn't too good in rain either, so I have several umbrella's sticking out of the roof.
Anyway, While I was cooking, I heard someone gnawing on my front door - Which is made of chocolate. - I went to see if it was the crows again. But, instead of birds, there were two children there, a boy, and a girl. I told them both to come inside.
The kids told me why they were eating my house. They said that thier parents couldn't afford to feed them any more, so at about 3 in the morning, their parents took them deep in the forest that surrounded thier house. The kids left a bread trail that they could follow back, but the crows ate the trail, and when they tried to find thier way back home they got completly lost. The were walking through the forest for a week, living off of rain water, and then they found my house.
Frankly, I was quite suprised that 2 kids as young as they were (7 and 9) were able to survive in a forest like that for more than an hour. And, what shocked me even more was the fact that thier parents would actually abandon them like that.
Well, since I was a milloinaire, I decided I would let them stay with me. Because I would be a bad person of I told them they had to leave. They both looked sick, and thin.
I showed them to the spare bed room, and told them that they were welcome to stay as long as they wanted. And, If they ever felt up to it, we could take a ride on my broomstick, to try and find thier parents.
They told me they were thirsty, and asked if I had anything to drink, that wasn't water. So I offered them some fruit punch (I don't believe in milk, because it comes from cows.) But, before I left, I got thier names. Hansel, and Grettel.
When I returned to thier room, I brought drinks, and a huge plate of fried vegetables. - I gave them the ones I was cooking for my dinner when this story began. - After that, they went to sleep.
At about 10 pm, I got a phone call from a friend of mine. We were exchaning Tofu recipies. The little boy, Hansel, came down the stairs for a drink while I was on the phone. I think he was afraid of Tofu or something, because as soon as he heard ne say "So, I should fatten them up first, then they will look, and taste like Turkey?" The little boy dropped his glass and ran up the stairs. - Hey, I may be a veggie, but I still like the taste of turkey.
That morning I cooked some pancakes for the kids for breakfast. When I brought it to thier room, one of them yelled "You will not eat me you evil witch! But, I'll take yout pancakes!"
I assumed the children were just playing a little game, so I just let it go.
For dinner that night, I took my friends advice, and made a Tofu turkey. and fattened my Tofu's up with soya sauce, Turkey broth and water, and she was right. It was easier to shape it into a turkey, when the Tofu was fattened.
While I was bent over the oven, basting my tofu turkey, both of the kids came up behind be, pushed me into the oven, then ran like hell outside, and into the forest. Lucky for me, the oven wasn't on really high, because if it was, my tofu turkey would have melted. But, I did burn my hands pretty badly on the rack in the oven.
I got up out of the oven, and I bandaged up my, now blistering hands, and turned off the oven, because my turkey was done. I was rather mad. After I took those children into my home, and fed them, they try to kill me.
While I was eating my turkey, there was a knock on my door. the children were there with a cop. the police officer arrested me for attempted murder, and cannibalism.
At the trial, the little boy told the judge all about hearing me on the phone, telling my friend that I was going to fatten up the children and eat them. And, that I was preparing the stove to cook them up. No one believed that I was a vegetarian, because the cop who arrested me told the judge that I was eating a turkey when he came in. - I guess my Tofu turkey looked too real.
I was sued by the children for emotional damages. They got all of my money.
Now, I am facing life in prison. But, at least the food here is all meat flavoured vegetables. . . At least, I think they are vegetables. . .
So that's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
Kuroi Shi
Dedicated to Personification of fluff. Because, the witch is a veggie.
Hi. I am one of the many witches here at "The prison for fairy tale bad guys." I was arrested for threatning to eat children. Can you believe that! I wouldn't eat a child! I'm a vegetarian. So, Because of two cute, innocent looking kids, I am stuck here for life. But, that is why most of us are here. The cute kids are evil man. . . EVIL!!! Only because everyone believes them. Those kids got millions of dollars when I was found guilty. This is my story.
One day, some time in the middle of winter, in my costomized candy house - Those things aren't cheap ya know. But, I am a rich lady. - I was cooking me some vegetable soup for dinner. It wasn't snowong outside, because I was living in California at the time, and besides, and candy house wouldn't survive the snow. It isn't too good in rain either, so I have several umbrella's sticking out of the roof.
Anyway, While I was cooking, I heard someone gnawing on my front door - Which is made of chocolate. - I went to see if it was the crows again. But, instead of birds, there were two children there, a boy, and a girl. I told them both to come inside.
The kids told me why they were eating my house. They said that thier parents couldn't afford to feed them any more, so at about 3 in the morning, their parents took them deep in the forest that surrounded thier house. The kids left a bread trail that they could follow back, but the crows ate the trail, and when they tried to find thier way back home they got completly lost. The were walking through the forest for a week, living off of rain water, and then they found my house.
Frankly, I was quite suprised that 2 kids as young as they were (7 and 9) were able to survive in a forest like that for more than an hour. And, what shocked me even more was the fact that thier parents would actually abandon them like that.
Well, since I was a milloinaire, I decided I would let them stay with me. Because I would be a bad person of I told them they had to leave. They both looked sick, and thin.
I showed them to the spare bed room, and told them that they were welcome to stay as long as they wanted. And, If they ever felt up to it, we could take a ride on my broomstick, to try and find thier parents.
They told me they were thirsty, and asked if I had anything to drink, that wasn't water. So I offered them some fruit punch (I don't believe in milk, because it comes from cows.) But, before I left, I got thier names. Hansel, and Grettel.
When I returned to thier room, I brought drinks, and a huge plate of fried vegetables. - I gave them the ones I was cooking for my dinner when this story began. - After that, they went to sleep.
At about 10 pm, I got a phone call from a friend of mine. We were exchaning Tofu recipies. The little boy, Hansel, came down the stairs for a drink while I was on the phone. I think he was afraid of Tofu or something, because as soon as he heard ne say "So, I should fatten them up first, then they will look, and taste like Turkey?" The little boy dropped his glass and ran up the stairs. - Hey, I may be a veggie, but I still like the taste of turkey.
That morning I cooked some pancakes for the kids for breakfast. When I brought it to thier room, one of them yelled "You will not eat me you evil witch! But, I'll take yout pancakes!"
I assumed the children were just playing a little game, so I just let it go.
For dinner that night, I took my friends advice, and made a Tofu turkey. and fattened my Tofu's up with soya sauce, Turkey broth and water, and she was right. It was easier to shape it into a turkey, when the Tofu was fattened.
While I was bent over the oven, basting my tofu turkey, both of the kids came up behind be, pushed me into the oven, then ran like hell outside, and into the forest. Lucky for me, the oven wasn't on really high, because if it was, my tofu turkey would have melted. But, I did burn my hands pretty badly on the rack in the oven.
I got up out of the oven, and I bandaged up my, now blistering hands, and turned off the oven, because my turkey was done. I was rather mad. After I took those children into my home, and fed them, they try to kill me.
While I was eating my turkey, there was a knock on my door. the children were there with a cop. the police officer arrested me for attempted murder, and cannibalism.
At the trial, the little boy told the judge all about hearing me on the phone, telling my friend that I was going to fatten up the children and eat them. And, that I was preparing the stove to cook them up. No one believed that I was a vegetarian, because the cop who arrested me told the judge that I was eating a turkey when he came in. - I guess my Tofu turkey looked too real.
I was sued by the children for emotional damages. They got all of my money.
Now, I am facing life in prison. But, at least the food here is all meat flavoured vegetables. . . At least, I think they are vegetables. . .
So that's my story, and I'm sticking to it.