The true story of Jack and the beanstalk
Kuroi Shi
Dedicated to Angel of Death. Why? Because I can.
Hey. My name is Kevin. and I am a giant. I am, like so many other wrongfully accused fairy tale characters, stuck here in 'The prison for fairy tale bad guys.' That damn Jack kid and his mother had me arrested for attempted murder. I should have had them arrested for Trespassing on private property, Breaking in, and theft.
This is my story.
I was in my house practising for a play, - I was playing Hannibal in Scilence of the lambs - meets Shakespeare at the community theatre next friday - When I heard the ground shake. Which was rather odd, concidering that I lived no where near an earthquake zone, or fault line. I went outside to see what the shaking was from. And, I a little - Really little - man climbing onto my property, through a hole that a giant plant busted through my highly expensive stone driveway. I was rather pissed off, but I decided Not to kill the little man. But, instead I would go back inside and eat lots of chocolate, while practising for my play. - I have problems with anger management, and the last time I took my anger out on someone, He ended up loosing a few teeth, and he was a giant like me. Imagine what I could do to little dude, that is only 5 and a half feet tall.
I took a seat at the kitchen table, with my golden goose, and my talking magic golden harp - Practising with Bill, and Katie (Yes the goose, and harp have names) helped me memorise the lines - and began reading my lines out loud. 'Fee fi fo fum. I smell the blood of an enghish man. I will grind his bones to make my bread.' -See, waht did I tell ya. . . Scilence of the lambs, meets Shakespeare. - Personally, I think eating human bones is rather gross. - But that Jack kid obviously thought me practising my play was some sort of threat.
While I was practising, I saw the little man climb up on my table, and hide behind a salt shaker. I picked it up, and moved it out of the way.
"Please, Don't kill me Mr. Giant." Said the little man, who had taken cover behind the pepper shaker.
"Then would you please leave my house. I do not recall inviting you in." I told him ever so politely. "What are you doing in my house anyway."
"I'm just here to . . . Umm . . . nothing!" Shouted the little man, as he ran toward the edge of the table and jumped off.
I assumed he was just a kid, who was dared to come into my house. - I get that alot. - So, I went back to practising my play, and had completly forgotten about the little man.
"Fee Fi Fo Fum. I smell the blood of an english man!" I was pacing up and down the hall, while reading my lines. "Hmm . . That can't be right. I have to sound a bit scarier, but less mad. Fee Fi fo fum. I smell the blood of an english man. I will grind his bones to make me bread. Much better." I thought out loud. "Dude! Who wrote this crappy play! Who the hell talks like that! What does Fee Fi Fo fum mean anyway." I said to myself.
Then suddenly, I heard some noise in my kitchen. I went to check it out, and saw the little man with both my goose, and my harp. The harp was screaming "Help me Mr. Kevin! And the goose was freaking out."
The little man was running toward the door. I ran after him. I didn't want him to escape with my 2 best friends.
"I'm just taking back what belongs to me!" Shouted the little man.
"Get back here with my friends kid!" I shouted back.
He escaped through the 1 foot crack between my floor, and the front door. I followed him. He jumped down the giant plant thing that was growing right in the middle of my expensive stone driveway. I followed him. As I was climbing down the giant plant thing, that killed my expensive drive way, I saw a little man down below choping it down. - That didn't help them to much, because I am a giant, and I could still see my house from the bottom of the giant plant. I just stepped off the top of the plant, and safely made it to the ground without hurting anyone.
I picked up the little kid, who stole my stuff. "Yoink" I took my stuff back. I was about to step back up the hill to mu house, when I felt something prick my leg. There was another little dude standing on my foot, with an axe, hacking at my leg. - Hey, I may be a giant, but a tiny axe striking my leg repeatedly really hurts!
As I bent over to flick the little guy off, a man from the Giant-Human alliance arrested me.
The little dude claimed that Bill, and Katie belonged to Jacks father, and I killed his father, and stole his most prized posessions. And, that when Jack was trying to retrieve the items, I threatened to eat him. Of course no one believed I was practising for a play.
The Giant-Human alliance people were pretty pissed off at me. They had spent years trying to get Giants and Humans to live together in peace, and now because of what I was charged with, the trust between Giants and Humans which took so many years to establish, was completly shattered in one court case.
So, I am facing a 15 year sentance in 'The prison for fairy tale bad guys." But, the people here are pretty nice.
I am no longer a Giant. The prison gaurds had brought in a witch, and she "Reducio"ed my ass, so I am normal size now. They told me that if I was going to treat humans badly, I had to live as one. . . But, I know they only did it so I would fit in the cells. And just between us. . . I like being small. I don't hit my head on the celling, and I don't have to worry about stepping on anyone.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Kuroi Shi
Dedicated to Angel of Death. Why? Because I can.
Hey. My name is Kevin. and I am a giant. I am, like so many other wrongfully accused fairy tale characters, stuck here in 'The prison for fairy tale bad guys.' That damn Jack kid and his mother had me arrested for attempted murder. I should have had them arrested for Trespassing on private property, Breaking in, and theft.
This is my story.
I was in my house practising for a play, - I was playing Hannibal in Scilence of the lambs - meets Shakespeare at the community theatre next friday - When I heard the ground shake. Which was rather odd, concidering that I lived no where near an earthquake zone, or fault line. I went outside to see what the shaking was from. And, I a little - Really little - man climbing onto my property, through a hole that a giant plant busted through my highly expensive stone driveway. I was rather pissed off, but I decided Not to kill the little man. But, instead I would go back inside and eat lots of chocolate, while practising for my play. - I have problems with anger management, and the last time I took my anger out on someone, He ended up loosing a few teeth, and he was a giant like me. Imagine what I could do to little dude, that is only 5 and a half feet tall.
I took a seat at the kitchen table, with my golden goose, and my talking magic golden harp - Practising with Bill, and Katie (Yes the goose, and harp have names) helped me memorise the lines - and began reading my lines out loud. 'Fee fi fo fum. I smell the blood of an enghish man. I will grind his bones to make my bread.' -See, waht did I tell ya. . . Scilence of the lambs, meets Shakespeare. - Personally, I think eating human bones is rather gross. - But that Jack kid obviously thought me practising my play was some sort of threat.
While I was practising, I saw the little man climb up on my table, and hide behind a salt shaker. I picked it up, and moved it out of the way.
"Please, Don't kill me Mr. Giant." Said the little man, who had taken cover behind the pepper shaker.
"Then would you please leave my house. I do not recall inviting you in." I told him ever so politely. "What are you doing in my house anyway."
"I'm just here to . . . Umm . . . nothing!" Shouted the little man, as he ran toward the edge of the table and jumped off.
I assumed he was just a kid, who was dared to come into my house. - I get that alot. - So, I went back to practising my play, and had completly forgotten about the little man.
"Fee Fi Fo Fum. I smell the blood of an english man!" I was pacing up and down the hall, while reading my lines. "Hmm . . That can't be right. I have to sound a bit scarier, but less mad. Fee Fi fo fum. I smell the blood of an english man. I will grind his bones to make me bread. Much better." I thought out loud. "Dude! Who wrote this crappy play! Who the hell talks like that! What does Fee Fi Fo fum mean anyway." I said to myself.
Then suddenly, I heard some noise in my kitchen. I went to check it out, and saw the little man with both my goose, and my harp. The harp was screaming "Help me Mr. Kevin! And the goose was freaking out."
The little man was running toward the door. I ran after him. I didn't want him to escape with my 2 best friends.
"I'm just taking back what belongs to me!" Shouted the little man.
"Get back here with my friends kid!" I shouted back.
He escaped through the 1 foot crack between my floor, and the front door. I followed him. He jumped down the giant plant thing that was growing right in the middle of my expensive stone driveway. I followed him. As I was climbing down the giant plant thing, that killed my expensive drive way, I saw a little man down below choping it down. - That didn't help them to much, because I am a giant, and I could still see my house from the bottom of the giant plant. I just stepped off the top of the plant, and safely made it to the ground without hurting anyone.
I picked up the little kid, who stole my stuff. "Yoink" I took my stuff back. I was about to step back up the hill to mu house, when I felt something prick my leg. There was another little dude standing on my foot, with an axe, hacking at my leg. - Hey, I may be a giant, but a tiny axe striking my leg repeatedly really hurts!
As I bent over to flick the little guy off, a man from the Giant-Human alliance arrested me.
The little dude claimed that Bill, and Katie belonged to Jacks father, and I killed his father, and stole his most prized posessions. And, that when Jack was trying to retrieve the items, I threatened to eat him. Of course no one believed I was practising for a play.
The Giant-Human alliance people were pretty pissed off at me. They had spent years trying to get Giants and Humans to live together in peace, and now because of what I was charged with, the trust between Giants and Humans which took so many years to establish, was completly shattered in one court case.
So, I am facing a 15 year sentance in 'The prison for fairy tale bad guys." But, the people here are pretty nice.
I am no longer a Giant. The prison gaurds had brought in a witch, and she "Reducio"ed my ass, so I am normal size now. They told me that if I was going to treat humans badly, I had to live as one. . . But, I know they only did it so I would fit in the cells. And just between us. . . I like being small. I don't hit my head on the celling, and I don't have to worry about stepping on anyone.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.