SEQ CHAPTER \h \r 1The Latenight Adventures of Margert
Chapter 3 - Return of the Evil Little Girl
AN: Hullo, my sweet little watermelons. **looks shifty** Hiyo! Yay, it's Sunday!.....OH NO! Actually, it's Monday. 1:16 AM O_O....And I have to get up for school in a few hours. @_@ But Toki no wanna....NOOOO! Stupid Christmas break. WHY MUST YOU END?!
Christmas Break: Cuz I'm tired of j00 sleeping until 2 in the afternoon.
Me: **smacks Christmas break**
Anyways... **Homer Simpson shifty eyes* Please review, or else I'll use the pie materia to summon Custard on all of you! AND THE GIANT CUSTARD WILL HOVER IN THE SKY AND SING RAP MUSIC, BUT YOU CAN'T SMASH YOUR AIRSHIP INTO IT! ;_; **walks away crying in Cid's outfit**
Disclaimer: I own Kingdom Hearts. ^_^ **gets Strike-Sued in head by Stupid Lawyerblade** X_X Okay, maybe not. **scuttles off**
Pretty squiggly lines go here. ^^
Far…far away…in a distant land, at another t---
"OH JUST GET TO THE FUCKING CHASE"! Hollered a male voice, and the camera switched to show a very handsome young man standing at the top of a tower in the great vast Machina city of Zanarkand, or what was left of it.
Everything was all overgrown and shitty, and the monkeys had developed a taste for human flesh. There overlord and master was none other than Isaaru, who spent most of his days in the old dome, pretending he was Yunalesca fighting a certain summoner…but I won't get into that.
The man who stood on top of the tower was none other than Shuyin, the insane villain of FFX-2. He was currently feeling discouraged, as he could not find his girlfriend, and Vegnagun had been stolen by the Polygon of Doom.
They flew by cheerfully in the background, picnicking happily on top the megaweapon's head. If Vegnagun could talk, it probably would have said something about obnoxious perverse lice. Jin from Xenosaga skipped by cheerily in the ruins below, slicing his way through monkeys and lawyers alike. Shion and the rest of the gang followed him closely.
"Is this really Lost Jersulem"? Jr said in awe.
"NO! STUPID TOURISTS! BEGONE"! A voice roared, and suddenly Isaaru was there, in Yunalesca's outfit, shaking his fist at them. "ATTACK, MY PETS"! He roared, and a swarm of monkeys came and ate their flesh. They'll be back, don't worry. Isaaru pouted.
Anyways, back to the Blonde Psycho Guy.
Growling in his deep, sexy way, he hopped down from the tower. Damned Lenne, where was she? Milk, she had said. He had gone out to check on Vegnagun, to see if the DVD player on it worked. And then she runs in there, being chased by some guards for STEALING the milk. Gawd…
He had lost his megaweapon. He had lost his shoes. He had lost his piece of ass. And NOW you see why he had wanted to destroy the world.
Meanwhile....ah, the endless possibilities of meanwhile.
It could be, meanwhile, nothing was happening, or meanwhile, Sora ate small children.
....**cough** Anyways!
Sora sat in a small, tasteful, café in Uninspired Metro Area, wiping his chin off and staring. There were a couple Unknowns in the café. They hadn't even noticed him when he Strike-Raided one of them. He sighed. Retards. The whole world was made of them. He stopped his angsty teenage angsting to stare at the wall. It was red colored. It change purple...then green.
"Whoa....dude," Keyboy slurred, smiling stupidly...and then someone pulled his hair. "OW! WHAT THE FUCK"?! He roared, completely ignoring the Polite Grammar Moose. It cried softly and walked out the door, crushing a snowman that was coming in for a stiff drink after a hard day's work at the brimstone factory. He turned, ready to destroy any who dared interrupt his....whatevering. It turned out to be yet ANOTHER bishounen, with brown hair and green eyes.
"Hello," he said calmly, smiling. "You were looking at that wall a bit strangely, I thought I should save you from it, as I realized what it was".
"Huh"? Keyboy dead panned, looking seriously at the bishounen. There was something familiar....Ah well. "What ABOUT the wall? It's just a wall".
"Oh, no no no," the bishounen said softly. "You see, it's very BAD sort of wall...for you see...," he suddenly looked shifty, "It's a SPACE HIPPIE WALL".
Sora let his brain sit...and sit...and sit....
a purple monkey came down from the ceiling like a spider, pulled a customer up and ate it, then dropped the remains down...
...and sit...and sit...the bishie blinked....he blinked..."OH NO, IT'S ALMOST TIME FOR MY FAVORITE PORN SHOW"!
The bishie smacked his forehead in defeat. This kid was retarded, honestly. Sora stopped mid-prance. "H-HIPPIE WALL?! OH NO"! He screeched. "Well, it's going to die," he said darkly. The remaining customers immediately recognized the mood and fled, for they knew what was comin'. The Random Bishie stepped away wisely.
"HYAAA! ARCS ARCANUM"! Roared the angry Keyboy, and he struck the evil sheet of plaster with angsty teenage feelings and powerful doom magic. The wall exploded appropriately, crying with a thick German accent. The bishounen dodged a few random hunks of debris, one that turned into a rocket for some strange reason, and another which sprouted spider legs and scuttled away singing Hilary Duff songs. The bishounen clapped slowly.
"Wonderful," he said softly. "Your power is great-" He was nearly knocked over my Keyboy, who ran and Dodge-Rolled by in a fit of teenage hormone rage.
"OH MY SWEET LORD, IF I MISS THE HORNY KITTENS SHOW ONE MORE TIME I SHALL BE FORCED TO MURDER AND EAT THE INNARDS OF THAT CUTE SMALL CHILD FROM XENOSAGA WITH THE GUNS THAT ISN'T REALLY A CHILD"! He roared, and ran back...to wherever he was staying.
Random Bishounen sighed, then smiled.
... I ate meanwhile. ^^
W00t! Finally, some parts about Margret!
Margret walked along placidly, glancing about. Ah well. Uninspired Metro wasn't THAT bad, he supposed. It was full of humans, sure, but really. He heard crying. Damn, he loved that sound. But this was horrible. It permeated his brain. Made him wanna dance on top of an elephant and eat salami singing praise to Ishkabibble.
Mmmm...salami....
The authoress went to her fridge and made a salami sandwich.
She's that pitiful.
He jogged a bit. A random person pointed and laughed at him, but combusted. He ran past a café, past a hotel, past a random bit of gravel with what looked like bloodstains, through an ally....
And then tripped, landing on his head with his feet straight in the air. "Ah....s-shit...," he stuttered. He then flipped gracefully to a standing position, his Wind and Fire circlets out and ready. What he DID see was the source of the crying, a little girl with pigtails.
She sniffled and looked up. Who was it? She hoped it wasn't that silver-haired man with the giant sword. He kept wanting her to get in his car...
What SHE saw was a tall, red-headed man. Handsome. With deep, captivating lime green eyes....strong build...YES. It was.....booger-flavored LOVE. She latched onto his leg like a horny dog.
"Ohhh, you saved me"! She cried happily, rubbing her face on his thigh. He shuddered.
The...maggot...was....trying....to....EAT HIS BALLS! He screamed girlishly, sticking out one leg like a pissing dog and shaking it, flailing his arms respectively. She just held on, her grip of PUPPY-ENTRAILS TASTING AFFECTION keeping her tight.
He took a deep breath, and thought back to Unknown School. 'Evil Little Girl Attaching to Leg....is that a 438?' He pondered, pacing, with his finger to his chin. The girl was still attached to his leg as he paced. 'Nay! A 438 is when Your Meatballs are Threatened by Angry Italian Waffle Irons....then a 483? No....that was When Wilhelm from Xenosaga Plans a Hostile Takeover of Your Small yet Lucrative business..' and then, it hit him.
Quite literally.
Almighty Ishkabibble appeared from High Above and threw The Rule Book for The Unknown Dealies at him. He looked it up. "Hah! It's a 834"! He read, and smiled, stuffing the book into hammer space. Taking a deep breath, he grinned confidently, and did as the book instructed.
"AHH! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! HANASHITE! HANASHITE! HANASHITE"! He repeated his earlier actions, one leg out.
"Aww, but why"? She asked cutely, still attached to his flailing leg. He stopped, one arm up, and one arm down, his leg still in the air. It was funny. He had really good balance.
He looked her deeply in her blue eyes, and thought. He was thinking about her, but then his thoughts randomly drifted to Samara from The Ring singing the Barbie Girl song in a pink thong whilst eating potato chips. He was humming it, when he realized something.
He grinned in a very Grinch-like manner, and slowly peeled his purple robe off, until the top half was hanging around his waist. The little girl blinked. He grinned toothily, and then leaped gracefully out of the robe, standing free in a tight black tanktop, fingerless gloves, and baggy black pants. He laughed, starring evilly at the crumpled robe.
But something was wrong. He looked down.
Evil Little Girl was still attached to his leg, blinking up at him. She blinked adorably and smiled. "I'm Riri"! She grinned infectiously, one of her front teeth missing. He moaned, and gave up.
"I'm....Margret," he grumbled, picking her up by the back of her shirt. She let herself be lifted, and he held her eye-level. "Tell me child, why is it you–"
"I think you're hot, and I just wanna sex you up, baby," she smiled. He dead panned.
"Where are you supposed to be"?
"Dunno".
He blinked more at her. Then, something in his prickly evil cold little heart melted. "Wanna travel with me"?
"YES"!
He sighed, setting her down. He picked up his cloak, shuddering with the distinct feeling that the little girl was checking out his ass. He threw it over his shoulder.
"Well, let's go. Don't fall behind and do as I say," he growled.
"Okay," she laughed, and wrapped one tiny hand around his finger. He sighed, she pranced along at a good speed, trying to keep up with his long strides. She would glance up at him occasionally, and giggle girlishly if their eyes met.
Well, if all else fails, he could eat her.
Back home at the Destiny Islands! **gets shot**
Several hours had passed, and Riku had forgotten that Kairi was his hostage. He had fallen asleep, ass in the sand, with Kairi still trapped in-between him and the Oblivion. If she tried to move he would mutter "Stay, whore...kill you..somefink...," and then snore again. It was sunset, and much cooler, at least. Ah well. She sighed and leaned her head against his shoulder. At least he didn't have skinny Sora shoulders.
Sora/Kairi shippers threw cans and stuff at the authoress, who put them in a recycling bin, then melted them down, built a Vegnagun replica, and killed them with it.
"Stupid Riku....," she muttered, and fell asleep herself, Derly Beloved playing softly in the melodramtic background. Then, a giant crab known as Toki came out of the ocean and consumed both of them.
At a hotel in Uninspired Metro Area!
"Whoa, that was a great episode of The Horny Kittens," the Keymaster said wisely. He then rose form his cheap bed, which smelled remarkably like the combined scent of Cloud and Tifa.
Cat piss.
"I think I'll take a shower," he sighed, and began to strip. Unbeknownst to him, pr0n music started playing in the background, and the camera kept swooping around to get some interesting angles.
YES, SORA WOULD BE STARRING IN A PORN SHOW!
AN: That was INCREDIBLY short, I know. I'm lazy. XD
Notes: Wilhem from Xenosaga - he's the white-haired CEO for Vector. Seksy-ness MUCH. Mary and I call the black guy he always talks with "U-DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-chan", because he want say U-Do like a normal person. XD U-Do is stupid, I eat it. **puts it on a sandwich with salami and consumes**
Hanashite! - Japanese for 'Let go of me'! I learned that one from kendo. :D Hanas-shee-tay. ^^
Kairi/Sora - It's cute, but its canon. Me normally hate canon. I may read it if Sora is being forceful and sexual though. I'm perverse yessssss....if anyone knows a fic like that, tell me. XD OOC is fun.
Dearly Beloved - It's the title song, Y'know, the one that plays at the Load your Doom or New Doom screen. XD I just adore it. I wish it was longer. ;_;
More reviews, dammit! Oh yes, and PLEASE visit my domain? Pwease? It's into-the-abyss (dot) net
^_^ **gets shot for shamless plugging**