AN: I had finished this chapter about two or three weeks ago, and I sent it to my editor, but she never replied back, so I'm gonna have to this chapter on my own. Sorry if you see more mistakes than usual.

After much calculation, I realized that this story has about six more chapters to go. It's even a possibility that this story might end by the end of the year! But don't worry, Goddess of Destiny isn't done writing stories. I have a few other ideas I want to try out. But right now, all I want to do is thank you for reviewing this story! I love writing this story, and I'm glad you guys are enjoying reading it. Jeez, a lot of you hate Kiyo and Ling, don't you? Don't worry, you're suppose too. And who knows? Maybe one, or both, will die later in the story. You are just gonna have to wait . . .

To Midnight Passion: I came up with the title when I was thinking about the end of the story (That's how I work, I think up the beginning and the end before thinking about the middle). I would get into more detail, but I can't without giving away what will happen in the end. Don't worry, you'll see what the title means in the second to last chapter. Believe me, all my titles is in some way related to the story.

Things you should know:

"Someone talking"

Someone's thoughts

~*~*~ Changing to someone else's Point of View (You will be told whose point of view). When I am changing the setting of the story and that doesn't appear, it means it is still the same point of view from the previous setting.

[Author's Notes]

Disclaimer: Cardcaptor Sakura doesn't belong to me, it belongs to Clamp but the plot is mine and any new characters are mine

Murdering Angel

Chapter Eleven

(Syaoran's P.O.V)

I wanted to punch something, mainly the stupid guard that allowed this to happen. We were so close!

Sakura and I were staring at the camera from three days ago that was on Bennett's desk; which is now busted and broken . . . and useless.

"Now we'll never be able to see who John Doe is" Sakura stated, disappointment in her voice. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her turn to me. "How did this happen?"
"From what I was told, CSI had it in their lab, and Bennett wanted a police guard to protect it for the night. The next morning, a few CSI people had entered the building, only to find the guard on the ground unconscious. They went into the lab and found the camera like this: all broken and the film all torn up."

"Great. We'll never solve this case!" Sakura crossed her arms and she leaned on the desk, glaring at the door behind me.

"Yes we will" I stated, not sure if I was trying to convince her, or myself. It does sound as if we won't ever get this case solved, with the way things are going. But it has to be solved. If it isn't, then I'll never be able to tell Sakura about Melinda. Not only that, but I know Hiiragazawa isn't looking in on adopting a child, and he can't keep her for months unless he adopts her. Eventually, the social worker will take Melinda away, and she'll end up being sent to an orphanage. "We have to" I added.

"Li, with the way things are going, we'll never solve this."

I walked closer to her and grabbed her shoulders.

"What happened to the confident Kinomoto? The one who was sure we'll solve this?"

"I was never sure that we would solve this. I was just a little hardheaded to give up."

"Was?"

She frowned. "All right. I am hardheaded." She sighed. "This was definitely John Doe." She was talking about the camera.

"I know it was. He is the only one who wouldn't want his picture to be shown to the public."

Sakura smiled. "Well, duh!" She sighed. "I wonder how Melinda is doing."

"She's doing fine" I blurt out before I can stop myself. Since Sakura doesn't know that Melinda is with Hiiragazawa, she believes that Melinda is in America right now; so it was now surprise when she gave me a confused look.

"How do you know?"

I thought fast. "Umm, I . . . I gave the doctor my number to give to the social worker of Melinda, so that way the social worker can call me and tell me about how Melinda is doing." It was a stupid excuse, but it was the only thing I can come up with.

"Okay . . . I think."

The phone on the desk began to ring, and because we were in Bennett's office, neither of us moved to answer it; so we merely watched it as the phone took a message. Bennett had the type of phone that when someone left a message, the voice of the person would come out of the speaker phone, so we also heard the person leave the message.

I was shocked to hear who was leaving the message.

"Mr. Bennett? This is Li Yelan again. I haven't heard from you for weeks now, and I was wondering on how my son is doing? I wanted to call you yesterday, but I was-

"Mother?!" I exclaimed as I picked up the phone. "Mother, what in hell are you doing calling my boss?!"

"Xiao-Lang? Please, dear, don't use such language."

"Sorry, but why are you calling my boss?"

"Oh, Xiao-Lang, a mother isn't allowed to worry about her only son who is, at the moment, looking for a serial killer? Is it a crime for a mother to call her son's boss to make sure he is still alive and breathing?"

"It isn't a crime, Mother; that is why I gave you my home number. That way, you can call me at home not at work."

"Dear, you gave your home number, all right, but it seems you forgot to give me the number of the house you are currently living in. Were you too embarrassed to have the girl you are living with to hear your mother call you?"

I glanced at Sakura, who was looking at me intently, and at that moment I was grateful that my mother and I were talking in Chinese rather than Japanese.

"Mother, how did you know about her?"

"The last time I called your boss, he told me how you were now moving in with Ying Fa."

From the sound of it, Bennett didn't say anything about us working under cover. Damn him. "Mother, we are working undercover." Well, she didn't have to know the fact that we stopped working undercover and that we are now staying in the house to protect each other.

"Under . . . cover? You mean you guys aren't living together because . . . you love each other?"

She sounded disappointed.

"No, Mother."

"Why didn't he tell me?" I heard her mumble.

I frown. "Didn't tell you what? Who?"

She didn't answer, then something else came into mind. "Mother, how did you know her name?"

"Son, you have to understand that you were so cold after what that wretched woman, Numi Ling, did, and I realized you needed to move on and when I heard that you were working as a PI for Mr. Bennett, I immediately called to see if-"

"Mother! Are you telling me you called Bennett and told him to make her my partner?!"

"Well . . . seeing that the cat is out of the bag . . . yes."

I ran a hand through my hair. I couldn't believe this. My mother was playing matchmaker . . . from Hong Kong!

I took a deep breath. "Alright, Mother, just answer me this: How did you know about Ying Fa and the fact that she works here?"

Another pause. "Son . . . I can't explain over the phone, and it doesn't only involve you . . . it involves her as well. When this killer is caught, please, come to Hong Kong and bring her along. I believe it is time to tell her, and you, the truth."

Before I can say anything else, she hanged up.

What truth? Mother . . . what are you up to?

~*~*~ (Third P.O.V: Hong Kong: Yelan)

Yelan hanged up the phone and sighed as she sat in the Study behind her desk.

"Ma'am, is it time to tell him?" Wei, her most trusted butler, asked.

"I believe so, Wei." She sighed again as she stood up. She walked over to a big picture of an angel, and ran her hand over the painting before grabbing hold of the edge of the frame and pulling. Behind the picture was a safe, and Yelan put in the combination before the door of the safe opened slowly.

"Ma'am?" Wei questioned.

"There is no need to hide it any longer."

Yelan reached into the safe and took out a little box and two pieces of paper. She closed the safe and put the picture back to its place before she walked back to her desk.

"Oh, Fujitaka" she whispered. "I do believe I can keep our promise." She looked at Wei. "At least, I hope I can."

~*~*~ (First P.O.V: Sakura)

"What was that about?" I asked Li. He seemed a little confused. Seeing that I only understood the part where she was leaving a message, I was a little confused myself.

"That was my mother" he answered.

"I kinda figured that out when you yelled out 'Mother'. But after that, you guys started speaking in Chinese, and that's when I got lost."

"I- well she-" He frowned. "I'll explain later."

I smile sadly. "It sounds as if you guys have a close relationship."

"Maybe, but sometimes she can be very . . . interfering when it comes to my life."

"At least she is still alive."

He looked at me. "You never told me about your mother. You only talked about your father."

"I know." I sighed. "I lost my mother when I was three. My father told me a lot of stories about her, but it isn't enough, you know? I mean, I want to hear her voice, see a smile that doesn't come from a picture . . ." I hugged myself.

"I'm sorry" I heard him say as I felt arms wrap around me.

"Don't be. Actually, I feel guilty for-" I stiffen. "Guilt" I whisper as I back away from his arms.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

I looked at the camera. "Don't you see it, Li? Don't you see what John Doe is trying to do?"

"What is he trying to do?"
"He wants me to feel guilty! He had hurt Chiharu, and he had killed Tokumatsu before I had the chance to say I'm sorry. Li, he wants me to feel guilty because that will leave me vulnerable for him to get me. I mean, when someone feels guilty, we either become angry and go get justice done, or we let the guilt overcome us and then we become vulnerable. Li, John Doe wants me to let the guilt overcome me, so he can kill me! That's why he is going after people I know rather than coming after me directly!" I hugged myself as I looked at him with wide eyes. "I knew John Doe was after me, but only now did I realize that he is going after the people I know in order to get me. God, why didn't I realize this before?"

The thought that everybody I know; Tomoyo, Eriol, Chiharu, and all my other friends; are in danger shook me. Even . . . even Li is in danger.

I shook my head. "No. Li, you have to get away from me. You have to stay away from me."

He gave me a confused looked. "What? Why?"

"Because John Doe might come after you and I don't want you to get hurt and if anything were to happen to you . . ." I covered my mouth with my hand as my eyes began to water. Although I was confused over the way I am acting, it was nothing compared to the sadness I felt over the thought of Li dying. Why is it such a big deal to me? "I don't think I'll be able to bear it" I finally whisper.

"Hey, nothing will happen to me" he said as he wrapped his arms around me once more. I didn't hesitate to wrap my arms around him tightly, as if hugging him will protect him. "I can handle my own, and there is no way in hell I am going to stay away from you so you can handle John Doe alone. No way in hell."

I close my eyes. I wanted to shake him, to make him understand that it is dangerous for him to be anywhere near me.

Actually, I need to understand why in hell I am getting so scared and emotional over this. It's as if I'm in love with him.

My eyes snap open.

No, I can't be. It's impossible.

I gulp. My heart began to race. I just couldn't be in love. I mean, I was once in love with Kiyo, and that only brought me pain and misery. So loving Li in that way is out of the question. Being in love with anybody will only bring me pain.

I slowly begin to back away, intending to back away from his arms. But his arms tightened before I can completely escape and I looked up at him with a confused expression, but that expression was wiped off my face as soon as I saw his expression. He wore that same expression when he had kissed me those two times. I wanted to back away before he can make his move, but I couldn't move. Much to my confusion, I didn't want to move.

Sakura, move out of his arms. Move, now! You don't want the kiss to happen, you think you do but you really don't-

His lips landed on mine and I pushed the little voice to the back of my mind. I would be lying if I said I agreed with the voice. Truth be told, I wanted the kiss to happen, so I didn't back away when he parted my lips, nor did I slap him when he tightened his arms around me and brought me closer. There was only one thing I did.

I responded back.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and stood up on my toes so my lips can stay firmly on his. It has been so long since I let myself get lost in a kiss, to forget where I am, or even who I am. The only thing I know is that Li's lips are on mine, and how I don't want the kiss to end. This was bliss.

I nearly cried when he pulled away a little, though. His lips were a fraction of an inch away from mine. "Say my name" he whispered.

I open my eyes a little. "Li" I whisper back.

"No . . . my first name."

I close my eyes again. "Syaoran."

I mentally sigh when his lips were once more on mine. Who knew that one simple kiss can make my head spin. But it wasn't just a simple kiss; this kiss is with Syaoran. And it was different than with Kiyo. I don't know how, but I enjoy having Syaoran kiss me more than when I had kissed Kiyo, even before he raped me. If someone had given me a choice between making out with Kiyo and having a simple little kiss with Syaoran, I would definitely choose Syaoran. I wouldn't hesitate. Yet, I have no idea why I enjoy kissing someone who I had argued a lot with when we first met. I haven't got a single clue why my heart is beating against my chest, why I want the kiss to last forever. Not a single clue . . .

It doesn't matter . . . A part of my mind whispered, and I agreed. It didn't matter; at least, not here . . . and not now . . . definitely not now . . .

We jumped away from each other when the door to the office opened, and I placed my hand on my chest as I looked at the person who entered the room.

"Eriol?" I squeaked.

He was blinking at us, a blank expression on his face. I glanced at Syaor-Li, and saw him run a hand through his hair.

"That was . . . unexpected" Eriol said as he continued to blink at us. Then he smirked and leaned on the doorframe. "I must say, I do owe Tomoyo an apology. I didn't believe her when she told me about the time she caught you two kissing in the bathtub. I told her she was just hallucinating; but now that I have seen it with my own eyes . . ." He shook his head a little, as if he couldn't believe what he just saw.

Actually, he doesn't believe what he just saw. I wouldn't have believed it either if I wasn't the one kissing Syaoran.

"So . . . you two a couple now?" He asked.

"No" I said abruptly. "The kiss was . . ." I look at Li for support but he looked at me with a serious expression.

"We need to talk about it" he said abruptly. I was taken aback with that. This is the first time he actually wants to talk about the kisses, rather than just going on with life as if it never happened.

I bit my lip, unsure if I actually want to talk about it. So I remained silent as Li told Eriol to leave. I heard the door close and I walked over to the couch that Bennett has in the office. If we're going to talk, I want to be comfortable. I watched him as he walked over to me and sat on the couch next to me.

But he said nothing.

And I said nothing.

Complete silence.

I now wish he had just insulted me so I know I can never talk about this again . . . I think to myself.

"We aren't a couple" I say, feeling the need to make that clear. I look at him.

"I know we aren't" he said as he looked at me. "I can't explain why you had responded to me when I kissed you, but I can explain why I kissed you in the first place."

"I already know" I stated, and he gave me a shocked look.

"Y-you do?"

I nod. "Yeah. We're attracted to each other. You couldn't control it like I could. That's all."

He seemed somehow disappointed. "Oh." Then he frowned. "Hey, you couldn't control it either. You never pulled away from me. From the looks of it, you liked me kissing you."

I scowled. "I did not! The only reason why I didn't back away is because I was lost in the lust. That's it."

I was too late to realize what I just said.

His eyebrows raised. "Lust? So now it's lust?"

I groaned. "No, that's not what I meant. What I meant was that-"

"You want me" he stated flatly.

I glared at him. In the past, I would have slapped him. But for some reason, I didn't feel that it's right to slap him. To me, it would feel almost . . . wrong. Why?

Because what he is stating is true.

I didn't like that thought. I grabbed a pillow and hit him on the head before getting up and stomping out of the door.

I don't want him, I think to myself. He is the last person I want. And I definitely don't love him, I add, just to reassure myself from the thought I had earlier when I got emotional. That's just bullshit. I would know if I love someone.

But thinking those thoughts didn't stop me from being highly aware of how similar all these feelings are to when I had loved Kiyo.

But I can't be in love! I just . . . can't!

~*~*~(Syaoran's P.O.V: Next Day-Wednesday)

"She ignored me, Li, and I want to know why!"

Mihara is one scary lady. I was busy, reading the newspaper in the kitchen (Sakura had gone out with Daidouji- since yesterday, all she does is glares at me, so it was good that she wasn't here) when the doorbell rang. I got up, opened the door, only to be yelled at by Mihara.

"Who ignored you?" I questioned.

"Oh, don't act so innocent, Li! I went to the PI Building yesterday, and saw Sakura walk out of the office and when I said hi, she walked by me without a word!" She growled. "What in hell did you say to her?!"

Her being this angry is definitely not good for her baby, so I tried to calm her down.

But she just yelled some more.

"Fine!" I finally say. "I told her she wanted me! There!"

She blinked. "W-what?"

"I told her she wanted me. The reason why she ignored you is because she is trying to fight it." He sighed. "She doesn't like being attracted to me, and she doesn't like the fact that she wants me, okay?"

She narrowed her eyes. "You sound upset."

"I am upset. Mihara, I love her, and to know that she hates the fact that she is attracted to me doesn't exactly make me jump for joy."

Mihara sighed. "Li- I am so sorry for yelling at you. I might have been more angry than I should, but-" she patted her stomach. "Being pregnant and all, I can't really control my emotions."

I nodded in understanding. "You should come inside. You started yelling at me and all that I didn't have time to invite you in."

She giggled nervously as she walked in. "Yeah, well, sorry again. Being ignored by Sakura is something that gets me angry, because she doesn't ignore anyone unless she is upset, and I am protective her." We walked into the kitchen and she sat down as I offered her coffee. She refused, so I just sat down across from her.

"Yeah, I don't think anyone can help but be protective of her" I reply.

Mihara tilted her head. "You know, my first day in the hospital, I began asking her questions about you."

I gave her a look of confusion. "Why?"

She smiled and raised an eyebrow. "Because I saw the way you looked at her during the engagement party before the shooting happened. You looked like you were in heaven. I just wanted to make sure you were someone good for her just in case you guys got involved."

I snort. "I don't think we'll ever get involved. First off, I'm still married-"

"Yeah, Sakura told me about that and how your ex-wife or whatever was having affairs."

I knew Sakura didn't mention anything about the abortion, and I was grateful for that, but Mihara sounded like someone I can trust.

"Yeah, but Ling also aborted my baby."

Her eyes widened. "What?"

I nodded solemnly. "She aborted my baby."

I watched her as she looked down, and I knew she was holding her stomach, not being able to imagine aborting her baby.

Not wanting her to feel sympathy, I continued on with my list. "And besides the fact that I am still married, I doubt Sakura will ever love me the way I love her. If she hates the fact that she wants me, she'll hate it even more if she falls in love with me, which I doubt."

"Don't say that. I'm sure-"

The doorbell rang, and I frowned, wondering who it is. I excuse myself and walk over to the door. I open it, and regret ever doing it.

"Xiao-Lang, I haven't seen you for days!" Ling exclaimed as she walked into the house, uninvited.

"What do you want?" I growl.

"Oh, I just wanted to see you. After all" she turned to look at me, a glint in her eye "you are my husband. Until death do us part, dear."

"No, until the divorce final do us part." I crossed my arms. "Ling, you lost about" I waved my hand around "oh, I believe over one-hundred thousand dollars for not signing the papers. How much more do you want to lose?"

She crossed her arms also. "I'm not signing the divorce papers because I know you still love me." She began to walk towards me. "Yes, I know, I made a mistake about the baby, but I'll get pregnant again." She reached me and wrapped her arms around my neck. "I promise I'll give you a son or daughter. But not this soon, we have to wait a few more years."

"Ling, get your hands off of me."

"Xiao-Lang, you still love me, I know you do. Don't fight it."

"Ling, I told you to-"

My cell rang, and I was grateful to whoever it was. I back away from Ling's hands and answered it.

"Yeah?"

"Li! It's Sakura, come to the PI building, quick! We found Tatsumi."

I frown, not recognizing the name. Then it hit me. He was the guy in the ice-cream parlor from weeks ago.

"I'll be right there." I hanged up and glared at Ling. "Thankfully, I no longer have to be in your presence. Please, let yourself out." I walked out the door, and closed it shut behind me.

~*~*~ (Third P.O.V)

Ling growled and took out her own cell phone. She pressed a button and placed the cell near her ear.

"Kiyo, I don't think putting Kinomoto and Xiao-Lang into situations to make them think they are in love with us is going to work. Xiao-Lang doesn't like me near him, and I doubt Kinomoto will even want to be within ten feet of you."

She rolled her eyes as Kiyo told her to be patient.

"Kiyo, I don't have patience. I'm sick of waiting. I'm doing this my way, now."

She grinned when he asked her what's 'her way'.

"Kinomoto won't want to be near Xiao-Lang once she sees him in bed with me. Yes, I know, he won't want to, but he doesn't have a choice when he is drugged. And I'll make sure Kinomoto sees me in bed with him. Then, when she is all heart-broken, you get her."

She hanged up the phone after a few more minutes of talking to him before turning around when she heard a noise.

"So you are Ling" Chiharu said.

Ling looked her over. "Who are you? Another whore trying to get my husband?"

Chiharu clenched her fist. "I'm not a whore. I'm engaged."

Ling smirked. "I wonder how a woman like you can get any type of man. Unless he is blind, of course."

Chiharu had enough. With a growl, she walked up to Ling, and slapped her across the face. The force of the slap was so strong that Ling bumped into the wall. Ling grabbed hold of her cheek and looked at Chiharu with shock and anger.

"The real question is how any man can ever want a bitch like you" Chiharu growled.

Ling walked up to Chiharu and slapped her back. Chiharu half-turned and slightly bent down as the force of the slap almost sent her to the ground.

"Don't you ever slap me again. You have no right to-" Ling let out a shriek as Chiharu threw herself at her, resulting in both of them landing on the ground. Ling screamed when Chiharu grabbed hold of her hair, and Ling fought back by trying to land a punch at her. Chiharu stood up to escape the punches, but did not let go of Ling's hair.

"Don't you slap me" Chiharu hissed as she opened the door and began to drag Ling, who was still screaming from the pain, out. If Sakura, Tomoyo, Eriol, Yamazaki, or any other friends of Chiharu had seen her doing this, none of them would have believe that a woman who is always sweet and kind and never admits or shows her hate towards a person would be doing this type of act. But then again, Chiharu is now pregnant, and her emotions are no longer under her control. "And don't you dare do anything that will hurt Sakura or Li!"

When Ling was out the door and out of the house, Chiharu let go of her hair and walked over to her to stand under the doorframe. With a groan, Ling stood up and stumbled a bit before getting hold of herself and holding onto the back of her head where it ached the most.

"And don't worry, I'll make sure Li knows about what you and Kiyo are trying to do" Chiharu added.

Ling's eyes widened. "Don't you dare!"

As if she didn't hear her, Chiharu continued on with her warnings. "And I want you to stay away from this house, and Sakura and Li. Or you'll get another slap and another hair-pulling." Chiharu slammed the door, and the only thing Ling could do was gape at the event that had just occurred.

~*~*~ (First P.O.V: Sakura)

I stared at Tatsumi Kodai through the one-way mirror, my arms crossed at the chest. As I stared at him, watching as Bennett questioned him, it became more and more clear that he wasn't John Doe. He had an alibi for the past two months (went to London to visit his mother- we called the mother and she confirmed) and he had an explanation for why he was angry when he left the Crystal Star when me and Li were undercover. I sighed with disappointment.

"What's wrong?" I turned to the door of this room and saw Li close the door behind him.

"He isn't John Doe. He couldn't be. He's been gone since the day we did the undercover stunt at the Crystal Star. He couldn't possibly be John Doe."

"I'm not surprised." I looked at him. "For the past few weeks, I've been thinking that John Doe is in-"

"Some type of law enforcement" I finished.

He raised his eyebrows. "You think so too?"

"For awhile now." I sighed. "Li, do you know whatever happened to Sandy-haired man? Kumari Kenji?"

Li sighed and nodded. "Yeah. He moved. He now lives in Australia, and has been living there for the past month."

I nodded, and wondered why he was staring at me at the mall, when the thought that he might not have been staring at me at all popped into my head. He might have been staring at another woman. I guess I'll never know.

I watched as he walked forward and stared at Tatsumi. He remained silent as he studied him, and I remained silent as I studied Li. The way he was standing, all worn out and lost, I felt . . . I don't know. I guess I felt sad for him. I remembered when I first met him; how he felt sure about this case, and how he didn't need to struggle with anything else. Now, the case looks like it will never be solved, Li is trying to divorce Numi, and I think he is struggling with something else, but I don't know what.

I wish I can comfort you, the way you comfort me . . . the way you make me feel so safe and secure . . .

Then my heart began to pound against my chest again, and I felt breathless.

The way you make me feel . . . how do you make me feel, Li? Why do I feel safe around you? Why do I get butterflies when you hold me? Why?

All these feelings were similar. These were the same feelings I felt with Kiyo. I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes.

I can't be in love with him. I'll be heartbroken again. I know I will.

But is that really true? Would I be heartbroken? Or am I just making excuses?

I just wanted to deny what I felt. I tried everything. I tried to pretend that I hate the attraction I felt, I tried to pretend that I hate wanting him. And yes, I even tried to deny the lust. But truth be told, I felt connected to him. Out everyone I know, he is the only one who truly understands me. Not even Eriol or Tomoyo can understand my past better than Li. No one can. No one.

Then why do you continue to deny it?

I'm not denying anything.

Don't deny something because of the past. Accept it for the future.

I frowned. Now where did that come from? And why am I talking to myself?

I opened my eyes when the door opened.

"It's official" Bennett stated as he entered the room. He nodded to the suspect. "He isn't John Doe." He sighed. "Li, Kinomoto . . . it looks like this is going to become a cold case. This case has been open for about six months, and leads are dying. Unless John Doe makes a mistake, we're screwed."

"I'm not letting this case go" I said. "John Doe shot Chiharu, he actually shot her. He not only would have killed her, but her unborn baby as well. And then he killed Tokumatsu and Kobyashi. I don't care if it takes me six years. I'm going to get John Doe."

(Next Day)

I took a deep breath as I sat on my bed. A few minutes ago, I was downstairs, sitting a few feet away from Li, when Chiharu came. She looked angry and determined, and asked if she could speak with Li alone. So, I had to come up here, which is good. Downstairs seemed stuffy because as I worked on the John Doe case, I couldn't concentrate. The only thing on my mind was Li, and I kept stealing glances at him. And the way he was working on the case (in nothing but shorts and a T-shirt, an expression of concentration), it took my breath away. Voices were talking in my head, telling me to stop denying what I felt and just accept it. But I couldn't. If I accept it, then that means that I really do love Syaoran.

"Stop saying his first name" I whisper to myself.

But I couldn't help myself. Throughout the whole time I've known him, I never said his first name until we kissed that third time. And ever since then, the urge to say it is so strong that I almost say Syaoran rather than Li.

But none of that is compared to how my heart swells and feels like it's about to burst when I am around him. I feel breathless, and so . . . so . . .

So in love . . .

"No" I whisper to myself, hanging on to that single thread of denial. "I'm not in love with him."

If I hadn't been in love with Kiyo, then maybe the single thread would be thicker and I would be able to deny it much longer because I wouldn't have known what love is. But I do know what love is, and I'm fighting so hard because I'm so scared to give in.

But you can't fight something that's already a losing battle.

"I know" I moaned. I remember quite well how I acted this way also when I first started to fall for Kiyo. It took a while, but when I finally did accept, I remember how I became calm, how I was . . . happy.

I bit my lip. I wanted to get on top of the highest mountain I can find, and scream at the top of my lungs that what I feel, the reason why I didn't stop everything that has happened between me and Li, that the reason why I feel so secure around him, isn't because I love him. That's what I wanted to yell. And I would have.

"If it was true . . ." I whisper. I looked up at the roof of my room. "You happy?! I'm admitting it! The reason why I can't go on top of that mountain and say those things is because what I would have said would have been lies! Everything I feel is because I love Syaoran!"

Calmness suddenly spread through me. I took a deep breath, no longer feeling like I have to prepare for a fight against myself. Ironically, I was relieved and happy to have that out in the open.

"I'm in love with Syaoran" I say, not wanting to correct myself. I smiled. "I'm in love with him!"

But then the smile disappeared as I remember that he is married.

"No" I moaned as I closed my eyes. "How can I forget that?"

He is trying to divorce her, some part of my mind reminded me.

"So? Numi isn't letting go. She's fighting the divorce with all her might." I grabbed a pillow and hurled it across the room. "Damn it, out of all the men in the world, I had to fall in love with the one guy I can't have. I knew it. Love only brings me pain and misery."

I jumped when I heard Syaoran yell a 'What'. And he sounded outraged.

I frowned, and I moved to get up before quickly changing my mind. Right now, I need time to myself, to think about what I'm going to do about loving a married man.

Doesn't take a genius: I won't tell him. I can't, because he is married and I know that he will never love me back, especially after I made it clear several times that I don't like being attracted to him. I'll only end up embarrassing myself if I tell him.

"So I can't tell him" I tell myself. "I won't tell him. No matter what, I won't tell him how I feel, even if I have to take it to my grave!"

I knew I was accepting this a little too easily. I could have said that the reason why I accepted it so easily was because I might be mistaken about loving him. But that was bullshit. I knew along that I love him, I just didn't want to accept it. I lay down on my bed.

Still, I wouldn't be surprised if I stayed up all night long as the shock finally comes, I think to myself as I close my eyes, at the moment relishing the fact that I do love Syaoran.

And I think I always will . . .

~*~*~ (Third person

Melinda sat on her bed in the Eriol's apartment. So far, her stay has been comfortable, and Eriol has shown that he really is a good friend, so Melinda knew she could trust him.

She tilted her head, frowning at her newly drawn picture. It was a man and a woman, currently faceless because she didn't know how she wanted their faces to look like yet. But she had the strong urge to surround the woman with pink color and the man with green, like an aura. When she got the idea to draw this picture, she imagined the couple holding hands, and standing close together, like they were in love. But she couldn't do it. She drew the man, but when it came time for the woman, she ended up drawing her a couple of inches to far from the man, not letting them hold hands. It was as if . . . as if it wasn't time to draw them that way, a force not letting the couple be together the way she imagined it.

"I guess I'll just work on the faces" she mumbled cutely. "Hmm . . . Oh!" Melinda grabbed her pencil and began drawing the faces, a smile on her lips. "Who better than to draw Syaoran and Sakura?" Melinda asked herself as she drew the face of Syaoran on the man. "I know they love each other, so why not give them this picture as a hint to be together?" Then she began to draw Sakura's face on the woman, hope showing on her features. "And then, she'll be my mommy, and he'll be my daddy, and we'll be a family!" She stopped drawing and reached under her pillow. She took out a photo of her real parents and held the picture in front of her. "I hope you guys won't be angry at me for wanting Sakura and Syaoran as my mommy and daddy. You guys were good parents, and I'll always love you . . . but I'm lonely. Even though I have Eriol right now, I know he doesn't want a child right now, and that's okay, because I like him as a friend better. Maybe he'll be an uncle. But I'm so lonely inside" she said as she put a hand over her chest, and then tears began to fall from her eyes. "So lonely . . . I miss you so much mommy . . . and daddy . . . Please don't be angry at me for wanting them as parents, I just want to be part of a family again . . ." She closed her eyes and hugged the picture to her chest. "Maybe, one day, we'll be a family again." She laid down on her bed and positioned herself into a ball. "I love you, mommy and daddy" she whispered, and cried herself to sleep.

AN: Yes, I know, Syaoran discovering his love for Sakura was much better than the way that Sakura discovered her love for Syaoran, but remember, the reason why Syaoran took longer was because he didn't know what love iwas, he thought he did, but he didn't. And Sakura already knew what love was, so her denial wasn't as strong. Just wanted to let you guys know. Please review, I would very much appreciate it.

Since Thanksgiving is next week, I'll just say this now: Have a Happy Thanksgiving!