BASIL: (becomes aware of her)
Polly, did you notice our new American guests?
POLLY:
Yes, I just met them upstairs. One of them was talking Spanish to Manuel,
with an American accent.
BASIL:
I hope you are going to treat our US-guests *this time* with respect.
POLLY: (smirks)
Certainly, I know how to prepare a Waldorf Salad.
BASIL:
Don't try to change the subject, you know what I am talking about,
young lady.
Polly rolls her eyes.
BASIL:
Once in a lifetime, we had a high ranked US-NATO General as one of
our guest, and what have you done? You start to make snide remarks about
that war in Iraq.
POLLY:
It was only one remark and since he was drunk, he would have forgotten,
if you haven't attacked him with a raspberry cake.
BASIL:
I slipped: It was the smallest of accidents. Could have occurred anywhere.
POLLY:
The military policy had seen it from a different angle. We are lucky,
they didn't send you to Guantanamo.
BASIL:
Polly!
POLLY: (quiet)
Well unlucky really.
BASIL:
POLLY! Just don't mention the war.
POLLY:
Which one? There are so many to choose from.
BASIL:
One more word, and you will never work as a waitress in Torquay again!
Polly pulls a face behind Basil Fawlty's back. While he examines the key-board.
BASIL:
Hang on! There must be a mistake. Why would Sybil give those women
room number 12? That is the wedding suite.
POLLY: (smirks)
Maybe they especially demanded it?
Basil reacts totally offended.
POLLY: (sincere, since she knows how Mr. Fawlty feels about that
topic)
Only a pre-mature joke. It is normal that friends share rooms.
Polly walks off into the hotel kitchen.
BASIL: (mutters)
But why the wedding suite? There is only *one* bed.
Basil Fawlty's twisted brain started to ponder all possible disgusting things, two persons of the same sex would do alone in a double bed.
BASIL: (to himself)
No! No! No! Polly is right.
They are only friends who share a room.
I should be ashamed of myself even assuming such a *filthy*, *dirty*,
*nasty*… unnatural behaviour.
Yuck! Yuck!
Basil Fawlty doesn't notice, that Daria and Jane come down the stairs. They stop and stare at him.
BASIL: (still to himself)
Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! Yuck!
He looks up and notice Daria and Jane are giving him an odd look. Mr. Fawlty pauses, thinks and then picks up a dustbin from the floor and start putting newspapers in.
BASIL:
Yuck! Everywhere filth! All this yucky paper has to go.
Daria and Jane walk on to the exit.
BASIL: (to Daria and Jane)
Leaving us already? Is your room not to your satisfaction?
DARIA:
No, it is fine. We just have to stretch our legs.
JANE:
We need to walk off our jet- and car-lag.
BASIL:
Oh, I am so *sorry* I have forgotten to mention before, that dinner
will be served from 7.30 till 9. We would be glad to have you as our guest
to experience the culinary specialties of Torquay.
JANE:
Thank you.
Daria and Jane walk on to the exit.
BASIL: (in a very quiet but sarcastic tone, still audible to Daria
and Jane )
Unless it doesn't surpasses your budget.
Daria stops and turns around.
DARIA:
Judging from the pile of stones that should be a wall in the garden,
the burnout light bulbs in the corridor, the squeaking staircase, the broken
room radio and the wide ridiculously use of recently ironed plastic flowers
in faked china vases… I may suggest that we should afford such an extravagance,
since you need all financial assistance you can get.
JANE;
Not to mention that charity is tax-deductible.
Both smirk and leave the hotel. Basil Fawlty glares behind them. And waits until they are gone.
BASIL:
American backpackers phhhhhht.
HOURS LATER:
INT. WEDDING SUITE – BATH ROOM – NIGHT
Daria has her nightshirt on. She is about to put her toothbrush
away, when she hears a buzzing noise.
SOUND OF AN ELECTRIC MOTOR:
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
It came from the bedroom.
SOUND OF AN ELECTRIC MOTOR:
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
It was not an alarm clock.
SOUND OF AN ELECTRIC MOTOR:
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Daria's eyes nearly pop out, when she stares aghast at the door,
which leads to the bedroom.
INT. UPSTAIRS CORRIDOR – NIGHT
Basil Fawlty stands on a little stepladder. He has just finished
replacing the last burnout light bulb in the corridor. He notices the buzzing
noise, which comes from room 12. He becomes suspicious and gets off the
ladder. He sneaks to the room 12 and puts his ear at the door.
SOUND OF AN ELECTRIC MOTOR:
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
DARIA VOICE OVER:
Jane?
The motor stops.
JANE VOICE OVER:
You can come in Daria.
DARIA VOICE OVER: (beat)
What is that?
JANE VOICE OVER:
Only a little friend of mine. Certainly you have seen me using this
before.
DARIA VOICE OVER:
Yes... I heard it in the bathroom. It is quite loud.
JANE VOICE OVER:
Well, it is antique. Penny left it behind for me.
DARIA VOICE OVER:
Eww.
JANE VOICE OVER: (offended)
Why *Eww*? A lot of women share this with others.
Basil Fawlty face starts to turn pale.
DARIA VOICE OVER:
Well, there was me being peculiar again.
JANE VOICE OVER:
Do you want to use it too? You look like you need it despaired.
DARIA VOICE OVER: (wary)
I never used such a machine before.
Basil Fawlty face is pale. He is unable to move.
JANE VOICE OVER:
You never have? Well every time is a first time.
DARIA VOICE OVER:
All right give it to me.
JANE VOICE OVER:
Let me do it to you.
DARIA VOICE OVER:
No! I can do that alone!
JANE VOICE OVER:
Now don't be so shy! I just show you how it is done properly. Just
lay back and enjoy.
Basil Fawlty face is now as white as a sheet. He starts to look sick.
DARIA VOICE OVER:
All right. Do your worst.
JANE VOICE OVER:
Hey, you are going to like it. Hmm, this reminds me how I did it once
to Trent.
DARIA VOICE OVER:
To Trent?
JANE VOICE OVER:
Well I was 12 and he was asleep. I was a naughty little sister those
days.
SOUND OF AN ELECTRIC MOTOR:
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Basil Fawlty is now sick. He runs to an open broom cupboard and throws up in a bucket.