INT. FAWTY TOWERS – BAR – MORNING
Mr. Fawlty rushes in and opens at the bar a bottle of hard liquor.
He pours it direct into his mouth.
SOME TIME LATER:
Basil Fawlty sits on the floor behind the bar with an quarter-empty bottle in his right hand. His head is buried in his knees.
Suddenly he hears the voice of a deep southern cowboy.
DEEP SOUTHERN COWBOY VOICE OVER:
Now wait there stranger. A man can run and run for year after year,
until he realizes that what he is running from… is himself
Basil Fawlty looks up to heaven.
DEEP SOUTHERN COWBOY VOICE OVER:
A man's got to do what a man's got to do, and there ain't no sense
in running. Now you gotta turn, and you gotta fight, and you gotta hold
your head up high.
Basil Fawlty stands up.
BASIL:
Yes!
DEEP SOUTHERN COWBOY VOICE OVER:
Now you go back in there my son and be a man.
BASIL:
Yes I will. I will!. I have been pushed around long enough. This is
it! I AM A MAN.
CUT TO:
INT. FAWTY TOWERS – KITCHEN – MORNING
Sybil is filling glasses with orange juice fresh from the bottle.
The door gets open by a very determined Basil Fawlty.
BASIL: (quick and firm)
All right, Sybil! Listen to me! I have decided to throw those two promiscuous
American tarts out of my hotel!
No matter what you think.
SYBIL: (Consumed with orange juice filling, so she wasn't paying
attention to his previous words.)
Hmm, hmm.
After finishing the last glass she looks up to him.
SYBIL:
Basil where were you? There is work in the kitchen to be done…
(suspicious)
Were you drinking?
BASIL: (with all his previously gained self-esteem going down the
drain)
No, no. I start with the dishes, shall I.
INT. FAWTY TOWERS – DINING ROOM – MORNING
The guest are now leaving one by one, while Polly and Manuel are
cleaning up the tables.
Daria and Jane have managed to scoffed the entire breakfast, except
for one sausage.
DARIA:
There is still something on your plate.
JANE:
No.
DARIA:
It's only a tiny little one.
JANE:
Look: I couldn't eat another thing. I am absolutely stuffed. One more
bite and I am going to end up like Mr. Creosote in that Monty Python movie:
"The Meaning of Life."
DARIA: (smirks)
Perhaps we should order then a bucket?
JANE: (glares at her)
How did he say… Ah yes: "Bugger off."
DARIA:
Speaking of…Don't you think the hotel manager looks a bit like John
Cleese?
Beat. Then both look at each other
DARIA AND JANE:
Nahhh!
Polly approaches them.
POLLY:
John Cleese? We had him as one of our guest a couple of mouths ago.
JANE: (amazed)
*The* JOHN CLEESE. Wow.
DARIA: (dry)
You should have made a neon sign in front of the hotel with: "JOHN
CLEESE STAYED HERE"
POLLY:
We were intending to make one, but the local laws demanded, that neon
advertisement should stick with the truth. And "JOHN CLEESE STAYED HERE
AND THOUGHT IT WAS AWFUL" wasn't quite sound.
Daria and Jane chuckle.
DARIA:
Really? And did he check out the same day?
POLLY:
No. Astonishingly, he even stayed for 2 whole weeks, writing notes
all the time. He is a very nice guy, he even bought one of my paintings.
JANE:
You are an artist?
POLLY:
Yes and you can see how successful I am.
(she uses body language to indicate her waitress outfit)
JANE:
I would like really to see your works.
POLLY: (flattered)
Sure. How about this evening?
JANE:
That is fine.
POLLY:
Is it okay that I can clean up your dishes now?
DARIA AND JANE:
Uh-huh
They both stand up.
POLLY: (she starts to clean up)
Sorry, but in a half an hour I am going to take the day off, so I can
visit the recently discovered Celtic rock formation of Torquay.
JANE:
What for a coincidence. We are going there too. My Dad is driving us
there. We could give you a ride.
POLLY:
Really? Thank you, that would be great.
CUT TO:
INT. FAWTY TOWERS – RECEPTION LOBBY – DAY
Basil comes out the kitchen and rushes to the drawing room across
the hall. He opens it. Then he notices how Daria and Jane come out the
dining room, he turns a blind eye on them and gets inside.
JANE:
How about a walk?
DARIA:
Sure. But we need to go to Scotland, when we want to walk off that
breakfast.
JANE:
Why not? I always wanted to see the Loch Ness Monster and Sean Connery...
not to mention men in skirts.
Two old ladies walk down the stairs. They are Miss Gatsby and Miss Tibbs. Like always, they walk hand in hand when they use the stairs.
MS. GATSBY AND MS. TIBBS: (smiling at them)
Good *mor*ning*!
DARIA AND JANE:
Good morning!
They pass them and walk to the exit, still and hand in hand. On their way out, they meet a man who is about to enter the hotel.
MS. GATSBY AND MS. TIBBS: (smiling at him)
Good *mor*ning*!
HOTEL CUSTOMER:
Good morning.
Daria and Jane look behind them. Amused by the attitude of the 2 old Ladies, they smirk at each other. Then Jane stretches her out her hand and Daria takes it. Then they walk out in the same manner like Ms. Gatsby and Ms. Tibbs.
DARIA AND JANE: (smiling at the customer)
Good *mor*ning*!
HOTEL CUSTOMER: (a bit irritated due this déjà vu)
Good mor… ning.
In that moment Basil Fawlty comes out the drawing room with a canister
of washing-up liquid. When he sees Daria and Jane hand in hand he becomes
outraged and lets the canister fall on the floor.
He waits until they are gone.
BASIL: (angry)
Right! Now they are doing it in public!!!
That is the last straw!
I AM THROWING THEM OUT!