Initiation
(EST. SHOT – The parking lot. SYD and JILL stand.)
SYD: We have a student lounge?
JILL: Yeah. Bueno Nacho.
SYD: Sweet, Mexican food.
(Later. SYD, DES, JILL, and KIM sit at a booth at Bueno Nacho)
SYD: (to KIM) Hi, I'm SYD LIPSKY.
KIM: KIM POSSIBLE.
SYD: This is my sister, DES. (nods head to DES)
KIM: Nice to meet you.
SYD: So, you fight crime too, eh?
KIM: (nods)
DES: Cool.
SYD: We're not official secret agents yet, but we're getting close.
JILL: Hey, SYD, did you see X Men Evolution last night?
SYD: (nods) It was the one with X23.
JILL: Mind if I call you S23?
SYD: Yes.
JILL: (shrugs) Doesn't matter.
SYD: (glares)
JILL: Man, you're starting to remind me of your aunt.
KIM: Who's her aunt?
JILL: Oh, yeah, you were in Peru for a couple of weeks, weren't ya, KP?
SYD: Peru?
KIM: Yeah.
SYD: Anyway, my aunt's JESSIE BARKIN.
KIM: That woman is your aunt?!
SYD: Shocking, I know.
JILL: (To KIM) She's the kid that blew up half the parking lot yesterday.
KIM: Yeah, that made international news.
SYD: Oh, perfect. Now I have to find some way to publically apologize and get back my reputation...
JILL: You could play for the Devils. Then everyone would like you.
SYD: (glares)
JILL: I'm serious! You ever seen anybody mess with a Devils' fan?
KIM: The only reason nobody messes with you is because you're six-foot- four and you have a saxophone in your throat!
JILL: Definitely gonna go with my strengths.
KIM: (Groan)
SYD: So...we've got to figure out a way to get my reputation back.
(The next day, at MHS. SYD, JILL, and a group of students stand by an air vent.)
CROWD: Change the grades! Change the grades!
JILL: (into megaphone) Now, momentarily, the great SYD LIPSKY...(aside) And most likely LATE if MRS. BARKIN finds out...(to the crowd) will attempt the impossible: changing report cards!
CROWD: (cheers)
JILL: (to SYD) I'll get the hearse.
SYD: (gulp)
(SYD begins her trek.)
SYD: (to herself) I can do this. I can do this. (sob) I'm gonna die!
JILL: You're only gonna die if you're caught!
SYD: What are you doing here?
JILL: The freshmen wouldn't shut up about banding together and all that crap, so I decided to come help you.
SYD: (beat) They forced you into the air vent.
JILL: Yeah, pretty much.
SYD: Just like those snotty little brats.
JILL: (snicker) By the way, WADE made this for ya. (slides a parcel to SYD)
SYD: (opens it) A Game Boy?
JILL: That's no ordinary Game Boy.
(WADE appears on the screen)
WADE: Hey, SYD.
SYD: Gah! How do you...
WADE: I'm a genius, I know everything.
SYD: OK, smart one. What's my middle name?
WADE: Ren. Japanese for 'perfect'.
SYD: (beat) Social security number? Date of birth?
WADE: Lost in a fire.
JILL: He SAID he knows everything!
SYD: While you're at it, give me the score for the Middleton Sharks basketball game.
JILL: How did we go from a Mad Dog high school mascot to an NBA shark?
SYD: You can't beat the best, JILL.
JILL: You destroy the backboard and you call your team the best?
SYD: Uh, hello! It was defense!
JILL: Shyeah, if you call that defense. (Beat) Hey, do you stick to magnetic surfaces when you do that?
SYD: (glares) I wouldn't know.
JILL: Can we try it?
SYD: NO!
JESSIE: (under the vent) You know, SYDNEY REN, that if you TRY to sneak in to change the grades, BE QUIET ABOUT IT!
SYD: (OC) Yes ma'am!
JESSIE: Arh...my niece is an idiot.
SYD: (OC) I'll have you know, I'm an FBI agent!
JILL: (OC) The vent echoes, ya know.
SYD: (OC) Crap!
(Beat)
JILL: (OC) Do you hear that?
SYD: (OC) Arh! Angry freshman! Duck and cover! This is not a drill! This is not a drill!
(We hear the vent clang as SYD and JILL scurry forward)
SYD: (OC, her voice echoing) CRAWL! CRAWL LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT! ANGRY FRESHMEN ROAM IN PACKS!
JILL: (OC, her voice echoing) DES was right. You ARE paranoid!
SYD: (OC, her voice echoing) THEY'VE GOT GUNS!
JILL: (OC, her voice echoing) IT'S A SLINGSHOT, YOU MORON!
SYD: (OC) SAME DIFFERENCE!
(Their voices disappear)
JESSIE: (rolls eyes)
(Later, SYD and JILL exit the vent. Everyone cheers.)
CROWD: LIPSKY! LIPSKY! LIPSKY! LIPSKY!
SYD: They respect me!
JILL: They FEAR you. Which LEADS to respect.
SYD: So fear and respect are equal?
JILL: Where I come from.
SYD: Oy...
(Later, at Bueno Nacho)
SYD: Do we ALWAYS hang out here?
JILL: Your aunt never comes here.
SYD: Point.
JILL: I always make points.
(RON appears in the booth behind DES)
RON: Yo yo! STOPPABLE in the...(spots DES, ducks where he can't be seen, and comes up with his hair slicked back)
SYD: Did you do that with spit, RON?
RON: The RON-meister's talkin', here! (to DES) I don't have a library card, but can I...
(DES slaps him)
SYD/JILL/KIM: Whoa!
RON: Ow!
DES: Do. Not. Hit. On. Me!
SYD: Nicely done, sis!
(SYD'S device buzzes. SYD answers)
SYD: Hey, WADE.
WADE: Yo, SYD. I thought I'd run through some of the procedures for the Kimmunicator v 2.0.
SYD: What are they?
WADE: Way too many to mention.
SYD: Can we give it a different name?
WADE: Sure. Mind making it a hybrid of a name and a computer part?
SYD: Not at all. How about the Sydstem?
WADE: Sounds cool. Anyway, here we go. Do you have it out?
SYD: Uh, obviously.
WADE: Open the compartment, okay?
SYD: Whatever you say. (presses a button. A small compartment opens in the top of the Sydstem, revealing a digital watch)
WADE: (appearing on the screen where the time is displayed) How would you like a little lesson in training?
SYD/DES: Sure!
(EST. SHOT – The parking lot. SYD and JILL stand.)
SYD: We have a student lounge?
JILL: Yeah. Bueno Nacho.
SYD: Sweet, Mexican food.
(Later. SYD, DES, JILL, and KIM sit at a booth at Bueno Nacho)
SYD: (to KIM) Hi, I'm SYD LIPSKY.
KIM: KIM POSSIBLE.
SYD: This is my sister, DES. (nods head to DES)
KIM: Nice to meet you.
SYD: So, you fight crime too, eh?
KIM: (nods)
DES: Cool.
SYD: We're not official secret agents yet, but we're getting close.
JILL: Hey, SYD, did you see X Men Evolution last night?
SYD: (nods) It was the one with X23.
JILL: Mind if I call you S23?
SYD: Yes.
JILL: (shrugs) Doesn't matter.
SYD: (glares)
JILL: Man, you're starting to remind me of your aunt.
KIM: Who's her aunt?
JILL: Oh, yeah, you were in Peru for a couple of weeks, weren't ya, KP?
SYD: Peru?
KIM: Yeah.
SYD: Anyway, my aunt's JESSIE BARKIN.
KIM: That woman is your aunt?!
SYD: Shocking, I know.
JILL: (To KIM) She's the kid that blew up half the parking lot yesterday.
KIM: Yeah, that made international news.
SYD: Oh, perfect. Now I have to find some way to publically apologize and get back my reputation...
JILL: You could play for the Devils. Then everyone would like you.
SYD: (glares)
JILL: I'm serious! You ever seen anybody mess with a Devils' fan?
KIM: The only reason nobody messes with you is because you're six-foot- four and you have a saxophone in your throat!
JILL: Definitely gonna go with my strengths.
KIM: (Groan)
SYD: So...we've got to figure out a way to get my reputation back.
(The next day, at MHS. SYD, JILL, and a group of students stand by an air vent.)
CROWD: Change the grades! Change the grades!
JILL: (into megaphone) Now, momentarily, the great SYD LIPSKY...(aside) And most likely LATE if MRS. BARKIN finds out...(to the crowd) will attempt the impossible: changing report cards!
CROWD: (cheers)
JILL: (to SYD) I'll get the hearse.
SYD: (gulp)
(SYD begins her trek.)
SYD: (to herself) I can do this. I can do this. (sob) I'm gonna die!
JILL: You're only gonna die if you're caught!
SYD: What are you doing here?
JILL: The freshmen wouldn't shut up about banding together and all that crap, so I decided to come help you.
SYD: (beat) They forced you into the air vent.
JILL: Yeah, pretty much.
SYD: Just like those snotty little brats.
JILL: (snicker) By the way, WADE made this for ya. (slides a parcel to SYD)
SYD: (opens it) A Game Boy?
JILL: That's no ordinary Game Boy.
(WADE appears on the screen)
WADE: Hey, SYD.
SYD: Gah! How do you...
WADE: I'm a genius, I know everything.
SYD: OK, smart one. What's my middle name?
WADE: Ren. Japanese for 'perfect'.
SYD: (beat) Social security number? Date of birth?
WADE: Lost in a fire.
JILL: He SAID he knows everything!
SYD: While you're at it, give me the score for the Middleton Sharks basketball game.
JILL: How did we go from a Mad Dog high school mascot to an NBA shark?
SYD: You can't beat the best, JILL.
JILL: You destroy the backboard and you call your team the best?
SYD: Uh, hello! It was defense!
JILL: Shyeah, if you call that defense. (Beat) Hey, do you stick to magnetic surfaces when you do that?
SYD: (glares) I wouldn't know.
JILL: Can we try it?
SYD: NO!
JESSIE: (under the vent) You know, SYDNEY REN, that if you TRY to sneak in to change the grades, BE QUIET ABOUT IT!
SYD: (OC) Yes ma'am!
JESSIE: Arh...my niece is an idiot.
SYD: (OC) I'll have you know, I'm an FBI agent!
JILL: (OC) The vent echoes, ya know.
SYD: (OC) Crap!
(Beat)
JILL: (OC) Do you hear that?
SYD: (OC) Arh! Angry freshman! Duck and cover! This is not a drill! This is not a drill!
(We hear the vent clang as SYD and JILL scurry forward)
SYD: (OC, her voice echoing) CRAWL! CRAWL LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT! ANGRY FRESHMEN ROAM IN PACKS!
JILL: (OC, her voice echoing) DES was right. You ARE paranoid!
SYD: (OC, her voice echoing) THEY'VE GOT GUNS!
JILL: (OC, her voice echoing) IT'S A SLINGSHOT, YOU MORON!
SYD: (OC) SAME DIFFERENCE!
(Their voices disappear)
JESSIE: (rolls eyes)
(Later, SYD and JILL exit the vent. Everyone cheers.)
CROWD: LIPSKY! LIPSKY! LIPSKY! LIPSKY!
SYD: They respect me!
JILL: They FEAR you. Which LEADS to respect.
SYD: So fear and respect are equal?
JILL: Where I come from.
SYD: Oy...
(Later, at Bueno Nacho)
SYD: Do we ALWAYS hang out here?
JILL: Your aunt never comes here.
SYD: Point.
JILL: I always make points.
(RON appears in the booth behind DES)
RON: Yo yo! STOPPABLE in the...(spots DES, ducks where he can't be seen, and comes up with his hair slicked back)
SYD: Did you do that with spit, RON?
RON: The RON-meister's talkin', here! (to DES) I don't have a library card, but can I...
(DES slaps him)
SYD/JILL/KIM: Whoa!
RON: Ow!
DES: Do. Not. Hit. On. Me!
SYD: Nicely done, sis!
(SYD'S device buzzes. SYD answers)
SYD: Hey, WADE.
WADE: Yo, SYD. I thought I'd run through some of the procedures for the Kimmunicator v 2.0.
SYD: What are they?
WADE: Way too many to mention.
SYD: Can we give it a different name?
WADE: Sure. Mind making it a hybrid of a name and a computer part?
SYD: Not at all. How about the Sydstem?
WADE: Sounds cool. Anyway, here we go. Do you have it out?
SYD: Uh, obviously.
WADE: Open the compartment, okay?
SYD: Whatever you say. (presses a button. A small compartment opens in the top of the Sydstem, revealing a digital watch)
WADE: (appearing on the screen where the time is displayed) How would you like a little lesson in training?
SYD/DES: Sure!