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That Monday, Mary was home all by herself. Wilson didn't have all that much time coming to him, and although Mary needed him, his boss apparently did, too. Mary moped around pretty much the entire day, thinking not of her illness but of her relationship with her husband. There was definitely something odd about it, but she couldn't figure out what. The only thing she knew was that she loved Wilson more than she could ever express. Well, she wanted to try to express it, and she thought that he did too, but due to her condition they would probably have to wait a while. That really bothered Mary, and she just assumed that it bothered him as well. She felt like it was the one thing keeping them apart; that was why it was so important. Until they had expressed their love, Mary didn't think she could consider them to be close, at least not as close as she had hoped to be with him by now.
That was the other thing that was bothering her about the whole subject. They had been married for over two and a half months and hadn't even shared one sexual experience. Sensual, tons, but nothing sexual. Mary began to think that maybe it was Wilson. Maybe he just didn't want to do that. Maybe his desires weren't as strong as hers. Maybe, even, that his past had turned him off from the whole idea of having sex with someone- even if that person was his own wife.
One thing she was sure of, though, was that she wanted to. She was scared to death, in fact, but that almost made it more enticing. But it wasn't even the pleasure that made Mary want to indulge in Wilson so badly. It was about her strive for normalcy. Having cancer at twenty-two wasn't normal, keeping her marriage and life a secret wasn't normal, her relationship with George wasn't normal, and neither was her sexual relationship with her husband. That was one thing Mary had power over to make normal, and doing so wouldn't have any repercussions or consequences are far as she could see.
All of this thinking was interrupted by the only thing that could completely and totally end anything and everything sexual- Wilson's mother and Billy at the front door. Mary had just rolled out of bed when she answered the door, and although she had not been sleeping it was apparent that Mary's mother-in-law had noticed this. Either she had it written all over her face, her hair was messed up- something had to have let her know. But at any rate, Mary was certain that she knew because Mrs. West sent Billy into his bedroom as soon as they stepped inside and sat down on the couch to talk with Mary.
They sat facing each other, and Mary desperately wished that she had been sleeping before and hadn't heard the doorbell. She was never all that fond of Wilson's mother, but the more she got to know her the more she didn't seem to like her very much. She didn't necessarily do anything to Mary; there was just something about the woman that turned Mary off. Wilson was almost the same way, and it was his own mother, so Mary reasoned there must be something not quite right with the lady.
"How did the radiation go?" Mrs. West asked. "Are you all right?" She was obviously concerned, but it was a weird kind of concern. Mary couldn't exactly put her finger on it, but it was just strange the way she asked her.
"The radiation was OK. Wilson stayed with me the whole time so that helped." Mrs. West smiled. She was proud of her son, and that was a good quality for a mother to have. At least that wasn't a weird. "And I'm fine. Well, I'm not fine, but I'm fine. I'm just really tired, but other than that I am doing OK."
"Oh, well you look tired dear." Mary knew it. "I hope it was all right that I brought Billy over here unannounced. It's just that he wanted to see you and his daddy so badly. I guess his grandma just isn't enough for him." Jealousy? Was that what repulsed her? Mary didn't think so. "Of course if you're too tired…"
"No, that's fine. I just lounged around all day so I'll be OK."
"Well, that's good. I don't want you getting too tired. You have to stay well, you're playing with all three of my boys' hearts." Mary looked at her sort of strangely, so she clarified for her. "My two sons and my grandson. All three of them are quite fond of you." Mary finally figured it out. As Mrs. West appeared to bite her tongue in order to hold back an addition to her previous statement, it was clear to Mary. Mrs. West didn't think too highly of her and probably resented her. That was why Mary automatically didn't like her. Her mother-in-law hated her, only another thing for Mary to add to her list of problems.
"I'll be fine with Billy," Mary said getting back on track with the conversation. "Besides, Wilson will be home in about three hours so if I need him to he can take over then."
Mrs. West nodded, told Mary she hoped she felt better, and then left. Mary walked into Billy's bedroom and he sprung up off the floor and over to her in half of a second. He wrapped his increasingly lengthening arms around Mary's waist, causing slight discomfort although she did not say anything to him. Billy was so happy to see her again. It had been over a week since she saw him last. Most of the time, Wilson intercepted visits with Billy and squashed the plans before they ever got started. Billy went to school during the day, and at school there were germs- germs that Mary was no used to. Wilson did not want Billy getting Mary sick while she was undergoing her treatment. The last thing she needed was to contract a cold or to come down with a nasty case of influenza. The way he saw it, having Billy around Mary all the time was just too risky.
Mary hugged Billy back tightly. She really loved him with a kind of love that made her feel whole inside. When he was around, it reminded Mary that she was making some sort of a difference in someone's life and that she mattered. Most people usually wanted her gone, and for Billy to want her around was a nice thing to experience.
"Mary, are you all better now?"
"Not yet sweetheart, but every time I go to the hospital and your Uncle George gives me some more medicine I get closer to getting better." Mary tried to explain it to him, but it was really hard. She watched as Billy tried to process the information, as he so often did, and she felt bad for him. He usually was only told snippets of things, lies really, to satisfy his curiosity and was pushed out of the room. The only thing he had been hearing for the past few months was "Mary is very sick." Other than that, no one really discussed it with him.
However, Billy knew a lot more than anyone realized. The reason why he always asked Mary if she was OK was that he knew too much. He had heard everyone talking about cancer all the time, so when he had free computer time at school he asked his teacher how to spell it and looked it up on the Internet. The teacher looked at him strangely, peering over his shoulder and onto his monitor for most of the time in the computer lab that day. While most children were looking up things about dogs or their favorite video game, little Billy West was looking up cancer. The students were only allowed to search through a children-geared database, so most of what he got was a scientific definition. Being eight years old, he didn't understand what most of the words meant, but from what he could tell it didn't sound good. The way the words read off the paper was the same way that everyone seemed to talk in his house. Mary wasn't just sick, she was very sick, and this cancer thing was pure evil.
What Mary and Billy both didn't know was that Wilson knew that all of that happened, yet did not tell Mary or anyone else and certainly did not act upon it. Billy's teacher called Wilson at work during her lunch break that day and told Wilson that Billy was looking up cancer. She asked if someone in the family was sick, perhaps one of Billy's grandparents, but Wilson was reluctant to give her any sort of incriminating information. He didn't want to be judged about anything. Nonetheless, he was a very private person and so was Mary. He didn't want to divulge anything to a nosy thirty-something broad who knew next to nothing about their situation. On some level he thought that she should know, but told her nothing and merely explained that he would take care of it- which he still hadn't done. If he gave her just one detail, he would have to tell her everything, down to the facts of him being a teen father and Billy's real mother dying.
This was the stage Mary was at when she played with her stepson that afternoon. Cancer patient, kept in the dark, hated by her mother-in-law, completely exhausted, feeling nauseous, and last but not least, all sexed up and raring to go. That was the story of newlywed Mary Camden's life.
Mary played with Billy until Wilson came home that night. They had a lot of fun together laughing and talking about all sorts of things. Billy was ecstatic and Mary could tell it. But alas, Wilson came home and ruined everything.
He walked inside quietly, trying not to disturb her if she was asleep. When he heard voices, though, he knew that she had to be awake and was excited to see her. "Mare?" he called throughout the apartment. There was no answer, but he could hear her voice. He looked in the bedroom for her, but she was not in there. Starting to get worried, Wilson heard her speak again. She had to be in Billy's bedroom. Wondering what she was doing in there, Wilson opened the door to the youngster's room in search of his lovely bride.
When he opened the door, her back was toward him, but Billy was looking right at his father. "Dad!" he said excitedly and ran over to give his father a hug.
"Hi son," Wilson said half-heartedly. He wondered what Billy was doing there and why Mary wasn't resting. "Why aren't you with Grandma?"
"She dropped me off so that I could play with Mary," he told his father proudly.
Wilson looked curiously at Mary and she nodded at him, walking over to give Wilson his welcome-home hug. He squeezed her tightly. She seemed so fragile in his arms. "How long has he been here?"
"A little over three hours."
Wilson's eyes bugged out of his head. Three hours was a long time to spend playing when you have just undergone radiation for two days. "Are you all right? Are you tired? You must be tired," he said in one breath.
Mary smiled at him and kissed his cheek. "I'm fine, really. I haven't been moving around or anything like that, we just sat and played with his toys. I can handle that."
"Are you sure? I don't want you getting tired and getting sick. And I don't want him getting you sick. I'm..." His voice trailed as he searched for a way to finish his sentence.
"Being overly cautious," she finished for him. She loved Wilson with all her heart, but most of the time she felt like he was smothering her. Just because she was sick didn't mean she couldn't live a little. She liked to get out and experience things, and being sick had kind of ruled out the possibility of finding things to experience. But being with Wilson ruled out the possibility of experiences coming to find her.
"I'm sorry," he said seriously, then turned to Billy. "Why don't you go and watch some TV?" Billy grumbled and walked out of the room as Wilson turned his attention back to his wife. "Now, Mary, are you sure you don't want to go and sleep?" Mary rolled her eyes at him. "What? What am I doing wrong?"
Mary leaned against him. "You're not doing anything wrong, it's just that…I'm at a point where I'm getting frustrated. I don't want to sleep, or take it easy, or be sick anymore. I just want to have a normal life, and a normal marriage."
Wilson was confused. Everything Mary said lately was a little weird to him. "Why isn't our marriage normal?"
Mary thought for a second before answering him. "Maybe 'normal' wasn't the right word." She snuggled closely into his body. "Our marriage is wonderful, but there is one aspect, one very important aspect, that's missing."
Wilson thought about what she said, and it took a second for it to dawn on him what she was trying to get at. It had been a very long day and he wasn't even thinking she had been talking about that. His eyes fluttered and his jaw dropped when he realized her intentions. "I, uh, well, we…"
Mary giggled and leaned up to kiss his cheek lightly. He looked so adorable that it was hard for her to stand it. Frankly, she wanted him more than ever. "We don't have to talk about this now," she said slightly appeasing his mind, "but later?"
Wilson kissed her lips tentatively. "Fine, later." Wilson really wasn't all that "fine" about talking about sex with her, but if she was ready to discuss it now surely he should be. After all, it was her body, not his, and she was the one who was sick. Still, knowing all that, it didn't make things any easier on him. He had more love for Mary than he knew what to do with, but the thought of that sort of thing made him a little uneasy, for the same reasons it had made him uneasy since they were married two and a half months ago.
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A/N: This chapter has been written for…probably about two months or so now. Sometimes I'll do that when I'm bored, right a later chapter I am inspired for. They usually end up being my better chapters because they are not rushed and by the time they get uploaded I've reread them for errors about 15 times. With that being said, I think some of the stuff might be a little repeated from previous chapters. I could have changed it, but I liked the chapter as is.
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You love my Mary's marriage angst. You want to review and tell me all about how much you love it. I am a good hypnotist.