Another VERY short Author's Note: See? I told you it was my first try. Sorry about the lack of italics. I tried. Be nice!

Elimidate: Middle Earth – Episode One

Chapter Two: Round Two – "A Shortcut to Mushrooms"

Rosie, trying to head off another confrontation, announces, "It's time to make my first cut. Only three of you can go along to the next round with me."

Sam stands up and starts to leave. "Wait!" says Rosie. "I haven't cut anybody yet!"

Sam blushes, "Well, I just assumed…"

"It's his self-esteem," says Merry.

"He doesn't have any," adds Pippin.

Sam blushes deeper and sits back down.

Rosie looks around the table. "Well, all of you are interesting guys and pretty fun…except for one of you. I just didn't feel a connection with…you, Frodo."

Frodo doesn't seem to have heard.

Rosie tries again. "You haven't looked at me all night except to yell at me, and I'm just not feeling you."

Still no response.

Rosie cups her hands around her mouth and shouts into his ear, "FRODO! LEAVE!! YOU'RE CUT!!"

Merry shrugs, "Let's leave him here and get on with our evening. He'll figure it out eventually."

"Leave?" Pippin looks sad. "But we just got here!"

Rosie rolls her eyes. "Oh come on, surely there's more to life than just beer!"

Pippin looks at Merry questioningly, and then they both brighten up. "FOOD!" They shout at the same time. They make a mad dash for the door, tripping all over each other in their haste. Sam murmurs, "Oh brother."

"Shall we?" Rosie asks, extending her arm to Sam.

Sam blushes. "Um, ok."

The camera cuts to the four hobbits walking down the road in the forest. "For round two, we're going to go for a nice walk and try to get to know each other better," Rosie says. She turns to Sam. "So Sam, have you lived here in the Shire all your life?"

Sam looks at the ground. "Well, yes. Not very exciting, I'm afraid, but I like it here. I like good tilled earth and things that grow."

Pippin rolls his eyes. "Well, duh! You already said you were a gardener."

Sam blushes. "Oh yeah, sorry."

Pippin to camera: I can't believe this guy. He's so boring! She can't possibly pick him over me at the end!

Sam to camera: Pippin is very rude and drunk, and I don't think he'll last this next round.

Suddenly Merry has an idea. "Let's take a shortcut."

"To where?" Rosie asks. "We're just walking."

Merry shrugs. "I don't care…I just want to go through Farmer Maggot's garden!"

Pippin claps his hands. "Oh, good idea, Merry!"

"Of course it is, because I thought of it before you did!"

"Did not! I'M the smart one!…"

The two hobbits take off through the field, still arguing over who is smarter.

Pippin to camera: I hate to tell him this, but Merry is not the smart one. I'm way smarter than he is.

Merry to camera: Pippin is not smarter than me. And I'm taller too, see? (stands on tiptoes)

Sam shouts after them. "No! Wait! You don't need to be in Farmer Maggot's garden! It's not right!"

Rosie sighs and starts to follow. "Let it go, Sam, they have their minds made up."

Sam to camera: I think Rosie is getting tired of their childish little games. Rosie knows an idiot when she sees one…well…maybe that's not such a good thing…

Merry shouts back to them, "Don't worry! It's only a few cabbages!"

Pippin pauses and looks at what he's holding. "And some carrots…and that sack of potatoes we left him last week…and the mushrooms we left him the week before…"

Merry rolls his eyes. "Yes, Pippin, but my point is, he's clearly overreacting."

Merry to camera: Sam made this big deal about going through Farmer Maggot's garden. He's such a prude…he should lighten up and learn how to have fun.

Sam looks indignant. "No, I'm not! Besides, you're going the wrong way."

"Shut up! I'm the smart one, and you're the fat one! I know where we're going!" Merry sniffs.

Suddenly, the garden stops abruptly at the edge of a rocky cliff. Merry stops short, just in time. Pippin stops too, and Rosie. They all look rather relieved until Sam barrels into them, pushing them all over the side. They scream and tumble over the rocks, and land in a big heap beside a pile of horse poop.

Pippin sighs in relief. "That was close!" Merry dunks his face in it. "Hey!!"

Merry laughs. "Ha, ha. Now I'm the smart and sexy one, and you're the drunk and stinky one!"

Pippin to camera (covered in horse poo): Now that was uncalled for. Merry did that on purpose to sabotage my chances.

Merry to camera: I just did what any normal hobbit would do. (grins) She'll never pick him now. Hahaha!

Sam helps Rosie to her feet. "Are you all right?" He starts to brush off the back of her dress, then brushes off her butt.

"Watch it! Hey!" Merry glares at him.

Merry to camera: He was trying to make the moves on Rosie, but he doesn't have a chance, so I'm not worried.

Rosie to camera: OK, now Sam is getting a little bolder. That's more like it!

Sam blushes. "Sorry, Rosie. Trust a Brandybuck and a Took!"

"It was just a shortcut," Merry says defensively.

Rosie rolls her eyes. "For the second time, a shortcut to what?!"

"MUSHROOMS!" yells Pippin, spotting some about two feet away on the ground. All four hobbits rush over and begin picking the mushrooms.

Merry stands up. "This calls for a celebration! I have one more firework hidden in my pocket that I stole from Gandalf at Bilbo's party!"

Pippin brightens. "Light it! Light it! Yay!"

Rosie to camera: Merry brought a firework, I don't know what that says about him.

Pippin to camera: Merry had to bring his own fireworks, because there won't be any going on with him and Rosie tonight!

Merry lights it, and hands it to Pippin. "Stick it in the ground."

"No, you stick it in the ground."

"No, YOU do it."

They argue and pass the firecracker back and forth, until suddenly it explodes and flies up into the air, leaving two smoky-looking hobbits on the ground. Suddenly, it splits apart in the sky, and a huge golden dragon begins to form. It turns back and begins to move toward the four hobbits at an alarming speed. They scream and start to run, forgetting that it's just a firework dragon. The dragon is gaining on them, so they all hit the ground and cover their heads. The dragon passes on into the sky again, where it explodes in a brilliant flash of color.

"Ooh…Aah…" all the hobbits are awed.

Voiceover: Who will go on to the next round? Will Rosie cut Pippin? Sam? Merry? Find out when Elimidate returns.

Merry looks around. "OK, this time I heard it. What's going on?"

Rosie shrugs. "I don't know. It's just this weird voice that's been following us all evening."

Sam to camera: I think she'll get rid of Pippin. He's covered in horse poop! Literally!

Merry to camera: I think Sam will be the next to go. He's just no fun.

Pippin: I think she'll cut Merry. He's too full of himself. She gets that crap every day at the bar! Believe me, I know…I go there every day!

Commercial break and End of Chapter Two. Stay tuned!!