Title: A Way Out
Author: Magewhisper
Genre: Drama/Angst
Rating: pg 13
Summary: Sometimes secrets can be dangerous. If you hide everything from the world, then no one will know where to find you when it all goes wrong. And I, Harry James Potter, found that out the hard way. But I won't tell anyone. I'll just write. This is no different from anytime before, except now, now I have a way out.
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Prologue: Paper Cannot Lie
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Sometimes secrets can be dangerous. If you hide everything from the world, then no one will know where to find you when it all goes wrong. And I, Harry James Potter, found that out the hard way.
I'm not here to ask you for your sympathy. I don't want you to feel my pain, or to understand. I just want you to listen. Really listen. At least this way if it all comes crashing down around me, someone will know why.
I know now that to keep to yourself is a death wish in this world. But people are too vulnerable. Paper cannot omit or bluff. Paper cannot trick or deceive. Paper cannot gloat or blackmail. Paper cannot lie.
I've made my decision. It may not be the right one, actually, I know it isn't the right one. But that is trivial. I have a history in making all the wrong choices, I see no reason to change now.
I can keep myself safe this way. There will be no one judging me, no one waiting for me to slip. Because if I slip again, I will fall. And that is the last thing I need.
Every time I get back up it gets harder and harder. To rebuild you must have the will to do so, and I don't believe I do anymore. So if I do fall, it will be for the last time.
Even I cannot keep up a façade forever though. Sooner or later, it will all come out. And when it does, I don't see a happy future for anyone.
I may not like it, but I am the key to everything people in this world deserve. Once I open that door, it can never be opened again. If it should close, it will stay that way. And the key won't be needed any longer. And when things aren't needed, they are discarded.
I won't be the boy any longer, I will be the legend.
I will lose my identity. They won't see the struggle, or the pain, or the sacrifices. They will just see one person who made things right, just like that. Pain fades and they will forget how terrible life was. But I can't help them there. If they should make the mistake again, I won't be able to open that door for them.
Then I won't even be the legend.
No one can understand how much I wish that, that it would all just stop. They just see the glory, and honor. Which, by the way, is fading fast. I have one purpose, and then they won't care.
It's not that they won't want to, it's that they won't be able to. They will be blinded by what they have been given. When hope is restored, it's hard to find time to remember the boy who no longer has a future.
So I go through everyday wondering just what is waiting on the other side. Waiting for me to do my job. Waiting for it all to be over.
The funny thing is, I don't even know if I'll live that long. There are no certainties left for me. Come to think of it, I don't think there ever were any, except of course, that my life would be a living hell.
I think I may be the only person who can say that truthfully.
When other people do say such things, it's hard not to lose it. If I do though, I'm just making a show, I'm overreacting. How can people say that though? They don't understand what I am faced with. I don't want them to understand though, that would mean they were suffering the same burdens, the same uncertainties. I don't want anyone to suffer, that's why it isn't over yet.
I'm prepared to do my job. I've been as prepared as is possible since I was born. Because there is no preparing for things like this. There's nothing anyone can do or say that shows you the finality of this.
I can't escape it, so I won't try. This is just an attempt to get there in one piece. Just in case I lose control again. Someone will see it, someone will find this. And then they will save me.
So I won't tell anyone. I'll just write. This is no different from anytime before, except now, now I have a way out.