Disclaimer- Same thing as always: I don't own anything.
A/N- Ok, this fiction was formally known as 'Betrayal for Love' and in my opinion it sucked. So now this is the *new* version, which is going to be much more interesting. So please R&R and of course ENJOY!!!
Speedstergal : )
(This is going to be set in POV's, so you can get a characters feelings about each incident, much better! Oh, this is extended off of Snape's Worst Memory in OOTP, just to clear up any confusion…ok I'm going to start writing the actual story now…)
James
I'm an idiot, a complete idiot. I always have to open my big mouth, I thought glaring up at the crimson canopy hanging over my head. All I could see where little Lily heads with fiery red hair and the eyes to match chanting, "You are an idiot. You are an idiot." I'm an idiot.
"You know I think it's time you joined the real world now." Sirius complained as I saw his dark complexion hover over my face. "You've been up here moping for three hours. My God mate, she's only a girl."
I glowered up at his smirking face, "Yeah? Easy for you to say. You have about five girlfriends every week. You never become attached to any of them. How can you even begin to feel the feelings I have for Lily?" Ok, that made almost no sense, but Sirius seemed to think about it for a moment.
"Wait a minute! You have had just as many girlfriends as I have, and how do you know that I have never felt the feeling that you're feeling?" he demanded.
"Well, you haven't exactly stayed with a girl for longer then seven days, you're only in it for the physical part of it and plus you…you…" I struggled to come up with another reason. Sirius was looking at me expectantly so I said the first thing that came to mind. "Because the feeling I get is one like no other. It…uh…it makes you feel happy and uh free. And you would no it, if it ever happened to you" I finished lamely. That was probably the most idiotic reason in the book. I glanced up at Sirius carefully avoiding his eyes. But I could tell by the expression on his face he thought it was pretty dumb too.
"My God Prongs, I feel like I'm talking to a love obsessed girl…it makes me feel free?" he chuckled and then offered a hand to pull me up. I took it reluctantly, I guess it was time to renter reality. Moony was sitting on his bed looking at us with an amused expression on his face.
"That was deep Prongs, deeper then I think you have ever gone." Remus said laughing. But he immediately shut up after I gave him if-looks-could-kill glare. "You really do like that girl don't you?" he said, the laughter in his voice replaced by concern.
"That obvious huh?" I asked. Well duh it was obvious. I've only asked her out about twenty million times. She just refuses. I just don't get it, I mean every other girl in Hogwarts would die to be in her position. I am one of the most sought after wizards in this school. It just doesn't make any sense, the girl hates my guts for no reason. I mean she should be nothing less then honored to be asked out by me! I mean I'm James Potter, star quidditch player, and in my opinion the best looking guy in the school, but of course I'm just being modest.
But, I guess I did really blow it big-time. I thought it was the perfect time to ask her out. A time when she just couldn't say no. At least I thought.
"Leave him ALONE!"
"All right Evans?" James said the tone of his voice was suddenly pleasant, deeper more mature.
"Leave him alone." Lily repeated. She was looking at James with every sign of great dislike. "What has he done to you?"
"Well," Said James, appearing to deliberate the point, "it's more that he exists, if you know what I mean."
"You think your funny," she said coldly. "But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag Potter. Leave him alone."
"I will if you go out with me Evans," said James quickly. "Go on...Go out with me, and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."
"I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and a giant squid. Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you have just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can- I am surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK!"
Yeah pretty sure I blew it. I didn't really think she'd yell at me like that in front of the entire school, but she's full of surprises. I just don't get her. But that's why I like her, it's because she's different from all of the others. She's her own person and plus, she's got a great body…
Sirius
I look back at my first 'real' encounter with a girl and laugh. I was about ten years old and I remember this one chick…blonde hair that went down to her middle back, ocean blue shining eyes, the perfect smile…dimples and all, the bombshell of the neighborhood. At the time, I wasn't that interested in girls, but I was very competitive. I tried to win every little thing I did, whether it was who could eat dinner the fastest or who could reach the top branch of the old oak tree first. So when I heard the twelve and thirteen year old boys arguing about who could get her first…I couldn't resist.
The only problem was that Roxie was a muggle. My mother would flip if she ever figured out what I was up to. She would've killed me and her perfect little Regulus would've most likely been honored the best son award. Anyway I had to be careful not to say anything about the magical world to Roxie or give away any little hint about her to my mother.
The first step I guessed was to make friends with her. So I started out simple just going up to her and starting a conversation. We soon began hanging out more and more often. She was actually a lot of fun, which was surprising at my age, because she was a girl. But by the time summer was approaching, I decided that I liked her as a friend and that I didn't really want a romantic relationship. As if I had known anything about one.
But to my surprise, she wanted the exact opposite. Which in my opinion was rather strange saying as I was eleven and she was thirteen…a little odd. Some people I guess would say it was pathetic. Such a pretty girl her age was going after an eleven year old, she could've had any guy she wanted…but she chose me. I guess I did look a little old for my age, otherwise I doubt she would've wasted her time on me, but you know, who can resist the Black charm?
So I had a little summer fling. It probably wouldn't have lasted much longer saying, as it was the summer before I went off to Hogwarts. Anyway, I was completely caught of guard when she finally told me, well she ended up telling me in a much different way then I would've expected. We were up at the park just playing around like usual, like best friends…I thought. She had been acting a little strange lately now that I think about it, she was unusually quiet, and she had begun blushing and giggling when I said something or complimented her. But, saying, as I was only eleven, I had no idea these were definite signs of crushing.
The whole thing kind of happened pretty fast. We were on the picnic benches and I was talking about something my little brother did when all of the sudden she just leaned in and kissed me. Kissed me! It was completely unexpected. The kiss only lasted for about five seconds, but it was great! I mean here I was a little scrawny eleven-year-old boy locking lips with a thirteen-year-old gorgeous girl…talk about shock. I was absolutely stunned. I sat there for a moment trying to process what had just happened to me. She sat there kind of half blushing half in shock as well. I could tell she couldn't believe what had just happened either.
I wanted to say something cocky or smart but I couldn't think of anything, so I kind of just sat there feeling rather uncomfortable and stupid. Thankfully she broke the silence.
"Um sorry…that was kind of out of the blue." She said awkwardly.
I smiled and said, "No, no it was fine. I liked it." Ok…so much for being cocky.
She giggled and replied, "Yeah, I did too. But maybe I should've given you a little bit more of warning. I was I guess I just a bit nervous." Imagine that, a girl was nervous because of me. Now that was a new concept.
Roxie and I kissed a couple of more times after that. But as soon as our romance started it ended. She moved to the United States sometime in late August and left me in England.
Sure I was somewhat crushed, but I didn't sit around and mope about it, I went out and found other girls, something James needs to learn to do. All he does is lay around and sulk about Lily. But when he's not sulking about Lily, he's talking about her, thinking about her (pretty sure he does that one 24-7) or asking her out. His whole life revolves around Lily. Do you have any idea how annoying he gets? I try and take it all, but he's so hung up on her that it is pathetic. She has turned him down about twenty million times and he keeps at it. I mean he has about a hundred other hott chicks that would take him in a second…yet he chooses to chase the only one he can't have. Typical.
But of course, I guess I have never felt his frustration. I mean a girl has only turned me down a couple of times but it hasn't hurt me at all. I guess maybe it's wounded my pride a bit, but I let it go and went in search for another, even better one. That's the exact difference between James and I; he won't let the only girl that has turned him down go. He just won't.
He follows Lily like a cat stalks a mouse. He just won't let her go, and I can't understand that. I guess it has gotten to the point where all I'm trying to do is make sure that James doesn't lose his sanity.
After the most recent incident with Lily, James had been camping out on his stupid bed in our dormitory. Lily had turned him down in front of the whole school and made a huge fool out of him. James had some serious gashes in his pride, so he just simply wouldn't come out of his God forsaken bed. So after three hours of trying to counsel him I finally told him to get his butt downstairs and face the world.
"You know I think it's time you joined the real world now." I said pulling back the curtains and peering down at his sullen features. He looked so pathetic laying there mourning over a stupid girl. So I added "You've been up here moping for three hours. My God mate, she's only a girl."
He glared up at me and said angrily "Yeah? Easy for you to say. You have about five girlfriends every week. You never become attached to any of them. How can you even begin to feel the feelings I have for Lily?" I thought about his comment for a moment. Yeah, I did have maybe one or two different girlfriends in a week, but so did he. Plus how does he even know that I hadn't ever felt whatever he's feeling for Lily before? Maybe I have been madly in love with someone (fat chance) before, he doesn't know. But you see, I don't get attached to a girl like that, I don't let them in, because if you do, they will wreck everything you have ever known in a split second.
"Wait a minute! You have had just as many girlfriends as I have, and how do you know that I have never felt the feeling that you're feeling?" I asked. I was half mocking him and half serious. He didn't know the first thing that went on in my love life.
James thought for a moment and answered "Well, you haven't exactly stayed with a girl for longer then seven days, you're only in it for the physical part of it and plus you…you…" He was struggling to come up with another pathetic reason. I was trying hard not to laugh, James was seriously feeling the heat. He had no idea what he was talking about. "Because the feeling I get is one like no other. It…uh…it makes you feel happy and uh free. And you would no it, if it ever happened to you" He finished. I tried not to laugh, that was a pretty gay reason…in fact I don't even think that was a reason.
"My God Prongs, I feel like I'm talking to a love obsessed girl…it makes me feel free?" I laughed offering my hand to pull him up. He took it and sat up on the bed groggily. Remus was sitting across the room staring at us grinning. I could tell the whole ordeal was cracking him up.
"That was deep Prongs, deeper then I think you have ever gone." Remus chuckled. James shot him a death glare and Remus immediately went into his sympathy mode. "You really do like that girl don't you?"
James kind of got that glassy eye look where it seems like he's off in another world and says "That obvious huh?" Don't even get me started.
Remus
My friends' lives are like a soap opera, a really bad one. One where the writers are underpaid and it is written fast paced and sometimes really confusing.
Every week both Sirius and James have at least two different girlfriends. Sometimes they even switch the poor girls. So one minute Sirius may be going out with Sarah Carlson and James with Rachel Thompson and the next Sirius is going with Rachel and James with Sarah.
Can they get any lower? Yes. How about when James asked this one real cute brunette, Tara Lawrence, to the Yule Ball last year, the girl was ecstatic. So she goes to Hogsmade and buys this 20-galleon dress, she gets all fancied up for James, to impress him, to make him feel like he made a great choice. The night of the ball she walks down the long staircase leading to the Gryffindor Common Room to meet James. She gets down there ready to be welcomed by James with a kiss or something affectionate, ready to go to the first ball of her lifetime, ready to go to the ball with one of the most sought out boys in the school and you know how she's greeted by James? With a look of pure disgust, I was there and I watched the whole thing.
Tara walked gracefully up to James ready to be led out of the common room hand in hand and what does he do? He shakes his head. She looks up at him a look of confusion and hurt in her bright blue eyes, and you know what he says?
"I can't go with you." There was not a drop of remorse in his in his face. Not one. She looked at him her eyes brimming with tears.
"Why?" She managed to squeak. At this point I felt really sorry for her. James can be such an unemotional rock. I just couldn't handle the look in her eyes.
"Because, first of all your dress doesn't match my suit. Second of all you just aren't as pretty as I thought you were. And third, do you really need a third? I've got to run and look for another date before the ball starts. Sorry and oh uh bye." And he just leaves her there.
Luckily I didn't have a date. I guess not many girls want a guy like me. I've heard that girls think I'm cute but I don't have the right personality. I'm not extremely confident in myself and I'm not that great at quidditch. It's not like I'm fat or lazy because I'm not, I mean being a werewolf certainly keeps you in good shape. But I think the only thing I'm actually really good at is school. I'm one of the top in my class. Sadly enough not many girls want a super smart, insecure klutz.
Don't get me wrong I've had a couple of really nice and sweet girlfriends but not near as many as Sirius and James. I guess I like having long-term relationships. You get to really know that person, you get to know their personality, strengths and weaknesses, favorites and dislikes. I love it; I love being able to become really close to someone and sharing your thoughts and feelings with them. It's great.
Anyway, I felt really bad for Tara. She was really dressed up and she looked beautiful. I didn't really know her, but I decided to try and make her night better. So I slowly walked up to the shocked and teary eyed girl.
"Um Tara?" She peered up at me, her cheeks were wet with tears and her eyes were puffy and swollen, and mascara was running down her cheek. She was truly heart broken. I had to do something to help. "Um I was wondering if you wanted to got to the ball with me?" I asked uncertainly. To be quite honest, I wasn't sure if she'd say yes, she pretty much had her heart set on James. But to my surprise she looked up at me and gave me a little half smile.
"Yeah, I would Remus. Thanks." She sniffed. She did seem pretty thankful. I mean she looked gorgeous. There was no reason to waste that kind of beauty. "Uh, can I go kind of clean up real fast?" She asked letting out a small laugh.
I smiled at her and replied, "If you want, but I don't see much you need to fix."
She giggled and we locked eyes. "Thank you. You're sweet. I'll just be a sec ok?" I nodded my agreement as she turned and went up the stairs. I just couldn't believe James would stoop as low as he did. What was he thinking?
Tara returned looking renewed and somewhat happy. I took her arm and we walked to the ball together. I had a lot of fun with my surprise date. I found out how smart and funny she was. She was also a fabulous dancer. She was actually quite patient with me, as I am not the best dancer out there. I tried my hardest not to step on her feet with my huge ones. She didn't seem to mind when I trampled her feet numerous times. I ended up only screwing up a couple of times and I didn't even fall which was an utter relieve.
We only saw James once or twice. He was with a Ravenclaw girl Kelsey's her name I think. He kept looking in our direction I could tell he was mortified that I had ended up taking his ex date to the ball. But Tara didn't seem phased by it. She seemed to be having a whole lot of fun. We sat and talked for at least half of the dance. I got to know a lot about her, she had had a little crush on James for a while, until tonight when he ditched her. She got to really see what an arrogant jerk (James isn't always that way) he was. She told me that she wanted to be a journalist for the Daily Profit when she left Hogwarts and how she hated it when people let their cats run around in the common room. Tara was truly an awesome person.
When the dance finally ended we walked together hand in hand to the entrance of Gryffindor Tower. She turned to me and said "Thanks Remus for taking me to the ball tonight. I had a fabulous night. My feet may ache for a while but it was well worth it!"
We both laughed at this and I answered, "No, the pleasures all mine. I still have no idea why James treated you like that. He truly missed out. I mean you're smart, funny, a really good dancer and you're beautiful. I really did have the Belle of the ball."
Tara gave me the most gorgeous smile ever and whispered, "I think that may have been the most sweetest thing anybody has ever said to me." Then she leaned in to kiss me. Her lips were incredibly warm and soft. Though the kiss only lasted about ten seconds, it was pure bliss to me. I didn't want to let her go. She was amazing. I was really crushing on her.
"Thank you for showing me a wonderful time tonight, without you, my first ball would have been ruined." We embraced one last time and she disappeared into the common room.
I was so happy; I didn't notice someone standing behind me. "Have fun with my date tonight Moony?" A sharp voice pierced through my thoughts. I swung around to come face to face with James.
"Uh yeah. We had a lot of fun." I decided to ignore the 'my date' part. I knew Prongs wasn't happy. But it was too late to get into a fight and plus he had ditched her before the ball even started.
"What were you thinking Moony? She was my date." James demanded.
"Listen Prongs, last time I checked she was my date. You dumped her remember." I reminded him rubbing my temples. I was getting a headache. It was getting close to a full moon.
"But see the thing is you're not supposed to take another man's dumped date." He said glaring at me.
"Prongs, you're fighting a losing battle. You know you dumped her right before the dance, so you have no right to call her 'your date' because she technically wasn't. I'm tired, I'm going to bed, there's a full moon tomorrow, get some rest, you'll need it." So I just turned around and walked away. I knew James was fuming but he wasn't about to pick a fight right in front of everyone in the common room.
Tara and I ended up going out until early April when she got tired of me I suppose. She broke up with me and basically three hours later was going out with some Hufflepuff guy. It was a real confidence booster for me. I was boring.
I begin to wonder if Tara was worth my friendship with James. I guess since that little ordeal in fourth year, James and I haven't really been the same. I mean we're still really close friends, but not as close. It doesn't help that I don't really have anything in common with him, except for maybe our love for mischief. Other then that, we couldn't be any more different. But I guess I'm friends with him because he can definitely show you a good time, and he can give some really great advice.
But what some people don't understand is that James is different then what he comes across as. He's not just an arrogant jerk, like some of his exes think. Sometimes James doesn't think about the other persons' feelings before he acts. He gets so caught up in thinking about something else and he doesn't realize what he's saying or how he comes across to other girls.
Anyway James is now lying on his bed staring off into space. It's been about three hours since the whole Lily escapade. Lily had turned him down in front of nearly the entire school. He is definitely nursing some serious wounds in his dignity. She really got him good. Yelled insults at him too. I don't think James had ever been more embarrassed in his life.
Sirius is pacing around the room trying to get James to renter reality. Padfoot I think gets really frustrated with James and his whole Lily hang up. I guess Sirius doesn't understand what it's like to really like someone. He's never stayed in a relationship any longer then a week. That's barely enough time to even talk to her. But I guess Sirius doesn't really talk to his girlfriends, he likes more of physical then mental relationship, if you know what I mean.
Anyway Sirius finally got tired of James's moping and said something. "You know I think it's time you joined the real world now." He griped leaning over James's head. Prongs kind of gave him a blank stare and Sirius added "You've been up here moping for three hours. My God mate, she's only a girl."
James scowled up at Sirius and retorted, "Yeah? Easy for you to say. You have about five girlfriends every week. You never become attached to any of them. How can you even begin to feel the feelings I have for Lily?" I glanced over at Sirius who seemed to think for a moment.
"Wait a minute! You have had just as many girlfriends as I have, and how do you know that I have never felt the feeling that you're feeling?" I chuckled at this. Like Sirius has ever felt anything other then his body's urges. Honestly. I was rather interested though, to see what James would come up with as reasons.
"Well, you haven't exactly stayed with a girl for longer then seven days, you're only in it for the physical part of it and plus you…you…" Prongs looked like he was racking his mind for better material. I could tell Sirius was enjoying this. "Because the feeling I get is one like no other. It…uh…it makes you feel happy and uh free. And you would no it, if it ever happened to you" I tried not to crack up. I didn't think that comment just came out of James's mouth. He feels free? He could be a poet.
Sirius laughed and held his hand out to James, "My God Prongs, I feel like I'm talking to a love obsessed girl…it makes me feel free?" I chuckled at this mention. Prongs was acting a lot more love-stricken then I think I've ever seen him.
So I decided to add in my two cents "That was deep Prongs, deeper then I think you have ever gone." After that little remark I was immediately greeted with a If-Looks-Could-Kill-You-Would-Be-Dead-And-Buried glare. So I stopped laughing and decided to become the smart, loyal and sympathetic friend. "You really do like that girl don't you?" A duh.
James kind of got this far off look in his eyes and asked almost dreamily "That obvious huh?" Ha.
A/N- Ok, that's the boys POV, next chapter the girls get their say. Um, Peter is going to be non -existent in this story, because I don't really like him and because I can't do anything with his thoughts. What does he have up there? He most likely has thoughts of BETRAYAL, dead flies and bits of fluff. Anyway please R&R!
Speedstergal : )