And Imp said "Let there be a fourth chapter!" And it was so. And she saw it was good. ^____^

Absolute Zero

Continued

4. My Eyes

          Shaking…always shaking… He won't stop shaking. The little yellow things shake too, when he shakes. Those little yellow things on his head… He didn't shake before. They keep giving him little white things. He eats them one at a time. What are the little white things? They make the shaking stop.  Then it starts again.

          "Quatre…" one of them says. The boy with one eye covered. "Quatre…" he says. "It wasn't real." It wasn't real, Quatre. It wasn't real, Quatre. Quatre, it wasn't real. What is he talking about? What does he mean? Real, real, real…what is real? What wasn't real? There's the long-haired boy. He talks a lot. His voice is strange. He only wears one color. He's still wearing that same color. One color all the time... He must like that color. His mouth is open now. There are sounds coming from it. Too fast, he's talking too fast. Now he's sad because the words didn't come to me, because I'm not responding. Doesn't he know that he's talking too fast?

          "Real…?" He looks at me. His eyes are a strange color. Sometimes they look blue. They look purple now. He has strange eyes. His eyes are a strange color. His eyes close…open…close…open again. There he goes, talking too fast. He doesn't understand. I don't understand. He's happy when I talk. I know he is. I can feel warmth. It comes from him and I can feel it. Do I like it? Am I supposed to like it? Is it a good thing to be happy? Is it a good thing? The boy says it is a good thing to be happy. He wants to be happy. I try to make him happy when he comes. He wants me to play with him. What do you want, little boy? You want to play now? No little boy, I'm trying to find out what isn't real. No, don't cry. I'll play with you later, little boy. Do you want to play later? Will you play later?

          "Heero…? What are you looking at?" What are you looking at? What are you looking at? What are you looking at? What are you looking at?

          "He can't understand you, Duo." Oh, you again? You came back again? You're still here?

          "Shut up Wufei, what do you know?" The feeling from Long-hair is different now. This isn't warm, it's hot. This is too warm. This doesn't feel good. I don't want to hear them argue again, not again…don't listen. If you put your hands on your ears you don't have to listen. You can't hear it. It will pass and everything will be fine…

          "Heero, don't do that!!" No Long-hair, don't pull my hands away; I don't want to hear you fight. Don't touch me. It doesn't feel good. Don't touch me, I hate it. Get away from me!

          "So that's where you've been getting those bruises…" Long-hair is rubbing his eye. I feel it there, something there…it…hurts…Did I hurt him?

          "He isn't doing it on purpose." The other one looks at me. His eyes are not like the others. His eyes are not blue. His eyes are not green. They look black but I know they're brown. That's why your name is Brown-eyes. Because I know they're brown. I know they are. But you know better, don't you? You know better than to look into our eyes. My eyes… you won't look into my eyes anymore. Stop that little boy, you are not me. They are my eyes. They are not your eyes. They are not our eyes. They are mine, just mine. What are you doing, Brown-eyes? Why are you moving your finger in front of me?
          "Follow my finger, Heero." I would follow your finger but it isn't going far enough for me to move. "Look, his eyes aren't even focusing on it." Who's eyes are you talking about, Brown-eyes? I like your eyes. They have a hidden color. Look at the light so I can see the brown again.

          "Brown…" Now he is closing and opening his eyes like Long-hair does sometimes. He doesn't understand. None of them understand. Why can't I make them understand? What do I have to do so they will understand? Little boy, how can I make them understand?

          "Look into his eyes and I will make him understand for you." No, that's not a good idea. Yellow-hair is still shaking. He won't look in my eyes either.  One-eye-covered won't look at me at all. I don't think it's a good thing to look in their eyes. Long-hair is the only one who wants to look in my eyes but I won't let him. No little boy, that's not a good idea.

          "I think he's talking about your eyes." Yes Long-hair, I am talking about his eyes. You understand. You understand better than the rest of them.

          "My eyes…? What about my eyes?" Tell him Long-hair. I can't tell him so you tell him for me.

          "They…have a hidden color." Yes, that's right. What now, Long-hair? Why are you making that face? Why are you looking around so much? What is it? What now?

          "What's wrong with you?"

          "I…I dunno, it was probably my imagination."

          "What did you mean when you said my eyes have a hidden color?"

          "I have no idea…that's not even what I was gonna say." Too many words… I don't understand anymore. Looking down now… green, black, white, yellow, floor… there're lots of colors between here and the floor. The distance is approximately five feet and four inches. What was that? Little boy, are you being bad again? To find the distance between two points, take the square root of the difference of the x coordinates squared plus the difference of the y coordinates squared. Stop it little boy, don't put those things in my mind. To find the midpoint of the line, take the average of the x coordinates and add them to the average – stop it now or I won't play with you anymore!

          "Stop…"

          "But Heero, we're not doin' anything." Not you, Long-hair. I mean the little boy. He won't go away. Go away, little boy, I'll play with you later.

          "Go away…" It's quiet now…

          "Alright…if you want us to leave, we'll go." No Long-hair, I don't mean you. There's sadness in his eyes now. I wish I could make my eyes do that. I wish my eyes could show what I'm thinking like that.

          "Your eyes can do that, Heero." No they can't, not the way I want them too, not like that… My eyes can't do it like his.

          "Stay…" Long-hair is smiling now. He must be happy that I said stay. I don't want him to leave me. He's the only one I can trust. The yellow haired one is nice to me.

          "He is against us, Heero." Yes, the yellow-haired one is against me. Long-Hair is the only one I can trust. Hmm, Brown-eyes is leaving now – where could he be going?

          "So Heero, are ya hungry? Do ya feel like eatin' anything?" Now what do I say? They worry when I don't want to eat. They don't understand that I'm not hungry. I don't understand why they want me to eat so much. It isn't a good feeling for me. Why do they want me to put stuff in my mouth and swallow it? Is it supposed to do something? They always say "that was good" when they're done. What is so good about it? What is that word…taste, is that it? What is taste? What is flavor? When I put it in my mouth nothing happens. I don't get any good feelings from it…

          "Heero…? Are you hungry?" He looks worried now. I should say something. I have to use my mouth because my eyes won't say it for me.

          "Yes." My voice is so soft. I don't think it's supposed to be that way. I can't remember. I can't remember anything. I don't know who these people are. I don't know where I am. And I don't think I'm supposed to be here. But where am I supposed to be? Where should I go?

          "Go to Wing, Heero." Be quiet little boy, I'm trying to think. He always does that. Why does he want me to go to Wing? Where is Wing? What is Wing?

          "Alright, I'll make ya a sandwich." Long-hair might know where Wing is. I'll ask him.

          "Wing…?" He stopped walking…he heard me.

          "W-what…?" Now his voice is soft. I've never heard his voice sound soft. Did I do something wrong? Looking down again, looking at the floor again…

          "Wait Heero, say that again! Did you say Wing?" No I didn't, it was the little boy, he's bothering me again, he won't leave me alone… I need to cover my ears. If I can't hear him, he can't bother me, if I can't hear him, he can't bother me, if I can't hear him he can't bother me, if I can't hear him, he can't bother me…

          "Calm down, Heero!" He's touching me again, he's pulling my hands away again…I won't push him away this time. I won't push him away if it's hurting him. I won't hurt the only person I can trust. But I hate this feeling so much…

          "Did you say Wing?" He's waiting for me to say something now. I'll move my head up and down. I think that means yes.

          "So you did say Wing…that means you remember it! Do you wanna go see it?" No, I don't want to see it.

          "Yes Heero, we do want to go to Wing." Yes, I want to see it.

          "Yes."

          "Alright…" Long-hair is very happy now. "We're gonna go see Wing Zero."

***

          All these plants…there are so many plants everywhere. My feet won't go over them. I hate this. I hate walking out here. I can't do this. I keep falling. And falling makes pain. I hate pain…

          "The clearing is just up here, Heero!" Why do I have to come here? What is so important about Wing? Why does the boy want me to see it so badly? Wait, Long-hair stopped. He's looking up…I'll look up too.

          "…" So this is Wing? It's big…it's very big. If I close my eyes I can almost see…I can almost see…the cockpit? Is it the cockpit?

          "Here it is, buddy! Wing Zero, just the way you left it." Long-hair smiles at me and hits Wing with his hand. The sound…it's painful. My ears can't take this…

          "Hey, what's wrong?? Heero…what happened??" I need to get away from here. This thing…this thing is not what it was. It was something else before…it's something new now. I have to get away from it – or something bad will happen.

          "Go to the cockpit." No, I'm leaving. I'm getting away from here.

          "Hey, where're you goin? Hey, come back!! HEY!!"

          "Go to the cockpit now, Heero." No, I'm not going to the cockpit, little boy. Be quiet now, you're making my head hurt.

          "What's wrong, Heero? I thought you wanted to see it." I did want to see it. I don't want to see it anymore.

          "Go back, Heero. Go back to Wing." No, I can't go back. It's too hot. My body is burning. I can't breathe…my head hurts so much…

          "Come on Heero, why are ya leavin'?"

          "Heero, I'll cry if you don't go back." But the electricity…I can feel it running through me. I have to get out. I can't think…the pain…there's so much pain…so much noise…my head…my skull is pounding…

          "Heero, you have to break free! You have to get the gundam away from the whips!" I can't…I can't move…my body is paralyzed…I can't see! I need air…help me…

          "Go back to the gundam, Heero!" No, I won't go back! But I'm still there…I never got out! I'm dying! I can smell my skin burning…

          "Stay with me, Heero. Don't let yourself have another seizure…come on, buddy." Everything is spinning… I can't see…I can't breathe…

          "GO BACK TO WING, HEERO!!" I'm falling…

          "Shit, Heero, don't do this now…not now…I can't get you back in time…" I'm falling into darkness…

          "Trowa, I kinda need some help…Heero and I are out by Wing…I know I know…but Trowa…" God, the pain…my head…my head! Make it stop…

          "Get up Heero! Get up and go back to Wing!" System downloading… downloading…get out of me…get out of my head…

          "He's coughing up blood!" What is that? What is that light? That light…it's so…I recognize that light…Some one is coming out of it. Some one is coming to me. Who is it? Who is that person coming out of that light? The light is blocking out everything…I recognize that person…

          "Two…" Darkness covers my eyes.

***

          My eyes are open. I'm alive…I can feel myself breathing. I can hear my heart beating. I'm alive.

          "Hey, are you alright?" Long-hair looks worried.  What happened? Where am I now? I'm not outside anymore…but I'm not in one of those white rooms. I'm not in one of those white beds. I'm not wearing one of those long white shirts. So where am I?

          "…where…?"

          "You're back in the room you share with Duo." Yellow-hair is here. He looks better. He's scratching his arm…why is he doing that?

          "Heero…what are you looking at?" He doesn't know that I'm looking at him? He sees it now. He stopped scratching his arm. But why was he doing that?

          "Geez Heero, you had us worried there! But we should've known you'd be okay." It's good to see Long-hair smile. I don't like to see him sad. And I hate when he's mad because the others are mad too and they fight. I hate to see them fight.

          "I thought you might like to take a bath, Heero. So, Mary volunteered to help you." Now Yellow-hair is smiling. His smile is so nice…I should trust him more.

          "He is against us, Heero." No, Yellow-hair can't be trusted. He's against us, little boy.

          "Hello Heero, I'm Mary." Who is this? A woman…I've seen a few women here. I haven't seen her before. She seems nice. She's coming towards me…

          "Mary's going to help you take a bath, alright Heero?" That doesn't sound bad. Warm water feels good. But I'm not sure if I trust her. She looks nice…

          "Looks can be deceiving." What does deceiving mean?

          "Go ahead Heero, it'll be fine!" Alright, if Long-hair says it's alright. I'll go with her. She's holding my hand…I don't like to be touched.

          "Come on Heero, the bathroom is just up these stairs here." She's smiling. I guess I can trust her…

          "Come on, you can do it…" I don't like stairs. They're like the plants outside. My feet won't go over them and I fall. But I'm not falling now… she's helping me.

          "There, you see? That was easy, wasn't it?" She's taking me into the bathroom. She let go of my hand…

          "You stay here, I'll be right back." She's leaving. There's someone else here. He's staring right at me. He's staring right into my eyes. Why isn't he afraid, like the others? His eyes are blue…but this blue is darker than the others. His eyes are almost covered by his dark brown hair. His hair is messy. I can tell he's strong. His muscles aren't very big but when he moves I can see them moving under his skin and I can see that they are strong. He looks strange, with his mouth open like that. He looks lost. Maybe he is lost, like me. Maybe he doesn't know where he is or who he's with either. Mary is back.

          "That's a mirror, Heero." She's pointing at the other boy. "And that's your reflection." That's my reflection? But that's another person.

          "Reflect…?"

          "Yes, that's your reflection. That's you, that's what other people see when they look at you." That's me…? That's what I look like? That isn't another boy. It's me. I'm that boy. I'm the boy in the mirror. Or is the boy in the mirror me?

          "Alright, let's get those clothes off and you can take your bath." I wish she would stop touching me. I hate it. I hate the way her skin feels. I hate the way all of them feel when they touch me. But what is she doing? She's taking off my colors. There's no green anymore. There's no black. All that's left is the white and yellow on my feet.

          "Sit down here so I can take your shoes and socks off." She keeps touching me. I think she knows I don't like it. I think she's trying not to touch my skin…

          "There, you're all ready to have your bath!" She's smiling. Her smile is nice. What's she doing? She's turning something…water is falling now. I can feel the heat from here. The other boy's face is being covered with white clouds. How did she make clouds?

          "Go on, step right in. The water's just right." She's smiling again and she's not touching me…I trust her. All I have to do is pull my foot up then put it down again…yes, the water is warm. Now I have to move my other foot… She's laughing.

          "Sit down, silly, you can't take a bath standing up!" She isn't making fun of me. I don't know how I know that…but I know she isn't. I'll sit, like she said. The water feels better when I'm in it more. She's sitting outside the water.

          "You look like a nice boy, Heero." She seems almost sad now. "Do you ever smile?" Do I ever smile?

          "No, we never smile. There's no need to smile on the battlefield." She shakes her head when I don't say anything.

          "What am I doing, asking you silly questions like that? I'll just wash you and let you get on your way. I'm sure you don't want to spend all day in here with me." She looks like she's going to put her hand in the water. Why would she do that?

          "EEYAAH!!" What was that?! What was that flash of light?! She's shaking. But this isn't like how Yellow-hair was shaking. She's shaking too fast. I can barely see her face…

          "Mary…" There's light all over the water. The water is getting hot. What are those…they look like snakes. They look like snakes made out of blue light. They're all over her!
          "Mary…?" She's still shaking. I can smell her skin burning. I know this from somewhere. I have to get away… I'll pull my legs close to my face. If I stay in this corner, maybe it will stop. Maybe I won't get hurt. What about Mary?

          "Mary…!" My heart is beating too fast. What is that? Why is it doing that?!

          "You're afraid, Heero. Why are you afraid?" Make her stop shaking, little boy. She's shaking too fast. She can't even scream. Make her stop. Please make her stop.

          "Mary!!" She stopped. She's staring at me now. But she isn't moving. Her eyes are open so much…they look so big.

          "Mary…?" She isn't breathing. I can't hear her heart beating anymore. She's cold…

          "The mouse is dead, Heero." No, she can't be cold.

          "Mary…?"

          "It will never move again. It will never run again, it will never eat again, it will never play again…" How can she be dead? How could she die??

          "…Mary…" She's turning white now. All her heat is gone now.

She's dead.

She's staring at me.

And I can't close my eyes.

*Too much focus on Heero's eyes? I have no idea what you're talking about, Gelfling… ¬.¬ *