disclaimer: as I have before I own nothing here, except the stuff about fairies. and yes Aussies (Australians) sound just like what I have typed
So our buddy St John, pulls a handbrake, and skidded to a halt just in front of Logan. He sprang out of the vehicle before it had even stopped moving, and stood before Logan rubbing his hands together, with a hungry gleam in his eye.
Logan growled and clutched the gas can closer to his chest, he had hang glided over the jaws of hell to get this gas and no-one but the devils own gas station attendant would get it off him.
Ever!
Well unfortunately for Logan, St John threw open his arms and cried "Hay! Mate, 'ow ar' ya, neow wot 'ave yew got dere? That woodn't be a prezent four yore mate, Pyro? Eats jus' whot 'e neads, me lite'as runin' lowe and me favrit' shelia's runin' outa gas. Owe bye da waye EYE am da devuil's Owefishal Gas Staysun Aetendant" St John proudly crossed 'is, I mean his arms and nodded "Yip mate, gotta bahge an' ever'fing."
Logan's brows darkened even more, he squeezed the can tighter.
"What badge"
"Whot doe ya meen 'whot bahge'! Lok mate ef eye 'ave tou geit owt me bahge, eye 'an't gonna be aye 'appey buggar!" St John glared at Logan, but changed tack quickly as he tends to do. "Cum on mate, jus' meesin' wit ya." he waved a hand, "Nah ef yew doan't geve eat tou ya mate Pyro tha's ok. Eye'll jus' 'ave tou burn ya up tha's awl." he studied the ground at his feet, and scuffed his boots. It gave him a little while for the words to sink in. Then he looked up into Logan's eyes and burst into maniacal laughter.
"BWWAAAHH HAA HA HA!"
And with that St John raised his prized lighter up to the heavens and sent great tongues of flames up into the air!
Which turned into giant serpents! Yes giant King Brown Snakes, which every true Blue Aussie knows are one of the most dangerous, aggressive and venomous snake in the world, and they were made of fire! Oh yes it was truly wonderful and it brought a tear to St John's eye, his kingdom for a beautiful and majestic King Brown, he missed them so. But what better way to honour such a fine creature than to burn somebody who won't give you your due.
Oh God what did we do wrong thought the trees, this just isn't our day!
So with a happy cry and an insane cackle, he made his pets lunge toward…Logan…who wasn't there anymore.
No Logan had
"Bloodey leigged eat mate!" said St John sadly
Yes…he did and I was going to say that, I mean who the hell is da narrator here is it me or you, ya thick arse convict!
"Ya jus' jellus ya stenkin' sheep luvin' poesar, tha' ya not en a cartoon, lik' mee!"
What eva ya moron, we play better rugby and kicked ya cork-wearing bums in netball, why would I want to be in a cartoon with a girl's blouse like yaself. Oh by the way Fosters is piss!
"Owe, yew cuht me deep tha' tieme, eye doan't knowe wot tou saye."
Sorry mate, I didn't mean some of that stuff, the bits about the rugby and stuff, well its true but you Aussies are nearly as good, and ya did beat us a few times I guess. But I mean what I said about the Fosters mate. I mean its Speight's all the way, either that or Export Gold. Well anyway, sorry mate… Do you still want to be in me story?
"Weall eye guese, mayebe thar sheep luvin' theng was aye bet march…"
We good mate?
"Yeah were rite mate."
That's good because, well the story would be kinda dumb without ya.
Anyway we should really get back to the story.
"Sowe wot am eye doin' agaein?"
Well since Logan's taken off and legged it, and he has a gas can full to the brim with highly explosive petrol, and we all know how much you like explosions and fire and stuff. I think it would be appropriate that you chase after him and try to get it.
"Owe tha's rite, now eye get et."
So my mate Johnny ran after Logan, into the forest, and he had to run really fast to try and catch up because we all know that Logan can be quite quick when he wants to be, and he is really fit. Where as Johnny has that whole I'm not very fast but can't I make really cool stuff out of fire, mate, thing going on.
"An' (pant, pant) whot (pant) doe ya (pant,grunt) meam bye tha't!"
Nothing Johnny mate it's just that you are not the most toned of fellows, so I would say that Logan has an advantage, don't worry you are a Little Aussie Battler, you'll catch up with him.
And he did, his desire for the gas and with my words of encouragement, St John managed to gain on Logan enough so that he could use his powers.
So Johnny turned pyromaniac and created a wall of fire in front of Logan, and Logan never being one to back down on a fight (well maybe not with gas station attendants) and the gas can being of a strong and sturdy construction. He charged toward St John and smacked upside the head with it.
Needless to say, but I am going to say it anyway, knocked him straight over and onto his back some distance away.
And Logan never one to not finish a job properly went in to deliver the coupe de grace.
Seeing a very angry Logan in mid spring claws at the ready to destroy him St John thought very quickly (and this was difficult for Johnny, and it hurt his head…"Hay, mate, eye thort we had dun wit tha ensults!"…What! Look I never said we loved you for your brains, St John, just your cute little…urummh the story, alright, the story. And you stop looking at me like that!)
Anyway Johnny thought quickly and it hurt but he did manage to deflect Logan's lethal blow with one of his gas tanks which had come off when he landed.
Johnny was lucky in that the claws on one of Logan's hands got caught in a tree root and that he had to pull it out before he could kill St John properly.
Logan tugged, and St John laughed at him as he groped for his lighter. And he was just about to return Logan's favour when he noticed something; Logan had a very careful look on his face and had sensed struggling to get free. He looked up at St John, who relised that they would soon have enemies worse than each other.
They were standing in the middle of a Fairy Ring!!
And hey I have seen Fairy Rings; they are great big clear circles in the middle of a field or a forest or something with mushrooms around the outside. And yes they are very creepy and a gates to the Fairy World. You could say kinda like a sort of mythical, fantastic version of a Black Hole, that lead you to another dimension that overlaps our own.
Yes I know all this because I have talked to the Fairies. They are really shifty little buggers too. Both Logan and St John have everything to fear, I mean that they build little castles out all those kids' teeth!
So Logan and St John find themselves in a Fairy Ring and the rules go that if stand in the middle of on of these Rings on a full moon, at midnight, dig up the earth in the very center, and say "fairies" five times, if you believe in them enough, the door to the Fairy World might open, or you might see one, if you are very lucky. And our two heroes are just such lucky guys
"Sthueth! Mate, not f@*ken Fairies!"
"That's right bub, Fairies."
"Owe eye hate Fairies, mates."
"Will ya shutdup abou' the Fairies, an help me out!"
St John started laughing, "HA HA HA Mate, nowe waye am eye doin' tha', nah eyem gonna leeve yew tou tha bloodey Fairies!"
"Willya stop sayin' Fairies, ya dumbass!"
"Whot? Afraid of Fairies ar yew, yew grate Fairy yew?"
Logan gave St John a disturbed look.
Two little figures watched them from the trees. One of them said… "I think they have said "fairies" enough now, don't you?"
"Well, I think they said enough when the small one said "f@*ken Fairies"" replied the other dryly.
"Ok, that was uncalled for but there are rules you know."
"Ha! Yeah rules, well they've said "fairies" eight times now, and the small one seems to have found as many derogatory ways of staying it as possible."
The first figure looked at our heroes, and then looked back at his friend. Then frowned in thought, yes it hurt him that much… "You're right; I don't think the larger one would not be able to pull off pastels at all!"
The other figure gave him a look out of the corner of his eye, and slowly shook his head. "Right well lets send them to heck!"