AUTHOR'S NOTE: It would be advisable to read my fan fiction "What I Am" before reading this one. Otherwise, you likely won't know what's going on.

DISCLAIMER: The characters and locations of Buffy the Vampire Slayer are the property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy Productions. I do this for fun, not for profit.

Two months had passed since Glory had been defeated, and the world remained more or less in tact. Xander and Anya were engaged, but they hadn't told anybody yet. Xander still worked construction and Anya still worked at the Magic Box. Giles still ran the Magic Box and helped Buffy look after Dawn. Life was moving on…for everybody except Willow.

The others worried about her. She had taken incompletes in all her classes the previous semester, and as far as any of them knew she hadn't made any plans to enroll for the fall. She had moved out of the dorm and back into her parents' house. Buffy, who had dropped her courses after her mother's death, had even planned on enrolling in the fall. But Willow said nothing. She had been very stand-offish since they had lost Tara. They mostly only saw her when she came to the Magic Box. Giles worried about her the most because he feared what she was planning. Anytime she made a purchase at the Magic Box, she made sure Giles wasn't there. Most of the time her purchases were just random supplies or a book here or there. None of it put together spelled danger. But Giles couldn't help but be concerned. Willow was a powerful witch. He had a good idea what she was capable of.

There had been no funeral. Willow had refused to hold a funeral without a body. She wasn't letting go of Tara. She couldn't. Buffy knew what Willow was going through. Without proof, a body, the person is never truly gone. She had felt that way with Angel. When she had stabbed Angel, causing Acathla to suck him into hell, Buffy always had a feeling in the back of her head that he would come back. And he did. She knew Willow probably felt the same way. Until Willow saw a body, Tara would never be dead. Willow would never have closure.

"I'm telling you, Giles, she's planning something," Xander said worriedly. "She won't return my phone calls. Every time I go over to her house, her mom says she's not home."

"Perhaps her mother is telling the truth," Giles said as he looked over some financial statements for the shop.

"No, she's not.  I can tell when Will's mom is lying." Giles looked unconvinced and Xander shrugged his shoulders. "Okay, so I can't tell when she's lying. But I've got a feeling she's lying."

"What do you propose we do, Xander?" Giles asked. "Willow's entitled to her privacy."

Xander looked up when he saw Buffy and Dawn walk in. "Hey, you guys will back me up," he said. "Tell Giles we need to do something about Willow."

"I am worried," Buffy said. "I haven't talked to her in a week."

"It's understandable that she would want to be alone," Giles said. "She's still grieving—"

"That's the problem, Giles," Buffy said. "I don't think she is grieving. I don't think she ever started."

"What are you saying?" Giles asked.

"There's no body," Dawn said quietly. "When mom died, I don't think I really believed it until I saw her body."

"And what should we do?" Giles asked. "She hasn't talked to any of us about it. I don't think a group confrontation would sit well with her."

"We need to figure out what she's planning," Xander said.

"We could use her receipts," Anya suggested. "She's bought a lot of stuff in the past week."

"You didn't tell me she'd been in this week," Giles said, removing his glasses. He stood and walked over to Anya.

"She asked me not to," Anya said. "She said she wanted to be sure."

"Sure about what?" Buffy asked.

"Sure that I could bring her back." They all turned when they heard Willow's voice near the front of the shop. "I can bring Tara back."

* * *

By the time Willow explained her plan, Spike had joined them all. He had hoped to be able to join Buffy for a patrol. He could always find his own violence, but he found it more satisfying when he was fighting alongside her. He caught the end of the story, but it was enough to figure out what was going on.

"What you're talking about is extremely dangerous," Giles said. "It also requires a lot of power. Possibly more than you possess."

"I have to do this, Giles," Willow said. "I believe Tara's still alive. There's no body, which means one of those hell dimensions that was breaking into our world might have sucked her in. She could still be alive somewhere suffering."

"The odds of her being alive are slim," Anya said. "Time moves faster in all demon dimensions. By now she would have died of old age. There's only one dimension where she could still be alive."

"Which one?" Dawn asked.

"The realm of eternal torment," Anya said simply, as if they should all know what this place was like.

"I don't like the sound of that," Xander said.

"In that dimension any mortal who enters is immortal in order to suffer torture for all eternity," Giles explained. "But like Anya said, the chances of Tara being there are not high."

"But she could be there, suffering," Willow said, pleadingly, trying to convince Giles they had to follow her plan.

"Even if Tara was in that dimension, and even if we were able to bring her back, she wouldn't be the same," Giles said. "She very likely would be insane. She wouldn't know any of us. She's probably experienced centuries of torture."

"Two-hundred thirty years," Anya said. The others looked confused. "That's how much time has passed in that dimension."

"All the more reason to bring her back," Willow said. "We can't just let her suffer forever."

"I can't believe you lot are debating this," Spike said finally. "Are Red and I the only ones with any sense here?"

"I don't believe this is any of your business, Spike," Giles said angrily.

"I think it is," Spike shot back. "Have you forgotten that the girl you're talking about saved all of our lives, even mine? You all owe your bloody existence to her. I'd help with the soddin' spell myself, if I could. If she is in this eternal torment place, the least you owe her is to bring her back here so she can die and rest in peace like a normal person."

They were all silent. Spike's point hit home. They all knew he was right about one thing. They owed their lives to Tara.

"I'm in," Xander said quietly, breaking the silence. "Whatever I can do to help."

"Me too," Anya agreed, not just to agree with Xander. Not long ago she had discovered the joys of being human. Tara had made it possible for Anya to keep discovering other joys of being human. She was grateful for that.

"We're with you," Buffy said to Willow, referring to herself and Dawn.

Willow looked to Giles. She saw his reluctance, but she knew it wasn't because he didn't want Tara back. He was always the one to consider the risks. He was their voice of reason. He had to be the cautious one.

"Please, Giles," Willow said. "This would be a hundred times less risky if I had your help."

"Very well," he said, nodding his head. "Where do we start?"

* * *

Willow sat in the center of a circle of candles on the Magic Box floor. Anya and Xander finished lighting the candles while Dawn handed Willow the book she needed. Buffy set a bowl in front of Willow. It contained a mixture of ingredients that Willow had put together earlier. Willow reached into her coat pocket and pulled out the final thing she needed—a necklace that had belonged to Tara. She dangled it over the urn for a moment and then lowered it in. Giles began chanting in Aramaic. When he was done, Willow began her spell.

"Return the lost. Set her tortured soul free. Open a gate for her passage. Maleki, I ask of you."

The others watched as the flames on the candles flared up, but Willow continued.

"Return the lost. Set her free. Return the lost. Set her free."

As Willow chanted the smoke from the candles thickened and changed a light green color. Streams of smoke wafted up over Willow's head, creating a dome-like shape. Then all the smoke rushed downward into the urn. Soon after the smoke, the flames did the same. Everyone jumped back in alarm as the fire formed a dome around Willow. The young witch didn't seem to notice. Finally the flames shot downward into the urn as well. They turned green and shot over a foot in the air. Willow continued to chant.

"Why do you summon me?" a voice asked from the flames. Willow stopped chanting and opened her eyes.

"My offering to you belonged to the one I seek. You must open the gates and set her free," Willow said.

"If I set one free, what keeps me from setting all free?"

"She doesn't belong in a hell dimension. She doesn't deserve eternal torment."

"If she is there, then fate would think otherwise."

"Set her free," Willow demanded.

"I cannot control what passes through the gate when it is open," the voice explained. "She may not come alone."

"Set her free," Willow demanded again. The flames flared even higher and then they died down. As they did, the voice spoke loudly.

"Do not summon me again."

Then the flames were gone. Everyone was quiet. They didn't know what to say. So Spike broke the silence.

"Well, that was anti-climactic," he said sarcastically. The others glared at him.

"Did it work?" Xander asked. "I mean, the voice or whatever that was didn't say what he was going to do."

"It appears there's no way of knowing," Giles said. "Although I would imagine if he was going to set Tara free she would be here, in some form, whether she's dead or alive."

Buffy saw the disappointed look on Willow's face and knelt in front of her. "Willow?"

She stood slowly and brushed off her pants. "I don't think it worked."

"You don't know that," Buffy said. "Maybe he brought Tara back somewhere else."

"She's not here," Willow said. "Giles is right. She would be here."

The others fell into silence again.

"I'm sorry," Buffy said. "I wish it had worked."

Willow nodded her head. "It just means I'll have to keep working on it."

"Will, maybe this was a sign," Xander said. "Maybe this was fate's way of telling you that Tara's gone."

"No, she's not," Willow said adamantly. "I'm going to find her. I'll do whatever it takes to get her back."

She turned then and walked out of the Magic Box, returning home to find another way to get her love back.

* * *

Cold. Dark. Trembling. Afraid. Lost.

She knew things were different. The air smelled different. It felt different. The grit of the sand didn't sting her skin. The acrid smell of sulfur didn't burn her nose. Things were fresh. The ground was concrete. She heard noises she hadn't heard in a long time. Cars. Dogs. Voices.

She stood amidst the steel rubble surrounding her. The construction site had been left untouched. It hadn't changed at all. The wrecking ball was nearby. Partially constructed walls stood waiting to be finished. There was broken glass on the ground. Broken bricks. Dirt. Plaster. She walked hunched over, occasionally stopping in a crouched position to look around. She was oblivious to the rocks and glass under her bare feet. She was more concerned about the cold on her nearly naked body.

Before she left the construction site, she turned back toward where she had just been. There was a flash and she saw a steel tower high up above. Then it was gone. Another flash and bright energy shot from a point in the sky, cracking the ground and breaking down walls between dimensions. Then it was gone again. She closed her eyes, not understanding these flashes. Hallucinations. Dreams. Memories. She wasn't sure.

The streets were deserted. It was late at night. She heard a car far off, but she didn't see one. She didn't know where she was walking to. She just felt the need to keep walking, as if her destination would find her. As she made her way down an alley she stopped. She sensed someone there. Something.  She turned to see what appeared to be a man. She remained in a crouched position, looking up at him.

"Well, what do we have here?" the man asked, his voice slightly impeded by a lisp. As he stepped into the light she saw his face and knew he wasn't a man. "Midnight snack."

The vampire growled and charged her, but was immediately startled as she grabbed him by the shirt and threw him down the alley. He tumbled to a stop against a dumpster. He jumped up and glared at her. He charged again, throwing punches right away. She easily blocked them, grabbed his arm and spun him around, slamming him into the brick wall. He grabbed a broken mop handle from the dumpster and swung it at her. She dodged each of his swings and finally took the mop handle away from him. She whacked him over the head and then quickly drove the handle into his heart. He disappeared in a puff of dust and she turned away, continuing down the alley as if that fight hadn't even happened.

She came to a door and pushed it open. The room she walked into was familiar to her but her mind couldn't place it. There was a pommel horse on one end. Exercise mats lined the floor. A scarecrow-like dummy stood in the center of the room. Weapons of various kinds lined the walls.

She walked to the opposite end of the room and looked through another door into the store. A flash and she saw people, reading books and talking about something. Then it was gone. Another flash and she heard what they were talking about. "I'll kill anyone who comes near Dawn." Then they were gone. She shook her head and turned back toward the center of the room.

She looked down at herself and then approached the attack dummy, quickly removed the blue buttondown shirt from it and put it on. Then she did the same with the jeans. The clothes were big on her, but they were adequate. She tore open the dummy and removed the straw from inside it, carrying it over to the opposite corner. She piled the straw in the corner, and then once she was satisfied, she curled up in it, falling into a restless sleep.

She awoke with a start several hours later when she heard a noise. It was a high-pitched clanging noise. A bell. She rose and grabbed a battleaxe off the wall. She made sure she wasn't visible as she approached the door to the shop.

"For the last time, Anya, you're not getting paid overtime for any demon-related research," Giles said.

"Can I have a raise?" Anya asked.  "I'm your best employee."

"You're my only employee," Giles said. He started the coffee maker and then went to hang his suit jacket up.

"And therefore, the best employee," Anya said, once again exhibiting her unique perspective. "It is customary for employers to give raises after someone has worked satisfactorily for them for a long time."

However, Giles wasn't listening to her anymore. "Did you hear something?"

"What?" Anya asked. She watched Giles walk toward the training room and then gasped when someone lunged through the door and tackled Giles. The attacker easily knocked Giles to the floor and then straddled him, pinning his shoulders down with her knees. She held the blade of the battleaxe to his throat, glaring through her long dirty hair that hung in her face. She was about to press down, in order to decapitate Giles, when she stopped.

There was a flash and she heard his voice and her own. "Your reflexes are amazing." "Really? I always thought I was kind of a klutz." Then they were gone again.

"Giles," Anya said, grabbing the nearest heavy object she could find to help him. But he held up his right hand.

"No, don't move, Anya," he said. He looked up at his attacker, astonished. He was too shocked to even be concerned about the battleaxe at his throat. "Tara?"

The sound of her name seemingly alarmed her. She jumped off of him and quickly ran out of the shop. Anya helped Giles stand and they both looked in amazement at the front door that she had run out of.

"The spell did work," Anya said, confirming the obvious. Giles nodded his head.

"That it did."