SONG CREDIT: "Goodbye" by Natalie Imbruglia, from White Lilies Island.

When Willow came to bed she found that Tara was already asleep, on her side with her back to the door. It wasn't a sound sleep. It seemed she never slept soundly. She would occasionally make some kind of noise or turn over several times. Willow wondered what Tara was dreaming about. Of course, Tara never talked about her dreams.

As she changed into her pajamas, Willow noticed Tara's shirt was bunched up, exposing some of her back. She saw something on Tara's back, and as she moved closer she realized what she saw was a scar. Several scars. She knelt next to Tara and carefully reached forward, moving the shirt up a little bit more. It appeared that Tara had numerous scars, a web that chris-crossed over her entire back. Willow's hand trembled as she started to move the shirt more.

She gasped in surprise when Tara quickly turned onto her back and grabbed her wrist, holding it tightly. They just stared at each other. Tara's gaze was dark and angry, as if she didn't know who Willow was. She was almost afraid that Tara would hurt her. As it was, her grip on her wrist was very tight. But then Tara's expression softened a little and she released her wrist. Willow scooted back and sat on the floor with her back against the side of the bed. She and Tara didn't break eye contact.

"I'm sorry," Willow said, rubbing her wrist where Tara had grabbed her. Tara just sat up and stared at her. "I just...I-I'm sorry."

Willow stood and quickly got into bed. Tara sat there, watching Willow. She reached her hand around and touched the scars on her lower back. She had been hiding them, wearing layers and avoiding Willow's touch. She was ashamed of them. She wasn't sure why. She decided she couldn't hide them anymore.

When the bedside lamp came on, Willow turned onto her back to see Tara sitting on the edge of the bed. She watched as she moved her hair over her shoulder and slowly pulled up the back of her shirt, revealing the scars that Willow had been attempting to see. There were more than Willow had even guessed. It was almost like Tara's back was one big scar. She carefully reached forward and gently touched her back, running her fingertips over the mass of scars. She closed her eyes, trying not to imagine what Tara had been through that had caused this. But her mind couldn't help conjuring up images of Tara being whipped and beaten, her blood spilling down her back as some gruesome demon enjoyed torturing her. Willow shook her head and pulled the shirt back down. Tara turned and saw the distraught look on Willow's face. But she knew Willow wanted to know what had happened, no matter how upsetting it was. So now she would know. She would know at least one tiny fraction of what Tara had been through.

"During the first year, I was captured and beaten almost constantly," Tara explained. "I was too weak to use my powers to heal. That's why I have those scars."

"Just the first year?" Willow asked.

"I escaped after that," she replied. "Spent the rest of the time defending myself, hiding in caves, killing demons."

"By eating them," Willow said quietly. Tara looked at her in surprise. "Anya explained about that. It's the only way to die there."

Tara looked down at the floor, remembering her first kill in that dimension. She remembered how confused she had felt. She hadn't felt like herself at all. She felt like she had been taken over by someone else, something so primal and animalistic. It had been frightening. She hated thinking about it.

"Did you ever...I mean, were there any..." Willow said, not sure how to ask this question. "Did you kill any humans?"

Tara looked at Willow as if she were surprised by the question. No, not surprised. Startled and nervous. She shook her head. "No."

Willow sighed in relief and the two of them remained in silence with Tara looking at the floor and Willow watching her. Tara had a troubled scowl on her face, a pained look. It hurt for her to talk about this. Willow could tell. She finally broke the silence.

"I think that's enough for tonight," she said.

Tara looked over and nodded her head. Without a word she left the bed and laid back down on her sleeping bag. Willow switched off the light and the two of them laid in silence in the dark with the moonlight breaking through the shadows. Tara looked up at the moon and tried not to think about her first year in the demon dimension, or her first kill.

* * *

The next morning Tara walked downstairs. Willow had already left. She wasn't sure if Buffy and Dawn were there. She headed into the kitchen to find something to eat. When she didn't find anything that appealed to her she left the kitchen and went into the living room.

She sat on the sofa and just stared at her reflection in the television screen. The sunlight from the window made her appear as just a shadow in the screen. She felt like a shadow. Her thoughts were shadows. She had spent so long living through sensations. All she knew was what she felt. But now the memories were coming back. The shadows were retreating and the past was coming back. Memories from before the demon dimension and memories from the demon dimension. She couldn't sort them all out. She was never meant to have 250 years worth of memories. It was all too confusing.

As she thought about the demon dimension, old feelings started to come back. She started feeling unsafe, uncomfortable. The constant feeling of being watched and hunted was coming back. The animal-like instincts she had lived by were starting to become dominant again. She smelled blood and tasted fresh. She could hear the screams. She was feeling the rush of adrenaline that came with killing. That's why she simply attacked when she saw another shadow in the television screen.

Dawn screamed when Tara lunged at her and tackled her to the floor in the foyer. She held her down and wrapped her hands around Dawn's neck.

"Tara! Wait! It's Dawn!" she cried out before Tara started to squeeze. Dawn gagged and pulled at Tara's wrists, trying to get her to let go. She couldn't breathe. The look in Tara's eyes terrified her. They were filled with rage. But soon Tara's face started to blur. The lack of oxygen was causing her to lose consciousness.

She gasped for breath suddenly and coughed as Tara's hold on her neck was removed. She opened her eyes to see Buffy standing nearby. Willow was standing in the front doorway. They were both looking over at Tara in confusion and shock. Tara looked as confused as they did.

"No. No," she said, tears filling her eyes. She scrambled to her feet and looked to the three of them in panic. "Dawn, I-I…I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

Tara rushed past them and up the stairs. Buffy turned to Dawn.

"What happened?" Buffy asked. "Dawn, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay," Dawn said, her voice slightly hoarse. "I don't know what happened. She was sitting there and then she just jumped me."

Buffy helped Dawn stand and guided her to the sofa. Willow stood in the foyer in shock as Dawn tried to explain what had happened.

"Her eyes. They were so dark," Dawn said. She rubbed at her neck, which was already bruising.  "That wasn't Tara."

Buffy ran her hand through Dawn's hair. "Okay, I'm going to get some ice for your neck." She stood and saw the look on Willow's face. "Will?"

Willow shook herself out of her daze and looked up the stairs. "I'm going to check on Tara."

"If anything happens…" Buffy said, indicating her worry about Tara attacking again.

"You'll hear me scream," Willow said with a nervous smile. She headed up the stairs and entered the bedroom to find Tara grabbing clothes and stuffing them in a duffel bag. "Tara? What are you doing?"

Tara didn't say anything. She just sniffed back tears and continued filling the duffel bag. When that was full she found a suitcase and started filling that.

"Why are you packing?" Willow asked. Tara still didn't respond and Willow stepped forward, grabbing her by the shoulders and looking her in the eyes. "Baby, please, stop."

Tara closed her eyes and hung her head, pulling out of Willow's grasp sharply. "I could've killed her."

"But you didn't," Willow said. Tara shook her head and sat on the bed.

"Because Buffy stopped me," she replied. "If she hadn't…nobody is safe around me."

"That's not true," Willow said.

"Yes, it is," Tara said. She stood and moved to continue packing. "I need to go."

"Go? Where? Why?" Willow asked. She couldn't believe she was hearing this. She had brought Tara back, and now she was about to lose her again.

"I'm going to Los Angeles. Buffy thinks Angel can help me, and I agree with her," Tara explained. "He knows what I've been through. He can help me learn how to get back to normal."

"And I can't?" Willow asked dejectedly.

"It's not that," Tara said. "I made a promise to you a long time ago. At least, it was a long time ago to me. I promised that I would never hurt you."

"And you won't."

"If you believe that, you're being naïve and stupid," Tara said sharply. She saw the hurt look on Willow's face. "You saw what happened downstairs. You're not safe around me. None of you are."

"So you're just going to leave. You haven't even given me a chance to help you," Willow said.

"You did help me," Tara said. "You brought me back. You saved me from an eternity of torture. But you can't do everything."

"Tara, I love you," Willow said, her eyes welling with tears. Tara stopped packing and took Willow's hand.

"I know. I love you, too," she said. She sat on the bed and guided Willow to sit next to her. "There were times when all that kept me going was that. At my worst moments, I always had you."

Willow looked down at the floor and sniffed back her tears.

"I don't know how long I'll be gone," Tara said quietly. "I don't expect you to wait for me if I—"

"Of course I'll wait for you," Willow said. She looked up and gently caressed Tara's face. "I'll always wait for you."

Tara's memory flashed. "You could never hurt me," Willow said. Tara smiled. "That's a promise."

She closed her eyes and leaned against Willow's hand. It had been so long since she had felt this way, since she had felt like nothing was wrong. "I missed you so much."

Willow leaned forward carefully, hesitating to see Tara's reaction. Then she moved in and kissed her gently. Tara was tense at first, but then she relaxed, just letting the old feelings become new again. She didn't want to lose this. But she pulled away suddenly and shook her head.

"Don't," she said. Willow was confused. "Don't make this harder than it already is."

Willow nodded her head and stood. "Do you need anything? Help with anything?"

"I'll need a ride to the bus station," Tara said.

"Okay, I'll call Giles and see if he can drive you," Willow said. She stopped in the doorway for a moment. "I will wait for you. I promise."

Once Willow had left the room and gone downstairs, Tara leaned forward and held her head in her hands, sobbing. She just wished everything could go back to the way it was. She wanted to turn back time. The future she was facing scared her, almost as much as eternity in Moktar scared her. At least in Moktar she knew what to expect. Now it was all a frightening mystery. She could only hope that she could find some kind of control. She wanted to be sure of herself. Hopefully, Angel could help her find that.

* * *

Every day's the same

I feel them merge

I try to separate

Resist the urge

But they tell me I'll be fine

That it will all get better

Just try to write it down

Or put it in a letter

But the words won't play

And there's no easy way to say

Goodbye

Goodbye

Giles was loading the last of Tara's bags into the trunk of his car. The others were gathered on the front lawn to wish her farewell.

"Tara, if this about this morning…" Dawn began. Tara shook her head.

"It's not, Dawnie," she said. "It's part of it, but I already knew I would have to do this."

"You have to come back for the wedding," Anya said enthusiastically, unknowingly making a situation about her when it shouldn't be. "You're one of my bridesmaids."

"Oh, well, I…" Tara began. She saw the hopeful look on Anya's face and smiled. Tara had always liked Anya, regardless of the fact that she drove Willow crazy. She was so refreshingly honest, like a child sometimes. "Sure. I'll come back for the wedding."

"Good luck," Xander said. "I'm not the biggest fan of Angel, but I'll admit he's good at helping people. You're in good hands."

Tara nodded her head and then turned to Willow, who was trying to put on a brave front. She had a half-hearted smile plastered on her face. Tara looked at her and wanted to change her mind. She wanted to stay. But she couldn't.

She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Willow, who held her tight.

"I will always be with you," Willow whispered in her ear. "No matter how far apart we are. I'll be with you."

"Forever," Tara whispered back. She smiled as a memory flashed through her mind and she repeated a word she thought she had long forgotten. "Byth."

They separated and Willow offered Tara a tearful smile, remembering the welsh word for 'forever' that Tara had used the night they found out Dawn was the key, the night she had decided to learn to fight in order to stop Glory.

She backed away from Willow and slowly got into the car. Giles moved around to the driver's side and then started the ignition. The others waved goodbye as he pulled away and Tara kept sight of Willow as long as she could. Finally they turned the corner and she was gone.

Keep my head on straight

And don't look down

With all I've pushed away

I'm losing ground

But they tell me I'll be fine

That it will all get better

Just try to write it down

Or put it in a letter

But the words won't play

Cause there's no easy way to say

Goodbye

Goodbye

And from the sidelines

Watch me fall down

Willow closed her eyes when Giles' car was out of sight. Buffy wrapped her arm around her friend's shoulders, but Willow was too busy concentrating on Tara. She could still feel her presence. She could feel her pain and her fear and her sadness. She wanted to do something to make all of that go away for Tara, but she couldn't. All she could do was hope that Angel would help Tara find whatever control she needed to find. Tara had a long road ahead of her and Willow knew that she would be waiting at the end of that road.

And I don't understand

The things I do

But I'll probably be fine

As long as I keep moving

I'll try to write it down

So things just keep improving

Still the words won't play

Cause there's no easy way to say

Goodbye

Goodbye

THE END