Subconscious Urges

BlueMoonEmpress

Chapter 7

Forgive and Forget?

Hovering over the phone Yamato's brow creased as he contemplated what he was about to do. His hands rubbed together nervously in between reaching to pick up said machine. Closing his eyes he turned and walked away, moving towards the living room.

"Yamato?" His father asked as he noticed his son's distress. "Anything the matter?"

"Huh?" He hadn't noticed his father sitting there, "Ah… no. Nothing."

"Are you sure?" Matsuhara asked worriedly, putting down his paper, "You know you can tell me anything Yamato."

Yamato nodded, although he wasn't really paying attention, "Uh-huh."

"Yamato?"

"I know Dad."

"Are you sure nothing's wrong?"

"I'm fine, really."

Looking at his son oddly he frowned, "If you say so."

Walking back to the phone Yamato picked it up and ran to his room, his father staring worriedly after him.

His fingers itched over the numbers as he pushed himself to dial, "Do it." His mind tempted, "What harm can it bring?"

Taking a big breath he punched in the first digits hurriedly, not caring if they were right. Taking another breath he closed his eyes and pressed in the rest.

Shakily, he held the phone to his ear as he listened to the steady ringing. Holding the phone with two hands he waited until…

"Hello?"

Eyes wide Yamato's voice caught in his throat.

"Hello?" The voice asked again. "Anybody there?"

"Ah…"

"Can I help you?"

"T-Tai…?"

"Oh, did you want to speak with him? Here, hold on a sec…" There was ruffling as a hand was placed over the mouth piece, "Tai! Someone on the phone for you!… here he is."

"Thanks babe, hello?"

Breathing heavily he clutched at the phone, "T-Tai…?" His voice whispered.

Having recognized the voice right away, Taichi didn't say anything at first, "Yama…?"

"H-hey."

"How… how are you?"

"How am I? How am I…? Do I really need to answer that?"

Taichi winced on his side of the line, "Koushiro told you." It wasn't a question.

"Yeah. And I see that that hasn't stopped you." Yamato guessed, his voice breaking frequently.

"Yamato… listen, I can explain-"

"Explain what Tai? That you thought," He paused, "because you – you – called a break, it was okay to go around and sleep with other guys?"

"Well… we are on a break… I wouldn't except you to hold yourself for me just be-"

"You were the one that wanted this Tai! I never wanted this… This is all because of your insecurities! Not mine!"

"Yamato, it was for the best! It really was!"

"The best for who Tai? For me? Or you?"

"For the both of us."

"On what grounds? I thought we were good Tai… We were good."

"Things happened Yama."

"What things?"

"Things I wished never had…"

Yamato paused, "We both regret it."

"W-what…?"

"It should never have happened… I was upset and he was just trying to comfort me… it wasn't supposed to happen."

"Y-you and Ken…?"

"…Yes."

"When?" It was said in a harsh whisper.

"Two nights ago."

"T-that's all…?"

"I was so upset when… when Koushiro told me… I—I wasn't thinking straight." Yamato sucked in a ragged breath; "I'm so sorry Taichi… I'm willing to forgive you if you forgive me."

"Yamato…"

"Please Taichi… I can't stand us being like this!"

"I'll have to think about it."

"T-think about it? Think about what Tai? Tai!" Yamato yelled, but in return he only heard a dial tone.

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"Please Taichi… I can't stand us being like this!"

"I'll have to think about it." Tai said as he hung up the phone.

"Who was that?" Wallace asked as he wrapped his arms around Taichi's waist.

"No one."

"Didn't sound like no one."

"Well it was, so just drop it and get out." Taichi snapped.

"W-what?" Wallace stuttered, taken aback.

"You heard me. I'm done with you. Get out of my room."

Having regained some of his composer Wallace blew air out of his nose, "You weren't that good anyway," he whispered as he passed him by.

Taichi sighed as he heard his door slam, "Fuck Yama…"

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"Taichi! Oh, it's so good to have you home again!" His mother cried as she hugged her only son.

"It's good to see you too Mom." He said, hugging her back.

"We missed you son." His father greeted affectionately.

"Well, you should have stuck around during the summer. I was here for almost two weeks." Taichi replied grinning.

"Well then perhaps you should have told us you were coming home! Then we might have stayed." Hikari added in smugly, but smiling all the same as she walked up to her big brother and hugged him, "I'm glad you're home."

"Yeah… me too."

Hikari sighed, "Things haven't changed?"

He shook his head, "No."

"Well maybe-"

"You must be starving honey, there's still some lunch here in the kitchen if you'd like, I could heat it up for you." Their mother cut in.

"That'd be great Mom, thanks," Taichi smiled. She smiled back and walked into the kitchen, her husband following behind her.

"As I was saying," Hikari continued annoyed, "Maybe you should go and talk to him. He's been miserable without you, you know. At least he was after the summer." She added, "And from what you told me he has all the right to be."

"He cheated on me too 'Kari," Taichi replied stubbornly.

"Yeah, after he found out about you and what's his name." She scrunched her nose disgustedly.

"I still don't know that he didn't do anything with Ken before that!"

"He told you that he didn't! And he did tell you when he did! Don't you think he would have told you if anything like that had happened earlier then that?"

"Lunch is ready Taichi!"

"Coming Mom," he said, ignoring Hikari and walked into the kitchen.

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"You can't avoid him for the whole break."

"Watch me."

"You should talk to him."

"If he wants to talk, then he can come to me."

"Does he even know you're here?" Taichi didn't answer. Hikari sighed, "How can he come to you when he doesn't even know that you're here?"

"Shut up Hikari."

"Don't try to shut me up just because you know I'm right." She replied heatedly. "Look, you've been here for three days and you've hardly left the apartment, why don't we go for a walk?"

"This isn't some sort of set up is it?"

"No. Why would I do that?" She sounded thoroughly confused.

He stared at his sister for a little while, "Fine." He said after much debate in his mind, "We'll go for a walk."

"Excellent. I've been dying for an ice-cream cone."

"Ice-cream? In this weather?"

"Yeah, why not?"

"Just…" Taichi shook his head, "Nothing. Let's go get your ice-cream."

Taichi followed behind his sister as they walked to a local ice-cream parlor, that for one reason or another was open all year round.

Hikari chatted on about her new boyfriend and how Taichi would have to meet him soon before he leaves to go back to school.

"He's really nice Tai, I think you'll like him."

"Like who?" Taichi asked, snapping back to attention.

"My boyfriend? Jeez, have you been listening to me at all?"

"No, sorry sis. My minds kinda off on another planet." He said grinning foolishly.

"You need to talk to him."

Taichi sighed, "How did we get on this topic again?"

"Because you can't stop thinking about him. And you're ignoring me because of it." She stuck her tongue out at him.

He replied with the same amount of maturity, "I'm fine and I'm listening. What's his name?"

"Ryou."

"How old is he?"

"Same age as you."

"W-what?" Taichi sputtered.

"Calm down Tai. That's not that much older then me."

"Three years isn't a lot?" He cried, "Christ 'Kari! This guy is a fucking senior! You do know what guys at that age think about all the time don't you?"

"The same as what guys my age think about all the time," Hikari answered smartly. "He's a good guy Taichi. Just give him a chance."

"Give him a chance… right, I'll give him a chance to meet my fist…" Taichi muttered.

"Taichi…" Hikari growled.

"What? I didn't say anything! I swear!" The two of them laughed as they neared the ice-cream parlor. "This place is still open?"

"Of course it is, why would they close it down? Everyone goes here."

"Apparently even when it's ten below," Taichi complained as he rubbed his arms roughly when they walked in.

"Oh quiet. It's not that bad. You find us a table and I'll order."

"Alright." Shrugging Taichi started walking over to an empty booth when he froze at the sound of a familiar voice.

"Shut up Ken. I thought we were going to drop this conversation?" The tone wasn't harsh, nor was it very playful, it was just delightfully…

"Yamato?" Taichi asked no one in particular as he turned.

"Sorry, I couldn't help myself."

Taichi winced when he saw the look in Ken's eyes; there really was something there…

"Tai? Aren't you getting a table?" Hikari asked, coming up behind him. "What's the matter?" She stopped when she saw whom he had been staring at. "I-I swear I didn't plan this! It was a spur of the moment craving! I swear Tai!"

"It's okay. I believe you."

"Well… maybe this is a good thing. Maybe now you can go over there and talk to him."

"No… I don't think that's a very good idea."

"Well I do. Come on!" Stubbornly she took his arm and dragged him over to where the two boys where sitting. "Hey guys." Hikari called cheerfully.

"Hi 'Kari, what're you doing here?" Yamato asked, looking surprised.

"Getting ice-cream," She said, holding up her cone, "what else would I be doing here?"

"Planning my doom…" a voice whispered a ways away.

"Guess who came home for the holidays!" She called excitedly, ignoring her brother's weak protests.

"Who?" Yamato asked, already knowing the answer.

"Taichi!" She cried, dragging him over from the display he'd been hiding behind. "Now, I know the two of you have much to talk about, so Ken and I are going to take off for a while. See you!" Grabbing a flustered Ken by the arm she dragged him out of the booth and out of the parlor.

"Ah… bye!" He cried feebly.

Nervously Taichi sat in the booth across from Yamato. "Hey… Did you… maybe want to take a walk?"

"Sure." Yamato answered getting up from the booth. The two of them walked outside, standing arms length from each other.

"How are you?" Taichi asked, at a loss for words.

"Pretty shitty. Thanks for asking."

"Ah… Yamato-"

"Are you done thinking about it?"

"What?"

"You said on the phone that you'd have to 'think about it', whatever that means. I was just wondering if maybe you were done."

"I don't know anymore Yama…"

"You don't know? You don't know if you love me anymore? Or you don't know if you can handle being with someone that might potentially cheat on you?" He asked sharply.

"I was hurt Yamato."

"Hurt? Hurt! You don't even understands what it means to be hurt like that Taichi!"

"I don't? What about that little episode with Ken?"

"That was a mistake. I told you that. We both regret doing it. And I only did it because of you!"

"Sure, blame it on me."

"I will and I am."

"It's not all my fault."

"No, but you sure do hold a big chunk."

"Yamato we went over this!"

"We might have but we sure as hell didn't get to the point of it! I thought everything was going fine Tai. We were happy, at least I thought we were… we were far away from each other and yet we still give it all we could to get beyond that. We were doing so well…"

"So well that it made me call a break?"

"Made you? Who made you?"

"You did. You and your sudden bond with Ken. How could you think that I wouldn't assume things?"

"Maybe I thought that we were beyond thing like that, like petty jealousy. Jealousy that wasn't even needed! There's nothing between Ken and I!" Taichi raised an eyebrow; "I told you that that was a mistake! And if you need me to sign my name in blood to let you know that I swear never to do it again then I will." Yamato told him forcefully.

Taichi stared at him with wide eyes.

"Can I say the same about you Tai? I might have done what you had been suspecting but…" he laughed bitterly, "…it was only after I found out that you'd done to me what you thought I had been doing to you all along. And that really hurts Tai."

"Yama…" Taichi sighed and reached across to take his hand.

Yamato flinched back, "No. Not now Tai. Not until I have your answer."

"M-my answer?"

"To my question."

Closing his eyes Taichi dropped his head; "I don't want to have to always worry Yama."

"Then don't."

"But how do I know… how do I know that I won't have those suspicions again?"

"You don't. The only condolence you have is my word Tai and if that isn't good enough…" Yamato shrugged, unable to think of anything else to say.

"God Yama… I don't want it to be like this!"

Breathing deeply Yamato reached out and took his hand this time; "We can take it one step at a time Tai." He smiled softly, "You need to learn to trust me."

"I know I do."

"You need to know that I don't want to hurt you, and I'd never do… that again." His voice cracked as a single tear dripped down his face.

"Yama…" Taichi said quietly, wiping the tear track away, "Okay."

"Okay?" Yamato asked, his eyes hopeful.

He nodded, "Yeah. I'm so sorry Yama… I never wanted to hurt you," he moved closer to Yamato, "I was an idiot. I'm so, so sorry…" he leant his forehead against the blondes.

Laughing brokenly, Yamato smiled, "I missed you so much."

Taichi touched his cheek softly, "Me too." He kissed him gently, "Let's never do this again, okay?"

"Yeah, okay."

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I hope everyone liked this chapter a little more… but are things finally in the clear?

---BlueMoonEmpress---