Chapter 2 To Absent Friends!

Daniel had wanted to close up shop and take the rest of the day off until Nina reminded him he had a roomful of patients to see yet. "It's Ok Dad" Hawkeye assured him, "I'm exhausted anyway, I just want to go home and take a nap, and get out of these clothes"

"Well it's nearly lunchtime anyway, why don't I drive you home and fix you something to eat?"

"Sounds good!" Hawkeye replied.

"Great, Nina I'll be back in an hour!" Daniel said pushing Hawkeye out the door before she had time to argue. "You just better be!" she yelled after him.

Hawkeye was quiet all throughout the short journey home. The past weeks travelling had really taken its toll on him. Daniel could sense his reluctance to talk right now and didn't push him. He knew his son only too well. If Hawkeye wanted to talk, he'd talk. Hawkeye could feel that his father was excited. He kept looking over and flashing him smiles. Eventually Hawkeye smiled back. "Hey dad!" he said breaking his silence. Daniel looked over expectantly.

"I love you!"

Daniel left out a loving laugh and clasping his son's knee said "I love you too son".

Hawkeye sat up straight all of a sudden, he had caught a glimpse of the family home as Daniel rounded the corner. "Well there she is!" Daniel exclaimed. "I'm home" Hawkeye almost whispered. "You sure are!" Daniel smiled.

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"Well come on then!" Daniel said, knocking Hawkeye out of a daydream. He was standing in the drive just taking it all in. The smell of the flowers, the wind blowing through the trees, and the sea! Oh how he missed the sea! He could hear the sound of it coming from behind the house. He made his way up the drive and into the house taking every little thing in and savouring every minute of it. As he reached the front door, he could hear something barking inside. It was getting louder. Hawkeye jumped. There was a ball of brown and white fluff standing no more than a foot from the ground at his feet barking hysterically. "What is that?" Hawkeye asked.

"Oh I see you've met Harry. He's a Jack Russell terrier."

Hawkeye just stared at him blankly. "Well I had to replace you with something!" Daniel said defensively.

"You replaced me with a dog!" Hawkeye said stepping over it as he walked in. "Couldn't you at least have gotten a real dog like a golden retriever or something? This thing could be mistaken for a gerbil!"

"Don't knock him! He happens to be a very loyal companion. Not to mention a great guard dog!"

"What do you need a guard dog for in Crabapple Cove? The biggest crime ever committed here was when ten year old Toby Ryan stole a three cent candy bar from Sullivan's shop!"

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After his father had gone back to work Hawkeye decided to run himself a bath. Neither had said much during lunch but in a relationship this close sometimes you didn't need words. Daniel was just so happy that Hawkeye was home for now. He could wait to get more out of him later.

Hawkeye stood before the mirror. He looked long and hard at himself. His eyes moved from his Class A uniform, up to his unshaven jaw until they finally rested, and he found himself looking eye to eye with his reflection. What have I become? he thought sadly. His face was pale but still held its youth. Flecks of grey ran through his otherwise black hair. The inevitable effects of time! It was his eyes that really gave him away. They had aged before their time. He could see that they had lost their sparkle, that little mischievous gleam that always made people wonder what he was up to. Instead they looked tired, like those of a man who hadn't slept in three years! he thought to himself. He finally broke away from the mirror and wondered if they would ever sleep again.

He moved over to the bed and slowly removed his uniform for the last time. He barely even noticed what he was doing, he was too lost in thought. Finally, he relaxed into the tub. It had been a long journey home, a three year journey. Letting out a long sigh he sunk down into the bath, leaving his feet sticking over the edge. "Welcome home Hawk!" he said.

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Hawkeye stayed in the bath until the water got cold and his skin wrinkled up like a prune. Boy I really have got thin! he thought as he passed the mirror. He went through his wardrobe but nothing really fitted. He eventually decided on a pair of old jeans and a grey t-shirt. It felt good to wear 'people clothes' again. He lay down on his bed and despite his fears of never sleeping again fell soundly asleep.

It was five o clock when Hawkeye woke. Harry was out in the garden barking at something. "Damn dog!" he muttered. He had been asleep for about three and a half hours which really wasn't long enough. Hawkeye walked down stairs, stretching his arms as he did and went out onto the back porch. Harry was chasing a bird and was barking in frustration as time and time again he failed to catch it. "Stop that Harry" Hawkeye shouted at him. He sat down on the step of the back porch and stared out across the sea. "Wow" he had forgotten just what an affect that sight had on him. Whenever he couldn't sleep at night or he had something on his mind, he would always sit here and stare into the tide. The sea always had a calming effect on him. He had a feeling he would be doing a lot of this from now on.

"So the rumours are true?" A familiar voice suddenly came from behind him. "You really are back!"

Hawkeye turned and stood up. He left out a smile and opened his arms to welcome his visitor. "Karen" he cried. "It's good to see you!" he said standing up to envelop her in a hug.

Karen Thompson and Hawkeye had been friends since high school. He had had a crush on her but she was madly in love with her boyfriend at the time. So instead they became friends and had been close ever since.

"You look good" she smiled. "Lost a bit of weight but we can fix that!"

"If one more person says something about my weight..."

"Sorry" she said. "So tell me how have you been? You haven't written me in months you fink! You better have a good reason!"

"Oh I know I'm sorry. Things just got pretty crazy out there towards the end. We had round the clock wounded and any free time we got was for sleeping"

Of course Hawkeye couldn't tell her the real reason was that he had gone nuts and had spent the last month in the Tokyo giggling academy.

"I understand" she said but all Hawkeye could think was no you don't. How could you?

"At least it's all over now, you're home and that's what counts!" she said trying to be positive. She could see that he was bothered but didn't want to push him right now. Push Hawkeye when he's not ready and he just ends up farther away.

"Yeah" he said somewhat sadly. "But look at the price we paid. Over a million people dead, as many more homeless and orphaned. We tore that country apart and I'll never now what for"

"Someone had to help them Hawkeye. You couldn't just leave the North step all over them like that. They had to be stopped"

A typical civilian view Hawkeye thought. "You'd have to have been there to understand. The Korean people's lives aren't any better for us having been there. They're as poor as ever only now the land is also useless to them 'cause it's filled with mines and huge bomb craters!"

"I guess anyway you look at it it's a lose-lose situation eh? How about we go for a walk?" Karen was desperate to change the subject and Hawkeye picked up on this immediately. He knew this would happen. Even his closest friends wouldn't be able to talk to him about the war, because the cold hard facts of war made them uncomfortable. "Sure" he said.

They walked with arms around each other along the sandy shore. "So tell me" Hawkeye said, "What's new with you?"

"Well" Karen began. "You know that teacher I wrote to you about that I was seeing?" Hawkeye nodded. "He's asked me to marry him!" Hawkeye stopped and looked at her in complete surprise.

"What?" he almost shouted, "And when were you going to share this little gem of information with me?"

"Just did didn't I?"

"I assume you said yes?"

"What do you think!"

"That's great Karen. I'm really happy for you. Really! I mean it's about time you settled down anyway. You are after all pushing on a bit....oow" Hawkeye was nursing his arm after receiving a blow from Karen.

"You rat, you're just jealous!" she said jokingly.

"What?" Hawkeye cried.

"Well you were the one who wanted to marry me when we were fifteen or have you forgotten?"

"Ah yes, but with hindsight now I'm...oow!" This remark invited another blow to the arm from Karen. "Don't you dare finish that sentence buster" she warned. "So how about you, anyone special in your life?"

"I spent the last three years sharing a small tent with two other guys. I think any relationship formed there would have required a serious change in lifestyle. I've forgotten what the word privacy even means!"

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Both continued to talk and laugh as they walked along the strand. For Hawkeye it felt good to laugh again with an old friend. He was beginning to think maybe he could do it after all. Maybe he could fake being the old Hawkeye they all loved. Maybe a little bit of Hawkeye was still alive inside and with some encouragement he could entice him back out.

The sun had almost dropped behind the horizon when Hawkeye thought of the time. "It's twenty to six" Karen replied.

"I should be getting back, my dad'll be home soon and he's expecting me to be there."

"Ok then. Listen Hawk, its great seeing you again. We'll have to go out some night, all the old gang, have a laugh like we used to. How 'bout it? Maybe next weekend?"

"Ah, yeah, sure, maybe" Hawkeye answered hesitantly.

"Right, well I'll see ya! And hey, I'm glad you're home!"

"Thanks, bye Karen" Hawkeye gave her a peck on the cheek before both parted company.

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"I'm home! Ben, you here" Daniel cried from the front door.

"In the kitchen dad" came his reply.

"Hey, how was your afternoon?" the elder man inquired.

"I had a long soak in the tub. Went for a nap. Met up with Karen Thompson!"

"Ah Karen yes, nice girl! She was always inquiring about you while you were away."

"Did you know she's engaged to be married?"

"Course I did, you know you can't keep secrets in this town!"

"Well it would have been nice if you'd told me!"

"Gee sorry son. I was sure she would have written and told you herself. I mean you two were always pretty close, I just figured it was her place to tell you!" Daniel was a bit taken aback by Hawkeye's sharpness.

"I'm sorry dad. It just took me by surprise. It's just hard you know. All these people's lives have been going on for the past three years and I just feel... well I guess I feel like I'm somewhat out of the loop. I didn't even know old man Parks had passed away and that was over two years ago!"

"Well I know I told you about Ab Parks passing away"

"Yeah you did I'm sure. It's just out in Korea, things kinda get lost in time, including memories. You're so stuck in the present there. It's like there's no past or future. It's all one continuous day. I guess I just forgot about Mr. Parks."

"Its ok son, it'll take a bit of time but you'll settle down again. Don't worry, you'll see. It'll be as if you were never gone!" Daniel tried to console his son but he could see that Hawkeye's problems ran at a far deeper level. He knew his son had spent some time in a psychiatric hospital recently. He wasn't sure whether to bring it up or not. It was always hard to tell with Hawkeye. He tended to avoid talking about his problems, preferring to ignore them instead. Either way Daniel knew that now definitely wasn't the right time. Hawkeye had just come home, he needed time to settle in.

"You're right dad" Hawkeye said breaking Daniel's thoughts. "All I need is some time"

Hawkeye didn't believe that for a second but he didn't want to be worrying his father. He would sort through his own problems in his own way. Daniel had enough to be worried about what with being the sole doctor of the town and all.

"Oh by the way", Daniel said "We don't have to worry about cooking tonight!"

"Why?" Hawkeye said slowly.

"Well" Daniel was hesitant, "Now you're probably not going to like this but..."

"Don't say it!" Hawkeye cut in.

"The Saunders' are throwing a bar-b-que in your honour tonight!" Daniel prepared himself for the verbal onslaught that would follow. Hawkeye hated going to neighbourhood cook-outs, especially the kind held in his honour.

"Ahh Dad, I'm tired and I just want a quiet night in! I don't want to meet and greet the whole town in one night!"

"I know son"

"And clothes, what about clothes? Nothing in my wardrobe fits me!"

"Look I know this is the last thing you want right now but they're doing this out of the goodness of their hearts. I couldn't very well turn them down. And as for clothes, well you're fine as you are, this is Crabapple Cove not the Plaza!"

Hawkeye looked at him pleadingly.

"It'll only be for a few hours? You just have to show up, be polite to everyone. In two, three hours max everyone will be drunk and we can slip away, ok?"

"Ok" Hawkeye replied in defeat.

"Hey you never know, it might even rain!"

Hawkeye smirked, "I don't have that kinda luck!"

Both smiled before Daniel announced that he was going upstairs to change. Hawkeye was alone in the kitchen. He stared out the window across the sea. What am I going to do now! This was just what he was trying to avoid. Having people pat him on the back all night, cracking inappropriate jokes about gooks and commies. Expecting him to laugh at everything they said. Expecting him to be happy! This was going to be a nightmare.

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Hawkeye was still standing by the window when Daniel came back downstairs. "Are you ready?"

"What?" Hawkeye said, he had been daydreaming again.

"I said are you ready to go?"

"Oh, no, I'm going to put on something a bit more respectable. What time do we have to be there?"

"Umm" Daniel said peering at his watch, "Five minutes ago, but don't worry. It's ok for the guest of honour to be fashionably late!"

"I won't take long"

Hawkeye rushed up stairs and quickly picked out a more respectable pair of pants and a shirt to wear. Better take a sweater too, it's a bit cold out!

Daniel was sitting patiently in the kitchen when Hawkeye came back down. "OK I'm ready, let's go!"

"Hey, now you see, I told you you'd find something to wear!"

"Right" was all Hawkeye could say.

"Hey come on, try to cheer up, this is a party we're going to!"

"I will, I promise. It will be all smiles at the party. I'm just a bit nervous."

Daniel could sense this was going to be hard for Hawkeye. He looked as though he wanted to cry. "Look at it this way; you knew you'd have to do this sooner or later. By tonight it will all be over with and you can relax!" He tried to sound reassuring.

"You're right Dad, it's better to get it out of the way!"

"That-a-boy! Now come on, I think we're stretching the whole fashionably late thing a bit."

"Hey dad!" Hawkeye said, "Do you think the Gillis' will be there?"

"What Tommy's folks?"

"Yeah" Hawkeye nodded.

"Of course, why wouldn't they. You and Tommy were best friends. They're always asking for you!"

"Oh" Hawkeye looked down at the floor. Of all the people he was dreading seeing them the most.

"Hawk?" Daniel said, "What is it?"

"It's just with everything that happened and all, with Tommy I mean"

"Ben, that was over two years ago now. They're ok. You know they don't blame you or anything right? They know you did what you could!"

"Right" Hawkeye said. He was desperately trying to hold back the tears that gathered in his eyes.

"You don't blame yourself do you?" Daniel asked. He was now very concerned. Hawkeye and Tommy had been very close friends but Hawkeye had seemed to cope well with his death. At least that's what Daniel had gathered from his letters.

"No, no. I knew he was gone before he even hit the table. I knew I couldn't save him. It's just..."

"What?" Daniel pushed for an answer.

"What do you say to these people?

"I think you know as well as I do that there's no answer to that question. At least no correct answer! Just play it by ear. You'll do fine! Come on lets go!"

"Right, let's do this!" Hawkeye said managing to bring a smile to his face for his father's sake.

"That's the spirit. Come on Harry!" he shouted.

"You're not taking that dog are you? And I use the word 'dog' lightly!"

"Course I am. Harry comes everywhere."

"I still say you should have gotten a real dog. You know I caught him chasing birds in the backyard today?"

"Ah Harry, what have I told you about doing that!" Harry left out a slight whimper as if to say sorry.

"I don't want any of your excuses now!"

Hawkeye watched the two walk out the door before him. "My God they even talk to each other!" he said, shutting the door behind him.

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"Hey here he is at last, the man of the moment!" Jeff Saunders shouted as he saw the Pierces coming around the side of the house. Hawkeye stopped at the corner to see a yard full of people staring back at him.

"Hey everybody" he said shyly. "Sorry I'm late!" Everyone left out a shout of joy and started clapping at the sight of the Pierces.

"That's ok, we were beginning to think you'd been drafted again ha, ha, ha!"

"Ha, ha yes, that was a good one" Hawkeye said sarcastically under his breath. That invited a dig in the ribs from Daniel. "Be good!" he warned.

Jeff Saunders was one of those guys who thought everything he said was funny. Hawkeye highly disagreed. "I can't help it if I'm a fan of comedy!" he whispered back to his father.

"Well come on in, grab a plate and help yourselves to the food"

This made Hawkeye feel bad. As annoying as the guy was he was incredibly generous and would do anything for his neighbours. He could see he had gone to a lot of trouble. "Thanks for this Jeff. Everything looks great" he said sincerely. "It's my pleasure Hawk. We couldn't let the town's long lost son return without a proper welcome home party. Come on get some food in ya. Once these people start talking to you tonight you won't get the chance to eat another bite."

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It had started already. People were slapping him on the back, shaking his hand, telling him he did a great job. The women were kissing him and hugging him, saying how proud they were of him. Jeff was right, he hardly got to touch his food.

Finally things began to settle down and he could make his way freely through the crowd. He noticed a group of his old buddies standing around together. Karen was there and so was her brother Brian, and Toby and Dexter and ...and Tommy! He could almost see him standing there. After all that's where he belonged, standing next to his friends, laughing, enjoying life. Tommy loved life. They had all been best friends since Grammar school. Thick as thieves they were! Toby and Dexter were a year ahead. But Tommy, Brian and Hawkeye had gone to school together. Karen was a year below them. Tommy was the boyfriend that Karen was madly in love with at the time Hawkeye fancied her. So of course he never could make a move on her, not even when they had broken up. Ex-girlfriends were untouchable; it was an unwritten rule between best friends. Of course in a town this size, that presented its own difficulties as in time they started running out of girls to date! Hawkeye smiled to himself, he had a lot of fond memories with these guys. Well I guess its time I reintroduced myself!

Hawkeye started to walk toward them when Brian looked up, noticing him.

"Hey, the Hawk is back in town. Lock up your daughters people the Crabapple five are reunited"

Hawkeye stopped dead in his tracks. Brian realised what he had just said. "Well, I guess we'll have to change that to four now huh?" he said, trying to shrug it off. Tommy's death had been a massive blow. In a community this small, this close, you felt every loss as though it were your own. And in some ways Tommy was their own. He was their friend. He and Hawkeye had been the jokers, always making the others laugh with their banter. They were also the only two with ambition. The only two who had made it out of the Cove. From an early age you could tell that Hawkeye and Tommy were going to go on to better things.

"So how have you been?" Toby said. "Yeah we've missed you buddy" Dexter added.

"Saturday nights down at the bar haven't been the same without you!" Brian said.

"Yeah" Dexter added, "With you out of the way we've actually managed to score a few girls for ourselves!"

"Those days are over now boys, the town's most eligible bachelor is back" Karen added giving Hawkeye a gentle punch on the arm.

Hawkeye blushed a little. He sure had one hell of a reputation to live up to.

"So, how have you been?" Brian asked.

"I'm good you know" he replied. "It's all a bit strange being back. I think I've been put off camping for life. And I will never look at the colour green in the same way again!"

Karen had been studying him all night. She could tell from their meeting earlier that all was not well with Hawkeye. He was quiet and moody. Maybe he was just tired. She smiled quietly to herself as she listened to the old friends recount tales from their past. She had always known of Hawkeye's affections for her. They would jokingly flirt with each other but never seriously. She liked him, he was sensitive and charming, not to mention drop dead gorgeous but she couldn't look at him that way. He and Tommy were too close and she did not want to be caught in the middle. He did ask her out once, seriously, just before he headed off to college. She blew him off and regretted it ever since. She waited for him to ask her again but he never did. Once bitten, twice as shy she figured! Then before she knew it he was seeing this girl Carlye from Boston. In Karen's opinion Carlye changed Hawkeye forever. He was crushed when she left him. He once confided in Karen that she had ruined women for him, that he would never trust another again. He changed after that. To look at him now you would never think that Hawkeye Pierce was ever shy around women but he was. He was quiet and awkward. But Carlye had destroyed his faith in love. After her, he became the serial-dating womaniser that he was now famous for. He used women whenever he got the chance, he didn't seem to care anymore. He drank more and partied all the time. Karen partly blamed this change in behaviour on his med-school friends. She had met them a few times and they were wild boys. Trapper John, he was a real charmer. She always thought they were a bad influence on Hawkeye, but Hawkeye was his own person, capable of making his own decisions, so she kept her nose out of it. Still it saddened her to see him spiral out of control. His personal life was a mess. But she had faith in him, he just needed some time to mature. All it would take would be the right woman. She knew he was still a daft romantic at heart and with the right woman he would find love again. But sadly she was no longer that woman.

"We're all just so glad you're home man, safe and well." Dexter said, "After what happened to Tommy and all... well we were just afraid the same might happen to you!"

Good old Dexter. You could always rely on him to be open with his feelings. The guy didn't hide a thing. It didn't bother him that what he had just said made everyone look at the ground. It made Hawkeye want to disappear but never the less he was always grateful to Dexter for his honesty. He always confronted his feelings and he always said what was on his mind. You have to respect someone like that.

"Yeah Tommy was one hell of a human being" Toby said.

"The finest kind!" Hawkeye added.