Chapter 5 -Reconnecting
A year had passed since Hawkeye made that first telephone call to Sidney.
A lot had changed in that time. Karen was married and living in Portland.
He really missed not having her around to talk to, sure she rang all the
time but it wasn't the same. Toby's wife was pregnant with their second
child and Brian was madly in love with a Portuguese woman he met while
holidaying in Las Vegas. "I'm going to marry her you know" he would say
to Hawkeye. "I know, I know, you've only said so like a hundred times
since you got back!" Hawkeye would say in exasperation.
He was delighted for them all on the outside but he couldn't help but
feel jealous inside. Their happiness only served to remind him of how
alone he still was. For him it had been a long year in which his life
hadn't really moved on that much. The battle with alcohol had been
tougher than he had imagined but he did it. He hadn't touched a drop in
nearly five months.
Physically, he was in better shape than he had ever been. Nina had been
like a mother hen making sure he was eating properly. His father would
force him out of the bed each morning after which he would go for a run
before breakfast. He also pulled out his old weights from his college
days. He was fit and it felt good. The added weight together with his
daily workouts gave him more confidence. His strength was all coming back
both physically and mentally. Although he was still quite thin, his
muscles were well toned and the nice bright summer had given him a
healthy glow. In the eyes of the town's people, he was looking more like
himself everyday.
Night time however was a different story. He still wasn't sleeping. He
even took Sidney's suggestion of yoga, but it didn't work, he just felt
foolish. His mind was still very much in torment. Night after night the
war would invade his dreams. He resigned himself to the fact that that
was the way it was going to be for him from now on, he would just have to
live with it.
He was doing a good job at fooling everybody into thinking he was his old
self. He was pleasant, witty and charming. He began working alongside his
father in the practice, lightning the load as it were. At first people
were reluctant to see him, preferring his father's service. But then one
night he became the hero of the town again when he came upon a car that
had been driven into a ditch. Saving the lives of the two occupants of
the car had restored people's faith in him and now business was booming
for the Pierces.
So as far as everyone was concerned those first few awkward months with
Hawkeye were long forgotten and they had since found someone else to
gossip about.
For Hawkeye, everyday, it was an effort just getting out of bed. He would
put on his false face and smile for everyone while all the time inside,
he was in pieces.
He was still seeing Sidney, but only once a month now. He was learning to
live with the pain and Sidney was happy with his progress. He was also
still taking the pills he had been prescribed for his depression though
not as often. Life had improved some bit, in fact apart from the insomnia
he found he could make it through each day quite easily, as long as he
kept dancing! This immediately made him think of B.J. B.J. had once told
him you could go without sleep for two weeks as long as you kept dancing!
"Well it's been over twelve months now Beej and I'm still dancing!" he
smiled to himself.
B.J. had in fact made contact with Hawkeye over the telephone about five
months after the war ended. He sounded great. Hawkeye was delighted to
hear from him. He was surprised at how open B.J. had been about his
feelings. He told Hawkeye everything. He too had been having nightmares,
and it had been pretty tough with Erin too at first. It killed him that
she was so shy around him, that he had to get to know his own daughter
all over again. This gave Hawkeye the ability to share some of his
feelings too. He told B.J. that he'd given up the booze. B.J. was
surprised but congratulated his friend on doing so. He kept inviting
Hawkeye over to Millvalley and they promised to meet up before the year
was out.
"I know, we'll have a reunion! All the gang" he would say in that excited
manner. Hawkeye knew once he got this way there was no talking to him.
"Even Frank Burns?" Hawkeye said trying to sound disinterested.
"No of course not! But it would be great wouldn't it? We'd get together
and relieve all the old times"
"What, stick a few tents in the backyard and get Charles' gamekeeper to
shoot at us?" Hawkeye said sarcastically.
"Fine if sarcasm is all I'm gonna get from you I'll organise it myself.
But you would come wouldn't you?"
"Mmm" Hawkeye was humming and hawing at the other end.
"You have to come, even if it means me flying out there and dragging you
back with me!"
"Yeah, well I guess it would be good to see them all again" Hawkeye was
playing it cool on the outside but inside part of him grew very excited
about the prospect of seeing Margaret again. Of course then there was
that insecure part of him that shouted, 'wake up ya ninny! She doesn't
want to know you!'
"Great" B.J. replied. Hawkeye could picture a big cheesy grin underneath
that cheesy moustache. "I know you always respond well to threats!"
"OK so you got your way. There is one condition however!"
"I'm not shaving my moustache!" B.J. cut back.
"How did you know I was going to say that?"
"Because that's what you always say, every time we talk its 'have you
shaved that cheesy moustache off yet!'"
And so it went on back and forth. The two men had reconnected and now it
was like they had never been parted. Hawkeye figured that it was all talk
with B.J. and that this reunion would never happen. For one thing no-one
had heard from Klinger or Fr. Mulcahay, both were probably still in
Korea. And also no-one knew where Margaret was. She had dropped
completely out of contact. Hawkeye thought it was just him but apart from
ringing Colonel Potter once a few months ago no-one had heard from her.
He figured part of his inner turmoil had to do with her. He was still in
love with her. Everyone in the Cove was surprised to see that he had
changed his womanising ways. In fact he had gone the complete opposite.
He didn't date at all.
"Hawkeye" his father would say in that tone Hawkeye knew only too well,
the 'we have to talk' tone.
"Yes dad" he said as he leafed through a medical journal. Although he
wasn't a practicing surgeon anymore he still liked to keep up to date,
just in case.
"We have to talk!"
Here it comes! He said in his mind. Hawkeye just looked at his father
with a bored expression. He had a pretty good idea what this was about.
"You've been home a year now, when are you going to start dating again?"
"Dad we've been through this. I'll start dating as soon as a woman I want
to date comes along!"
"When is that going to happen? This place is full of nice girls, surly
one of them is worth a shot!"
"Dad, I know there are lots of nice girls out there, I've seen them. They
just don't have what I'm looking for!"
"I've never known you to be fussy!"
"Dad" he said exasperated "I'm not in love with any of these women. I
will never fall in love with them so therefore I am not going to date
them, OK?"
"Alright no need to get tetchy"
"I'm not getting tetchy!"
"Yes you are!"
"Dad"
"OK I'm sorry. I'm just worried about you. All your friends are settling
down. They don't seem to have a problem with the girls around here..."
"Dad" Hawkeye said in a warning tone.
"I just don't want to see you end up alone Ben. You deserve to be happy,
you deserve to be loved!"
"I know Dad. That's exactly why I'm not going out to settle down with the
first nice girl I happen to meet. I want to make sure she's the one you
know?"
"OK. Just don't take too long. Once you reach my age, girls tend to lose
their interest. Those good looks of yours won't last forever!"
"Thanks Dad!" Hawkeye said in an unappreciated tone.
"Oh you know what I mean"
Daniel decided now was a good time to leave, he could tell he was
crossing that line and was coming dangerously close to really pissing
Hawkeye off. Hawkeye just smiled to himself as he watched his father
leave. "Parents" he thought shaking his head, "They never stop worrying
do they!"
****************************************************************
Then one day it happened, purely by chance, twist of fate, or maybe
coincidence? Hawkeye was in Boston sussing out prices for medical
supplies. He felt their current supplier was ripping them off. It was
approaching lunch time when he arrived and he decided to stop for a bite
to eat before continuing his quest. He loved Boston, it was his favourite
city in the world. He passed by all the old haunts that he and Trapper
used to frequent in the old days. Crazy times! he thought to himself.
Maybe I should drop by Beacon Hill, see if Charles is around! Wouldn't he
just love to see me coming!
He was about to cross the street when from behind him he heard an
unmerciful string of swearing pouring out of a young woman's mouth. Hang
on a sec, I know that voice... "It can't be" he said as he turned to see
who it was.
"It is!" he said in disbelief. There, kneeling over a bag of spilt
groceries, cursing for all she was worth was Margaret Houlihan.
Hawkeye stood watching her for a moment unsure if he was just
hallucinating. She wore a light summer dress that made his knees shake.
Slowly he walked towards her, watching her golden hair rise and fall with
the gentle breeze. He stood over her for a moment not sure what to do
next. Finally he simply said, "Need a hand?"
Margaret froze. That voice made the hairs on her neck stand on end. Only
one person spoke like that but it couldn't possibly be could it? Slowly
she tilted her head upwards. There before her stood all six foot two
inches of Hawkeye Pierce, the man who had gone from being a major pain in
the ass to a major pain in the heart for her in Korea. This was the man
she loved.
"Hawkeye?" she croaked eventually in disbelief.
"Hello Margaret" he smiled. That smile! She had so missed the way he used
to smile at her. "Had a bit of an accident had we?" he said as he bent
down to help her.
"Och yeah, these stupid bags, they always tare!"
"Not to worry we'll soon have it cleared up" he said reaching out to
gather up her groceries.
She stayed watching him, his face not more than a foot from her own. She
felt like she was in a trance, unable to move and still not believing her
eyes. He looked good, better than he had looked for a while. Towards the
end of the war you could tell he was worn out, it showed in his eyes, in
the way he hardly ever bothered to shave. But today, he looked good, he
looked very good.
He straightened his head so his eyes met hers, he still had that
infectious smile across his face. "Do I get a hug?" he asked as he looked
deep into her eyes. Margaret snapped out of her trance and managed a
smile before being enveloped in his strong arms. She folded her arms
across his shoulders as the tension slowly left her body. "I've missed
you!" she said warmly. "I've missed you too!" Hawkeye said loosening his
grip so he could take a closer look at her. "You look as beautiful as
ever" he said.
"Thank you, you don't look so bad yourself!" she replied, blushing
slightly. "It's so good to see you!" she said finally looking straight
into those wide blue eyes. Oh boy, they still made her melt even after
all this time.
"It's good to see you too!" he said standing up. "I was wondering what
had become of you!"
They were both now standing and acting like a pair of shy school kids.
Reluctantly Hawkeye let go of her and bent down to pick up her bags. He
still couldn't believe he had just run into her like this, it had to be
fate!
"So what are you doing here in Boston?" he asked hoping the answer
wouldn't involve words like 'married' and 'with child'.
"I live here now!" she said taking one of the bags from him.
"No kidding. For how long?" he said in surprise.
"About four months now!"
"I can't believe we've been living so close together all along. I come to
Boston all the time and I've never seen you!"
"Until today!"
"Right!" he laughed.
"Hey listen" she said unsurely, "I was just going to grab some lunch,
would you like to join me?"
"I'd love to!" he said.
"That is unless of course you're busy"
"I'd love to!" He said again but Margaret wasn't listening.
"I mean if you are well maybe then we could do it some other day. It's
just it'd be nice to catch up and... what?"
"I said I'd love to. I've got the whole day free!"
"Oh, well, excellent. Let's go then. There's a nice little restaurant I
go to, it's just up the road here. They do the nicest spaghetti
bolognese!"
"They do huh? Well you haven't tasted mine then. I cook the best damn
spag bol you'll ever taste!" he declared.
"Oh you do eh? Well I guess you'll have to give me a sample some day.
It's the only way I'll know for sure." She was beginning to relax now and
smiled as she walked with him.
"You're on" he said putting an arm around her shoulder, "It's all in the
sauce you know!"
*****************************************************************
They sat by the window of the restaurant directly opposite each other.
There was an awkward silence at first as Hawkeye stared out the window
and Margaret played with her glass of water.
"So tell me, what's knew with you? Any um boyfriends or husbands I don't
know about?" he said nervously.
She was taken aback by the directness of his question. Hawkeye did always
like to get straight to the heart of things where she was concerned. She
noticed he immediately broke eye contact with her as if he was sorry he'd
asked. She had never seen him shy away before, this was new.
"No, well, no-one special anyway." She was trying to be evasive. "As for
husbands! You think I'd be crazy enough to marry that fast again?" she
said. Her smile took the edge off the conversation and Hawkeye felt able
to relax again. He was mentally kicking himself for starting with such a
stupid question.
"No I don't suppose you would!" he said quietly while he stirred his
water with a straw.
"What about you? Any Mrs. Pierces on the horizon?"
"Ah... well...no" he said shaking his head while his eyes remained focused on
the glass of water in front of him.
"No one?" she said trying to look into his eyes.
He shook his head once more in confirmation.
"So what are you doing in Boston?" he asked looking up briefly.
"I work here, over in Boston General."
"They got army nurses working there now? I know it's a tough place to
work but really!"
She laughed at this. He could be a real goofball! "No silly, I'm not in
the army anymore!" she declared.
"What? You left the army?" he said in complete disbelief.
"That's right. I've been out just over four months now!"
"But what about your career, becoming colonel, what about Howitzer Al?
How'd he take it?"
"I am a colonel! Got promoted right after the war! As for my father! He
did not take it well at all. He doesn't like it but he's accepting it, I
think!" she said taking a sip of water.
"But why, I don't understand I thought the army was your life, how could
you just give it up like that?"
"You sound like my father!" she said stony faced but then smiled to show
she wasn't serious. "I decided it wasn't the life for me anymore. I'd
done my duty, I don't owe this country anymore. Now it's time for me. I
want to do things for me now. I don't want to have to move home every two
years, I want some place that I can call home!"
"So you chose Boston?"
"So I chose Boston, and I have not one regret either fella!" she said
confidently.
"That's great, I'm so proud of you Margaret!" he said raising his glass
to her.
Wow, she was like a new woman. That confidence he had only just started
to see in Korea now flowed out of her every pore.
"Why thank you, I'm proud of me too!" she said childishly meeting his
glass in the centre of the table.
"You seem so different, you're just so full of confidence, you're...you
just look so happy!" he blurted.
She loved to hear him praise her. Whenever Hawkeye gave praise it wasn't
the empty kind, you knew you had earned it. He never said anything he
didn't mean. That was something she always admired about him, his brutal
honesty. Even if sometimes you really didn't want to hear it, he'd always
let you know what he thought. Course it landed him in the odd court
martial from time to time but somehow he always seemed to escape in the
end.
"I owe most of this to you!" she said sincerely. He looked up at her
unsure what to say in reply. "You opened my eyes to a lot of things
Hawkeye, showed me that a life existed outside the army, a wonderful life
that I was missing out on. You helped me through some of the lowest
points in my life, the divorce, the war. You gave me independence! You
taught me how to be me!"
"Well, I don't know if you can credit me with all that" he said
bashfully. "You did it all on your own Margaret. Let's not forget I was
the jerk that made your life hell at every opportunity during those early
days!"
"Well that is true but I did kinda ask for it too, I did try my best to
make things unpleasant for you as well!"
"That is also true! But still, I feel I should apologise. Some of those
stunts were pretty low. I want you to know it was nothing personal, just
the effects of war... and Frank Burns. He made me want to do all those
things as well!"
Margaret just laughed. He seemed different. He was the same person of
course but it was like the edge had worn off his personality. He wasn't
as loud, or cheeky as he had been. She had been expecting a rash of come-
ons and one-liners to be thrown at her but instead he was polite and
pleasant to talk to.
She figured a lot of what he was in Korea was put-on, that it wasn't
really him just this Hawkeye character. He always worked so hard to keep
everyone's spirits up that he never left his real self, that more
vulnerable side show through. But from time to time she had seen a little
of it. Anytime he would talk of his mother, that time in the cave, and
especially towards the end when he had to be taken away. That day still
stood so clearly in her memory. Her heart broke that day, seeing the man
she loved, her rock, reduced to a babbling mad man. Watching them dope
him up before they took him away, not sure if she'd ever see him again!
She was sure she had lost him forever but in true Hawkeye spirit he came
back, though clearly he had been damaged.
"But seriously, I am sorry. No one deserved the hell I gave you..., except
Frank Burns!" he added after a small pause.
Margaret snapped back to reality. "No love loss there then!"
"For Frank Burns? You gotta be kidding!" he smirked.
"Well as far as I'm concerned it's all water under the bridge anyway. All
forgotten... except that time you and B.J. ran my underwear up the flag
poll. That was a horrible thing to do!" she said without malice.
"Ah yeah" he cringed, "But that was because you squealed to Colonel
Potter on us! It was a nasty thing to do I admit, a blanket apology on
behalf of B.J. and I!"
"Wouldn't have been so bad if ye hadn't included my tiger skin undies!"
Hawkeye left out a roar at this, "That's right" he sniggered "Have you
still got those? Hey, you remember that time..." he thought twice about
what he was going to say and instead said "ah... no!"
"What?" she cried "What, what, what, what?"
"No I can't!"
"Oh come on you have to tell me now!"
"Alright, but if the army ever found out I'd be up that certain creek you
understand?"
"Scout's honour, I won't tell a soul!" she said raising her right hand.
"Well you remember Captain Tuttle?" he began.
Hawkeye told Margaret the whole story about the infamous Captain Tuttle.
"You mean that fine, patriotic American was just a figment of all our
imaginations? I don't believe it. The stunts you two used to get away
with!"
All throughout lunch Hawkeye and Margaret recounted their favourite
memories of the old 4077th. By the end they were in hysterics with tears
streaming down their faces, especially after Hawkeye told her the story
behind the mysterious disappearance of Henry's one hundred year old oak
desk.
"We had to cut the wall off in order to get the damn thing out!" he cried
amid spouts of laughter. Margaret couldn't speak she was laughing so
hard. They were beginning to attract attention from the other restaurant
goers but neither one cared. This was the most either one of them had
laughed in the whole year since Korea.
"Hey, remember when I stole yours and B.J.'s bathrobes from the shower?"
she said raising an eyebrow.
"Oh yeah, that was not funny at all missy!"
"You're right, it was hilarious!" she screamed.
"Oh yeah very funny!" he said slyly. "And to think you used to call me
the pervert and there you were organising a peep show for the whole
nursing staff!"
"Well it was a long time coming to ye!" she grinned childishly at him.
"I guess I can't fight you on that" he replied finally calming down after
all the laughing. "I gotta tell you Margaret, I haven't laughed that hard
in a long time!"
"Me neither" she agreed wiping away tears. "I guess we had better get the
bill and leave before they throw us out!"
"Good idea, lunch is on me!" With that he proceeded to the cashier to pay
the bill. Margaret watched him as he walked away, a smile still planted
firmly on her face. He looked good. He was wearing faded blue jeans and a
dark blue T-shirt. She could see that he had been working out. The
muscles on his arms were well toned and his skin had a nice healthy tan.
He looked gorgeous. Civilian life so obviously suited him.
They exited the restaurant, Hawkeye carrying her bags. Margaret was
unsure what to do next. Should she grab a taxi and call it a day? But she
was having so much fun, she didn't want this day to end. She still had to
find out what he had been up to all year.
"So you said you were free all day?" she asked.
"Yeah" Hawkeye said in reply.
"Do you want to hang around a while? I could drop these home and then we
could I dunno go for a walk or just hang out or something?"
"Sounds good!" he smiled "My car's just a little down the road here, why
don't I drive us?"
"Great" she said. She wasn't sure what she was doing but it felt right
anyway. She had missed him so much she wanted to hang onto him as long as
she could today.
Hawkeye was silent as he drove to Margaret's. She would blurt out
directions now and again and he would follow. Too many thoughts circled
his mind. So far the day had been great. They were getting on so well. He
figured shouting out 'I love you' would really spoil the moment so he
refrained from doing so. Still he couldn't help but feel he was getting
signals from Margaret. She would touch him on the arm when they talked,
run her fingers through her hair. The body language all said go, go, go
but his mind was telling him to hold back a little while. We don't want
to scare the hell out of her! No, now that he had found her again he was
going to be careful not to stuff things up. You had one shot with
Margaret, hurt her once and that was it! He was just hoping he hadn't
already used that shot up that night in the hut!
"Here we are, over there on the left!"
Hawkeye pulled over and switched off the engine.
"You coming in?" she asked noticing he was miles away.
"Oh, yeah, sure!" he said pulling himself out of another daydream.
Hawkeye followed Margaret inside and over towards the elevator. When it
opened he saw it was one of those tiny elevators that could barely take
two people. Looking at it he suddenly began to panic. "What is it?"
Margaret asked seeing his reluctance to follow her.
"Ah, do you mind if I take the stairs?"
"Hawkeye I live on the tenth floor!"
"It's ok, I think I'm fit enough to make it. There's just no way I'm
getting in that!"
It suddenly dawned on Margaret what was going on, his claustrophobia!
"Of course, I'm so sorry I forgot. Come on we'll take the stairs!"
"No, there's no reason you have to, I'll meet you above, tenth floor
right?"
"Hawkeye don't be silly, I'll walk up with you! Don't worry, I've been
working out too, I think I can make it!"
After the long trudge upstairs they were finally standing outside
Margaret's apartment door.
"I'm so sorry about that, I just can't stand elevators at the best of
times but when I saw the size of that thing I just thought no way!"
"It's ok, I'm not claustrophobic at all but even I find that elevator
uncomfortable! Could you imagine if it broke down while you were in it?"
"Yes, being claustrophobic I have considered that possibility" he said
with a sarcastic tone.
"Right" she laughed, "Sorry, maybe we should change the subject"
"Good idea!" he agreed.
"Well here we are, chez Margaret Houlihan!" she declared swinging the
door open. It was a bit stiff and needed a kick to get it open.
All Hawkeye could think as he walked in after her was 'don't screw this
up!'
A year had passed since Hawkeye made that first telephone call to Sidney.
A lot had changed in that time. Karen was married and living in Portland.
He really missed not having her around to talk to, sure she rang all the
time but it wasn't the same. Toby's wife was pregnant with their second
child and Brian was madly in love with a Portuguese woman he met while
holidaying in Las Vegas. "I'm going to marry her you know" he would say
to Hawkeye. "I know, I know, you've only said so like a hundred times
since you got back!" Hawkeye would say in exasperation.
He was delighted for them all on the outside but he couldn't help but
feel jealous inside. Their happiness only served to remind him of how
alone he still was. For him it had been a long year in which his life
hadn't really moved on that much. The battle with alcohol had been
tougher than he had imagined but he did it. He hadn't touched a drop in
nearly five months.
Physically, he was in better shape than he had ever been. Nina had been
like a mother hen making sure he was eating properly. His father would
force him out of the bed each morning after which he would go for a run
before breakfast. He also pulled out his old weights from his college
days. He was fit and it felt good. The added weight together with his
daily workouts gave him more confidence. His strength was all coming back
both physically and mentally. Although he was still quite thin, his
muscles were well toned and the nice bright summer had given him a
healthy glow. In the eyes of the town's people, he was looking more like
himself everyday.
Night time however was a different story. He still wasn't sleeping. He
even took Sidney's suggestion of yoga, but it didn't work, he just felt
foolish. His mind was still very much in torment. Night after night the
war would invade his dreams. He resigned himself to the fact that that
was the way it was going to be for him from now on, he would just have to
live with it.
He was doing a good job at fooling everybody into thinking he was his old
self. He was pleasant, witty and charming. He began working alongside his
father in the practice, lightning the load as it were. At first people
were reluctant to see him, preferring his father's service. But then one
night he became the hero of the town again when he came upon a car that
had been driven into a ditch. Saving the lives of the two occupants of
the car had restored people's faith in him and now business was booming
for the Pierces.
So as far as everyone was concerned those first few awkward months with
Hawkeye were long forgotten and they had since found someone else to
gossip about.
For Hawkeye, everyday, it was an effort just getting out of bed. He would
put on his false face and smile for everyone while all the time inside,
he was in pieces.
He was still seeing Sidney, but only once a month now. He was learning to
live with the pain and Sidney was happy with his progress. He was also
still taking the pills he had been prescribed for his depression though
not as often. Life had improved some bit, in fact apart from the insomnia
he found he could make it through each day quite easily, as long as he
kept dancing! This immediately made him think of B.J. B.J. had once told
him you could go without sleep for two weeks as long as you kept dancing!
"Well it's been over twelve months now Beej and I'm still dancing!" he
smiled to himself.
B.J. had in fact made contact with Hawkeye over the telephone about five
months after the war ended. He sounded great. Hawkeye was delighted to
hear from him. He was surprised at how open B.J. had been about his
feelings. He told Hawkeye everything. He too had been having nightmares,
and it had been pretty tough with Erin too at first. It killed him that
she was so shy around him, that he had to get to know his own daughter
all over again. This gave Hawkeye the ability to share some of his
feelings too. He told B.J. that he'd given up the booze. B.J. was
surprised but congratulated his friend on doing so. He kept inviting
Hawkeye over to Millvalley and they promised to meet up before the year
was out.
"I know, we'll have a reunion! All the gang" he would say in that excited
manner. Hawkeye knew once he got this way there was no talking to him.
"Even Frank Burns?" Hawkeye said trying to sound disinterested.
"No of course not! But it would be great wouldn't it? We'd get together
and relieve all the old times"
"What, stick a few tents in the backyard and get Charles' gamekeeper to
shoot at us?" Hawkeye said sarcastically.
"Fine if sarcasm is all I'm gonna get from you I'll organise it myself.
But you would come wouldn't you?"
"Mmm" Hawkeye was humming and hawing at the other end.
"You have to come, even if it means me flying out there and dragging you
back with me!"
"Yeah, well I guess it would be good to see them all again" Hawkeye was
playing it cool on the outside but inside part of him grew very excited
about the prospect of seeing Margaret again. Of course then there was
that insecure part of him that shouted, 'wake up ya ninny! She doesn't
want to know you!'
"Great" B.J. replied. Hawkeye could picture a big cheesy grin underneath
that cheesy moustache. "I know you always respond well to threats!"
"OK so you got your way. There is one condition however!"
"I'm not shaving my moustache!" B.J. cut back.
"How did you know I was going to say that?"
"Because that's what you always say, every time we talk its 'have you
shaved that cheesy moustache off yet!'"
And so it went on back and forth. The two men had reconnected and now it
was like they had never been parted. Hawkeye figured that it was all talk
with B.J. and that this reunion would never happen. For one thing no-one
had heard from Klinger or Fr. Mulcahay, both were probably still in
Korea. And also no-one knew where Margaret was. She had dropped
completely out of contact. Hawkeye thought it was just him but apart from
ringing Colonel Potter once a few months ago no-one had heard from her.
He figured part of his inner turmoil had to do with her. He was still in
love with her. Everyone in the Cove was surprised to see that he had
changed his womanising ways. In fact he had gone the complete opposite.
He didn't date at all.
"Hawkeye" his father would say in that tone Hawkeye knew only too well,
the 'we have to talk' tone.
"Yes dad" he said as he leafed through a medical journal. Although he
wasn't a practicing surgeon anymore he still liked to keep up to date,
just in case.
"We have to talk!"
Here it comes! He said in his mind. Hawkeye just looked at his father
with a bored expression. He had a pretty good idea what this was about.
"You've been home a year now, when are you going to start dating again?"
"Dad we've been through this. I'll start dating as soon as a woman I want
to date comes along!"
"When is that going to happen? This place is full of nice girls, surly
one of them is worth a shot!"
"Dad, I know there are lots of nice girls out there, I've seen them. They
just don't have what I'm looking for!"
"I've never known you to be fussy!"
"Dad" he said exasperated "I'm not in love with any of these women. I
will never fall in love with them so therefore I am not going to date
them, OK?"
"Alright no need to get tetchy"
"I'm not getting tetchy!"
"Yes you are!"
"Dad"
"OK I'm sorry. I'm just worried about you. All your friends are settling
down. They don't seem to have a problem with the girls around here..."
"Dad" Hawkeye said in a warning tone.
"I just don't want to see you end up alone Ben. You deserve to be happy,
you deserve to be loved!"
"I know Dad. That's exactly why I'm not going out to settle down with the
first nice girl I happen to meet. I want to make sure she's the one you
know?"
"OK. Just don't take too long. Once you reach my age, girls tend to lose
their interest. Those good looks of yours won't last forever!"
"Thanks Dad!" Hawkeye said in an unappreciated tone.
"Oh you know what I mean"
Daniel decided now was a good time to leave, he could tell he was
crossing that line and was coming dangerously close to really pissing
Hawkeye off. Hawkeye just smiled to himself as he watched his father
leave. "Parents" he thought shaking his head, "They never stop worrying
do they!"
****************************************************************
Then one day it happened, purely by chance, twist of fate, or maybe
coincidence? Hawkeye was in Boston sussing out prices for medical
supplies. He felt their current supplier was ripping them off. It was
approaching lunch time when he arrived and he decided to stop for a bite
to eat before continuing his quest. He loved Boston, it was his favourite
city in the world. He passed by all the old haunts that he and Trapper
used to frequent in the old days. Crazy times! he thought to himself.
Maybe I should drop by Beacon Hill, see if Charles is around! Wouldn't he
just love to see me coming!
He was about to cross the street when from behind him he heard an
unmerciful string of swearing pouring out of a young woman's mouth. Hang
on a sec, I know that voice... "It can't be" he said as he turned to see
who it was.
"It is!" he said in disbelief. There, kneeling over a bag of spilt
groceries, cursing for all she was worth was Margaret Houlihan.
Hawkeye stood watching her for a moment unsure if he was just
hallucinating. She wore a light summer dress that made his knees shake.
Slowly he walked towards her, watching her golden hair rise and fall with
the gentle breeze. He stood over her for a moment not sure what to do
next. Finally he simply said, "Need a hand?"
Margaret froze. That voice made the hairs on her neck stand on end. Only
one person spoke like that but it couldn't possibly be could it? Slowly
she tilted her head upwards. There before her stood all six foot two
inches of Hawkeye Pierce, the man who had gone from being a major pain in
the ass to a major pain in the heart for her in Korea. This was the man
she loved.
"Hawkeye?" she croaked eventually in disbelief.
"Hello Margaret" he smiled. That smile! She had so missed the way he used
to smile at her. "Had a bit of an accident had we?" he said as he bent
down to help her.
"Och yeah, these stupid bags, they always tare!"
"Not to worry we'll soon have it cleared up" he said reaching out to
gather up her groceries.
She stayed watching him, his face not more than a foot from her own. She
felt like she was in a trance, unable to move and still not believing her
eyes. He looked good, better than he had looked for a while. Towards the
end of the war you could tell he was worn out, it showed in his eyes, in
the way he hardly ever bothered to shave. But today, he looked good, he
looked very good.
He straightened his head so his eyes met hers, he still had that
infectious smile across his face. "Do I get a hug?" he asked as he looked
deep into her eyes. Margaret snapped out of her trance and managed a
smile before being enveloped in his strong arms. She folded her arms
across his shoulders as the tension slowly left her body. "I've missed
you!" she said warmly. "I've missed you too!" Hawkeye said loosening his
grip so he could take a closer look at her. "You look as beautiful as
ever" he said.
"Thank you, you don't look so bad yourself!" she replied, blushing
slightly. "It's so good to see you!" she said finally looking straight
into those wide blue eyes. Oh boy, they still made her melt even after
all this time.
"It's good to see you too!" he said standing up. "I was wondering what
had become of you!"
They were both now standing and acting like a pair of shy school kids.
Reluctantly Hawkeye let go of her and bent down to pick up her bags. He
still couldn't believe he had just run into her like this, it had to be
fate!
"So what are you doing here in Boston?" he asked hoping the answer
wouldn't involve words like 'married' and 'with child'.
"I live here now!" she said taking one of the bags from him.
"No kidding. For how long?" he said in surprise.
"About four months now!"
"I can't believe we've been living so close together all along. I come to
Boston all the time and I've never seen you!"
"Until today!"
"Right!" he laughed.
"Hey listen" she said unsurely, "I was just going to grab some lunch,
would you like to join me?"
"I'd love to!" he said.
"That is unless of course you're busy"
"I'd love to!" He said again but Margaret wasn't listening.
"I mean if you are well maybe then we could do it some other day. It's
just it'd be nice to catch up and... what?"
"I said I'd love to. I've got the whole day free!"
"Oh, well, excellent. Let's go then. There's a nice little restaurant I
go to, it's just up the road here. They do the nicest spaghetti
bolognese!"
"They do huh? Well you haven't tasted mine then. I cook the best damn
spag bol you'll ever taste!" he declared.
"Oh you do eh? Well I guess you'll have to give me a sample some day.
It's the only way I'll know for sure." She was beginning to relax now and
smiled as she walked with him.
"You're on" he said putting an arm around her shoulder, "It's all in the
sauce you know!"
*****************************************************************
They sat by the window of the restaurant directly opposite each other.
There was an awkward silence at first as Hawkeye stared out the window
and Margaret played with her glass of water.
"So tell me, what's knew with you? Any um boyfriends or husbands I don't
know about?" he said nervously.
She was taken aback by the directness of his question. Hawkeye did always
like to get straight to the heart of things where she was concerned. She
noticed he immediately broke eye contact with her as if he was sorry he'd
asked. She had never seen him shy away before, this was new.
"No, well, no-one special anyway." She was trying to be evasive. "As for
husbands! You think I'd be crazy enough to marry that fast again?" she
said. Her smile took the edge off the conversation and Hawkeye felt able
to relax again. He was mentally kicking himself for starting with such a
stupid question.
"No I don't suppose you would!" he said quietly while he stirred his
water with a straw.
"What about you? Any Mrs. Pierces on the horizon?"
"Ah... well...no" he said shaking his head while his eyes remained focused on
the glass of water in front of him.
"No one?" she said trying to look into his eyes.
He shook his head once more in confirmation.
"So what are you doing in Boston?" he asked looking up briefly.
"I work here, over in Boston General."
"They got army nurses working there now? I know it's a tough place to
work but really!"
She laughed at this. He could be a real goofball! "No silly, I'm not in
the army anymore!" she declared.
"What? You left the army?" he said in complete disbelief.
"That's right. I've been out just over four months now!"
"But what about your career, becoming colonel, what about Howitzer Al?
How'd he take it?"
"I am a colonel! Got promoted right after the war! As for my father! He
did not take it well at all. He doesn't like it but he's accepting it, I
think!" she said taking a sip of water.
"But why, I don't understand I thought the army was your life, how could
you just give it up like that?"
"You sound like my father!" she said stony faced but then smiled to show
she wasn't serious. "I decided it wasn't the life for me anymore. I'd
done my duty, I don't owe this country anymore. Now it's time for me. I
want to do things for me now. I don't want to have to move home every two
years, I want some place that I can call home!"
"So you chose Boston?"
"So I chose Boston, and I have not one regret either fella!" she said
confidently.
"That's great, I'm so proud of you Margaret!" he said raising his glass
to her.
Wow, she was like a new woman. That confidence he had only just started
to see in Korea now flowed out of her every pore.
"Why thank you, I'm proud of me too!" she said childishly meeting his
glass in the centre of the table.
"You seem so different, you're just so full of confidence, you're...you
just look so happy!" he blurted.
She loved to hear him praise her. Whenever Hawkeye gave praise it wasn't
the empty kind, you knew you had earned it. He never said anything he
didn't mean. That was something she always admired about him, his brutal
honesty. Even if sometimes you really didn't want to hear it, he'd always
let you know what he thought. Course it landed him in the odd court
martial from time to time but somehow he always seemed to escape in the
end.
"I owe most of this to you!" she said sincerely. He looked up at her
unsure what to say in reply. "You opened my eyes to a lot of things
Hawkeye, showed me that a life existed outside the army, a wonderful life
that I was missing out on. You helped me through some of the lowest
points in my life, the divorce, the war. You gave me independence! You
taught me how to be me!"
"Well, I don't know if you can credit me with all that" he said
bashfully. "You did it all on your own Margaret. Let's not forget I was
the jerk that made your life hell at every opportunity during those early
days!"
"Well that is true but I did kinda ask for it too, I did try my best to
make things unpleasant for you as well!"
"That is also true! But still, I feel I should apologise. Some of those
stunts were pretty low. I want you to know it was nothing personal, just
the effects of war... and Frank Burns. He made me want to do all those
things as well!"
Margaret just laughed. He seemed different. He was the same person of
course but it was like the edge had worn off his personality. He wasn't
as loud, or cheeky as he had been. She had been expecting a rash of come-
ons and one-liners to be thrown at her but instead he was polite and
pleasant to talk to.
She figured a lot of what he was in Korea was put-on, that it wasn't
really him just this Hawkeye character. He always worked so hard to keep
everyone's spirits up that he never left his real self, that more
vulnerable side show through. But from time to time she had seen a little
of it. Anytime he would talk of his mother, that time in the cave, and
especially towards the end when he had to be taken away. That day still
stood so clearly in her memory. Her heart broke that day, seeing the man
she loved, her rock, reduced to a babbling mad man. Watching them dope
him up before they took him away, not sure if she'd ever see him again!
She was sure she had lost him forever but in true Hawkeye spirit he came
back, though clearly he had been damaged.
"But seriously, I am sorry. No one deserved the hell I gave you..., except
Frank Burns!" he added after a small pause.
Margaret snapped back to reality. "No love loss there then!"
"For Frank Burns? You gotta be kidding!" he smirked.
"Well as far as I'm concerned it's all water under the bridge anyway. All
forgotten... except that time you and B.J. ran my underwear up the flag
poll. That was a horrible thing to do!" she said without malice.
"Ah yeah" he cringed, "But that was because you squealed to Colonel
Potter on us! It was a nasty thing to do I admit, a blanket apology on
behalf of B.J. and I!"
"Wouldn't have been so bad if ye hadn't included my tiger skin undies!"
Hawkeye left out a roar at this, "That's right" he sniggered "Have you
still got those? Hey, you remember that time..." he thought twice about
what he was going to say and instead said "ah... no!"
"What?" she cried "What, what, what, what?"
"No I can't!"
"Oh come on you have to tell me now!"
"Alright, but if the army ever found out I'd be up that certain creek you
understand?"
"Scout's honour, I won't tell a soul!" she said raising her right hand.
"Well you remember Captain Tuttle?" he began.
Hawkeye told Margaret the whole story about the infamous Captain Tuttle.
"You mean that fine, patriotic American was just a figment of all our
imaginations? I don't believe it. The stunts you two used to get away
with!"
All throughout lunch Hawkeye and Margaret recounted their favourite
memories of the old 4077th. By the end they were in hysterics with tears
streaming down their faces, especially after Hawkeye told her the story
behind the mysterious disappearance of Henry's one hundred year old oak
desk.
"We had to cut the wall off in order to get the damn thing out!" he cried
amid spouts of laughter. Margaret couldn't speak she was laughing so
hard. They were beginning to attract attention from the other restaurant
goers but neither one cared. This was the most either one of them had
laughed in the whole year since Korea.
"Hey, remember when I stole yours and B.J.'s bathrobes from the shower?"
she said raising an eyebrow.
"Oh yeah, that was not funny at all missy!"
"You're right, it was hilarious!" she screamed.
"Oh yeah very funny!" he said slyly. "And to think you used to call me
the pervert and there you were organising a peep show for the whole
nursing staff!"
"Well it was a long time coming to ye!" she grinned childishly at him.
"I guess I can't fight you on that" he replied finally calming down after
all the laughing. "I gotta tell you Margaret, I haven't laughed that hard
in a long time!"
"Me neither" she agreed wiping away tears. "I guess we had better get the
bill and leave before they throw us out!"
"Good idea, lunch is on me!" With that he proceeded to the cashier to pay
the bill. Margaret watched him as he walked away, a smile still planted
firmly on her face. He looked good. He was wearing faded blue jeans and a
dark blue T-shirt. She could see that he had been working out. The
muscles on his arms were well toned and his skin had a nice healthy tan.
He looked gorgeous. Civilian life so obviously suited him.
They exited the restaurant, Hawkeye carrying her bags. Margaret was
unsure what to do next. Should she grab a taxi and call it a day? But she
was having so much fun, she didn't want this day to end. She still had to
find out what he had been up to all year.
"So you said you were free all day?" she asked.
"Yeah" Hawkeye said in reply.
"Do you want to hang around a while? I could drop these home and then we
could I dunno go for a walk or just hang out or something?"
"Sounds good!" he smiled "My car's just a little down the road here, why
don't I drive us?"
"Great" she said. She wasn't sure what she was doing but it felt right
anyway. She had missed him so much she wanted to hang onto him as long as
she could today.
Hawkeye was silent as he drove to Margaret's. She would blurt out
directions now and again and he would follow. Too many thoughts circled
his mind. So far the day had been great. They were getting on so well. He
figured shouting out 'I love you' would really spoil the moment so he
refrained from doing so. Still he couldn't help but feel he was getting
signals from Margaret. She would touch him on the arm when they talked,
run her fingers through her hair. The body language all said go, go, go
but his mind was telling him to hold back a little while. We don't want
to scare the hell out of her! No, now that he had found her again he was
going to be careful not to stuff things up. You had one shot with
Margaret, hurt her once and that was it! He was just hoping he hadn't
already used that shot up that night in the hut!
"Here we are, over there on the left!"
Hawkeye pulled over and switched off the engine.
"You coming in?" she asked noticing he was miles away.
"Oh, yeah, sure!" he said pulling himself out of another daydream.
Hawkeye followed Margaret inside and over towards the elevator. When it
opened he saw it was one of those tiny elevators that could barely take
two people. Looking at it he suddenly began to panic. "What is it?"
Margaret asked seeing his reluctance to follow her.
"Ah, do you mind if I take the stairs?"
"Hawkeye I live on the tenth floor!"
"It's ok, I think I'm fit enough to make it. There's just no way I'm
getting in that!"
It suddenly dawned on Margaret what was going on, his claustrophobia!
"Of course, I'm so sorry I forgot. Come on we'll take the stairs!"
"No, there's no reason you have to, I'll meet you above, tenth floor
right?"
"Hawkeye don't be silly, I'll walk up with you! Don't worry, I've been
working out too, I think I can make it!"
After the long trudge upstairs they were finally standing outside
Margaret's apartment door.
"I'm so sorry about that, I just can't stand elevators at the best of
times but when I saw the size of that thing I just thought no way!"
"It's ok, I'm not claustrophobic at all but even I find that elevator
uncomfortable! Could you imagine if it broke down while you were in it?"
"Yes, being claustrophobic I have considered that possibility" he said
with a sarcastic tone.
"Right" she laughed, "Sorry, maybe we should change the subject"
"Good idea!" he agreed.
"Well here we are, chez Margaret Houlihan!" she declared swinging the
door open. It was a bit stiff and needed a kick to get it open.
All Hawkeye could think as he walked in after her was 'don't screw this
up!'
