Chapter 10 -Dad, meet Margaret
"Is that yours?" Hawkeye asked pointing to the suitcase that rested on
the front porch.
"Yeah, I came straight here so I didn't have the chance to check into a
motel!"
"So you're sticking around for a while?" he asked in surprise.
"I took a week off work, just in case!" she smiled.
"Great! And forget about checking into a motel, we've plenty of space
here!"
"Are you sure your father wouldn't mind?"
"Are you kidding? He'll be delighted to have a female presence in the
house. You can have the guest room, or if you'd prefer you could always
share with me?" he said with that cheeky glint in his eyes.
"You'd like that wouldn't you! The guest room will do fine!"
"Ok but I'll live to regret it!" He said as he lifted the suitcase
inside. "Good Lord Margaret! You did say it was one week didn't you?"
"Yes!" she said confused.
"Well what on earth is in this case it weighs a tonne?"
"Oh you know, girl stuff!" she said throwing him a seductive smile.
Margaret stood for a moment in the semi-darkness of the hall. Then slowly
she made her way deeper into the house. It definitely had a very strong
male presence. There was a lot of old furniture that Margaret reckoned
had been handed down through the generations. Although the absence of a
female presence was evident, the house had a very warm atmosphere. There
was a lot of love in this house but there must also be a lot of pain
hidden in those walls somewhere she thought to herself. She could never
imagine what it must have been like to lose a mother. Even now she
couldn't imagine her life without her own mother.
"In here!" Hawkeye called from the living-room. "You have a seat there
and I'll get the fire on!" he said pointing to the sofa. "Here put this
around you!" Margaret took the blanket from Hawkeye and wrapped herself
up securely. She took a look around her. The room was wall to wall with
books. The furniture seemed old but was in good condition. She noticed
that there seemed to be very few photographs around. There was one on the
wall of Hawkeye holding his diploma and one or two more of people she
didn't recognise, probably cousins or something.
"Looks like I'll have to go chop some wood!" Hawkeye said as he knelt by
the fireplace.
Margaret followed him to the back porch keeping the blanket wrapped
around her. She watched as he chopped a few pieces of wood out of the
pile of logs that lay at the side of the yard. She felt as though she had
stepped into another world. Life in the country was very different from
anything she had ever experienced. Hawkeye was very different when he was
at home. She couldn't put her finger on it, he just seemed more
comfortable in himself. He was always trying to be entertaining in front
of her friends in Boston but here, here he was just himself.
"Hawkeye, who was that woman working in your father's place?"
"Ah, you've met the charming Nina I see!" he laughed. "Don't worry, her
bark is a lot worse than her bite!"
"She certainly is a bit ah..."
"Overpowering?" he offered.
"Yeah, I guess that's the word! She speaks very highly of you!"
"Does that surprise you? I'm a very likeable guy you know!" he said as he
brought the axe down hard on another piece of wood.
"Yes I've noticed that!"
"She's a bit protective of me. She kinda filled in for my mother I guess
when I was growing up. She seems a bit bad tempered I know but underneath
it all she has a heart of gold! Well, that ought to be enough" he said
straightening his back. "Let's get back inside!"
Hawkeye had the fire blazing in minutes and Margaret was already
beginning to feel warmer. "Would you like a hot drink, we've got it all,
tea, coffee, some of Nina's herbal stuff which I wouldn't recommend, or
hot chocolate? Or something stronger? How about a scotch?"
"A scotch would be great!"
"Here you go" he said handing her the glass as he took a seat beside her.
"You're not having one?" she asked.
"Ah no!" he said as he took her in his arms. "Actually I don't touch the
stuff now!"
"What? You don't drink at all?" she said sceptically.
Hawkeye shook his head.
"Not even beer?"
"Nope!" he said.
"How come?"
"I didn't like the way it made me feel anymore. Out in Korea it felt like
we had a reason to drink but here... I just couldn't justify it anymore,
and I had started to abuse it a bit!"
"How do you mean?"
"I'm not an alcoholic" he said looking at her defensively "I just started
to drink too much of the stuff, it wasn't healthy, so I stopped!"
"Its ok, I'm not accusing you! Just as long as you're happy!"
"Oh believe me baby there isn't a man in this world that's happier than
me right now!"
She leaned in to kiss him again. She loved the way he kissed, it was
soft, tender, yet full of passion. Hawkeye met her lips, they tasted so
sweet. He had kissed a lot of women in his time but somehow Margaret was
different. She reciprocated him in every way. His hands began to wander
as hers stayed cupped around his head. She pulled back slightly
"Hawkeye?"
"Yes" he replied as he moved to her neck. God that felt good! She wanted
so much to rip off his clothes but resisted, "Can we talk?"
Hawkeye pulled back and looked suspiciously into her eyes, "You're not
planning on doing a runner again are you?" he asked.
"No of course not, it's just...can we take things slowly? This is all
happening so fast. I don't want to mess things up!" she looked at him
pleadingly.
"Margaret, you can't mess this up!" he tried to sound reassuring.
"It's just that so many of my relationships have started off in bed and
ended in disaster, I want it to be different this time."
"So you're saying...no sex?"
"Well, no, not altogether, just not right away!"
"But there will be sometime?"
Margaret laughed at his expression. He looked like a wounded puppy dog.
"Yes, of course!"
Hawkeye considered this for a moment, then nodding his head said "Ok, we
wait, until you're ready! I can do that! I don't want to mess this up
either you know!"
"Thank you" she smiled.
"So how long would we be talking about here a few days, maybe a week?" he
asked.
She shot two very cool eyes back at him.
"I'm kidding, I'm kidding!" he said putting his hands up in an innocent
gesture.
"Honestly Margaret, I'll wait however long! We'll take each day as it
comes!" he said gazing lovingly into her eyes. "Now where were we?" he
said as he closed the gap between them. Margaret started giggling as he
nuzzled her neck and then let herself go, completely at his mercy.
*******************************************************************
"Ben, you here?" came Daniel's voice from the hall. "Down boy" he said as
he put a hand out to fend off an excited Harry who had come to greet him.
"Ben?"
"In the kitchen dad! Hey come here, I want you to meet somebody!" Hawkeye
shouted.
Daniel walked into the kitchen and met with the smiling eyes of Margaret
Houlihan.
"Dad, this is Margaret. I said she could stay with us a few days, is that
ok?"
"Of course!" Daniel retorted. "So this is the famous Margaret!" he said
as he moved in to give her a peck on the cheek.
"It's lovely to finally meet you Dr. Pierce!"
"Likewise, and please, call me Dan! You were right Hawk! She is a
stunner!"
Margaret blushed.
"So what brings you to this neck of the woods?" Daniel asked as he sat
down.
Margaret looked to Hawkeye who stepped up to answer the question for her.
"Well dad, she and I are going to have a try at being together!"
"You are?"
"Yeah, I knew she'd succumb to my charms in the end!" he said as he put
an arm around her shoulder.
"Well I think it's wonderful, Margaret, welcome to the family!"
"Thank you!" Margaret said.
"What's for dinner Ben?"
"Well I thought maybe we'd all go out, as a sort of celebration. I've
been telling Margaret about the lobster and..."
"Great idea, you're going to love the lobster Margaret. Are you a fan of
shellfish?"
"Yes actually. I don't get to eat it that often."
"Well then you've come to the right place. What time is the reservation?"
Daniel inquired.
"Eight o'clock!" Hawkeye replied.
"Great, gives me plenty of time to clean myself up!" Daniel said as he
rose from the chair. "If you two will excuse me, I'm gonna pick out
something to wear!"
Daniel exited the kitchen and slowly climbed the stairs. He had a smile
firmly planted across his face. He was over the moon for Hawkeye, he just
hoped this one would last.
"He seems lovely!" Margaret said to Hawkeye. "Not too unlike his son!"
she added. Hawkeye looked up at her. He had always felt his dad left
pretty big shoes to fill in this town. There wasn't a single person that
had a bad word to say about the man. Hawkeye always felt that he would
never measure up to him. "Do you really mean that?" he asked Margaret.
"Yes! No matter what you may think about yourself Hawkeye you are a nice
person! And I don't care how long it takes someday I am going to convince
you of that!"
He smiled, very much appreciating what she had just said. Hawkeye was
never willing to admit it but B.J. had been right when he labelled him
insecure. The only place Hawkeye ever felt truly confident was the
operating room, and he had even been robbed of that in the end.
"Would you like to get ready? The iron is down in the basement if you
need it!"
"Yes I suppose I could. What should I wear? Is it formal?"
"Well I doubt we'll ever bump into the Winchesters' there but wear
something nice anyway, just for me!" he said as he pushed a lock of hair
from her eyes.
"I'll dress up if you will?" she added tugging at his belt. She loved it
when he got dressed up, he looked so handsome in a suit.
"Deal!" he said, kissing her forehead.
*******************************************************************
Daniel was ready first and was waiting patiently in the living room.
Margaret came down a short time after. She was wearing a long black dress
that showed off her curves and a little cleavage. She knew it would be
right up Hawkeye's alley.
Hawkeye was the last to be ready. He had to wait until Margaret was
finished in the bathroom before he could go in.
"Oh my, you look beautiful Margaret!" Daniel said as she came into the
room.
"Thank you!" she smiled. She was really amazed at the difference between
Hawkeye and his father. He did not look at all as she had expected. He
was a good few inches smaller and of a narrow build. His hair was thick
and white. He didn't look his age at all with only a few telling wrinkles
around his eyes. His skin was paler, not the sallow complexion that
Hawkeye had. She guessed that he must have gotten most of his looks from
his mother's side. Except the eyes and the smile, they were very
evidently his father's she noted as Daniel now smiled in front of her.
"What would you like to do while we wait?" he asked.
"Oh I don't know. I'm sure he won't be long will he?"
"Are you kidding? He's worse than any woman when it comes to getting
ready! Likes to make himself real handsome! In other words he's vain!"
Daniel said whispering the last part.
"You don't have to tell me at all. That was very clear while we were in
Korea!" Margaret laughed.
"I've got some family photos! Would you like to see?"
"Great!" Margaret smiled.
"He'll kill me for this!" Daniel said as he left out an evil chuckle.
******************************************************************
Ten minutes later Hawkeye casually walked down the stairs. He found them
both in the living room, Margaret laughing gaily.
"Oh God! Not the family album!" he sighed. Margaret was still laughing as
he went to take a closer look, "Oh goody" he said sarcastically, "You've
gotten to the nudey ones!"
"Aaw, that's so cute!" Margaret sighed.
"Can we go now!" Hawkeye piped up.
"Oh but we haven't gotten to the ones with the sailor suit yet!" Daniel
said childishly.
Hawkeye stared quietly at his father.
"Uh oh! If looks could kill I'd be a dead man now!" Daniel said to
Margaret as he gathered up the photos and placed them back in the box.
"I'll just get my coat!" he said.
Margaret wiped the tears away from her eyes and took a look at Hawkeye
for the first time. "You look very handsome!" she said still smirking. He
was wearing a black suit with an open neck white shirt. That little bit
of rebellion was still in him she thought as she noted the absence of a
tie. He looked gorgeous, black suited him but the white shirt looked
extremely well against the backdrop of his tanned skin.
"Thank you, I try my best!" he said confidently. "Now stand up so I can
get a better you at you my lady!" he said taking her hand.
He gave her a wolf whistle as she twirled in front of him. "That is one
sexy looking outfit" he said as his lips grazed her ear. She was wearing
the set of pearls that he had given her.
"Alrighty, let's go!" Daniel said as he returned with his coat.
**************************************************************
They had just sat down to eat when a telephone call came requesting a
doctor.
"It amazes me how they always seem to be able to find me!" Daniel sighed.
"Oh come on dad, if you're not at home you're at the bar playing cards,
and if you're not there you're here! Of course they know how to reach
you, you're too predictable!"
"Actually Hawk, the lady is requesting you!" the waiter said to Hawkeye.
"Oh, it must be Sheila!" Hawkeye said to his father as he got up to take
the call.
"Sorry about this Margaret!" Daniel said.
"Oh its ok, I'm well used to being around doctors, I know it's a twenty-
four hour job!" she replied.
"This Sheila is a single mother. She has an awful lot of trouble with her
eight year old son, he can get a bit violent at times for no reason,
tares the place apart.!"
"How awful!"
"Yeah I know. Hawkeye's the only one that can calm him down. He's got
some kind of connection with the kid. Somehow he can get through to him
when no one else can!"
"Do they know what is wrong with him?"
"No, they've taken him to psychiatrist after psychiatrist, no one can put
a label on it. Poor woman, her husband left her after Sam, that's the
kid's name, got too much to handle. As you can imagine she depends a
great deal on Hawkeye's help."
"That's so awful, the way a man can just abandon his family like that!"
"Sorry folks I'm gonna have to go. Sam's acting up again, he has the
kitchen wrecked and is now working his way through the living room! I'll
probably be a while" Hawkeye looked at Margaret apologetically.
"That's ok, gives Margaret and I more time to get to know each other
right?"
"Right, we'll be ok Ben!" Margaret said.
Hawkeye gave her a strange look. "That's the first time you've called me
that! Anyway I'd better be off. Bye, love you!" he said kissing her on
the lips.
"Oh, I love you too son!" Daniel said jokingly.
"I'm still mad at you for this evenings little slide show" he said waving
a finger at Daniel.
******************************************************************
Daniel and Margaret talked all throughout the meal, mainly about what she
had been up to with herself and memories of Korea. Daniel asked her about
what had happened to Hawkeye out there, about why he ended up in a
psychiatric hospital. He hadn't dared broach the subject with his son.
"It's hard to pin it down to one specific thing, you have to realise we
were under constant pressure over there, and you know Hawkeye, he takes
everything so personally." she said sidestepping the question.
"But something must have happened?"
Margaret shook her head, "He just snapped. I really don't think I should
be the one telling you this Daniel!"
"You're right, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put you in an awkward
position. I just worry about him you know!"
"It's ok, I understand. Truth is a lot of things happened out there,
Henry got killed, then Trapper left shortly after. They were all very
close friends I know it really affected him. The trouble with Hawkeye is
that you never know how he really feels 'cause he masks all his feelings
with humour and stupid stunts! I don't know if he has ever really grieved
for Henry. Things like that can build up inside a person. I think that's
what happened in the end, all these little things that happened to him
out there built up until he finally snapped!" Margaret didn't want to
mention the baby. She felt it was Hawkeye's place to tell his father not
hers.
"I guess so. He just always seems so strong like he could handle
anything. I just don't know what goes on in his head anymore Margaret.
It's like the war has put this gap between us, we don't seem to be able
to talk like we used to! I guess I have myself to blame."
"You can't blame yourself for the way he is, he's a grown man!"
"Yeah, but he learned all those masking tricks from me! I never told him
his mother was dying you know? I just couldn't do it. How do you explain
something like that to a ten year old kid? I know he's still cut up about
that. Trouble is I was never very open to him about my feelings. I kept
on trying to be strong for him. As a result to this day, he still keeps
everything locked up inside. I never showed him how to open up!" Daniel's
voice cracked a little as he fought to maintain control of his emotions.
"I know he thinks the world of you, he talked about you all the time in
Korea. I'm sure he just doesn't blame you for anything. The war is a
difficult thing to talk about, especially with people who weren't there.
Hawkeye isn't the only one who doesn't talk about it you know? I myself
have never talked to my mother about the horrible things I've seen. He
doesn't tell you because he loves you, he doesn't want to fill your head
with the horrible images we all carry around with us"
"I appreciate that but this problem we have goes back farther than the
war. Even when he was a child it was always his mother he went to first.
I think that when he was ten, we both missed out on an important
opportunity to deepen our relationship. I turned away from him and it has
affected him ever since"
Margaret was growing increasingly uncomfortable, she wasn't used to
someone being that open, especially someone who only knew her a couple of
hours. "Well then maybe you should be telling him this instead of me!
Tell him how you feel!"
"Right and I can tell you exactly what would happen, he'd make a joke, I
would smile and we'd both walk away! We've been running in that same
circle all our lives!"
"Well then it's time to break that circle. Don't blame yourself for
whatever may be wrong with Hawkeye, I can assure you it was the war that
did this to him, not you!"
"Have you any idea what it feels like to see your own child in so much
pain and know there's nothing you can do to help!" Daniel said looking
directly into her eyes. He had the same penetrating look that Hawkeye
had, that helpless puppy-dog expression.
"Nothing hurts more than the pain of a loved one!" Margaret agreed.
"And all I can do is sit there and watch. You know what he does? He'll
sit outside on the porch swing, he could be there for hours, just sitting
there not doing a thing! He won't even stay in the same room as me! I
don't know what to do Margaret!"
Margaret had no idea things were this bad in the Pierce household. She
put her hand out across the table and clasped his.
"You don't have to worry about him anymore, I'm here now and I'm gonna
take good care of him, you'll see!"
Daniel smiled, "I'm so sorry. This was supposed to be a nice meal and
I've gone and made us all depressed"
"No this was supposed to be a meal where we got to know one another
better and I think we've done that. I'm glad you could talk to me like
that, it makes me feel more welcome!"
"And welcome you are my dear. I know you're the best thing that could've
happened to him! The second you came back into his life... it was like a
miracle and that's no exaggeration! He started smiling again. You have no
idea what it means to see my boy smile again. I am so glad you changed
your mind and came out here!"
"So am I." she agreed.
"Thanks for listening to me going on like that, I didn't realise I had
so much to get off my chest! I could never talk to anyone around here
like that, not even Nina. She'd just blab it around!" Daniel laughed.
"It was my pleasure!" Margaret smiled. "Maybe you can return the favour
someday!"
********************************************************************
All in all, it had been an enjoyable meal. Margaret was beginning to
really like the elder Pierce. She could see why Hawkeye was so fond of
him, he was such a gentle, sensitive man, polite and well mannered. She
never once felt as though he was judging her. He had a lot of the
characteristics of Colonel Potter she thought, fatherly, caring and
forthcoming. She felt immediately at home in the Pierce household. Still
she thought there was a great deal of loneliness in the man. It wasn't
fair that such a good man should have been robbed of his wife like that!
It was approaching ten o'clock when they got in the door. Hawkeye was
still not home.
"You were certainly right about the shellfish here, it was delicious!"
Margaret said.
"Oh if you think that was good wait 'till you taste some of Ben's home
cooking. The kid's a whiz in the kitchen!"
"So I've heard!"
"Between you and me, I think I missed the food the most while he was
away!" Daniel said with a wink. "I'm kidding of course. But seriously he
is good! I don't know where he got it from, certainly wasn't me! It must
be the Italian blood in him! Would you like a drink?"
"No thank you I'm fine!"
"Ok, well make yourself at home anyway, if there's anything you can't
find just rummage around. I'm going to hit the sack. You need a full
nights sleep to last a full day with Nina. I believe you two met!"
"Oh yes, we met alright! I think I'll wait up for Hawkeye"
"I wouldn't bother Margaret, he could be there all night!"
"Really? Well I'll wait up a little while anyway."
"Ok, night!" Daniel said as he went up stairs.
*************************************************************
"Ok, that should do it!" Hawkeye said as he placed Sam into his bed. He
had managed to calm the child down enough to slip him a sedative.
"Thank you so much Hawkeye, I don't know how I'd do this without you!"
Sheila cried.
"You know his condition is getting worse?" She nodded in agreement.
"Listen I've got a friend who's a psychiatrist, I could give him a call?"
"We've been to psychiatrists Hawkeye, none of them can help him!"
"But this guy is very good, honest, he has years of experience. I really
think he could help you!"
"I don't know!"
"You have to get some help Shelia, you can't go on this way. When was the
last time you had a check-up?"
"I don't know, but I'm fine really. Just a little tired now and again!"
"Sheila, I think you're in terrific shape for a woman that's been through
what you have. But you can't let your health suffer. What happens if you
get really ill? What do you think will happen to Sam then? He needs you!"
"They wouldn't take him away would they?"
"Look, I don't want to scare you I'm just worried about you. Promise me
you'll drop by the office tomorrow so I can take some bloods will you?"
"Ok"
"Promise?"
"I promise!"
"Good, now let's get this place cleaned up!"
"You don't have to!"
"I know, but I want to!" He gave her a reassuring smile.
"But don't you want to be getting back to your lady-friend?"
"What... how? You've been talking to Nina haven't you?"
"Yes, she told me where I might find you tonight since you weren't home!"
It never ceased to amaze him at how fast news spread around the Cove,
then again once Nina got a hold of a piece of juicy information you may
as well publish it in the paper. The woman was an incurable gossip!
***************************************************************
It was twelve-thirty before Hawkeye got home. He hoped his father hadn't
embarrassed him too much while he was gone! He quietly opened and shut
the front door and tip-toed towards the kitchen. The faint light coming
from the living room caught his eye and he made a quick detour.
He saw Margaret sitting by the reading lamp leafing through some
photographs. "She waited up for me!" he smiled to himself.
"Hey" he said.
"Hey you're back!" she smiled as he placed a soft kiss on her forehead.
"What happened to your face?" she asked noticing a scratch across his
forehead.
"Oh its nothing, Sam just got a little violent. What are you up to?" he
said as he nestled in beside her.
"I was just looking through your photographs, you don't mind do you?"
"No" he said warmly as he snuggled into her.
"Is that your mother?" she asked holding up a photograph of a young woman
with long dark hair and the unmistakable features of Hawkeye.
"Yes" he nodded.
"She's very beautiful"
"Well you didn't think I got my good looks from my father did you?"
"Oh you!" she said, rolling her eyes.
Hawkeye took the photograph from Margaret. A wave of sadness swept across
him as his thumb gently caressed the outline of her face.
"Tell me about her?" Margaret asked noticing his change of mood.
"Um, ok! Her parents were Italian immigrants who didn't speak a word of
English. She was just a baby when they came to America. Her father
eventually started up his own restaurant in New York. Fast forward a few
years and she met my father at a conference in Manhattan. He was there as
a young medical student and she was there as part of the catering staff.
It was love at first sight for him and after chasing her for a few weeks
she agreed to a date and the rest as they say is history!"
"What kind of a person was she?" Margaret wasn't sure how far to push
things but he seemed comfortable enough talking about her.
"From what I remember she was a very strong individual. My mother could
handle anything. My father you see, he's sensitive, he bruises very
easily but she was strong. Even when she was sick she always stayed
positive though she knew she was dying. She never lost her sense of
humour or her will to live. At least that's what I've been told anyway. I
didn't actually know she was dying at the time" he said with some degree
of bitterness.
"What happened to her?" Margaret asked as she rested her head on his
chest.
"Cancer" he said taking a deep breath. "Cancer killed her. She was so
funny! I think that's what attracted them to each other, they both had an
incredible sense of humour. My father, he was the joke teller but my
mother did imitations. She would take off all the movie stars or the
other people in town. She always made me laugh! She ah..." his voice began
to break as he suddenly became very emotional. "She was also very proud
of her Italian background" he continued, regaining his composure. "She
made sure I could speak Italian and would tell me all about her family
and where they were from."
"She sounds like a remarkable woman, I'd like to have known her."
"Yeah so would I." he said ambiguously.
"What do you mean?" Margaret asked.
"Well that's the one thing I regret the most, that I never got to know
her as an adult. The only memories I have of her are those of a child. I
never got to have a real adult conversation with her. In a sense I really
never knew her at all. I don't know what she was passionate about, what
her dreams were, her views on politics... all those little things that are
unimportant to a ten year old. She was my mother, she did all those
motherly things" he paused for a moment, his eyes remaining fixed on the
woman in the photograph.
"I did see her shortly before she died. My father took me to see her at
the hospital. Of course I didn't know at the time that that would be the
last time I would ever speak to her. That was my dad's idea of
protection, not telling me! I remember being left alone with her and she
had this look in her eye, this knowing look. Of course it makes sense now
but at the time I thought nothing of it. She told me that she would be
going away for awhile but that I was not to be sad. She said that if I
ever needed to talk to her all I had to do was to look up to the sky and
that she would hear me. I thought at the time that this was all very
strange but then of course when I found out she had died it all made
sense. But do know the funny thing is that to this day even as a grown
man, I'll still look up into the clouds and talk to her! I know it's
childish and weird but it's all I've got. I just feel that it brings me
that little bit closer to her!"
"I don't think it's childish."
"Of course I don't actually talk to the clouds anymore, people think I'm
crazy enough as it is! I just love the peacefulness that comes over me as
I watch the sky. Do you ever find that? The sky is so at peace. I mean
why wouldn't it be, it's thousands of miles away from this place!"
"And what about you? Are you at peace Hawkeye?" Margaret asked boldly as
she raised her head to look at him.
"What do you mean? I'm fine, especially now that I've got you!" he
smiled.
"I think a lot of things have gone unsaid between you and your father
over the years that may still be niggling at you inside."
The smile faded from his face. "You deduced all this from having known
the man for one day?" he said cynically.
"He's very worried about you. He blames himself for everything that is
wrong. He says he can't talk to you anymore, that you shut him out, that
you've always shut him out."
"Hasn't he been busy tonight! I can't believe he laid all that on you!"
he said looking away from her.
"Don't be angry. He's desperate Hawkeye, he thinks he's losing you!"
"That's silly, doesn't he know how much he means to me? I love him, I
love him to bits!"
"Then please talk to him, just give a little bit. You don't have to tell
him everything just tell him something!"
"It's not that easy. It's like I said he's so sensitive. It would hurt
him more to know the truth!"
"It couldn't hurt him anymore than it already is!"
"He really feels that way? I wish he'd just tell me these things!"
Hawkeye had been fighting hard to hold back the tears but they now rolled
softly down his face. Margaret decided to stop talking and instead just
held him tightly while he silently cried.
******************************************************************
It was some time later before Hawkeye decided it was time to go to bed.
Margaret had fallen asleep on his chest. Her warm body against his and
the gentle beating of her heart made him reluctant to move. He watched
her in the dull glow of the reading lamp, unsure what he had done to
deserve her. He really felt that finding her again had saved his life and
he never wanted to let her go.
"You're my lucky-charm!" he whispered to the sleeping form in his arms.
Margaret groaned as she began to wake up. "Ssh" came a voice from out of
no where. She woke up to find herself in Hawkeye's arms as he carried her
up the stairs.
"Hawkeye?" she mumbled, "What time is it?"
"It's late" he whispered as he landed her on the bed.
"I fell asleep!" she moaned.
"Ssh! Go back to sleep. I'll see you tomorrow!"
"Goodnight!"
"Goodnight sweetheart!"
He leaned in and gave her a tender kiss on the lips before pulling the
blankets up over her. He then headed for his own room closing the door
behind him.
*****************************************************************
"Burr! It's getting a bit too cold to be meeting like this!" Sidney said
as he started running on the spot to get warm. He was having his monthly
meeting with Hawkeye on the beach. It had been two weeks since Margaret
had shown up in town.
"Not used to being by the sea this time of year are you?" Hawkeye
laughed.
"I'm not used to being by the sea any time of year. So how have you
been?"
Hawkeye threw one last stone into the sea before turning to face Sidney.
"I'm good!" he replied.
"How's work?"
"Work is good, I'm enjoying the pace and getting to know my patients!"
"Do you miss the big city lights at all?"
Hawkeye sat down on an abandoned lobster cage. "Sometimes!" he said
honestly.
"Oh?" Sidney said raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah, sometimes I really miss the surgery but... I don't know" he said
shaking his head.
"Would you ever consider getting back in the game?"
Hawkeye shook his head before answering Sidney. "I don't think so Sid!
Missing it and actually getting back into it are two very different
things. I have a good life here!"
"And how are things with Margaret?"
"Oh she's fantastic Sid" Hawkeye sprang up, his eyes immediately lit up
at the mention of her name. "I still can't believe she's mine! I feel so
lucky!"
"She certainly seems to have had a positive impact on you!"
"You don't know the half of it! When I'm around her it's like all the bad
stuff in my life melts into the background and everything is focused on
her. I can't explain it, this feeling I have when I'm with her, I'm just
so happy! I'm always happy!" Hawkeye beamed at Sidney.
"I have to admit Hawk you are like a changed man these past few weeks.
How are you sleeping?"
"Oh, well I still get the dreams and it still takes all night to fall
asleep but I'm coping with it!"
"So this is the big 'L' is it?" Sidney said winking at Hawkeye.
Hawkeye nodded and smiled, "I'm going to marry her Sid!"
Sidney smiled back at Hawkeye and gave him a pat on the shoulder, "I'm
happy for you Hawk, you deserve it!" His face then turned serious as he
stepped away from Hawkeye.
"Hawk, I'm going to let you go!"
"What?" Hawkeye said.
Sidney looked at him and nodded, "That's right! The time has come. I've
brought you as far as I can, you can take care of yourself now. You don't
need me to hold your hand anymore!"
"Are you sure?"
"Look at you? You are a functioning human being again are you not? And
now you've got Margaret to look after you, you don't need me! You should
be proud of yourself Hawk, you beat the war! You did it!"
"Yeah, I did didn't I!"
"You sure did!" Sidney gave him a light punch on the shoulder.
"So this is it? Our last session?"
"That's right!"
"Just as well, you were getting too expensive anyway!" He quipped.
Hawkeye walked Sidney to his car for the last time.
"I'm going to miss you Sid!"
"Well if you ever need me you know I'm just a phone call away!"
"Right!"
"And hey, don't forget my invite to the wedding!"
"You bet!"
"Take care of yourself Hawkeye" Sidney said sincerely.
"I will... or at least Margaret will anyway!"
Hawkeye stared warmly at Sidney for a while before enveloping the man in
a hug.
"Thanks for everything Sidney. If it wasn't for you I think I'd be dead a
long time ago, I mean that!"
"You're a lot stronger than you think Hawkeye, I may have but the
thoughts in your head but you executed them. Well I better get going,
I'll leave you with one last piece of advice, pull down your pants and..."
"Slide on the ice!" Hawkeye laughed finishing the sentence.
"Goodbye Hawkeye!"
As Hawkeye watched Sidney drive away he felt as though a great weight had
been lifted from him. "I'm sane again!" he smiled making his way back to
the house.
Hawkeye was finally ready to start his new life, a new life with
Margaret, free from Korea and everything else that tried to hold him
back. It had taken a long time for him to learn to let go but now that he
had he felt stronger than ever. He was ready to settle down, ready to
marry!
He had been thinking a lot about his father. He noticed for the first
time how old his father had gotten. "I must have put him through hell" he
thought.
After talking with Margaret, Hawkeye realised he had to make more of an
effort to communicate with the man. As he walked back into the house he
noticed his father was watching him from inside. "Well now is as good a
time as any!" he decided as he went in to sit beside him.
"Sidney gone then?" Daniel said looking up as his son entered the room.
"Yeah, actually he's gone for good, that was our last session"
"That's a good sign"
"Yeah. Hey dad, what was mom like? I mean really like?"
Daniel was taken by surprise. They never really talked about her anymore.
"Your mother? Well now she was some woman! Let me see, where to begin..."
"Is that yours?" Hawkeye asked pointing to the suitcase that rested on
the front porch.
"Yeah, I came straight here so I didn't have the chance to check into a
motel!"
"So you're sticking around for a while?" he asked in surprise.
"I took a week off work, just in case!" she smiled.
"Great! And forget about checking into a motel, we've plenty of space
here!"
"Are you sure your father wouldn't mind?"
"Are you kidding? He'll be delighted to have a female presence in the
house. You can have the guest room, or if you'd prefer you could always
share with me?" he said with that cheeky glint in his eyes.
"You'd like that wouldn't you! The guest room will do fine!"
"Ok but I'll live to regret it!" He said as he lifted the suitcase
inside. "Good Lord Margaret! You did say it was one week didn't you?"
"Yes!" she said confused.
"Well what on earth is in this case it weighs a tonne?"
"Oh you know, girl stuff!" she said throwing him a seductive smile.
Margaret stood for a moment in the semi-darkness of the hall. Then slowly
she made her way deeper into the house. It definitely had a very strong
male presence. There was a lot of old furniture that Margaret reckoned
had been handed down through the generations. Although the absence of a
female presence was evident, the house had a very warm atmosphere. There
was a lot of love in this house but there must also be a lot of pain
hidden in those walls somewhere she thought to herself. She could never
imagine what it must have been like to lose a mother. Even now she
couldn't imagine her life without her own mother.
"In here!" Hawkeye called from the living-room. "You have a seat there
and I'll get the fire on!" he said pointing to the sofa. "Here put this
around you!" Margaret took the blanket from Hawkeye and wrapped herself
up securely. She took a look around her. The room was wall to wall with
books. The furniture seemed old but was in good condition. She noticed
that there seemed to be very few photographs around. There was one on the
wall of Hawkeye holding his diploma and one or two more of people she
didn't recognise, probably cousins or something.
"Looks like I'll have to go chop some wood!" Hawkeye said as he knelt by
the fireplace.
Margaret followed him to the back porch keeping the blanket wrapped
around her. She watched as he chopped a few pieces of wood out of the
pile of logs that lay at the side of the yard. She felt as though she had
stepped into another world. Life in the country was very different from
anything she had ever experienced. Hawkeye was very different when he was
at home. She couldn't put her finger on it, he just seemed more
comfortable in himself. He was always trying to be entertaining in front
of her friends in Boston but here, here he was just himself.
"Hawkeye, who was that woman working in your father's place?"
"Ah, you've met the charming Nina I see!" he laughed. "Don't worry, her
bark is a lot worse than her bite!"
"She certainly is a bit ah..."
"Overpowering?" he offered.
"Yeah, I guess that's the word! She speaks very highly of you!"
"Does that surprise you? I'm a very likeable guy you know!" he said as he
brought the axe down hard on another piece of wood.
"Yes I've noticed that!"
"She's a bit protective of me. She kinda filled in for my mother I guess
when I was growing up. She seems a bit bad tempered I know but underneath
it all she has a heart of gold! Well, that ought to be enough" he said
straightening his back. "Let's get back inside!"
Hawkeye had the fire blazing in minutes and Margaret was already
beginning to feel warmer. "Would you like a hot drink, we've got it all,
tea, coffee, some of Nina's herbal stuff which I wouldn't recommend, or
hot chocolate? Or something stronger? How about a scotch?"
"A scotch would be great!"
"Here you go" he said handing her the glass as he took a seat beside her.
"You're not having one?" she asked.
"Ah no!" he said as he took her in his arms. "Actually I don't touch the
stuff now!"
"What? You don't drink at all?" she said sceptically.
Hawkeye shook his head.
"Not even beer?"
"Nope!" he said.
"How come?"
"I didn't like the way it made me feel anymore. Out in Korea it felt like
we had a reason to drink but here... I just couldn't justify it anymore,
and I had started to abuse it a bit!"
"How do you mean?"
"I'm not an alcoholic" he said looking at her defensively "I just started
to drink too much of the stuff, it wasn't healthy, so I stopped!"
"Its ok, I'm not accusing you! Just as long as you're happy!"
"Oh believe me baby there isn't a man in this world that's happier than
me right now!"
She leaned in to kiss him again. She loved the way he kissed, it was
soft, tender, yet full of passion. Hawkeye met her lips, they tasted so
sweet. He had kissed a lot of women in his time but somehow Margaret was
different. She reciprocated him in every way. His hands began to wander
as hers stayed cupped around his head. She pulled back slightly
"Hawkeye?"
"Yes" he replied as he moved to her neck. God that felt good! She wanted
so much to rip off his clothes but resisted, "Can we talk?"
Hawkeye pulled back and looked suspiciously into her eyes, "You're not
planning on doing a runner again are you?" he asked.
"No of course not, it's just...can we take things slowly? This is all
happening so fast. I don't want to mess things up!" she looked at him
pleadingly.
"Margaret, you can't mess this up!" he tried to sound reassuring.
"It's just that so many of my relationships have started off in bed and
ended in disaster, I want it to be different this time."
"So you're saying...no sex?"
"Well, no, not altogether, just not right away!"
"But there will be sometime?"
Margaret laughed at his expression. He looked like a wounded puppy dog.
"Yes, of course!"
Hawkeye considered this for a moment, then nodding his head said "Ok, we
wait, until you're ready! I can do that! I don't want to mess this up
either you know!"
"Thank you" she smiled.
"So how long would we be talking about here a few days, maybe a week?" he
asked.
She shot two very cool eyes back at him.
"I'm kidding, I'm kidding!" he said putting his hands up in an innocent
gesture.
"Honestly Margaret, I'll wait however long! We'll take each day as it
comes!" he said gazing lovingly into her eyes. "Now where were we?" he
said as he closed the gap between them. Margaret started giggling as he
nuzzled her neck and then let herself go, completely at his mercy.
*******************************************************************
"Ben, you here?" came Daniel's voice from the hall. "Down boy" he said as
he put a hand out to fend off an excited Harry who had come to greet him.
"Ben?"
"In the kitchen dad! Hey come here, I want you to meet somebody!" Hawkeye
shouted.
Daniel walked into the kitchen and met with the smiling eyes of Margaret
Houlihan.
"Dad, this is Margaret. I said she could stay with us a few days, is that
ok?"
"Of course!" Daniel retorted. "So this is the famous Margaret!" he said
as he moved in to give her a peck on the cheek.
"It's lovely to finally meet you Dr. Pierce!"
"Likewise, and please, call me Dan! You were right Hawk! She is a
stunner!"
Margaret blushed.
"So what brings you to this neck of the woods?" Daniel asked as he sat
down.
Margaret looked to Hawkeye who stepped up to answer the question for her.
"Well dad, she and I are going to have a try at being together!"
"You are?"
"Yeah, I knew she'd succumb to my charms in the end!" he said as he put
an arm around her shoulder.
"Well I think it's wonderful, Margaret, welcome to the family!"
"Thank you!" Margaret said.
"What's for dinner Ben?"
"Well I thought maybe we'd all go out, as a sort of celebration. I've
been telling Margaret about the lobster and..."
"Great idea, you're going to love the lobster Margaret. Are you a fan of
shellfish?"
"Yes actually. I don't get to eat it that often."
"Well then you've come to the right place. What time is the reservation?"
Daniel inquired.
"Eight o'clock!" Hawkeye replied.
"Great, gives me plenty of time to clean myself up!" Daniel said as he
rose from the chair. "If you two will excuse me, I'm gonna pick out
something to wear!"
Daniel exited the kitchen and slowly climbed the stairs. He had a smile
firmly planted across his face. He was over the moon for Hawkeye, he just
hoped this one would last.
"He seems lovely!" Margaret said to Hawkeye. "Not too unlike his son!"
she added. Hawkeye looked up at her. He had always felt his dad left
pretty big shoes to fill in this town. There wasn't a single person that
had a bad word to say about the man. Hawkeye always felt that he would
never measure up to him. "Do you really mean that?" he asked Margaret.
"Yes! No matter what you may think about yourself Hawkeye you are a nice
person! And I don't care how long it takes someday I am going to convince
you of that!"
He smiled, very much appreciating what she had just said. Hawkeye was
never willing to admit it but B.J. had been right when he labelled him
insecure. The only place Hawkeye ever felt truly confident was the
operating room, and he had even been robbed of that in the end.
"Would you like to get ready? The iron is down in the basement if you
need it!"
"Yes I suppose I could. What should I wear? Is it formal?"
"Well I doubt we'll ever bump into the Winchesters' there but wear
something nice anyway, just for me!" he said as he pushed a lock of hair
from her eyes.
"I'll dress up if you will?" she added tugging at his belt. She loved it
when he got dressed up, he looked so handsome in a suit.
"Deal!" he said, kissing her forehead.
*******************************************************************
Daniel was ready first and was waiting patiently in the living room.
Margaret came down a short time after. She was wearing a long black dress
that showed off her curves and a little cleavage. She knew it would be
right up Hawkeye's alley.
Hawkeye was the last to be ready. He had to wait until Margaret was
finished in the bathroom before he could go in.
"Oh my, you look beautiful Margaret!" Daniel said as she came into the
room.
"Thank you!" she smiled. She was really amazed at the difference between
Hawkeye and his father. He did not look at all as she had expected. He
was a good few inches smaller and of a narrow build. His hair was thick
and white. He didn't look his age at all with only a few telling wrinkles
around his eyes. His skin was paler, not the sallow complexion that
Hawkeye had. She guessed that he must have gotten most of his looks from
his mother's side. Except the eyes and the smile, they were very
evidently his father's she noted as Daniel now smiled in front of her.
"What would you like to do while we wait?" he asked.
"Oh I don't know. I'm sure he won't be long will he?"
"Are you kidding? He's worse than any woman when it comes to getting
ready! Likes to make himself real handsome! In other words he's vain!"
Daniel said whispering the last part.
"You don't have to tell me at all. That was very clear while we were in
Korea!" Margaret laughed.
"I've got some family photos! Would you like to see?"
"Great!" Margaret smiled.
"He'll kill me for this!" Daniel said as he left out an evil chuckle.
******************************************************************
Ten minutes later Hawkeye casually walked down the stairs. He found them
both in the living room, Margaret laughing gaily.
"Oh God! Not the family album!" he sighed. Margaret was still laughing as
he went to take a closer look, "Oh goody" he said sarcastically, "You've
gotten to the nudey ones!"
"Aaw, that's so cute!" Margaret sighed.
"Can we go now!" Hawkeye piped up.
"Oh but we haven't gotten to the ones with the sailor suit yet!" Daniel
said childishly.
Hawkeye stared quietly at his father.
"Uh oh! If looks could kill I'd be a dead man now!" Daniel said to
Margaret as he gathered up the photos and placed them back in the box.
"I'll just get my coat!" he said.
Margaret wiped the tears away from her eyes and took a look at Hawkeye
for the first time. "You look very handsome!" she said still smirking. He
was wearing a black suit with an open neck white shirt. That little bit
of rebellion was still in him she thought as she noted the absence of a
tie. He looked gorgeous, black suited him but the white shirt looked
extremely well against the backdrop of his tanned skin.
"Thank you, I try my best!" he said confidently. "Now stand up so I can
get a better you at you my lady!" he said taking her hand.
He gave her a wolf whistle as she twirled in front of him. "That is one
sexy looking outfit" he said as his lips grazed her ear. She was wearing
the set of pearls that he had given her.
"Alrighty, let's go!" Daniel said as he returned with his coat.
**************************************************************
They had just sat down to eat when a telephone call came requesting a
doctor.
"It amazes me how they always seem to be able to find me!" Daniel sighed.
"Oh come on dad, if you're not at home you're at the bar playing cards,
and if you're not there you're here! Of course they know how to reach
you, you're too predictable!"
"Actually Hawk, the lady is requesting you!" the waiter said to Hawkeye.
"Oh, it must be Sheila!" Hawkeye said to his father as he got up to take
the call.
"Sorry about this Margaret!" Daniel said.
"Oh its ok, I'm well used to being around doctors, I know it's a twenty-
four hour job!" she replied.
"This Sheila is a single mother. She has an awful lot of trouble with her
eight year old son, he can get a bit violent at times for no reason,
tares the place apart.!"
"How awful!"
"Yeah I know. Hawkeye's the only one that can calm him down. He's got
some kind of connection with the kid. Somehow he can get through to him
when no one else can!"
"Do they know what is wrong with him?"
"No, they've taken him to psychiatrist after psychiatrist, no one can put
a label on it. Poor woman, her husband left her after Sam, that's the
kid's name, got too much to handle. As you can imagine she depends a
great deal on Hawkeye's help."
"That's so awful, the way a man can just abandon his family like that!"
"Sorry folks I'm gonna have to go. Sam's acting up again, he has the
kitchen wrecked and is now working his way through the living room! I'll
probably be a while" Hawkeye looked at Margaret apologetically.
"That's ok, gives Margaret and I more time to get to know each other
right?"
"Right, we'll be ok Ben!" Margaret said.
Hawkeye gave her a strange look. "That's the first time you've called me
that! Anyway I'd better be off. Bye, love you!" he said kissing her on
the lips.
"Oh, I love you too son!" Daniel said jokingly.
"I'm still mad at you for this evenings little slide show" he said waving
a finger at Daniel.
******************************************************************
Daniel and Margaret talked all throughout the meal, mainly about what she
had been up to with herself and memories of Korea. Daniel asked her about
what had happened to Hawkeye out there, about why he ended up in a
psychiatric hospital. He hadn't dared broach the subject with his son.
"It's hard to pin it down to one specific thing, you have to realise we
were under constant pressure over there, and you know Hawkeye, he takes
everything so personally." she said sidestepping the question.
"But something must have happened?"
Margaret shook her head, "He just snapped. I really don't think I should
be the one telling you this Daniel!"
"You're right, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put you in an awkward
position. I just worry about him you know!"
"It's ok, I understand. Truth is a lot of things happened out there,
Henry got killed, then Trapper left shortly after. They were all very
close friends I know it really affected him. The trouble with Hawkeye is
that you never know how he really feels 'cause he masks all his feelings
with humour and stupid stunts! I don't know if he has ever really grieved
for Henry. Things like that can build up inside a person. I think that's
what happened in the end, all these little things that happened to him
out there built up until he finally snapped!" Margaret didn't want to
mention the baby. She felt it was Hawkeye's place to tell his father not
hers.
"I guess so. He just always seems so strong like he could handle
anything. I just don't know what goes on in his head anymore Margaret.
It's like the war has put this gap between us, we don't seem to be able
to talk like we used to! I guess I have myself to blame."
"You can't blame yourself for the way he is, he's a grown man!"
"Yeah, but he learned all those masking tricks from me! I never told him
his mother was dying you know? I just couldn't do it. How do you explain
something like that to a ten year old kid? I know he's still cut up about
that. Trouble is I was never very open to him about my feelings. I kept
on trying to be strong for him. As a result to this day, he still keeps
everything locked up inside. I never showed him how to open up!" Daniel's
voice cracked a little as he fought to maintain control of his emotions.
"I know he thinks the world of you, he talked about you all the time in
Korea. I'm sure he just doesn't blame you for anything. The war is a
difficult thing to talk about, especially with people who weren't there.
Hawkeye isn't the only one who doesn't talk about it you know? I myself
have never talked to my mother about the horrible things I've seen. He
doesn't tell you because he loves you, he doesn't want to fill your head
with the horrible images we all carry around with us"
"I appreciate that but this problem we have goes back farther than the
war. Even when he was a child it was always his mother he went to first.
I think that when he was ten, we both missed out on an important
opportunity to deepen our relationship. I turned away from him and it has
affected him ever since"
Margaret was growing increasingly uncomfortable, she wasn't used to
someone being that open, especially someone who only knew her a couple of
hours. "Well then maybe you should be telling him this instead of me!
Tell him how you feel!"
"Right and I can tell you exactly what would happen, he'd make a joke, I
would smile and we'd both walk away! We've been running in that same
circle all our lives!"
"Well then it's time to break that circle. Don't blame yourself for
whatever may be wrong with Hawkeye, I can assure you it was the war that
did this to him, not you!"
"Have you any idea what it feels like to see your own child in so much
pain and know there's nothing you can do to help!" Daniel said looking
directly into her eyes. He had the same penetrating look that Hawkeye
had, that helpless puppy-dog expression.
"Nothing hurts more than the pain of a loved one!" Margaret agreed.
"And all I can do is sit there and watch. You know what he does? He'll
sit outside on the porch swing, he could be there for hours, just sitting
there not doing a thing! He won't even stay in the same room as me! I
don't know what to do Margaret!"
Margaret had no idea things were this bad in the Pierce household. She
put her hand out across the table and clasped his.
"You don't have to worry about him anymore, I'm here now and I'm gonna
take good care of him, you'll see!"
Daniel smiled, "I'm so sorry. This was supposed to be a nice meal and
I've gone and made us all depressed"
"No this was supposed to be a meal where we got to know one another
better and I think we've done that. I'm glad you could talk to me like
that, it makes me feel more welcome!"
"And welcome you are my dear. I know you're the best thing that could've
happened to him! The second you came back into his life... it was like a
miracle and that's no exaggeration! He started smiling again. You have no
idea what it means to see my boy smile again. I am so glad you changed
your mind and came out here!"
"So am I." she agreed.
"Thanks for listening to me going on like that, I didn't realise I had
so much to get off my chest! I could never talk to anyone around here
like that, not even Nina. She'd just blab it around!" Daniel laughed.
"It was my pleasure!" Margaret smiled. "Maybe you can return the favour
someday!"
********************************************************************
All in all, it had been an enjoyable meal. Margaret was beginning to
really like the elder Pierce. She could see why Hawkeye was so fond of
him, he was such a gentle, sensitive man, polite and well mannered. She
never once felt as though he was judging her. He had a lot of the
characteristics of Colonel Potter she thought, fatherly, caring and
forthcoming. She felt immediately at home in the Pierce household. Still
she thought there was a great deal of loneliness in the man. It wasn't
fair that such a good man should have been robbed of his wife like that!
It was approaching ten o'clock when they got in the door. Hawkeye was
still not home.
"You were certainly right about the shellfish here, it was delicious!"
Margaret said.
"Oh if you think that was good wait 'till you taste some of Ben's home
cooking. The kid's a whiz in the kitchen!"
"So I've heard!"
"Between you and me, I think I missed the food the most while he was
away!" Daniel said with a wink. "I'm kidding of course. But seriously he
is good! I don't know where he got it from, certainly wasn't me! It must
be the Italian blood in him! Would you like a drink?"
"No thank you I'm fine!"
"Ok, well make yourself at home anyway, if there's anything you can't
find just rummage around. I'm going to hit the sack. You need a full
nights sleep to last a full day with Nina. I believe you two met!"
"Oh yes, we met alright! I think I'll wait up for Hawkeye"
"I wouldn't bother Margaret, he could be there all night!"
"Really? Well I'll wait up a little while anyway."
"Ok, night!" Daniel said as he went up stairs.
*************************************************************
"Ok, that should do it!" Hawkeye said as he placed Sam into his bed. He
had managed to calm the child down enough to slip him a sedative.
"Thank you so much Hawkeye, I don't know how I'd do this without you!"
Sheila cried.
"You know his condition is getting worse?" She nodded in agreement.
"Listen I've got a friend who's a psychiatrist, I could give him a call?"
"We've been to psychiatrists Hawkeye, none of them can help him!"
"But this guy is very good, honest, he has years of experience. I really
think he could help you!"
"I don't know!"
"You have to get some help Shelia, you can't go on this way. When was the
last time you had a check-up?"
"I don't know, but I'm fine really. Just a little tired now and again!"
"Sheila, I think you're in terrific shape for a woman that's been through
what you have. But you can't let your health suffer. What happens if you
get really ill? What do you think will happen to Sam then? He needs you!"
"They wouldn't take him away would they?"
"Look, I don't want to scare you I'm just worried about you. Promise me
you'll drop by the office tomorrow so I can take some bloods will you?"
"Ok"
"Promise?"
"I promise!"
"Good, now let's get this place cleaned up!"
"You don't have to!"
"I know, but I want to!" He gave her a reassuring smile.
"But don't you want to be getting back to your lady-friend?"
"What... how? You've been talking to Nina haven't you?"
"Yes, she told me where I might find you tonight since you weren't home!"
It never ceased to amaze him at how fast news spread around the Cove,
then again once Nina got a hold of a piece of juicy information you may
as well publish it in the paper. The woman was an incurable gossip!
***************************************************************
It was twelve-thirty before Hawkeye got home. He hoped his father hadn't
embarrassed him too much while he was gone! He quietly opened and shut
the front door and tip-toed towards the kitchen. The faint light coming
from the living room caught his eye and he made a quick detour.
He saw Margaret sitting by the reading lamp leafing through some
photographs. "She waited up for me!" he smiled to himself.
"Hey" he said.
"Hey you're back!" she smiled as he placed a soft kiss on her forehead.
"What happened to your face?" she asked noticing a scratch across his
forehead.
"Oh its nothing, Sam just got a little violent. What are you up to?" he
said as he nestled in beside her.
"I was just looking through your photographs, you don't mind do you?"
"No" he said warmly as he snuggled into her.
"Is that your mother?" she asked holding up a photograph of a young woman
with long dark hair and the unmistakable features of Hawkeye.
"Yes" he nodded.
"She's very beautiful"
"Well you didn't think I got my good looks from my father did you?"
"Oh you!" she said, rolling her eyes.
Hawkeye took the photograph from Margaret. A wave of sadness swept across
him as his thumb gently caressed the outline of her face.
"Tell me about her?" Margaret asked noticing his change of mood.
"Um, ok! Her parents were Italian immigrants who didn't speak a word of
English. She was just a baby when they came to America. Her father
eventually started up his own restaurant in New York. Fast forward a few
years and she met my father at a conference in Manhattan. He was there as
a young medical student and she was there as part of the catering staff.
It was love at first sight for him and after chasing her for a few weeks
she agreed to a date and the rest as they say is history!"
"What kind of a person was she?" Margaret wasn't sure how far to push
things but he seemed comfortable enough talking about her.
"From what I remember she was a very strong individual. My mother could
handle anything. My father you see, he's sensitive, he bruises very
easily but she was strong. Even when she was sick she always stayed
positive though she knew she was dying. She never lost her sense of
humour or her will to live. At least that's what I've been told anyway. I
didn't actually know she was dying at the time" he said with some degree
of bitterness.
"What happened to her?" Margaret asked as she rested her head on his
chest.
"Cancer" he said taking a deep breath. "Cancer killed her. She was so
funny! I think that's what attracted them to each other, they both had an
incredible sense of humour. My father, he was the joke teller but my
mother did imitations. She would take off all the movie stars or the
other people in town. She always made me laugh! She ah..." his voice began
to break as he suddenly became very emotional. "She was also very proud
of her Italian background" he continued, regaining his composure. "She
made sure I could speak Italian and would tell me all about her family
and where they were from."
"She sounds like a remarkable woman, I'd like to have known her."
"Yeah so would I." he said ambiguously.
"What do you mean?" Margaret asked.
"Well that's the one thing I regret the most, that I never got to know
her as an adult. The only memories I have of her are those of a child. I
never got to have a real adult conversation with her. In a sense I really
never knew her at all. I don't know what she was passionate about, what
her dreams were, her views on politics... all those little things that are
unimportant to a ten year old. She was my mother, she did all those
motherly things" he paused for a moment, his eyes remaining fixed on the
woman in the photograph.
"I did see her shortly before she died. My father took me to see her at
the hospital. Of course I didn't know at the time that that would be the
last time I would ever speak to her. That was my dad's idea of
protection, not telling me! I remember being left alone with her and she
had this look in her eye, this knowing look. Of course it makes sense now
but at the time I thought nothing of it. She told me that she would be
going away for awhile but that I was not to be sad. She said that if I
ever needed to talk to her all I had to do was to look up to the sky and
that she would hear me. I thought at the time that this was all very
strange but then of course when I found out she had died it all made
sense. But do know the funny thing is that to this day even as a grown
man, I'll still look up into the clouds and talk to her! I know it's
childish and weird but it's all I've got. I just feel that it brings me
that little bit closer to her!"
"I don't think it's childish."
"Of course I don't actually talk to the clouds anymore, people think I'm
crazy enough as it is! I just love the peacefulness that comes over me as
I watch the sky. Do you ever find that? The sky is so at peace. I mean
why wouldn't it be, it's thousands of miles away from this place!"
"And what about you? Are you at peace Hawkeye?" Margaret asked boldly as
she raised her head to look at him.
"What do you mean? I'm fine, especially now that I've got you!" he
smiled.
"I think a lot of things have gone unsaid between you and your father
over the years that may still be niggling at you inside."
The smile faded from his face. "You deduced all this from having known
the man for one day?" he said cynically.
"He's very worried about you. He blames himself for everything that is
wrong. He says he can't talk to you anymore, that you shut him out, that
you've always shut him out."
"Hasn't he been busy tonight! I can't believe he laid all that on you!"
he said looking away from her.
"Don't be angry. He's desperate Hawkeye, he thinks he's losing you!"
"That's silly, doesn't he know how much he means to me? I love him, I
love him to bits!"
"Then please talk to him, just give a little bit. You don't have to tell
him everything just tell him something!"
"It's not that easy. It's like I said he's so sensitive. It would hurt
him more to know the truth!"
"It couldn't hurt him anymore than it already is!"
"He really feels that way? I wish he'd just tell me these things!"
Hawkeye had been fighting hard to hold back the tears but they now rolled
softly down his face. Margaret decided to stop talking and instead just
held him tightly while he silently cried.
******************************************************************
It was some time later before Hawkeye decided it was time to go to bed.
Margaret had fallen asleep on his chest. Her warm body against his and
the gentle beating of her heart made him reluctant to move. He watched
her in the dull glow of the reading lamp, unsure what he had done to
deserve her. He really felt that finding her again had saved his life and
he never wanted to let her go.
"You're my lucky-charm!" he whispered to the sleeping form in his arms.
Margaret groaned as she began to wake up. "Ssh" came a voice from out of
no where. She woke up to find herself in Hawkeye's arms as he carried her
up the stairs.
"Hawkeye?" she mumbled, "What time is it?"
"It's late" he whispered as he landed her on the bed.
"I fell asleep!" she moaned.
"Ssh! Go back to sleep. I'll see you tomorrow!"
"Goodnight!"
"Goodnight sweetheart!"
He leaned in and gave her a tender kiss on the lips before pulling the
blankets up over her. He then headed for his own room closing the door
behind him.
*****************************************************************
"Burr! It's getting a bit too cold to be meeting like this!" Sidney said
as he started running on the spot to get warm. He was having his monthly
meeting with Hawkeye on the beach. It had been two weeks since Margaret
had shown up in town.
"Not used to being by the sea this time of year are you?" Hawkeye
laughed.
"I'm not used to being by the sea any time of year. So how have you
been?"
Hawkeye threw one last stone into the sea before turning to face Sidney.
"I'm good!" he replied.
"How's work?"
"Work is good, I'm enjoying the pace and getting to know my patients!"
"Do you miss the big city lights at all?"
Hawkeye sat down on an abandoned lobster cage. "Sometimes!" he said
honestly.
"Oh?" Sidney said raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah, sometimes I really miss the surgery but... I don't know" he said
shaking his head.
"Would you ever consider getting back in the game?"
Hawkeye shook his head before answering Sidney. "I don't think so Sid!
Missing it and actually getting back into it are two very different
things. I have a good life here!"
"And how are things with Margaret?"
"Oh she's fantastic Sid" Hawkeye sprang up, his eyes immediately lit up
at the mention of her name. "I still can't believe she's mine! I feel so
lucky!"
"She certainly seems to have had a positive impact on you!"
"You don't know the half of it! When I'm around her it's like all the bad
stuff in my life melts into the background and everything is focused on
her. I can't explain it, this feeling I have when I'm with her, I'm just
so happy! I'm always happy!" Hawkeye beamed at Sidney.
"I have to admit Hawk you are like a changed man these past few weeks.
How are you sleeping?"
"Oh, well I still get the dreams and it still takes all night to fall
asleep but I'm coping with it!"
"So this is the big 'L' is it?" Sidney said winking at Hawkeye.
Hawkeye nodded and smiled, "I'm going to marry her Sid!"
Sidney smiled back at Hawkeye and gave him a pat on the shoulder, "I'm
happy for you Hawk, you deserve it!" His face then turned serious as he
stepped away from Hawkeye.
"Hawk, I'm going to let you go!"
"What?" Hawkeye said.
Sidney looked at him and nodded, "That's right! The time has come. I've
brought you as far as I can, you can take care of yourself now. You don't
need me to hold your hand anymore!"
"Are you sure?"
"Look at you? You are a functioning human being again are you not? And
now you've got Margaret to look after you, you don't need me! You should
be proud of yourself Hawk, you beat the war! You did it!"
"Yeah, I did didn't I!"
"You sure did!" Sidney gave him a light punch on the shoulder.
"So this is it? Our last session?"
"That's right!"
"Just as well, you were getting too expensive anyway!" He quipped.
Hawkeye walked Sidney to his car for the last time.
"I'm going to miss you Sid!"
"Well if you ever need me you know I'm just a phone call away!"
"Right!"
"And hey, don't forget my invite to the wedding!"
"You bet!"
"Take care of yourself Hawkeye" Sidney said sincerely.
"I will... or at least Margaret will anyway!"
Hawkeye stared warmly at Sidney for a while before enveloping the man in
a hug.
"Thanks for everything Sidney. If it wasn't for you I think I'd be dead a
long time ago, I mean that!"
"You're a lot stronger than you think Hawkeye, I may have but the
thoughts in your head but you executed them. Well I better get going,
I'll leave you with one last piece of advice, pull down your pants and..."
"Slide on the ice!" Hawkeye laughed finishing the sentence.
"Goodbye Hawkeye!"
As Hawkeye watched Sidney drive away he felt as though a great weight had
been lifted from him. "I'm sane again!" he smiled making his way back to
the house.
Hawkeye was finally ready to start his new life, a new life with
Margaret, free from Korea and everything else that tried to hold him
back. It had taken a long time for him to learn to let go but now that he
had he felt stronger than ever. He was ready to settle down, ready to
marry!
He had been thinking a lot about his father. He noticed for the first
time how old his father had gotten. "I must have put him through hell" he
thought.
After talking with Margaret, Hawkeye realised he had to make more of an
effort to communicate with the man. As he walked back into the house he
noticed his father was watching him from inside. "Well now is as good a
time as any!" he decided as he went in to sit beside him.
"Sidney gone then?" Daniel said looking up as his son entered the room.
"Yeah, actually he's gone for good, that was our last session"
"That's a good sign"
"Yeah. Hey dad, what was mom like? I mean really like?"
Daniel was taken by surprise. They never really talked about her anymore.
"Your mother? Well now she was some woman! Let me see, where to begin..."
