"Nothing's Worse Than Cold Casserole"
by: iluvaqt@hotmail.com

Disclaimer: as per default chapter.

Part 14: The Shattered Heart

As they hit the road that led out of the valley, Logan tried his cell phone again. This time, he got reception. "Come on, come on. Pick up, damn it… Sam?"

Logan frowned and Max bit her lip. Glancing in the rearview mirror, she met Syl's eyes. Her sister shook her head ever so slightly, so as Sam wouldn't notice. Will was in bad shape.

"It's an emergency, I need…You can't…I don't trust anyone else…If you say so…" Logan looked over his shoulder. Covering the mouthpiece, he spoke to Sam. "My guy says he can't be there, but he trusts his colleague, and he'll take over first thing in the morning. We won't get any interference tonight."

Sam nodded. "He needs medical attention. Whatever it takes, do it."

Logan turned back in his seat. Lifting the phone to his ear, he spoke into the receiver. "We're on the highway heading north-east. We'll be there..."

"Fifteen minutes," Max supplied.

"In fifteen," Logan added. "Thanks, Sam."

~*~*~*~

Max made it to the hospital in record time. Thankfully, there'd been no hold-ups with sector-checkpoints. And miraculously, apart from checking Max and Logan's IDs, the cops hadn't even bothered to check the Jeep. A minor miracle considering the state of the Jeep and it's occupants.

Dr. Mendaus had met them on arrival. Will had been wheeled straight into surgery and that had been over an hour ago. Waiting seemed like an eternity. The others had left, only Zack stayed behind. He'd been like a silent aura of strength. Having him there was both a comfort and a torment. Even without looking at him, she felt the same invisible bond she had with Will. It scared her.

Watching the doctor exit the doors of the operating theatre, Sam felt her heart skip a beat. He looked tired and as he approached, Sam sensed his apprehension. She was out of her chair and in his face in three strides.

"How is he?" she demanded.

The Dr. Mendaus looked at her with concern. "Your friend probably saved his life, removing the bullet. Had it been left in, it might have caused a lot more damage. He's lost a lot of blood..."

Her eyes filled with tears and she bit her lip to keep it from trembling. Sam hadn't noticed Zack nearby, till he interrupted the doctor.

"But he'll make it, right?" Zack didn't look at Sam. He could feel the tension radiating from her body. He didn't know what he could do. It wasn't a situation he regularly encountered. If it were Max, he'd reassure her that everything would be okay. That he'd take care of things. But she wasn't Max. And he had no idea if he could handle this. It was all out of their control.

"It's hard to say. The next few hours will tell. We just gave him the last bag of O-neg we have. If you two are compatible, he could use your help."

Sam nodded; her eyes brimming with tears. "Can I see him?"

The doctor showed them the way. He spoke to them when they reached the door. "My shift ends in an hour. I'll send a nurse by to set you up and Dr. Carr will check in on Will when he gets in."

Sam was in a daze, and didn't paying any attention. The doctor gave Zack a solemn look before walking away, leaving them alone.

Zack stared through the glass window. The figure lying in the bed could easily be him. The same athletic build, a strong chiseled jaw - which Max said attributed to his 'Never-crack-a-smile' persona. Will's dusty blonde hair fell past his ears; it was left long, just like his. It was like looking into a mirror. Only this man seemed younger, less world-worn. He lacked little creases in his brow and the tiny lines around his eyes suggested this man smiled more often than he did. Zack felt a knot building in his gut and his fingers clenched into a fist. He felt like pounding something. He was frustrated. So many thoughts plaguing him at once, and he felt as though he was being torn in two completely different directions.

"Will," Sam whispered.

Her soft voice broke through his dark thoughts, and he turned his head to watch her. She moved away from the window and went to the door, silently stepping inside. Zack followed her movements; slow and graceful, like a cat. The gentleness and sorrow in her eyes tore him to the core. How was it that this woman - the woman who had manipulated him - could both entrance and enrage him? It wasn't just because she looked like Max, as his siblings had argued, it was more than that. There was maturity in her manner and wisdom in her eyes, which Max didn't have. When she looked up and met his gaze. In their depths he read an emotion he never dared let himself feel, fear. He felt drawn to her. He felt compelled to comfort her. In the next moment, he found himself standing behind her at Will's bedside.

"I need him, Zack. I don't what I'll do if…" Sam choked. Grasping the rail, she squeezed till her knuckles turned white. There was a tube across his face that fed him oxygen, and other tubes hung down either side of his bed, passing IV fluids and blood into his veins. The last time she ever remembered seeing Will like this was years ago. And now those same feelings where coming back to haunt her.

Zack put his hand on her shoulder. "I don't pretend to believe I know what's going to happen. Everyone thinks that I've always got it all under control. But a good guy once told me, 'hope isn't for those who know all the answers, it's for those who believe in something greater than themselves.' I used to think that hope was a useless emotion; something that made you weak. I was wrong. Without hope, we might as well let them win."

Sam lifted her hand to where Zack's rested on her shoulder. Covering it with hers, she drew comfort from his warmth.

A nurse pushed open the door with her foot and smiled at them. She carried a tray with new blood bags, needles and swabs. "Have either of you given blood before?"

Zack was about to say no, when Sam squeezed his hand.

"It's been awhile, but we're both O-neg," she said.

The nurse raised an eyebrow, but didn't question them further. She didn't get a chance too. The monitor suddenly started beeping insistently.

Racing to the comm. on the wall, the nurse called for help as she read Will's heart monitor. His blood pressure was falling drastically. "ICU 23, paging Doctor Mendaus, patient in V-Tach."

Ripping off the sheet, the nurse dumped over the table nearby. When Sam stood frozen to the spot, the nurse snapped at her. "Stand back, please."

The doctor from earlier, rushed in, along with another nurse. The nurse looked flustered and her hair was coming loose from her ponytail. She looked out of breath. Dr Mendaus rounded the bed to stand opposite the nurse who was already pulling things out of a nearby cabinet. After glancing at the monitor, he motioned to the other nurse. "Blood pressures dropping, we could have an internal, call Cardio for Doctor Willer."

She went to the far end of the room and grabbed the handset. "We need Dr Willer in Trauma 3, asap. Thanks." She turned back to the doctor. "He's coming out of surgery, he'll be there in five."

Looking across at the other nurse, the doctor spoke to her briskly, "Call Harbor Lights, ask for any units of O-neg they can spare. And Rose, get these two hooked up." He shot the nurse with the ponytail, a stern look. "Megan, let's move."

Megan unhooked Will's blood and IV bags and quickly disconnected all the monitors. Dr Mendaus lifted the side rails and they pushed Will from the room.

Sam wanted to follow, but Nurse Rose grasped her arm stopping her. "You'll be more help here. Just sit back, and try to relax."

Zack took a seat on the vacant bed and rolled up his sleeve. He watched Sam, who was seated in a chair in the corner. She looked pale and shaky. He tried to give her an encouraging look, but she wasn't looking his way. She was staring blankly at the open door.

In the emergency room, the two doctors worked frantically to save Will. Dr Mendaus had reopened Will's wound to find a tiny piece of shrapnel that they'd missed. It had moved, cutting through more tissue, and nicked an artery. After tapping the bleeding, they managed to bring his blood pressure up a little. There was a moment of relief for all of thirty seconds. Will went into V-Fib this time, and the numbers on the monitor's display started dropping again.

"Where's that blood?" Dr Mendaus demanded.

Dr Willer was the resident cardiac surgeon, and he'd just come out of a three-hour long surgery. His nine-hour shift was supposed to have been over hours ago, and it was beginning to show. "Crash Cart and give him twenty of Lidocaine."

"Appy, pads." Dr Mendaus took the pads that the nurse offered.

The nurse, Megan, was looking more composed now, dressed in full trauma gear; eye guard, mask, gloves and gown. She squeezed gel over the paddles and passed them to Dr Mendaus.

"Charge 50," Dr Willer said.

"Charge," the nurse replied.

Dr Menduas, took the paddles and lifted them. "Clear." He waited for everyone to move back from the table, and then he shocked Will.

The heart monitor have a long shrill beep, before resuming the racing pattern it had just moments before.

After giving blood, Sam followed the nurse to the emergency room. She stood against the corridor wall and stared through the window. As she watched them work inside, she could feel an icy chill crawl over her skin. He'd been resting, stable. Why was this happening? She could hear their muffled voices through the glass. And she listened, her heart pounding harder with every passing second.

Rose hooked up one of the fresh bags of blood and connected it to one of the central catheters. She opened the tap full and sent a desperate glace to Dr Willer. Suddenly, the heart monitor skipped a beat and then flatlined. Megan checked Will. "No radial pulse."

~*~*~*~

Zack found Sam shaking like a leaf. He went to her side and tried to persuade her to find a seat. "There's nothing more we can do right now. We'll wait just around the corner," he turned her chin with his thumb and pleaded, "Please, Sam."

A sob escaped her lips and she stared at him with a haunted look in her eyes. She stopped shaking and stood deathly still. "I'm not going to sit down somewhere and wait for them. I'm not going to let them give up on him."

Zack nodded in understanding and put an arm around her shoulders. She leaned into his embrace and they waited outside the emergency room.

~*~*~*~

"Give him a dose of atropine and epinephrine," the doctor said. "We're starting compressions." He practically shoved the paddles at the nurse nearby and started pacing.

Sam watched as one of the nurses filled a needle and injected into the catheter.

Will felt a pounding in his chest. A sharp stinging sensation rippled across his skin. There were voices all around him. Nothing came through clear. They sounded like far away echoes. A cool breeze washed over his face and he saw her. She was smiling down at him.

"Sam?"

"I'm here, Will," she whispered. "You're going to be just fine. I promise."

Will smiled. She was so beautiful. She was dressed in a gown that glowed so brightly, he was sure that it must have pure sunlight interwoven in its threads. There was an aura of warmth that radiated from her being. And he felt so free and content. Just looking into her eyes, he felt utter joy.

"Take my hand, Will."

He nodded and reached for her hand. And the moment their fingers touched, his pain was gone.

The monitor sounded a couple scattered beeps and flatlined again.

"One. Two. Three," the doctor said, slightly breathless.

The monitor continued to flatline.

Dr. Menduas repeated CPR for another ten minutes. He shot a look at the nurse. "Check his rhythm."

On nurse checked for a pulse. The other checked his oxygen.

"Still no pulse."

"No response respiration," the other nurse said despairingly.

Sam hated herself at that moment. Pity they had enhanced hearing. She almost wished she were ignorant to Will's condition. No pulse or and he wasn't breathing. The knowledge was far from comforting.

"Megan, title CO2 detector. Rose, another dose of eppy, 7 milligrams."

Megan went to a shelf and pulled out a small device with tubing connected to it. Dr Mendaus,

Dr Willer and Rose were still working on Will, when Megan secured the tubing just above his lips.

They worked on Will for another fifteen minutes. All the while, Sam watched unblinking. Praying for a miracle.

"No pulse," Rose said, after checking Will again.

Dr Willer looked at Megan. And after reading the small monitor in her hand, she shook her head.

Sadly, Dr Mendaus lifted his hands from Will's chest. "I'm going to call it. Time of death..."

Sam felt a shiver down her spine. Her heart pounded in her chest and as the doctor's lips formed those words, she lurched toward the window. "No," she screamed defiantly.

Turning from the glass, she threw open the emergency room doors, and she rounded on Dr Mendaus threateningly. "No, he's not dead." Grabbing him by his jacket, she shook him hard. "He's not dead. Do your job," she growled, glaring into his eyes.

"We've done all we can. He's..." he stammered.

"No," Sam interjected, her eyes filling with angry tears. "No."

Zack, who'd charged in after her to break up the attack, took Sam by the shoulders and gently pulled her away. "It's over. You have to let go."

Sam whirled on him, tears now streaming down her face. "If it was Max, you wouldn't be saying that."

The accusation shocked Zack into a silence again, and he dropped his arms. Sam used the opportunity to brush past both men and resume CPR on Will.

"There's nothing more we can do to bring him back. You have to let him go," Dr Willer said sadly.

Sam didn't listen. She pulled the tubing from his face and opened his mouth. Breathing into his throat, she counted out compressions. The monitor still didn't change. Tears stained her cheeks and she could barely see clearly through the watery haze in her eyes.

Zack went to her side. "Sam, stop."

The monitor's tone continued to taunt her. "Turn it off," she screamed.

A gentle touch brushed her arm and she glanced up at Zack. Zack shook his head. A sharp pain started deep in her chest, as she realized she couldn't save Will. She ignored the moisture pouring down her cheeks. She couldn't stop it anyway. Looking down at his face, she felt her whole body tremble. He was so pale. His lips were parted and they had a slightly bluish tinge to them. Despite that, he looked peaceful. How could he look that way, when she felt like the whole world was caving in?

Dropping to her knees on the bloodstained floor, she buried her face in Will's neck. "I'm so sorry, Will," she sobbed out. Lifting her head, she reached out to stroke his cheek, and trace his chin. Gripping one of his hands in hers, she tried again to hold back her tears. He'd want her to be brave. He'd want her to smile for him. But she couldn't.

Zack observed her, mesmerized by her. When Dr Willer attempted to intervene, Zack held him back. "Give her a moment, please," he said.

The doctor reluctantly nodded and moved away, motioning for the others to do the same.

Resting her head against his chest, she watched Will's face and tried to remember the strong beat of his heart. She squeezed his hand, as if willing him to respond. "You can't be gone," she whispered. "I need you."

Zack was about give her some time alone, when he turned to notice Dr Mendaus lingering in the doorway.

"I'm sorry but she can't stay here. We have to move him," Dr Mendaus apologised.

Sam noticed the doctor. She have him a cold look, as though daring him to separate her from Will.

Knowing things could get ugly if the doctor pushed it, Zack convinced him they would leave. Reluctantly, the doctor agreed to allow them a moment longer. When he was gone, Zack approached her. "I'm sorry, Sam. You have to let him go."

Searching his eyes, and feeling his hand over hers, Sam crumbled. She let him lead her away and didn't look back. Everything before her became a misty pool. All of a sudden she felt light-headed, and then there was nothing but cold blackness.

Zack caught her when she fainted. He could feel her breath on his neck, it was a lot lighter than it should have been but after a few seconds it started to pick up. She'd be okay. She had been through a lot, but she'd make it. She was strong. They were made that way.

He could only imagine what it would have been like having to survive Manticore for as long as she had. They'd bailed when they were kids and it had been bad. Knowing the mind games Manticore played, it was a wonder she had survived the corruption. She really loved Will. His twin. Conflicting emotions tore at him, as he carried her down the corridor. This woman had tricked him. She had expertly used his weaknesses against him. But she had a weakness of her own, and he was his splitting image. He could play on that. He could hurt her the way she'd hurt him. Or did he want to use his advantage for another purpose?

~*~*~*~

Author's notes: cherie3, this is your favourite iluvaqt story? I apologize for the long lapse between updates. Life interfered and I haven't written since late November. For those hanging out patiently for this to be continued, the end is in sight. Thank you for your feedback and support.