Disclaimer: I do not own "Lady Marmalade" or Tarzan, or anything else that doesn't belong to me…
Note: I love the mall! The recirculated air. The sales. The clothes. The games. Teasing guys about Victoria's Secret (don't own that either…). The hot guys… Also, this chapter is meant to be funny, k? Also, it's like a mini-story of itself, so sit back, relax, and don't fall out of your chair. Also, don't take anything too seriously, and no flames please. And please gets on knees, and beseeches you REVIEW!
Chapter 44: TarzellRated R for mature humor, and content. giggle
Squall lay on the bed, thinking about what they could be up to. Zell knocked on the door, little pink bag in hand, and barged in.
Zell: Man, look at what Quisty's making me wear!
Squall (trying not to laugh, blushes): …
Zell: It's … hideous!
Squall (bright red): …
Zell: Where's Quisty?
Squall: She, and Oceania left a while ago.
Zell: You let her go with her?! Ah! Maybe they're buying one for you!
Squall: Oh… crap…
Zell: Man, maybe we should go find them.
Squall: I am not wearing one.
Zell: I tried it on. It's a thong! It makes you feel like you're going to split in two right up the middle of your ass.
Squall: slaps his forehead I didn't need to know that.
Zell: Did they say where they were going?
Squall: No. They said it was "girl stuff."
Zell: Hmmm. That's bad. Maybe since we thought Ocea was too sick to come with us earlier, she's taking her to the mall now.
Squall: Crap.
Zell: Maybe if we go to the mall, and buy some food for Irvine, and Selphie from the food court
Squall: They'll see through that if they're even there.
Zell: Then we won't be seen.
Squall: Whatever. Let's eat first.
Zell: Already did. You can eat there. It'll give us an excuse to be there. That and the fact that you never went with us.
Squall: You're a moron.
Zell (grabs Squall's arm): Let's go!
The two men drove to the mall (technically Squall, Zell lost his license in an accident). Squall got out of the car, and pulled up his pants, he needed to buy another set of belts anyways, so the mall was a convenience to him, despite the large quantities of people. Zell hopped out, fixed his clothes, and walked over to Squall.
Zell: Okay, we need undercover names. I'll be Zealot, and you are…hmmm… how about Holla for the Squalla?
Squall: …You're an idiot. No, I'm here to get my belts, eat, and then we're leaving.
A HOUR LATER:
Squall: How'd he talk me into this?
Zell (hiding behind a potted plant): Leonass. Come in Leonass.
Squall: I'm going to "ass" you if you don't shut up. I'm right here. Moron.
Zell (looks next to him to find Squall): We've been here for an hour. Where are they? belches pizza
Squall: How the hell am I supposed to know?
Zell: Umm… Telepathy?
Squall: sighShakes head Moron.
Zell: Hey, there they are… going into that lingerie shop… Man, that's not good…
Squall: Help…
Zell (grabs Squall's arm): We're going in!
Squall: Wha-? No!
Zell dragged Squall into the store, and Squall's cheeks immediately started to blush. He had never even been remotely near one, except for when Rinoa went in by herself. But even then he had waited outside, or gone to a different store. He felt like a pervert, and gazed at the ground. Zell, on the other hand, browsed, and looked for Quistis at the same time, eager to find out what they were looking for, and what to get for her to wear.
Squall's blushing cheeks felt warm as he tried to hide them with his gloved hands. He couldn't believe he was here, and started to go outside. Zell pulled him back, and quietly talked to him.
Zell: They're right there.
Squall: Next to the …whips, and chains?
Squall: Oh, crap.
Zell: Quisty's looking turned on. Agh! She's going to buy one!
Squall: What's Oceania doing?
Zell: Ocea? Hmm. She's looking at the naughty panties. Looks like you're making out.
Squall: Whatever. Can we go now?
Selphie: Guys! bounces into the store
Zell: Shit!
Selphie (goes to girls, Irvine is on her arm): Hey, ooooo nice thong.
Ocea (I'm going to type it like this, k?)(blushes): Uh, yeah. Black goes with everything…
Irvine: I'm going to look around, okay?
Selphie: Tell me if you see anything naughty. I got my SeeD check today.
Irvine: Will do tips hatGoes to Zell, and Squall What the hell?
Zell: Uh.. heh heh. Just looking?
Irvine (sarcastic): Right… Dude, you're blushing.
Squall: Whatever.
Irvine: It's okay. The first couple of times I was in these kinds of stores, I was beet red.
Squall: Whatever.
Irvine: See anything nice?
Zell: That red outfit over there.
Irvine: The one missing a crouch?
Zell: Yeah.
Squall: Oh, gawd…
Irvine: What about you, Squall?
Squall: …
Irvine: How about that black one over against the wall?
Squall (looks): …(even redder)… Yeah…
Irvine: laughs Relax, she's looking at it. She has a black, and blue fetish, eh?
Zell: Quistis like red… Maybe that's why she always- never mind.
Irvine: Whoa, whoa, whoa! I don't need bad mental images. So, why are you guys here?
Zell: To make sure that they don't get anything for us.
Irvine: Ah, like Zell's sex cosplay?
Zell: Exactly.
Irvine: But that's half the-…
Squall: Help me. Someone…Anyone.
Ocea: What are you two doing here?
Squall (too afraid, and embarrassed to look over his shoulder at her): …
Irvine: They were picking up a present for you since you were feeling better.
Ocea: Awww. Squall, how nice. I'll pick up something for you, and you get something for me.
Squall backed up into a tables of women's lacy thongs. He used his hand to get balance, and when he brought his hand back up to his face, he saw a thong *Black* hanging from it. He quickly put it down, acting as if it never happened.
Zell: Nothing cosplay, or gross. Like a thong.
Ocea (saw Squall's panty scene, but decided to be nice, and ignore it): I heard about your outfit. You should model it for us. evil grin Yeah! I got it! A strip show by you guys! licks teeth We'll get your costumes, and you'll pick out what you want us to reward you with.
Ocea ran to the girls, and explained what they were going to do. They stared across the store at the guys straight faced, then burst into laughter. Selphie squealed with delight, and jumped up, and down. Quistis started to look at the kinky stuff, and Ocea gave Squall a lusty look. The all migrated to the men's area, and looked at everything.
Irvine: Zell.
Zell: What?
Irvine: You had better run, or I'm going to kill you.
Squall: Not if I kill him first.
Zell: Uh, let's look around (runs to nighties to avoid capture).
Squall: …
Irvine: Well, we had better choose wisely. Let's go look at the underwear first.
Squall: Whatever.
The guys looked around, Zell keeping his distance. Hours passed, and Squall was overwhelmed by how many things were related to the subject. Some things puzzled his mind, and he would put it down, shaking his head. Irvine helped him figure things out, showing him the ropes. Irvine picked a small set of orange thong, and bra. Zell found a red see through nighty, and Squall found nothing. The girls were giggling in a corner, and went to the register. They checked out, and went to the guys.
Selphie: Found something.
Quisty: Ooo la la. Zell es magnifique.
Ocea: Find anythin', Babe?
Squall: No…
Ocea: Find something. Girls? they go outside, and wait for the guys
Squall: I am really going to kill you, Zell.
Zell: gulp
Irvine: Just grab something.
Squall: (Grabs the first thing he sees: a can of flavored whip cream)…
Irvine: I didn't know you liked that…
Squall (looks a his hand) (blushes again, er more, he was pink cheeked the entire time): …What's this for?
Irvine (whispers in his ear): …
Squall (large eyes, BRIGHT RED): Oh…
Irvine: You sure you want it?
Squall: Uh, check out, I'll go find something quick.
Zell: Hurry.
Squall goes, and grabs black panties, and a see through bra: …checks out
Irvine (he, and Zell already checked out): You still got it, didn't you?
Squall: Yeah…
Zell: Eww…
Squall: Whatever.
The guys went outside, and met up with the girls. Squall was bright red, and Ocea began to "kiss away the blushes." They all went back to the palace, and went to the living room that all of their rooms connected to (except Ellone/ Dewn's they were down the hall). Selphie had poles put in, and the guys froze at the sight.
Ocea: Okay, guys get your bags from your respective lady, and put on your clothes. We'll call you out, and then show us what you got.
Squall: …evil glare
Quistis: Whoever gets the best review gets to have sex every night this week.
Selphie: AND however they want it.
Ocea: Let the games begin!
Squall grabbed a bag from Ocea, and gave her a pathetic look of embarrassment. She rubbed his back in support, then pushed him inot their bedroom to change.
Squall: Bitch. looks in bag Oh….gawd…
Irvine went to Selphie, and took the bag, kissing her on the lips. She blushed, and sent him on his way.
Irvine: looks in bag Wow…
Zell went to Quistis, dropping to his knees, and pleading. She handed him the bag, and pointed to the door.
Zell: looks in bag NUUUUUUUUUUUU!
[Lil' Kim]
Where's all mah soul sistas
Lemme hear ya'll flow sistas
The guys waited in their rooms, Zell the first to be called. He came out, sporting a Disney's Tarzan loincloth. His face blushed, and he gave his performance, combining his karate stuff into it. The girls laughed, and called out Irvine. Irvine came out, and wore only his gun, a pair of boots, chaps, a orange thong, a hat, and body oil. He did his act, making bad innuendoes about his "gun." Next was Squall, poor Squall. He had on a black undershirt, black boxers, leather pull away pants, and his gunblade. At first he just froze, not knowing what to do, or expect. He started stripping casually, as if he was undressing for bed (he sleeps nakie). He, not realizing that usually you are only supposed to strip to just your underwear, took it ALL off. He never went to a strip club, so that's his excuse.
[Mya]
Hey sista, go sista, soul sista, flow sista
Hey sista, go sista, soul sista, go sista
The girls gasped, and smiled, amused by his innocence. Needless to say, Squall won. Red faced, he darted back to the room, escaping Irvine, and Zell's return to the room (they had gone back to change). Ocea ran after him, and calmed him down. She told him that she was happy that he would do anything almost for her, as she was the cause for the game. He calmed down, and she asked him what he got. He pointed to the bag on the bed, and she grabbed it (they were on the other side of the bed). She pulled out the clothes, and told him that there was another bag out by the couch.
[Mya]
He met Marmalade down in Moulin Rouge
Struttin' her stuff on the street
She said, "Hello, hey Jo, you wanna give it a go?" Oh! Uh huh
He put on his clothes, and grabbed the bag, not looking anyone in the eye. Zell started to laugh, but Quistis smacked him in the mouth, and told Squall that he had won by an anonymous vote.
[Chorus]
Giuchie, Giuchie, ya ya dada (hey hey hey)
Giuchie, Giuchie, ya ya here (here)
Mocha Chocalata ya ya (oh yea)
Creole Lady Marmalade
Squall returned to the bedroom, still blushing. Ocea had put on the outfit he picked, and laid on the bed with some ice she had gotten from the kitchen on the way up to the room (not the cooler).
[Lil' Kim]
What, what, what, what
[Mya]
Ooh, oh
Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir
Voulez vous coucher avec moi
She lay on the bed, her legs apart, waiting for her man. He forgot his embarrassment, and jumped next to her han'. (I got the melody stuck in my head, so the actions are kind of lyrical. That and I'm too lazy to write in detail…) She iced his cheek, telling him not to peek.
[Lil' Kim]
Yea yea yea yea
[Pink]
He sat in her boudoir while she freshened up
Boy drank all that Magnolia wine
On her black satin sheets is where he started to freak
Yeah
Ocea looked in the bottom of the bag. She held up the aerosol can, and gave him a look. He smiled, revealing his intentions, and she smiled and giggled evilly. She told him to look in his bag. He opened it up, and looked down, edible chocolate in hand.
[Chorus]
Giuchie, Giuchie, ya ya dada (da-da-da)
Giuchie, Giuchie, ya ya here (here ohooh yea yeah)
Mocha Chocalata ya ya (yea)
Creole Lady Marmalade
Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir (ce soir, what what what)
Voulez vous coucher avec moi
Irvine picked up Selphie, and took her to his bed. The girl giggled, and squealed, being taken by her man. Groans, and moans could be heard in the hall, fallowed by a laugh.
[Lil' Kim]
Yea yea uh
He come through with the money and the garter bags
I let him know we bout that cake straight up the gate uh
We independent women, some mistake us for whores
I'm sayin', why spend mine when I can spend yours
Disagree? Well that's you and I'm sorry
Imma keep playing these cats out like Atari
Wear ideal shoes get love from the dudes
4 bad ass chicks from Moulin Rouge
Hey sistas, soul sistas, betta get that dough sistas
We drink wine with diamonds in the glass
By the case the meaning of expensive taste
If you wanna Giuchie Giuchi, ya ya
Mocha chocalate-a what?
Real Lady Marmalade
One more time C'mon now
Marmalade… Lady Marmalade… Marmalade
Zell took his wife to bed. She put on the clothes that he picked, almost everythin' revealin'. They went at it like rabbits, a lot of noise could be heard. Call it stupid, but Zell's noises sound absurd.
[Christina]
Hey hey hey!
Touch of her skin feeling silky smooth
Color of café au lait alright
Made the savage beast inside roar until he cried,
More-more-more
So getting' lusty, Squall took that chocolate out. He opened it up, and on her crouch, began to mount. He put the chocolate on her neck, and began to brush it down.
[Pink]
Now he's back home doin' 9 to 5
[Mya]
Sleepin' the gray flannel life
[Christina]
But when he turns off to sleep the memories creep,
More-more-more
He licked it off, and began to undress her with his teeth, ah yeah. She moaned in glory, lusty intentions, her libido gone crazy. His lips caressed her, getting' under the sheet.
[Chorus]
Giuchie, Giuchie, ya ya dada (da-daeaea yea)
Giuchie, Giuchie, ya ya here (ooh)
Mocha Choca lata ya ya (yea)
Creole Lady Marmalade
Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir (ce soir)
Voulez vous coucher avec moi (all my sistas yea)
Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir (ce soir)
Voulez vous coucher avec moi (C' mon! uh)
They started undressin' tellin' him to begin. He did his act, she without objections, let him in.
[Missy]
Christina… (oh Leaeaa Oh)
Pink… (Lady Marmalade)
Lil' Kim… (hey Hey! Uh uh uh uh…)
Mya… (Oh Oh oooo)
Rot wailer baby… (baby)
Moulin Rouge… (oh)
Misdemeanor here…
Creole Lady Marmalade Yes-ah……
