It was love, the most terrible demon of all.
~
Shaken by the memory of that horrible night, Ishizu fought not to think. Kaiba's kiss had somehow awakened a torrent of emotions inside of her. Her unresolved feelings toward Rishid, her doubts about the future, and just about every other problem that had been quietly building up for the last few years. As soon as she was out of Kaiba's sight, she promptly hailed a cab and headed for home, being in no condition to be driving. Once in the taxi, she closed her eyes and let herself drift until she reached her apartment. She hurried in and left a message on Marik's answering machine telling him to please take care of Hathor for a while. She walked to her bathroom, and found an old bottle of sleeping pills, and promptly swallowed two, and fully dressed, fell asleep.
She lay in bed for two days, in a horrible state of semi-consciousness, as she drifted in and out of sleep. It was almost one in the afternoon of the third day when she finally got up out of bed, with a dry mouth and a heavy heart. She examined herself in the mirror. She seemed especially gaunt and worn. Ishizu took a shower, and though the water was scalding hot, she simply did not have the energy to change it.
~
Ishizu paused before entering his office. She had a feeling this would be awkward. But she finally pushed open the door. Kaiba, as usual, was sitting at his desk. For several moments, neither of them said anything, and the only sound was the scratching of Kaiba's pencil as he wrote.
"I assume you're here to collect your things." He spoke, in a flat, emotionless voice, without looking at her. "And see Sasaki on the third floor about your severance pay." His anger had evidently faded, but his tone was not in the least apologetic.
"All right." Ishizu made her way to her office and began to collect her things in a cardboard box. She was done in about ten minutes, and she looked around her empty office one last time. Even with her things there, her office had still been somewhat bare looking, but stripped of all her possessions, her office seemed almost pathetic.
She left without speaking another word to Kaiba. There was nothing to say.
~
"Ah, yes, severance pay. Well, severance pay is usually mailed out." Ms. Sasaki adjusted her glasses and looked at Ishizu. "But you might need some other documents. Hold on just a minute." She pulled open a filing cabinet and pulled out a thick folder and begin to leaf through it.
Ishizu balanced the box on her hip uncomfortably. Finally, after waiting several minutes, she put the box down and took a seat across from her. The room was silent except for the rustling of papers, and Ishizu finally decided to take a brave stab at conversation.
"Miss Sasaki… you wouldn't know what happened to the last secretary, would you?"
The woman slowly put down her papers and gave Ishizu a significant look.
"Why would you want to know?"
Ishizu looked down at her lap. "Curiosity, I suppose."
Miss Sasaki surveyed her for a minute before continuing. "Yes, I assume it's Kyeko you're talking about. Yes, well, her name was Kyeko, and I can't seem to remember her last name, but Mr. Kaiba always called her Camilla for some reason. I really don't know why. And as for what you really want to know, well…" She paused and licked her lips, choosing her words carefully. " I don't think Mr. Kaiba ever truly loved her, but… it may well have been the closest thing to it. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"
Ishizu nodded slowly. "Perfectly."
Miss Sasaki gave her another piercing glance. "But she was involved with Mr. Kaiba's Vice-President, Mr. Terufumi. They were quite smitten with each other, as the whole building knew. I think even young Mr. Mokuba knew what was going on. Mr. Kaiba was the only one who didn't know what was happening. Of course, though, I rather think he knew and just tried to ignore it. But, around October, Kyeko resigned and married Mr. Terufumi. Kaiba was furious and promptly fired Terufumi. I believe they're both living in Nagoya right now."
"But when did this happen?"
Miss Sasaki smiled wryly. "Approximately two years ago."
"Two years?" Ishizu barely tried to hide her surprise.
"Yes. I almost pitied the poor man. For two years after Kyeko resigned, he just refused to even hire another secretary. I was really quite surprised, to tell the truth, that you were even hired at all. Numerous other people had applied for the position, but Kaiba would just flat out refuse to see them. Like I said, though, he never really truly loved her, but nevertheless, it was a blow for him when she married Terufumi. "
"I see. So, it was not Kaiba who got her pregnant?" Ishizu asked in what she hoped was a detached voice. She was somewhat surprised to hear this. She wouldn't have suspected this from Kaiba, to tell the truth.
"Oh, no. Like I told you, it was Terufumi she was involved with. I don't think Kyeko even had an idea what Mr. Kaiba's feelings for her were." Miss Sasaki resumed sifting through the stack of papers and finally pulled out a sheaf of papers and handed it to Ishizu. "There you are, Miss Ishtar. Severance pay should be mailed to your residence by the end of the month."
Ishizu thanked the woman and left, still wondering at what she had heard. This has been my workplace for the past few months, she thought as she entered the elevator she had stood in for so many days. She was almost surprised at how little she felt, or cared, about leaving Kaiba Corporation.
Several minutes later, she was by her car in the parking lot. She unlocked the door and thrust her box and papers in the passenger seat, then sat down. She drove away from Kaiba Corporation, trying her best not to look back at it. Ishizu drove around aimlessly for several minutes, not really knowing where to go. She could go home, but… she just really didn't want to.
"I don't think he ever truly loved her, but it may well have been the closest thing to it."
Miss Sasaki's words continued to run through her head. She replayed the entire conversation in her mind, and the more she thought about it, the more she realized just what Miss Sasaki meant. Ishizu of all people should have known. After all, wasn't that what had happened with Rishid? She understood now that she had never truly loved Rishid, either, but nevertheless she broke his heart.
It was something of a shock to Ishizu as she realized the sun was beginning to go down and she had been driving aimlessly around Domino for about two hours. She somewhat reluctantly made a u-turn and drove back to her apartment.
The corridor was dark by the time she got back, and she juggled her box with her knee while she fumbled in her purse for the key. Turning the doorknob, it took her eyes a few minutes to adjust to the darkness before she slowly realized that someone was sitting at her dining room table. She squinted and made out a profile. Unexplainably calm despite the fact that there was a stranger sitting in her apartment, she set down her box and flicked on a light. But when the stranger turned his head and looked at her, she froze.
Despite the fact that he seemed to have aged immensely in these several years, it was quite unmistakably Rishid. He had the same deepset eyes, and the same stoic gravity, but Ishizu realized just by looking at him that these years had not been easy for him. He had acquired the weathered look of a wanderer and he had developed some fine lines around his eyes and mouth, but whether from time or a harsh life, Ishizu didn't know. But when he spoke, he had the same vivid, unwavering voice that had haunted her for years.
"Hello, Rishid." Ishizu inhaled deeply, almost hysteric simply from the effort of trying to remain calm. Without waiting for an answer, she promptly turned and hung up her coat. Closing the closet door, she cleared her throat and forced herself to look at Rishid. He was watching her intently with his characteristic detached gaze.
"You've changed a lot, Rishid."
"Come now, Ishizu, I'm sure you can say something more than that to me. I haven't seen you for six years now. And I never did get to say goodbye to you."
"No, we never did get to say a proper goodbye, did we?"
There followed a silence.
"Why did you leave, Ishizu?" He asked suddenly, without preamble.
Ishizu knew she would have had to answer these questions sooner or later. "I… I just guess I didn't care about you enough to stay." She said with uncharacteristic bluntness.
"I see." Rishid continued to look at her with a gravity that seemed to bore into her heart. "Nothing was ever the same once you left. But maybe I had just been deluding myself. That we had had a relationship that nothing could ever break apart. Because I suppose we didn't."
"No, we didn't." She answered tonelessly, avoiding his gaze. "Why did you come here after all these years?"
"I'm going to be honest with you, Ishizu. I came back, more or less, to see if we still have a chance together. Do we?"
"No." It hurt her to be so brutally honest, but she knew that in the end, it will bring her far less pain than to continue deluding Rishid.
But when he looked at her with such undisguised hurt in his eyes, she had no choice but to explain further. "It just that… I think over these years, I've just simply lost my capacity to love."
"I see." Rishid seemed reluctant to continue this conversation and changed to a less painful topic. "How is your job coming along. You work for Seto Kaiba, I believe?"
"It's coming along fine." She lied, not willing to go into a long and unneeded explanation. And how did he know who she was working for?
"Ah." Rishid glanced at her cardboard box. Ishizu tried to shove it out of the way with her foot, but not before he caught a glimpse of papers, files, and a jumble of pens and paperclips.
She smiled weakly. "Or it was. Until I was fired two nights ago."
"What for?"
Damn it, she thought rather irritably. She should have learned long ago it was useless to try to hide anything from Rishid. Even as a child, he had always been the only one who could see through her lies, her thoughts, and through her, now that she thought about it.
"It's… complicated." Ishizu stared dully at the wall behind Rishid. He glanced back at the wall, as if trying to encrypt just what she find so fascinating about the wall behind him. Ishizu suddenly realized how rude she was being, and forced herself to elaborate.
"It was several nights ago… it was at a dinner party, and something happened. Something that I didn't want to happen. Something he didn't want to happen. We both reacted to it rather badly, I suppose. I said something I shouldn't have and he fired me." Her words sounded much more awkward and incomplete that she would've liked.
"What will you do now?" He finally asked after a lengthy silence.
"I don't know."
"You needed that job?"
"Yes." She hated to admit it, but she did. After all, it paid well, and she doubted she'd be able to find another job easily.
"So what's stopping you from demanding it back?"
"My dignity."
He shook his head. "Ishizu, you'll realize this sooner or later, but there are several things in life that are worth more than your dignity. That had always been your greatest downfall even as a child. You always knew what to do, but there was always something stopping you from doing it."
Ishizu stared at him for a moment. She hated to admit it, but he was right. After all, he knew her better than anyone else, but she never realized just how well he understood her until this moment.
"You're right."
"I always was." His certainty of old had returned, and Ishizu smiled, burying her face in his shoulder, laughing slightly for the first time in weeks. He still smelled like he always did, an indescribable scent of soap and clean linen. "You're as arrogant as ever."
"You're as immovable as ever." His face grew serious, and they broke apart. He glanced at the clock on the mantelpiece. "It's getting late. It's time for me to leave now."
Ishizu stood uncertainly for a few moments. A kiss would be out of the question, but after all, this was the first time in seven years they had seen each other. Rishid finally kissed her awkwardly, a chaste kiss on her forehead. When she looked up, he scrutinized her face and swallowed.
"My God, I've missed you, Ishizu." He said in a half whisper as he left silently.
How strange, she thinks, face slightly flushed, as she closed the door behind him, to have had a conversation with him in her living room, at this time of her life. How strange, that she sees him for the first time after seven years, and all they talk about is her job and their dead relationship. It strikes her as so inexplicably bizarre she suddenly has an insane urge to laugh, despite the gravity of the situation. How strange, she thinks once again, that Rishid, of all people, could be the one that opened her eyes.
~
Kaiba was sitting alone in the morning room of the Kaiba mansion, in one of his rare few hours of leisure. He checked his watch. Saturday morning was free, but he had a board of directors' meeting at two o'clock. After he finished breakfast, he planned on taking Mokuba out to a large field adjacent to his property for his flying lessons. Mokuba had constantly pointed out that flying lessons were an absolutely pointless endeavour, but Kaiba had refused to listen, adamant that Mokuba receive his pilot's license by his eighteenth birthday. Finally Mokuba, knowing full well just how stubborn his brother could be, reluctantly agreed to the flying lessons, though Kaiba knew only how disgruntled Mokuba would be about it.
The maid set down Kaiba's breakfast, half a grapefruit and a cup of coffee, and left. Kaiba picked up a newspaper.
And at that moment, far off somewhere in the house, someone knocked at the door.
"May I please see Mr. Kaiba?" Ishizu waited on the doorstep, her coat draped over her arm, as the door was opened by a sullen-looking maid.
"Ah.. I'm sorry, but Mr. Kaiba does not receive people at his residence. If you wish to contact him, letters addressed to his office at Kaiba Corporation will find him there."
Ishizu frowned. "This is urgent."
"Mr. Kaiba does not receive visitors."
Ishizu grasped the maid's arms and leaned in closer. "I need to see Mr. Kaiba."
The maid faltered and shrank back. "Well… A-all right. Right this way, please." Ishizu was led through a maze of hallways and polished floors, and into a large sunny morning room.
"Someone wishes to speak to you, Mr. Kaiba."
Kaiba looked up and as a initial reaction, he had to struggle not to spit out his mouthful of coffee. What the hell was Ishizu doing here? He hastily composed himself into his usual cold indifference.
"That will be enough, Moira. Close the doors as you leave." Moira bowed stiffly and retreated, the doors closing with a muted thud.
The doors had barely closed when Ishizu spoke, quietly fierce.
"I demand my job back."
"I'm afraid you're too late. I've already filled the position." Kaiba spoke with the faintest hint of a sneer in his tone, as he complacently stirred his coffee.
"You're lying. You have not hired anyone."
Ishizu watched as Kaiba set his spoon down on the saucer, not in the least embarrassed at having been caught at his own lie. Kaiba lowered his newspaper, carefully folded it, and arranged it in a neat stack on the table.
"Give me one good reason why I should give you your job back."
"I can give you several. One, you had absolutely no right in the first place to fire me. Two, you'll never find anyone as qualified as I am. And three, if I am not rehired by the end of today, I will sue you for molestation."
Kaiba was not in the least ruffled by her words. However, finally he looked at her in the eye.
"I've long ago gotten used to threats. I'm afraid that won't work for me. However… I will admit you've made a compelling argument. In return for your job back, though, you will not speak of what happened Thursday night. Ever."
"Agreed." Ishizu did not want any more than him to remember what had happened.
"All right. I'll see you on Monday, then."
"Kaiba?"
"Yes?"
"Thank you."
"You're welcome. Now get out of my house."
~
/
~
/
~
/
(Sorry about the late update. I published 2 new fics… a Phantom of the Opera, and a Final Fantasy VIII (Seifer/Quistis ^_^) one… I just love pathetic self-advertising. Don't you? ^_^
On another note, since I've gotten a few comments about this, I wanted to clear something up. I never intended from the beginning for Kaiba to have gotten his former secretary pregnant. It's just not in character for him, since I really don't see him as the playboy type. But… I do have a reason for all of this, and I think it's about time I explained. I believe that Isis is the only woman for Kaiba, and always will be, but I also believe that everything that has happened so far will, in the long run, strengthen their relationship. Because –to quote Shakespeare here- the course of true love never did run smooth. And when it comes to Kaiba, there's no such thing as an easy relationship. And I doubt a relationship will mean as much to him if it were easy. And Kaiba and Isis both have very strong personalities, so inevitably they're going to clash sometimes and have their quibbles and arguments, but still…. And I mean, just look at Kaiba's relationship with Mokuba. They have a very strong bond, but that doesn't mean they don't have their big fights and whatnot. Do you kind of see what I'm trying to say here?
This is a very long Author's note. And not the most interesting, I'll admit. But sometimes I just feel like I have to explain myself. But never mind… once again, thanks for the reviews, and feel free to ask any questions you want. I haven't done the best job of feedback on reviews, but I'll try and do a better job of replying to them, and answering questions and stuff from now on. My IM's RyuRhapsody, if you ever want to IM me.
And congrats once again to Ambie-chan. Yes, it was The Highwayman by Alfred Noyes. Terribly depressing poem, but I still liked it. Here's your imaginary cappuccino maker. And I'm somewhat of a bookworm (putting it mildly) and I get a big kick out of posting these excerpts and quotes and stuff. Even though nobody but Ambie-chan seems to be trying to guess them. *cries*… I guess I am a big geek. I thought of a really good Shakespeare quote in the shower in the other day, but I couldn't remember which play it was from, so I just ran out (still wet- but I had a towel on) and started furiously leafing through my Shakespeare plays trying to figure out which one it was. *sighs* I really do make myself wonder sometimes.
And as for this chapter's quote, it's one of my favorite quotes of all time, and when I named my last chapter, it was love I meant as 'the most terrible demon of all'. Not Kaiba. (^_^) But it's from a somewhat obscure book, so I'll give you a clue. It's by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, and as for what book it is, that's for you to find out. *winks*
Okay… that's the end of this abnormally long Author's note. This Author's note was probably long enough to be a chapter by itself… Ugh! Why do I always end up doing that?…)
