Disclaimer: A.F.I. owns the song. I don't. But I do want to own Davey
Havok. He's d--n hot. (sighs) Ah, The Crow Look...
Note: None... I think... Oh, wait! Thank you to the peoples that took the time to review. (curtsies) Thanks. I feel loved.
Chapter 54: Adieu
"Bleed Black"
I am exploring the inside, I find it desolate
I do implore these confines, now, as they penetrate, "recreate me"
I'm hovering throughout time, I crumble in these days
I crumble, I cannot, I cannot find reflection in these days
Ocea sat on the bottom of the shower stall, her blood spilling onto the tile. The crimson fluid melded with the clear water into a light red.
(If you listen) Listen, listen
(Listen close) Beat by beat
(You can hear when the heart stops) I saved the pieces
(When it broke) And ground them all to dust
The small ritual blade fell from her hand, the only thing under her possession that could inflict real pain. The water poured on her head, trickling from the contours, and hair.
I am destroyed by the inside, I disassociate
I hope to destroy the outside, it will alleviate and elevate me
Like water flowing into lungs, I'm flowing through these days
As morphine tears through deadened veins, I'm numbing in these days
So...
She knew what had to be done, and new pain entering her chest. The thought hurt worse than the slash in her wrist. The only sound she heard was water, her breathing, and the beating of hearts. Memories flooded her sight, and she slide against the wall.
(If you listen) Listen, listen
(Listen close) Beat by beat
(You can hear when the heart stops) I saved the pieces
(When it broke) And ground them all to dust
Desperate to free herself from them, she clawed the wall. "No...," her mind repeated as it paced. Her hand felt the ground near her, searching blindly for something to free her from her self.
I know what died that night, it can never be brought back to life
Once again, I know
I know I died that night and I'll never be brought back to life
Once again, I know (2x)
Accidentaly, she felt the dagger, it cutting her palm. She stared at the fresh blood. It streamed down her arm, and dripped down to the ground.
(If you listen) Listen, listen
(Listen close) Beat by beat
(You can hear when the heart stops) I saved the pieces
(When it broke) And ground them all to dust
So...
She grabbed the dagger again, but deliberatly. Raising the knife to her other wrist. She slit it. The flesh split like butter, her arm being released of its life force. She calmed down, the pain soothing her.
(If you listen) Listen, listen
(Listen close) Beat by beat
(You can hear when the heart stops) I saved the pieces
(When it broke) And ground them all to dust
She heard a slam in the other room. "Squall," she thought, realizing her present predicament. He entered the bathroom, removing his wife beater. She slipped the knife into the special bracelet aroung her right wrist. The blade shrunk to fit, and she started to heal herself.
Squall entered the shower, and noticed the blood circling the drain. He made a worried glance at her, and she made a pathetic excuse that she started her period while showering. Those things always had bad timing anyways (like in the store, or school... Grrr....).
Not fully believing her, he decided to ignore it. Ocea started to leave the shower stall, saying she was done anyways. He grabbed her arm, and rubbed the wet skin with his thumb. Goose bumps rose on her skin, and she went to get dressed.
His hands on the shower wall, Squall held his head lowered in the water. Water streamed down his neck, and back, as well as dripped off of his nose. His thoughts were worried, and deep. His mind lost, and frustrated. They were dark in nature. Then the thought really crossed his mind, and stayed despite numerous attempts to push it away: Ocea was up to something. Something she couldn't utter, or tell him about.
Worried further, what had always been thought of as his conscious troubled him with things that could be wrong. Frustrated, he slammed his fist against the wall.
Ocea slightly jumped, the noise startling her. Squall left the shower, squeaky clean from taking out his anger on his skin. His knuckles badly bruised, he grabbed a shirt from the closet. Ocea rose, and put his hurt hand into hers. He pulled away, but she had already healed it.
"This Time Imperfect" [A.F.I.] I cannot leave here, I cannot stay
Forever haunted, more than afraid
Asphyxiate on words I would say
I'm drawn to a blackened sky as I turn blue
"Squall," She began, her lips trembling, "What's wrong?"
"You tell me," he snapped.
There are no flowers, no, not this time
There will be no angels gracing the lines, just these stark words I find
I'd show a smile but I'm too weak
I'd share for you, could I only speak, just how much this hurts me
"Nothing. Why are you acting like this?"
"You re hiding something? What is it?"
"You're not acting like you usually do."
"What is usual? Someone you can't talk to?"
"I cold, and distant man that has no sense of privacy for others but himself. I'm sorry."
I cannot stay here, I cannot leave
Just like all I loved, I'm make believe
Imagined heart, I disappear
Seems... no one will appear here and make me real
"Do you know what? I am sick of living like this. Pretending to care about people I don't give a f--k about. So go ahead, and do whatever the hell you want. Just leave me the hell alone."
"Fine. You only helped me make my decision... We need to get ready for the club. You should at least go for Selphie. No matter what happens between us. Don't want to break a promise, do you?"
"Whatever."
There are no flowers, no, not this time
There will be no angels gracing the lines, just these stark words I find
I'd show a smile but I'm too weak
I'd share with you, could I only speak, just how much this hurts me
They dressed, and readied. Squall leaned against the door impatiently, his foot tapping the ground. Ocea told him to go ahead, she'd be there shortly. Squall sighed, and left, slamming the door.
I'd tell you how it haunts me
I'd tell you how it haunts me
Cuts through my day and sinks into my dreams
I'd tell you how it haunts me
Cuts through my day and sinks into my dreams
You don't care that it haunts me
Ocea ran to the bed, sobbing uncontrollably. Her back, and chest violently shook from the crying, and gasps. She stayed there for a few moments, collecting herself. She rubbed the black stained tears away, her mascara, and nose running.
She sat down at a small wooden desk, writing a letter. The tears that still fell from her eyes dropped to the letter, splatters of black water on it. She folded it carefully in the shape of a lion, and wrote Squall's name across it. She wrote another for Selphie, and one for Dewn.
She packed her belongings in a black bag. She called the butler, and gave him the letters, and told him to give Selphie's, and Dewn's that moment. She placed Squall's on his pillow. She grabbed her bag, and shut the door. Walking to the Venus, her boots clicked loudly in the silent halls.
There are no flowers, no, not this time
There will be no angels gracing the lines, just these stark words I find
I'd show a smile but I'm too weak
I'd share with you, could I only speak, just how much this hurts me
Just how much this hurts me
Just how much you...
She shut the door to the bay where the ship sat, turning on the lights. "Well," she thought, "At least this way I won't have to say goodbye."
~_~
Squall sat impatiently at the table, downing another beer. Irvine, and Selphie were on the dance floor, while Quistis, and Zell were cuddled up in a corner near Squall. Out of breath, Irvine saw the taciturn hero alone.
Irvine: Where's Ocea? Shouldn't she be here by now?
Squall: ...Whatever.
Irvine: Don't tell me you two got in a fight.
Squall: ...(drains his bottle)
Irvine: Well, whatever happened, go apologize so she'd come. I don't want Selp to suffer for your stupidity.
Squall (raises bottle for refill): I'm not at fault.
Irvine: Just go, so she'll come. You don't have to mean it.
Squall: She said she'd be here right before I left.
Irvine: (sighs) You are woman illiterate.
Squall: ... (sees a flash of Ocea) What?
Irvine: You... are... woman... illiterate.
Squall: No, I thought I saw her.
Irvine (looks around): You must be seeing things. Maybe you've had enough to drink.
Butler: Master Leonhart. Master Kinneas. May I ask where Mistress Tilmitt is?
Irvine (points): There. Why are you here?
Butler: Mistress Oceania has sent me on an errand of "The utmost care, and sincerity."
Irvine: Huh?
Squall: She isn't coming.
Selphie (gets letter from butler): Thank you! (opens it) Huh?............ (walks to Squall) Squall, I need to give you something.
Squall: What?
Selphie (rereads letter): Okay, stand up.
Squall: Why? (stands)
Selphie kissed Squall on the mouth-tongue, and all- and kicked him in the shin.
Selphie: She isn't coming. She left.
Squall: What?!
Selphie: She.. left for our own good... And mostly yours, Squall.
Squall left on a war path. Others always made his decisions to a degree. He was appointed leader of the Garden, orphaned, and other countless things he had no control over. Ocea's leaving was too much. The enraged man walked into his room, seeing if she was still there.
The room empty, he tore it apart. He fell onto the floor, his back against the bed. He noticed through his blurring eyes the corner of an envelope. He grabbed it, and opened it. Reading it, he silently cried. He made their last moments together shorter, and on bad terms.
He rose furiously, running to the Venus. The room empty, he beat his fist against the wall. Irvine had followed him, and now held the broken man in his arms. The door closed, Squall let down his guard for a moment, knowung full well that Irvine wouldn't say anything about his "moment of weakness."
Years of anguuish flowed through Squall's eyes, all of the pain welled up being released. It wasn't just Ocea's leaving that sorrowed him; it was an accumulation of his pain that he had thought numbed. Zell entered the room, and Squall quickly stood up, wiping his eyes. The blonde walked over to Squall, and hugged him.
Zell: Aw, man. This is f---ed. As your friends, we're here for ya, man. Don't worry 'bout anyone knowin' either. (does jumping/ punching air) I'll pound Irvine if he says anythin'.
Irvine: That isn't necessary.
Squall (nods, and thinks): Oh... Hyne... I cried... Cid did too... S--t...
Irvine: I cried last month when Selph thought she was knocked up.
Zell: Was she?
Irvine: Would she be drinking tonight if she was?
Zell: No...
Squall: (laughs)
Zell: I think he lost it.
Squall: No, no. I just thought about if you, and Quistis had a kid.
Zell: Well, what about- nevermind.
Squall: What?
Irvine: Nothing.
Squall: Whatever.
Zell: Where you going?
Squall (in newest ship: Adonis): I'm going after her.
Irvine: Good luck.
Zell: That's suicide! What about those sisters of hers? What if they get you?
Squall: What is a life of what if's worth? I don't want to live a life of regret.
Irvine: Goobye (tips hat)
Zell: C'ya!
Squall left, and Quistis entered. Her chin on Zell's shoulder, she hugged him from behind.
Quistis: Does he know?
Zell: No.
Note: None... I think... Oh, wait! Thank you to the peoples that took the time to review. (curtsies) Thanks. I feel loved.
Chapter 54: Adieu
"Bleed Black"
I am exploring the inside, I find it desolate
I do implore these confines, now, as they penetrate, "recreate me"
I'm hovering throughout time, I crumble in these days
I crumble, I cannot, I cannot find reflection in these days
Ocea sat on the bottom of the shower stall, her blood spilling onto the tile. The crimson fluid melded with the clear water into a light red.
(If you listen) Listen, listen
(Listen close) Beat by beat
(You can hear when the heart stops) I saved the pieces
(When it broke) And ground them all to dust
The small ritual blade fell from her hand, the only thing under her possession that could inflict real pain. The water poured on her head, trickling from the contours, and hair.
I am destroyed by the inside, I disassociate
I hope to destroy the outside, it will alleviate and elevate me
Like water flowing into lungs, I'm flowing through these days
As morphine tears through deadened veins, I'm numbing in these days
So...
She knew what had to be done, and new pain entering her chest. The thought hurt worse than the slash in her wrist. The only sound she heard was water, her breathing, and the beating of hearts. Memories flooded her sight, and she slide against the wall.
(If you listen) Listen, listen
(Listen close) Beat by beat
(You can hear when the heart stops) I saved the pieces
(When it broke) And ground them all to dust
Desperate to free herself from them, she clawed the wall. "No...," her mind repeated as it paced. Her hand felt the ground near her, searching blindly for something to free her from her self.
I know what died that night, it can never be brought back to life
Once again, I know
I know I died that night and I'll never be brought back to life
Once again, I know (2x)
Accidentaly, she felt the dagger, it cutting her palm. She stared at the fresh blood. It streamed down her arm, and dripped down to the ground.
(If you listen) Listen, listen
(Listen close) Beat by beat
(You can hear when the heart stops) I saved the pieces
(When it broke) And ground them all to dust
So...
She grabbed the dagger again, but deliberatly. Raising the knife to her other wrist. She slit it. The flesh split like butter, her arm being released of its life force. She calmed down, the pain soothing her.
(If you listen) Listen, listen
(Listen close) Beat by beat
(You can hear when the heart stops) I saved the pieces
(When it broke) And ground them all to dust
She heard a slam in the other room. "Squall," she thought, realizing her present predicament. He entered the bathroom, removing his wife beater. She slipped the knife into the special bracelet aroung her right wrist. The blade shrunk to fit, and she started to heal herself.
Squall entered the shower, and noticed the blood circling the drain. He made a worried glance at her, and she made a pathetic excuse that she started her period while showering. Those things always had bad timing anyways (like in the store, or school... Grrr....).
Not fully believing her, he decided to ignore it. Ocea started to leave the shower stall, saying she was done anyways. He grabbed her arm, and rubbed the wet skin with his thumb. Goose bumps rose on her skin, and she went to get dressed.
His hands on the shower wall, Squall held his head lowered in the water. Water streamed down his neck, and back, as well as dripped off of his nose. His thoughts were worried, and deep. His mind lost, and frustrated. They were dark in nature. Then the thought really crossed his mind, and stayed despite numerous attempts to push it away: Ocea was up to something. Something she couldn't utter, or tell him about.
Worried further, what had always been thought of as his conscious troubled him with things that could be wrong. Frustrated, he slammed his fist against the wall.
Ocea slightly jumped, the noise startling her. Squall left the shower, squeaky clean from taking out his anger on his skin. His knuckles badly bruised, he grabbed a shirt from the closet. Ocea rose, and put his hurt hand into hers. He pulled away, but she had already healed it.
"This Time Imperfect" [A.F.I.] I cannot leave here, I cannot stay
Forever haunted, more than afraid
Asphyxiate on words I would say
I'm drawn to a blackened sky as I turn blue
"Squall," She began, her lips trembling, "What's wrong?"
"You tell me," he snapped.
There are no flowers, no, not this time
There will be no angels gracing the lines, just these stark words I find
I'd show a smile but I'm too weak
I'd share for you, could I only speak, just how much this hurts me
"Nothing. Why are you acting like this?"
"You re hiding something? What is it?"
"You're not acting like you usually do."
"What is usual? Someone you can't talk to?"
"I cold, and distant man that has no sense of privacy for others but himself. I'm sorry."
I cannot stay here, I cannot leave
Just like all I loved, I'm make believe
Imagined heart, I disappear
Seems... no one will appear here and make me real
"Do you know what? I am sick of living like this. Pretending to care about people I don't give a f--k about. So go ahead, and do whatever the hell you want. Just leave me the hell alone."
"Fine. You only helped me make my decision... We need to get ready for the club. You should at least go for Selphie. No matter what happens between us. Don't want to break a promise, do you?"
"Whatever."
There are no flowers, no, not this time
There will be no angels gracing the lines, just these stark words I find
I'd show a smile but I'm too weak
I'd share with you, could I only speak, just how much this hurts me
They dressed, and readied. Squall leaned against the door impatiently, his foot tapping the ground. Ocea told him to go ahead, she'd be there shortly. Squall sighed, and left, slamming the door.
I'd tell you how it haunts me
I'd tell you how it haunts me
Cuts through my day and sinks into my dreams
I'd tell you how it haunts me
Cuts through my day and sinks into my dreams
You don't care that it haunts me
Ocea ran to the bed, sobbing uncontrollably. Her back, and chest violently shook from the crying, and gasps. She stayed there for a few moments, collecting herself. She rubbed the black stained tears away, her mascara, and nose running.
She sat down at a small wooden desk, writing a letter. The tears that still fell from her eyes dropped to the letter, splatters of black water on it. She folded it carefully in the shape of a lion, and wrote Squall's name across it. She wrote another for Selphie, and one for Dewn.
She packed her belongings in a black bag. She called the butler, and gave him the letters, and told him to give Selphie's, and Dewn's that moment. She placed Squall's on his pillow. She grabbed her bag, and shut the door. Walking to the Venus, her boots clicked loudly in the silent halls.
There are no flowers, no, not this time
There will be no angels gracing the lines, just these stark words I find
I'd show a smile but I'm too weak
I'd share with you, could I only speak, just how much this hurts me
Just how much this hurts me
Just how much you...
She shut the door to the bay where the ship sat, turning on the lights. "Well," she thought, "At least this way I won't have to say goodbye."
~_~
Squall sat impatiently at the table, downing another beer. Irvine, and Selphie were on the dance floor, while Quistis, and Zell were cuddled up in a corner near Squall. Out of breath, Irvine saw the taciturn hero alone.
Irvine: Where's Ocea? Shouldn't she be here by now?
Squall: ...Whatever.
Irvine: Don't tell me you two got in a fight.
Squall: ...(drains his bottle)
Irvine: Well, whatever happened, go apologize so she'd come. I don't want Selp to suffer for your stupidity.
Squall (raises bottle for refill): I'm not at fault.
Irvine: Just go, so she'll come. You don't have to mean it.
Squall: She said she'd be here right before I left.
Irvine: (sighs) You are woman illiterate.
Squall: ... (sees a flash of Ocea) What?
Irvine: You... are... woman... illiterate.
Squall: No, I thought I saw her.
Irvine (looks around): You must be seeing things. Maybe you've had enough to drink.
Butler: Master Leonhart. Master Kinneas. May I ask where Mistress Tilmitt is?
Irvine (points): There. Why are you here?
Butler: Mistress Oceania has sent me on an errand of "The utmost care, and sincerity."
Irvine: Huh?
Squall: She isn't coming.
Selphie (gets letter from butler): Thank you! (opens it) Huh?............ (walks to Squall) Squall, I need to give you something.
Squall: What?
Selphie (rereads letter): Okay, stand up.
Squall: Why? (stands)
Selphie kissed Squall on the mouth-tongue, and all- and kicked him in the shin.
Selphie: She isn't coming. She left.
Squall: What?!
Selphie: She.. left for our own good... And mostly yours, Squall.
Squall left on a war path. Others always made his decisions to a degree. He was appointed leader of the Garden, orphaned, and other countless things he had no control over. Ocea's leaving was too much. The enraged man walked into his room, seeing if she was still there.
The room empty, he tore it apart. He fell onto the floor, his back against the bed. He noticed through his blurring eyes the corner of an envelope. He grabbed it, and opened it. Reading it, he silently cried. He made their last moments together shorter, and on bad terms.
He rose furiously, running to the Venus. The room empty, he beat his fist against the wall. Irvine had followed him, and now held the broken man in his arms. The door closed, Squall let down his guard for a moment, knowung full well that Irvine wouldn't say anything about his "moment of weakness."
Years of anguuish flowed through Squall's eyes, all of the pain welled up being released. It wasn't just Ocea's leaving that sorrowed him; it was an accumulation of his pain that he had thought numbed. Zell entered the room, and Squall quickly stood up, wiping his eyes. The blonde walked over to Squall, and hugged him.
Zell: Aw, man. This is f---ed. As your friends, we're here for ya, man. Don't worry 'bout anyone knowin' either. (does jumping/ punching air) I'll pound Irvine if he says anythin'.
Irvine: That isn't necessary.
Squall (nods, and thinks): Oh... Hyne... I cried... Cid did too... S--t...
Irvine: I cried last month when Selph thought she was knocked up.
Zell: Was she?
Irvine: Would she be drinking tonight if she was?
Zell: No...
Squall: (laughs)
Zell: I think he lost it.
Squall: No, no. I just thought about if you, and Quistis had a kid.
Zell: Well, what about- nevermind.
Squall: What?
Irvine: Nothing.
Squall: Whatever.
Zell: Where you going?
Squall (in newest ship: Adonis): I'm going after her.
Irvine: Good luck.
Zell: That's suicide! What about those sisters of hers? What if they get you?
Squall: What is a life of what if's worth? I don't want to live a life of regret.
Irvine: Goobye (tips hat)
Zell: C'ya!
Squall left, and Quistis entered. Her chin on Zell's shoulder, she hugged him from behind.
Quistis: Does he know?
Zell: No.
