Chapter II
A Band Aid Fixes Everything
Everyone went back to their own rooms. They had decided to leave the corpse and have some netherworld soldier pick it up. The Masho all were sure that it contained a deadly disease and none of them were to keen on getting near Yuli anyway. So the body lay out in the hall until the next morning. Slowly it sat up. Yuli pulled out his trusty stash of Band-Aids. "A Band Aid fixes everything!" And with that, he was on his feet to find the Masho.
Shuten woke up. Normally, this would not have been much to comment on, but he was being woken up by an extremely frightened Doku Masho. "What's going on." Shuten began, but his eyes closed and he fell back on the bed, dead asleep. Naaza sighed and pushed him off the bed. He then began kicking him until Shuten opened his eyes. "Okay, okay, I'm awake!" "It's gone, Shuten. It's not there anymore!" "Huh?" "Yuli's no longer in the hallway and nobody got rid of it yet." Shuten blinked. "So its alive out there? How in all hell did it live through that!" Naaza shrugged. "The point is that it's somewhere in the castle." "Do the others know?" "Duh. You think I'd tell you first?" "Naaza, shut up or I won't save your ass next time." "Well, we need a plan." They both went to confer with Rajura and Anubis.
"Alright. So what do we know about Yuli?"
"He's the spawn of evil."
"He's ugly and smells bad."
"He drips snot everywhere."
Rajura sighed, exasperated. "What else do we know about Yuli? Stuff that could help us get rid of him." "He's the spawn of evil."
"He's really ugly and smells bad."
"He drips snot everywhere."
"WE'VE ALREADY ESTABLISHED THAT!"
Rajura looked at Shuten. "You've seen the show. What are his weaknesses?"
"Umm, he really likes this guy named Ryo. He looks a heck of a lot like Ryo Sanada, too."
"Well, it is a parallel world to ours, stupid."
The other Masho looked at Rajura. "Uh, what's a parallel world?"
"Nevermind. So he likes Ryo."
"Yeah. He also likes the other ronins."
"So we could just give him to the Troopers. He shouldn't be able to tell the difference for a while and when he does, he's outside the netherworld gates." "So we need someone to give him to the Troopers." "But who?" "Well, he'd have to be stupid and/or expendable. Oblivious and easy to be manipulated, a plus."
Shuten always wondered how people managed to talk him into doing stupid things like this. They are so going to be in my debt for this.oh well, maybe he'll end up killing the Troopers and I'll get all the credit... but come on, is this really worth it? The blood trail was easy to follow. So was the trail of snot and Band-Aid wrappers. Shuten found the whole thing utterly repulsive. Eeeww! Its snot is green, actually green! He paused as he heard off-key humming down the hall. The voice sounded strangely familiar.
Oh, me and Ryo are the bestest of friends
We like to chill and play together
He thinks I'm cool and we hang out
In all kinds of weather
I love to glomp my Ryo
I do it every day
Sometimes he punches me and cusses me out
But I know he loves me anyway!
Lalalalalalalalalala
Ryo!
Lalalalalalalalalala
Bestest friends
Lalalalalalalalala
Together
Shuten stared at Yuli. Please don't let this kid get a record label. He made an attempt to sneak up on the little weirdo but well, let's just say that stealth was not one of his strongest abilities. He tripped and landed at Yuli's feet. Yuli turned around with a scream and dropped the picture of Ryo he had been holding. Shuten noticed that Yuli had pasted a picture of himself next to Ryo. This kid's got some issues. "WAAAAAAAAHHHHH! WHY YA SNEAKIN UP ON ME? WHAT IS WITH YOU CANADIANS? YOU'RE ALL MEANIE HEADS!" Shuten didn't really speak English very well, but he knew enough to understand what Yuli was saying. He wasn't really sure what "Canadian" and "meanie head" meant, but it was clear that he had scared Yuli shitless. That thought made him smile, though he quickly changed it to a smirk so Yuli wouldn't think that he was his friend. Don't let it touch me, don't let it touch me, don't let it touch me.why is it crying? "Shut up you whiny little creep!" Yuli stared at him in surprise. "What?" "I said shut up!" "So you're not a Canadian? Wow! Did you come here to be my friend? I can show you my Ryo picture collection and we can play Twister and Monopoly and eat Easy Cheese." "Do you not know what 'shut up' is? " Shuten didn't mention that he understood next to nothing of what Yuli just said. "Yeah, my friend Ryo says it all the time. And why do you talk funny? Are you from a different country? Did you come from another planet? Are you just mentally retarded and can't speak right? Its okay you know, I'm mentally retarded too! Wow! We can start a support group together! It'll be fun and." Shuten stared at Yuli blankly, ironically making him look mentally deficit.
"Could you repeat slower?" Yuli opened his mouth. "No! Wait, is okay, you no need to repeat it, please do not repeat it." Shuten stumbled over the strange words and really wished Yuli would back away a few steps. Rajura should have done this. At least he knows English! Stupid language anyway. "Yuli, come with me. Wakarimasu ka? You understand?" "Where are we goin' to?" Shuten looked at him blankly. Yuli sighed. "Where to?" Yuli pantomimed the sentence. "We, um, going to go, uh, find Ryo." He made sure that he pronounced the name correctly. Rye-oh. Weird. Shuten started walking away. Yuli ran after him. Shuten turned around. "Do not touch me. I kill, uh, I will kill you." Why can't it just fall over and die? Yuli looked unconcerned but Shuten noticed his hand reach protectively for the Band-Aids.
The other Masho just looked at Yuli. One by one, though, their eyes began to burn and/or water so they stopped. Yuli began to look at them fondly. Here was an opportunity to make new friends. He saw Naaza and smiled at him. "Hi Mr. Canadian dude!" Naaza backed away from him like most people do when confronted by a savage animal. Yuli pretended not to notice. He must just be shy. He turned to Anubis. "Hi! My name is Yuli and I want to be your friend." Yuli held out his hand. Anubis looked disgustedly at him. The kid had a Band-Aid wrapper encrusted in the snot on his hand. Yuli persisted. I bet they're not used to shaking hands in Canada. Naaza came over and pulled out a small spray bottle. The liquid hit Yuli right in the eyes. "Hi Mr. Canadian- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! My eyes! Someone help me! OWWWWWWW!" Naaza grabbed a sword and knocked Yuli's Band-Aid box out of his reach. "Someone please get my Band-Aids! Hurry!" Naaza giggled with supreme self-satisfaction as he watched Yuli's eyes turn into frothy liquid and run down his face. The others turned slightly green. Yuli ran screaming around the room. Naaza opened the window and placed a box a ways in front of it. He rattled the box of Band-Aids. Yuli took the bait. He ran with outstretched arms to the sound, tripped over the box, and fell headfirst out the window. A peaceful silence filled the room. There was no way the kid could survive that. Naaza left the room and went outside to look at Yuli's broken body. The others followed. It lay perfectly still under the window. A very good sign. Naaza poked it with one of his swords. A dribble of poison ran down the sword and burned a hole in Yuli's arm. Everyone smiled, albeit nervously. They all were thinking the same thing. What if it's still alive? As if in reply, Yuli groaned and twitched a bit. "Must.have.Band-Aid." The Masho looked in horror. Naaza pulled a small vial of something out of seemingly nowhere and dropped it next to Yuli. Yuli weakly grabbed the vial and drank it off in a single gulp. "Thanks.friend." Naaza smiled. "Do itashimashte." Shuten was amazed that Yuli was so trusting. Personally, he would never go around drinking strange concoctions from people he didn't know. Especially potions from the Doku Masho. (Doku means poison or venom for those of you who don't know.) So, Shuten wasn't all that surprised when Yuli's face contorted and his body went into spasms. Anubis spit on him. Rajura lit him on fire. Shuten lit the Band-Aid box on fire. Everyone laughed. There was no way that he would make it this time.
The Masho left the body, had one hell of party, got drunk, and forgot about Yuli for the time being. They didn't realize that one Band-Aid had escaped the fire.
Shuten woke up. He had a strange feeling that the author would mention this everytime he did, even though they could probably use context to figure out if he was. Of course, that was not the immediate problem. Shuten was rather surprised to wake up in Rajura's room. He didn't remember asking to be there. Come to think of it, he didn't remember much of last night. All this confusion made his hangover worse, so he decided to sleep it off.
Rajura woke up five minutes afterward. He also didn't really remember much of last night, but he could guess what had happened. There were several clues as to what had happened. Shuten was in his bed. He had a hangover, so he probably was really drunk last night. That would explain his not being able to remember what had happened. Shuten was curled up next to him.
Yes, Rajura could guess what had happened. He really didn't want to think about it either. He really hoped he could think of some lie to tell Shuten when he woke up. Or else, get him really drunk and screw him. The second prospect was extremely tempting. Unfortunately, Naaza walked in at that exact moment. Rajura wondered if the author enjoyed doing this to him. He began to envision slowly strangling Simone. Yeah. That would serve her right.
Naaza stared. He stared some more. He continued staring. Somewhere in America, a person named Simone ate a potato. It was a good potato. Yum. But the point was that Naaza was staring at Rajura. Rajura thought fast.
"It's not what you think."
"Oh, yeah right. You two are in the same bed and he has a good half- dozen hickeys. And you want me to believe nothing's going on between you two?"
"We're not lovers, okay?"
Naaza laughed. His eyes narrowed.
Shuten sat up. "What's going on?"
"Take a good guess."
"Uh, I think I already have."
It was definently not a good moment for Yuli to show up.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WHY DID YOU GUYS LEAVE ME ALL ALONE AND BURN MY BAND-AID BOX? WHY? YOU GUYS DON'T LOVE ME! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"
Naaza's mouth hung slightly open. It's alive. It's supposed to be dead. Why isn't it dead! How does it manage to live through all of this? He started shaking. I'll never get away from it, it's always going to follow me forever and forever and forever and forever.And I'll die and it will still be there, laughing and laughing and.
Yuli had a bandage over one eye. The three Masho noticed that Yuli's other eye was perfectly intact. Naaza was rocking back and forth on his heels, crying like a two- year old. Rajura looked worried. Great, out of all the times to snap.
Yuli looked amazed at the Doku Masho.
"Why ya crying like that, Mr. Canadian dude? I'm okay."
Yuli took a step toward him. Naaza screamed and began sobbing uncontrollably. Yuli took a few steps backward.
"Okay."
Shuten had an idea at that exact moment, an idea that would surely get rid of Yuli. They had thought about sending him to the Samurai Troopers. Why not? And he knew the perfect way to do it; all he needed was someone who knew English.He walked over to Rajura and told him his plan. Rajura turned to Yuli, attempting to mask the revulsion he felt. Yuli looked at Naaza. "Why is he crying?"
Rajura smiled at Yuli. He was an expert at lying.
"He wants you to be happy."
"What?"
Rajura nodded, trying hard not to laugh.
"He wants you to be able to go back home and be with your friends. He feels bad that you're stuck here.
"Oh."
"I have an idea though. You could put yourself in a big box and mail yourself back home. I'll even give you a note explaining what happened so you can prove that this happened."
Yuli looked hard at him. Something didn't sound right.
"Really?"
"Yes. You can trust me. I just want to help you, Yuli. You seem like a nice kid."
Rajura struggled to say the last bit with a straight face.
"Okay. I'll do it!"
Rajura found a large cardboard box and Yuli crawled in with a note in his hand. He and Shuten began duct-taping the box shut. Anubis came by and was all too glad to help. Rajura dropped the box off inside Naste's jeep. They watched it through the screen in Arago's audience room.
A Band Aid Fixes Everything
Everyone went back to their own rooms. They had decided to leave the corpse and have some netherworld soldier pick it up. The Masho all were sure that it contained a deadly disease and none of them were to keen on getting near Yuli anyway. So the body lay out in the hall until the next morning. Slowly it sat up. Yuli pulled out his trusty stash of Band-Aids. "A Band Aid fixes everything!" And with that, he was on his feet to find the Masho.
Shuten woke up. Normally, this would not have been much to comment on, but he was being woken up by an extremely frightened Doku Masho. "What's going on." Shuten began, but his eyes closed and he fell back on the bed, dead asleep. Naaza sighed and pushed him off the bed. He then began kicking him until Shuten opened his eyes. "Okay, okay, I'm awake!" "It's gone, Shuten. It's not there anymore!" "Huh?" "Yuli's no longer in the hallway and nobody got rid of it yet." Shuten blinked. "So its alive out there? How in all hell did it live through that!" Naaza shrugged. "The point is that it's somewhere in the castle." "Do the others know?" "Duh. You think I'd tell you first?" "Naaza, shut up or I won't save your ass next time." "Well, we need a plan." They both went to confer with Rajura and Anubis.
"Alright. So what do we know about Yuli?"
"He's the spawn of evil."
"He's ugly and smells bad."
"He drips snot everywhere."
Rajura sighed, exasperated. "What else do we know about Yuli? Stuff that could help us get rid of him." "He's the spawn of evil."
"He's really ugly and smells bad."
"He drips snot everywhere."
"WE'VE ALREADY ESTABLISHED THAT!"
Rajura looked at Shuten. "You've seen the show. What are his weaknesses?"
"Umm, he really likes this guy named Ryo. He looks a heck of a lot like Ryo Sanada, too."
"Well, it is a parallel world to ours, stupid."
The other Masho looked at Rajura. "Uh, what's a parallel world?"
"Nevermind. So he likes Ryo."
"Yeah. He also likes the other ronins."
"So we could just give him to the Troopers. He shouldn't be able to tell the difference for a while and when he does, he's outside the netherworld gates." "So we need someone to give him to the Troopers." "But who?" "Well, he'd have to be stupid and/or expendable. Oblivious and easy to be manipulated, a plus."
Shuten always wondered how people managed to talk him into doing stupid things like this. They are so going to be in my debt for this.oh well, maybe he'll end up killing the Troopers and I'll get all the credit... but come on, is this really worth it? The blood trail was easy to follow. So was the trail of snot and Band-Aid wrappers. Shuten found the whole thing utterly repulsive. Eeeww! Its snot is green, actually green! He paused as he heard off-key humming down the hall. The voice sounded strangely familiar.
Oh, me and Ryo are the bestest of friends
We like to chill and play together
He thinks I'm cool and we hang out
In all kinds of weather
I love to glomp my Ryo
I do it every day
Sometimes he punches me and cusses me out
But I know he loves me anyway!
Lalalalalalalalalala
Ryo!
Lalalalalalalalalala
Bestest friends
Lalalalalalalalala
Together
Shuten stared at Yuli. Please don't let this kid get a record label. He made an attempt to sneak up on the little weirdo but well, let's just say that stealth was not one of his strongest abilities. He tripped and landed at Yuli's feet. Yuli turned around with a scream and dropped the picture of Ryo he had been holding. Shuten noticed that Yuli had pasted a picture of himself next to Ryo. This kid's got some issues. "WAAAAAAAAHHHHH! WHY YA SNEAKIN UP ON ME? WHAT IS WITH YOU CANADIANS? YOU'RE ALL MEANIE HEADS!" Shuten didn't really speak English very well, but he knew enough to understand what Yuli was saying. He wasn't really sure what "Canadian" and "meanie head" meant, but it was clear that he had scared Yuli shitless. That thought made him smile, though he quickly changed it to a smirk so Yuli wouldn't think that he was his friend. Don't let it touch me, don't let it touch me, don't let it touch me.why is it crying? "Shut up you whiny little creep!" Yuli stared at him in surprise. "What?" "I said shut up!" "So you're not a Canadian? Wow! Did you come here to be my friend? I can show you my Ryo picture collection and we can play Twister and Monopoly and eat Easy Cheese." "Do you not know what 'shut up' is? " Shuten didn't mention that he understood next to nothing of what Yuli just said. "Yeah, my friend Ryo says it all the time. And why do you talk funny? Are you from a different country? Did you come from another planet? Are you just mentally retarded and can't speak right? Its okay you know, I'm mentally retarded too! Wow! We can start a support group together! It'll be fun and." Shuten stared at Yuli blankly, ironically making him look mentally deficit.
"Could you repeat slower?" Yuli opened his mouth. "No! Wait, is okay, you no need to repeat it, please do not repeat it." Shuten stumbled over the strange words and really wished Yuli would back away a few steps. Rajura should have done this. At least he knows English! Stupid language anyway. "Yuli, come with me. Wakarimasu ka? You understand?" "Where are we goin' to?" Shuten looked at him blankly. Yuli sighed. "Where to?" Yuli pantomimed the sentence. "We, um, going to go, uh, find Ryo." He made sure that he pronounced the name correctly. Rye-oh. Weird. Shuten started walking away. Yuli ran after him. Shuten turned around. "Do not touch me. I kill, uh, I will kill you." Why can't it just fall over and die? Yuli looked unconcerned but Shuten noticed his hand reach protectively for the Band-Aids.
The other Masho just looked at Yuli. One by one, though, their eyes began to burn and/or water so they stopped. Yuli began to look at them fondly. Here was an opportunity to make new friends. He saw Naaza and smiled at him. "Hi Mr. Canadian dude!" Naaza backed away from him like most people do when confronted by a savage animal. Yuli pretended not to notice. He must just be shy. He turned to Anubis. "Hi! My name is Yuli and I want to be your friend." Yuli held out his hand. Anubis looked disgustedly at him. The kid had a Band-Aid wrapper encrusted in the snot on his hand. Yuli persisted. I bet they're not used to shaking hands in Canada. Naaza came over and pulled out a small spray bottle. The liquid hit Yuli right in the eyes. "Hi Mr. Canadian- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! My eyes! Someone help me! OWWWWWWW!" Naaza grabbed a sword and knocked Yuli's Band-Aid box out of his reach. "Someone please get my Band-Aids! Hurry!" Naaza giggled with supreme self-satisfaction as he watched Yuli's eyes turn into frothy liquid and run down his face. The others turned slightly green. Yuli ran screaming around the room. Naaza opened the window and placed a box a ways in front of it. He rattled the box of Band-Aids. Yuli took the bait. He ran with outstretched arms to the sound, tripped over the box, and fell headfirst out the window. A peaceful silence filled the room. There was no way the kid could survive that. Naaza left the room and went outside to look at Yuli's broken body. The others followed. It lay perfectly still under the window. A very good sign. Naaza poked it with one of his swords. A dribble of poison ran down the sword and burned a hole in Yuli's arm. Everyone smiled, albeit nervously. They all were thinking the same thing. What if it's still alive? As if in reply, Yuli groaned and twitched a bit. "Must.have.Band-Aid." The Masho looked in horror. Naaza pulled a small vial of something out of seemingly nowhere and dropped it next to Yuli. Yuli weakly grabbed the vial and drank it off in a single gulp. "Thanks.friend." Naaza smiled. "Do itashimashte." Shuten was amazed that Yuli was so trusting. Personally, he would never go around drinking strange concoctions from people he didn't know. Especially potions from the Doku Masho. (Doku means poison or venom for those of you who don't know.) So, Shuten wasn't all that surprised when Yuli's face contorted and his body went into spasms. Anubis spit on him. Rajura lit him on fire. Shuten lit the Band-Aid box on fire. Everyone laughed. There was no way that he would make it this time.
The Masho left the body, had one hell of party, got drunk, and forgot about Yuli for the time being. They didn't realize that one Band-Aid had escaped the fire.
Shuten woke up. He had a strange feeling that the author would mention this everytime he did, even though they could probably use context to figure out if he was. Of course, that was not the immediate problem. Shuten was rather surprised to wake up in Rajura's room. He didn't remember asking to be there. Come to think of it, he didn't remember much of last night. All this confusion made his hangover worse, so he decided to sleep it off.
Rajura woke up five minutes afterward. He also didn't really remember much of last night, but he could guess what had happened. There were several clues as to what had happened. Shuten was in his bed. He had a hangover, so he probably was really drunk last night. That would explain his not being able to remember what had happened. Shuten was curled up next to him.
Yes, Rajura could guess what had happened. He really didn't want to think about it either. He really hoped he could think of some lie to tell Shuten when he woke up. Or else, get him really drunk and screw him. The second prospect was extremely tempting. Unfortunately, Naaza walked in at that exact moment. Rajura wondered if the author enjoyed doing this to him. He began to envision slowly strangling Simone. Yeah. That would serve her right.
Naaza stared. He stared some more. He continued staring. Somewhere in America, a person named Simone ate a potato. It was a good potato. Yum. But the point was that Naaza was staring at Rajura. Rajura thought fast.
"It's not what you think."
"Oh, yeah right. You two are in the same bed and he has a good half- dozen hickeys. And you want me to believe nothing's going on between you two?"
"We're not lovers, okay?"
Naaza laughed. His eyes narrowed.
Shuten sat up. "What's going on?"
"Take a good guess."
"Uh, I think I already have."
It was definently not a good moment for Yuli to show up.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WHY DID YOU GUYS LEAVE ME ALL ALONE AND BURN MY BAND-AID BOX? WHY? YOU GUYS DON'T LOVE ME! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"
Naaza's mouth hung slightly open. It's alive. It's supposed to be dead. Why isn't it dead! How does it manage to live through all of this? He started shaking. I'll never get away from it, it's always going to follow me forever and forever and forever and forever.And I'll die and it will still be there, laughing and laughing and.
Yuli had a bandage over one eye. The three Masho noticed that Yuli's other eye was perfectly intact. Naaza was rocking back and forth on his heels, crying like a two- year old. Rajura looked worried. Great, out of all the times to snap.
Yuli looked amazed at the Doku Masho.
"Why ya crying like that, Mr. Canadian dude? I'm okay."
Yuli took a step toward him. Naaza screamed and began sobbing uncontrollably. Yuli took a few steps backward.
"Okay."
Shuten had an idea at that exact moment, an idea that would surely get rid of Yuli. They had thought about sending him to the Samurai Troopers. Why not? And he knew the perfect way to do it; all he needed was someone who knew English.He walked over to Rajura and told him his plan. Rajura turned to Yuli, attempting to mask the revulsion he felt. Yuli looked at Naaza. "Why is he crying?"
Rajura smiled at Yuli. He was an expert at lying.
"He wants you to be happy."
"What?"
Rajura nodded, trying hard not to laugh.
"He wants you to be able to go back home and be with your friends. He feels bad that you're stuck here.
"Oh."
"I have an idea though. You could put yourself in a big box and mail yourself back home. I'll even give you a note explaining what happened so you can prove that this happened."
Yuli looked hard at him. Something didn't sound right.
"Really?"
"Yes. You can trust me. I just want to help you, Yuli. You seem like a nice kid."
Rajura struggled to say the last bit with a straight face.
"Okay. I'll do it!"
Rajura found a large cardboard box and Yuli crawled in with a note in his hand. He and Shuten began duct-taping the box shut. Anubis came by and was all too glad to help. Rajura dropped the box off inside Naste's jeep. They watched it through the screen in Arago's audience room.
