Author's note: Okay, REALLY sorry, personal crisis meant I had to put this on hold. I'm biting my nails down to nothing though, if that's any consolation to anyone.
This chapter's quite short, it's just a bit of a preparatory chapter, so that we can really get into it, but enjoy.
Also, for those of you who don't like SS/HG, I'm not sure whether it's going to be that or not, I'll just see where it goes. I'm sorry if it doesn't take your fancy either way, but I assert my right as the author of this story to decide the path it takes…or to allow the characters to decide…you get the point.
As always, love to hear from everyone, and for those of you who've made it this far, if you have a private message for me, my email address is jane_wilde@hotmail.com.
Everything, apart from minor additions here and there, belongs to they who must be deeply respected, JK Rowling and George Bernard Shaw. All thanks to them and my computer.
Chapter 5 – Setting Affairs in Order
"Where have you been?" Harry asked curiously as Hermione popped through the portrait hole.
"Oh, talking to a teacher," she replied vaguely.
"Would you like us to pin Professor Dumbledore to your side?" Ron asked politely, "That way you'll always have someone to answer your questions."
Harry snorted at this, and Hermione allowed herself a small smile before rejoining.
"Thankyou for your tremendous support for my quest for knowledge, you two."
"Our great pleasure, Miss Granger," Harry declared foppishly as he stood up and bowed very deeply, "And may I say, on behalf of Mister Weasley and myself, should you require any assistance on your gallant quest, please don't hesitate to ask someone else."
That forced a laugh out of her and Ron, and they all fell into seats around the biggest fire in the common room.
"So how were your auditions?" She asked.
"Oh, mine was alright," Ron said with a shrug, "My voice cracked while I was singing, which was a bit embarrassing, but what can you do?"
"What about Ginny? Did she audition?"
"No, she's doing sets with Dean Thomas," Harry answered, "Professor Daniels said she could still be an extra and wander on in big scenes. And did you hear that some of the teachers auditioned? They reckon McGonagall and Snape and Madame Pomfrey all auditioned."
"I s'pose they wanted in on the fun." Ron shrugged.
"Yeah, Hogwarts has never really done anything like this before." Harry agreed.
"I guess it's fair enough…How about your audition Harry?"
"Oh, fine, I suppose," he mumbled, looking down at his knees, "did my bit, sang my song, toddled off…oh, that reminds me, Hermione, why did Snape come out after your audition all in a huff?"
Hermione felt her pancreas do a nervous flip.
"Oh, I really don't think you want to know that."
"Ah," said Ron knowingly, "That always means that's something we'd really want to know but you really wouldn't want to tell us."
"Yes," she said seriously, "And I won't be telling you, thank you very much."
"But we're your friends," Ron coerced with a cheeky smile, "Don't you trust us?"
He batted his eyelids girlishly, at which Hermione blinked.
"Was that supposed to encourage me? Look, why don't you trust me? I'm telling you, you don't want to know, and you'll know soon enough anyway, so just leave me alone, alright?"
She was upset by the end. She realized that everyone would know soon enough. The whole school would be laughing at her, pointing, giggling, mocking in a way only teenage hormones can effect. She stood up and stormed up the staircase to her dormitory, and slammed the door, hoping the boys would get the idea that she wanted to be alone now.
She sat down heavily on the edge of her four-poster bed. What a mess. What an absolute mess this whole situation was…and utterly inescapable. Professor Snape completely dependant on Deb, Deb completely dependant on Snape, and somehow she'd managed to get in the middle of it. Actually, that wasn't entirely true, Deb had managed to get her into the middle of it. Deb had made her Eliza, Deb had offered her the position as assistant to them in their work…but then again, it was she herself who had said yes. Clearly Deborah Daniels had offered her these opportunities, but Hermione Granger had agreed. It wasn't very fair, but it was the way it was, and there was little or nothing Hermione could do to change it.
And Eliza Doolittle! Oh dear…this would be…a challenge if nothing else. And Professor Snape as Professor Higgins! Well, at least he'd get to keep one last scrap of dignity…his title. He'd still be a professor…and in a way he was a phonetics expert…he did manipulate his voice to be as scary as he could manage…which was phonetics…of a sort. And he'd still get to be a bastard. Deb certainly was getting a little of her own back. And who would she cast as Freddy? Oh in heaven's name things could get worse! What if she cast Neville…Or Malfoy? Oh she was in trouble.
At breakfast on Monday, Deb announced that the Cast list was on the school noticeboard. There was a great wave of excited giggles and shouts and clatters of cutlery as people hurried out to see whether they had the lead role, Harry and Ron not the least of the rabble. Hermione sat, however, frozen to her seat with fear, absolutely terrified of what would happen when people saw…oh Merlin's beard when they saw her name…and Snape's name…
"Don't worry, Hermione." Hermione snapped around to see Deb was standing behind her, clutching a half-eaten banana.
"What do you mean don't worry?" she asked in a hysterical whisper, "I think I'm going to faint."
"Please don't faint," Deb said calmly as she sat down beside her, "it would be such a waste. You name isn't even up there. And neither is smarty-pants-Snape."
"What do you mean?" Hermione lowered he volume to barely audible. "How can it be a cast list if Eliza Doolittle and Henry Higgins aren't there?"
"Simple," Deb shrugged and chomped on her banana, "I didn't write either of you down…at least, I didn't write Snape down, and you've got a different name. And no one knows which play we're doing yet, so no one's going to ask. Calm down Hermione, don't hyperventilate."
It was only when Deb mentioned it that Hermione realized she sounded as though she'd sprinted round the castle.
Deb winked, jumped out of her seat and marched purposefully out of the hall, clapping Ron on the shoulder as he entered and she exited.
"Bloody out of her mind," Hermione muttered.
The boys returned with identical grins of pride. Hermione tried to oblige them with a curious smile, but wasn't sure how successful she was.
Ron pointed to himself with glee, "I'm Freddie Eynsford-Hill and" He pointed to Harry, "He's the Butler."
If Hermione had been smiling, the smile had disappeared. She thought she was going to cry. Deb was deliberately making her life a living hell for…what reason? She had no idea what she'd done to deserve this.
"Hermione, what's wrong?" Harry asked, face now set in concern.
She couldn't answer. She didn't know what to say. She simply rose from her seat and left the hall dazedly wondering if moaning myrtle would share her bathroom with her.
She was in the entrance hall, about the make her way to the Gryffindor common room when Deb's voice shattered her reverie again.
"They've told you?"
"Yes." She didn't turn to look. She didn't even have the energy to fight. All the fear and nervousness had expelled her strength.
"It's not as bad as it looks from here. No one's going to know…you'll see…come to the meeting at eight o' clock in the hall…Just you wait."
Hermione guessed there were seventy, maybe eighty people clumped in the centre of the hall, chattering excitedly about…nothing, Hermione guessed. Harry and Ron immediately engaged in conversation about Quidditch. It made Hermione want to destroy their broomsticks, but she thought they might stop breathing if their broomsticks weren't nearby.
As the boys moved to converse with some of the Quidditch team, Hermione sat down at one of the long dining tables, trying to look as calm and as nonchalant as possible.
Deb strolled into the hall, smiling at the collection of students. She sailed into the centre of the throng, and everyone moved to surround her in a shape that was somewhat reminiscent of a circle.
"Evening ladies and Gentlemen, and welcome to your first meeting concerning this year's school play. In fact, we shouldn't really call it a play…it's really a musical…and I'm sure your wondering which one it is at that. Well, I'll tell you, though most children of magical background will find this musical rings not a bell. We will be performing the musical adaptation of George Bernard Shaw's classic "My Fair Lady."
Harry laughed along with most of the other Muggle-borns. But there were still a great number of students who stared blankly at Deb, absolutely incomprehensive.
"I can see a completely shameful amount of you have never heard of my fair lady, so I'll explain. My Fair Lady is a story about muggles, firstly…A few particular muggles. One Professor, Professor Henry Higgins, who happens to be an expert at recognizing English accents, is a main character. He also has a friend, a Colonel Pickering, who wrote some book or other that Professor Higgins enjoyed. Which is really very nice because Professor Higgins wrote a book that Colonel Pickering enjoyed. So they meet and they're instantly friends.
"However, they chance upon a flower-girl with a terrible accent that makes you want to kill her, and Professor Higgins tells Colonel Pickering that he can turn her into a princess in six months. And so, after a bit of bantering about, they undertake the project of turning the flower-girl into a princess. Hilarity ensues, much singing, dancing etcetera etcetera…you get the point."
The throng muttered skeptically, wondering if it would be any good.
"Trust me Ladies and Gentlemen, I know what I'm doing. Now, you're probably wondering who will be playing our lead roles. If you didn't happen to check the board, we'll go through them now." Deb pulled out a scroll and began to read out roles, "Ahem, the following parts are to be played by members of the faculty because they are specified to be older than Professor Higgins. Mrs Pearce, the mistress of Professor Higgins' house will be played by Poppy Pomfrey. Professor Higgins' mother will be played by Minerva McGonagall. Alright, now, although Colonel Pickering is also supposed to be older than Higgins, Neville Longbottom will be imbibing an ageing potion and playing that role."
Hermione saw Neville looking around in fear. Probably hoping Snape doesn't make him brew it himself, she thought.
"Freddie Eynsford-Hill will be played by Ron Weasley, And Draco Malfoy will have the role of Zoltan Karpathy."
Hermione's jaw dropped. Oh in Merlin's name…she was going to have to dance with that wanker Malfoy…Oh…oh no…
"Now, there are still two roles that I haven't mentioned, and they are those of our main characters…"
Hermione froze…oh here we go…
"But I'm keeping that a surprise for now because I think it's damn hilarious and I'll get a kick out of seeing you seeing them for the first time. So, we shall rehearse without them for now and closer to performances and when costumes have been made and sets and so on, we'll have them come in."
Oh thank heavens! Hermione heaved a sigh of relief whilst everyone heaved a sigh of disappointment. She'd live to see another day without total humiliation….but she had to remember her days were numbered…
"Ladies and gents, rehearsals will commence this Saturday. We'll be rehearsing every Saturday from four o' clock till seven in the evening."
There was a shout of indignation.
"That's our weekend, that is," Seamus whined.
"And this is your musical, this is," Deb retorted seriously, "So you'll have to put in the time, and besides, you'll enjoy it. I promise. I know it looks like a mountain from here, but once you get to the top you'll think it was a bubby little grassy knoll." She paused and scanned the faces around her. "You all look so depressed," she observed sadly, then clicked her tongue, "Alright everyone, put a hand into the middle of the circle….come on…everyone."
She knelt down and put her own hand in, and others followed, and more and more until there was a forest of hands over Deb's head.
"Okay!" she screamed enthusiastically…almost manically, "We're going to put on the best damn My Fair Lady this world has ever seen! We're gonna make history! Everyone say it!"
There was a bored and hesitant repetition of Deb's words.
"We'regonnamakehisory."
"No good you lot! Say it louder! WE'RE GONNA MAKE HISTORY!"
"We're gonna make history!"
"I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"
"WE'RE GONNA MAKE HISTORY!"
"THAT'S IT! AGAIN!"
"WE'RE GONNA MAKE HISTORY!!!!!"
"OKAY! NOW GO TO YOUR ROOMS AND MAKE SOME NOISE!"
The crowd dispersed making a racket similar to a band of football hooligans, running out like football players themselves. Hermione watched as Harry and Ron jogged out the hall, their faces lit up with the kind of joy she usually only saw at a Quidditch game.
How very strange…and oddly hilarious.
"I told you it wouldn't be so bad, didn't I?" Deb was sitting on the Hufflepuff dining table, a bag of marshmallows in one hand.
"When's the actual performance?" She asked neutrally.
"Just after Christmas holidays, which you'll all be staying for." Deb popped a marshmallow into her mouth. "That's why we've got to cram it in. especially you and Professor Higgins…Which means you have to make a choice."
"And that would be?"
"We can either a): stop your private lessons and substitute them in with rehearsing with Snape and making the potion…or b): we can go on with the lessons and you can help us with the potion and rehearse with Severus as well. Consider also that, whatever happens with this potion, both Severus and I will give you full marks in our subjects, as you are going beyond your line of duty. But this is still your choice, I'll be happy with whatever you choose."
Hermione considered it. The rehearsals and time spent on the potion would weigh her down considerably. Her private lessons were not a problem. There was no homework for defense against the Dark Arts or the private lessons, and doing research that had never been done before was always exciting. How could she resist?
"We'll go on with the private lessons and I'll stop sleeping."
Deb laughed, "I'm sure Severus will oblige you with a pick-me-up potion if needs be, but you'll be fine, I'm sure. And if you ever need to stop, you can stop anything but the musical. You're stuck on that one."
"I know," she sighed, "I didn't think I could get out of it."
"Why doesn't anyone believe me that it's going to be fun? It will be. You'll look back on this as one of the best times of your life. I guarantee it."
"Would you be willing to make a bet on that?" Hermione asked slyly.
"Absolutely," Deb said, not batting an eyelid. "I'll bet a tattoo on the arse that you'll thank me for making you do this."
Hermione shook her head vehemently. "Not on my life….Aboslutely not."
"Ohhhhh, scared are we?"
"Yes, actually, terrified." She knew Snape's story, and she wasn't stupid enough to fall for that one.
"Oh, come on, if you win I'll let you choose what gets tattooed on my arse."
"I don't want to choose…I don't want to have this bet with you at all!"
"Come on, where's your sense of adventure?"
"It's visiting the Antarctic."
"Oh, you're so boring. Alright, I'll add in another condition. If you win, I'll guarantee you a place in Mt Olympus University or Oxford…or both."
Ooh, Deb did know how to lure her prey. A place at Mt Olympus and Oxford…oh…but a tattoo….but Mt Olympus….she could probably get in by herself, but a guarantee…
"Oh, alright!" she gave in her head in her hands.
"Yes!" Deb shouted victoriously, "Another arse with my name on it," and she popped another marshmallow in her mouth. "We'll rehearse Eliza and Higgins after lunch on Saturdays, say, two o' clock in my chambers? And work on the potion…or at least the theory of it will be Saturday nights, from eight. Which means you get a whole day in the loony bin with us, the Psycho's."
"Are you sure you want to keep this bet, Deb? I don't think I'll enjoy this."
Deb's eyes sparkled mischievously.
"I hate to repeat myself, dear girl, but, ahem, just you wait."
