**************
RATED R: FOR ADULT CONTENT, CRUDE HUMOR, LANGUAGE, AND VIOLENCE. AND HENTAI JOKES...
**************
Note: CAFFIENE. Bow to it's energy goodness. Do as it bids. (holds a can of Coke and makes it say:) I am your leader! Drink me or die! Mwahahahahahahaha!.... ha.... (ahem) Also, the authoress drank me. She did as I bid. She is hyper. She is crazy... nevermind, she always is... (ahem, cough) This is a wierd chapter. Governed by meeee- (sound of can being crushed) (Tinsir screams) NUUUUU!
Squall: What?
Tinsir: You have crushed my can of evil!
Squall: I'm putting you on decaf tomorrow.
Tinsir: No caffiene, no sex.
Squall (walks away): Bitch
Tinsir: You're my bitch. Remember that!
Squall (flips me off): ...
Tinsir: Was that an offer?
Squall: Not really, but sure.
Tinsir (squeals): Okay, readers read, and Squall, you come with me.
Squall: Whatever.
**Chapter 66: It's A Baby, Jingle** (remember the movie "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town"? Don't own that either)
A rain fell upon the ground as Squall, and Tinsir ran indoors. He had let her use his jacket as a makeshift umbrella, and his wifebeater was soaked. It clung to his body like a fan girl, and she ran her hand down his chest. She reached to kiss him, and turned away in pain. He placed his hands on her arms, and looked at her worriedly, asking what was wrong.
Tinsir: Uh... Ow... I think we need to see Quistis. NOW.
Squall: Come on, she's in her lab. She left after breakfast for some tests.
Tinsir: Less talkin', more walkin'.
Squall: Okay.
Tinsir, very pregnant, waddled to Quistis' lab, and Squall alongside her. They barged through the doors, and came across a disturbing scene: Quistis in a dominatrix costume (whip, and all), and a strapped Zell to a gurney.
Tinsir: Unclean! Unclean! Me no have baby here.
Squall: __ Nevermind. Get this thing outta me!
Zell: I'm still strapped.
Squall: How long will this be?
Quistis: I do not know.
Squall: How long before she can... you know...
Quistis: Two hours. I think...
Tinsir: (glare) ...................Forever. This hurts like hell.
Quistis: Now who's fault is this? He never forced you.
Tinsir: His. Condoms are "uncomfortable" and "chafe."
Quistis: What about birthcontrol?
Tinsir (laughs): Yeah, as if a medicine, or whatever will help me. I can take a whole bottle of morphine, and it not do a damn th-Oooooooh fuuuuuuuuuckkkkkkk- ing.
Irvine: Looks like you won't get laid for a while.
Squall: ....I can't wear them.
Selphie: ?? Why not?
Squall: .......
Irvine: Well?...
Squall: They're too small.
Irvine: Even the-
Squall (red faced): Yes.
Irvine: Damn, no wonder she got knocked up.
Squall: THAT had nothing to do with the actual reproduction probability.
Tinsir: Can you dumbasses stop debating how this happened, and deal with what's a result of it?!!!!!!!?
Squall: Yes, coming.
Squall O_O: Owwwwwwww....
Tinsir: Oh, helly day upon the midnight ridge of fate!
Others: ....?
Tinsir: Bad contraction.
Quistis: We got that much.
Tinsir: Oh, that... A Guardian way of cussing. Don't ask...
Zell: What's it mean?
Tinsir: Since you did...
_+_+_+_+_+CENSORED_+_+_+_+_+
Others (twitch): ....
Tinsir: Told ya not to ask.
Irvine: You belong to one dirty race.
Tinsir: As if you aren't Mr. Lechy Pants.
Irvine: I'd never do THAT...
Tinsir: I never did either. Also, our anatomy is slightly different then human. It's OOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWie.
Squall: Can I have my hand back?
Tinsir: K
Squall removed glove to show a withered hand.
Squall: I lost feeling in it fifteen minutes ago.
Tinsir: Sorry (heals it). Oo... Hand me something NOW...
Irvine (hands her a steel pipe): Here.
Tinsir (bends it): Here.
Irvine: Holy shit!
Tinsir: Never underestimate the power of a woman in labor.
Quistis: ... Okay, here we go.
(I shall do the audio tape. Selphie forgot to take off that lens cover)
Can you hand me that?...Sure... Where are you sticking that?!... Her back...I wouldn't bother, it won't WWWWWWWWOOOOOORRRKKKK... Better? .... NU. That hurt, and a contraction AT THE SAME TIME... Heh heh heh... WHAP... OUch... Serves you right....Shit, she's bending the bed frame!... OWIE... Get the tranqus!... It will do no goooooooood... Here it comes... Eww, what's that stuff?... Her water broke a while ago, didn't you notice?... So that's what we're literally waist high in it... Yep... Eww... Hey!... Sorry, but it is gross... True... I feel warm....................What?.....(sigh) .... What?.... Dork.... Owwwwwie.... Oooh! I see a mass of dark stuff.... Selph, that's it's hair... At least it's not bald.... CUT ME OPEN, AND GET IT OUT!!!!!!!!!... Hurts? ....(WHAP).... It's not very nice to drown Irvine in amniotic fluid.... Dun care, me in pain... Let him up... He is up so to speak... Ewwie, I did not want to know that... Hey, you sucked it before... Yeah, WITH MY EYES CLOSED... (snicker) Even she doesn't want to look at it.... (muffled) Help!.... Okay, before he drowns.... Can't he breath in it?... I think so, but would he think about that?.......... Nah.... Whoooo! What the hell?! I could have died!... So?... That's harsh. It was all warm though. It tasted like grape juice. I'm sleepy now... Irvine, smile.... Um, Selph- ...OOOOOOOWWWW... It's a.... BOY!... (baby cries) .... Selphie, the lens cover!
Selphie (takes it off): Whooops!
Irvine: Okay, tape them.
A touching scene unfolds before the camera, Squall holding his son for the first time. The babe wrapped up in blue, and black blankets, smiles, and shows his two fangs. How sweet.
Irvine: ...Your kid...
Squall: Shut up.
Selphie: He's cute. (gets too close, baby sinks teeth in camera)
Tinsir: (sigh) Just like Dewn, hungry fom the start.
Irvine (turns away from Tinsir, towards Selphie to walk away) Glad I wasn't there for that birth.
Tinsir: You previous incarnation was.... You died.
Irvine (horror stricken): How?
Tinsir: I strangled you. Your head went one way, your body the other.
Irvine (hold throat): ....
Tinsir ^v^: But that's in the past.
Quistis: (finishes cleaning baby) Here we go! We'll circumcise him in eight days.
Males: Owwwwww.....
Tinsir: I want everyone to be there. Even Zell, and Irvine.
Squall (holding crotch in sympathy pain): Laguna too.
Tinsir: Yes, him too. (evil laugh) Whew, the look on your faces is hilarious.
Irvine: Glad to be of service...(twinge of pain) Ma'am.
Selphie: Smile!
Tinsir (holds her son): You're cute. One day you'll be a hot man like your daddy, and beat the woman away with gunblades, or staffs.
Irvine: Don't you mean sticks?
Tinsir: Sticks are outdated. Yeesh, I've been around the past couple millenia, and I know more about style. Except in clothes. I may have you shop with me, Vine.
Irvine: Vine?
Selphie: I told her your pet name.
Irvine: Even about how I-
Selphie: Yep.
Irvine: You must give sympathy sex now (jokingly starts kissing her).
Selphie: Damn perv.(giggles)
Irvine: Hey, we can use the camera for other things.. *wink, wink*
Selphie: Damn porno freak.
Irvine: We can title it "Selphie Sex."
Selphie: Or "Irvine Erection."
Squall: We can hear you.
Tinsir: Not in front of baby! He'll get corrupted soon enough around Zell, and Squall alone. I don't need him to have sex ed at ten minutes old!
Irvine: He just went through the best sex ed class available! So what if he was created halfway through Squall's thrusting?
Tinsir: You know that sperm can live upto-
Quistis: Don't bother correcting him...
Irvine: I was just saying, so friggin what!? He can't understand us anyways.
Baby (points to Irvine): Ass hole
Quistis: He hit the nail on the head.
Irvine: Whoa.. Your kid's a genius, or something.
Baby: Pussy licker.
Irvine: ...Whoa, he's right... I have eaten Selphie out.
Selphie (holding baby, and actually the one that it saying the stuff): (laughs) Dork.
Quistis: I'll need a sample of your fluids now.
Tinsir: There's planty of it. Gallon, or quart?
Quistis: (laughs) If it can be used as a drug, we may have to get you knocked up more often.
Squall/Tinsir: NO!
Tinsir: Um, I should feed him now. Will you guys please leave?
Irvine: The room is spinning.
Selphie: Her amniotic fluid is the world's oldest form of pot.
Tinsir: All natural. Can we please feed him?
Selphie (Irvine, and she leaves): Bye
Irvine: Buh-bye!
Quistis: Okay, I remember you said it was not like the average human form of feeding. I wish to watch.
Tinsir: Okay. (a tail curls around her back, and feeds baby) See?
Squall: ...O_O
Quistis: Cool.
Squall: Why do you have breasts then?
Tinsir: Looks, and pleasure. And for you to grope.
Squall: Do your sisters-
Tinsir: Yes, they have boobs too. Big ones. Why am I the flat one?!
Squall: They're a B. Be glad they're not an A.
Tinsir: True. Ow.
Squall: Bit you?
Tinsir: Yeah. Fangs hurt Mommy.
Baby: (smiles) ...
Quistis: A true sadist.
Squall: He's definitely yours.
Tinsir: Your son too. See his eyes? Totally you. And he has the lion birth mark.
Squall: Like mine?
Tinsir: Yep, on the back.
Quistis: This is very odd.
Tinsir: What?
Quistis: (holding baby, he's already even been burped) He has angel wings birth mark on his back too.
Tinsir: I, and Dewn do as well. No big. Instead of last names, birthmarks are passed down in our family. Such as, (undresses) I have a "birthmark" here of my water element, a sacred symbol for Hyne here, and Geae's mountains on my ass. Oddly enough, my butt isn't big though...
Quistis: I will have to give you a full body exam later. I want to know all about your culture.
Tinsir: Uh, no. I do not need a papsmear.
Quistis: Not funny.
Tinsir: I thought it was...
Squall: ...?
Squall: What's that?
Tinsir: Where?
Squall: On his ass.
Quistis: (documenting everything about the nude child, down to even where moles were) I think it's a T.
Tinsir: Oh! My symbol. On his ass?... I was hoping his chest, or something...
Squall: The poor thing won't go out shirtless.
Tinsir: (flirting w/ Squall) I think lion birthmarks are sexy.
Squall: Even mine?
Tinsir: The best.
Quistis: Selphie left the camera here. It's still on I think.
Tinsir: ...Oh...
Squall: Now it's not.
Quistis: What does a sword mean?
Tinsir: (gets up, healed) Let me see.
Quistis: It's right below his belly button.
Tinsir: Oh, my Hyne....
RATED R: FOR ADULT CONTENT, CRUDE HUMOR, LANGUAGE, AND VIOLENCE. AND HENTAI JOKES...
**************
Note: CAFFIENE. Bow to it's energy goodness. Do as it bids. (holds a can of Coke and makes it say:) I am your leader! Drink me or die! Mwahahahahahahaha!.... ha.... (ahem) Also, the authoress drank me. She did as I bid. She is hyper. She is crazy... nevermind, she always is... (ahem, cough) This is a wierd chapter. Governed by meeee- (sound of can being crushed) (Tinsir screams) NUUUUU!
Squall: What?
Tinsir: You have crushed my can of evil!
Squall: I'm putting you on decaf tomorrow.
Tinsir: No caffiene, no sex.
Squall (walks away): Bitch
Tinsir: You're my bitch. Remember that!
Squall (flips me off): ...
Tinsir: Was that an offer?
Squall: Not really, but sure.
Tinsir (squeals): Okay, readers read, and Squall, you come with me.
Squall: Whatever.
**Chapter 66: It's A Baby, Jingle** (remember the movie "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town"? Don't own that either)
A rain fell upon the ground as Squall, and Tinsir ran indoors. He had let her use his jacket as a makeshift umbrella, and his wifebeater was soaked. It clung to his body like a fan girl, and she ran her hand down his chest. She reached to kiss him, and turned away in pain. He placed his hands on her arms, and looked at her worriedly, asking what was wrong.
Tinsir: Uh... Ow... I think we need to see Quistis. NOW.
Squall: Come on, she's in her lab. She left after breakfast for some tests.
Tinsir: Less talkin', more walkin'.
Squall: Okay.
Tinsir, very pregnant, waddled to Quistis' lab, and Squall alongside her. They barged through the doors, and came across a disturbing scene: Quistis in a dominatrix costume (whip, and all), and a strapped Zell to a gurney.
Tinsir: Unclean! Unclean! Me no have baby here.
Squall: __ Nevermind. Get this thing outta me!
Zell: I'm still strapped.
Squall: How long will this be?
Quistis: I do not know.
Squall: How long before she can... you know...
Quistis: Two hours. I think...
Tinsir: (glare) ...................Forever. This hurts like hell.
Quistis: Now who's fault is this? He never forced you.
Tinsir: His. Condoms are "uncomfortable" and "chafe."
Quistis: What about birthcontrol?
Tinsir (laughs): Yeah, as if a medicine, or whatever will help me. I can take a whole bottle of morphine, and it not do a damn th-Oooooooh fuuuuuuuuuckkkkkkk- ing.
Irvine: Looks like you won't get laid for a while.
Squall: ....I can't wear them.
Selphie: ?? Why not?
Squall: .......
Irvine: Well?...
Squall: They're too small.
Irvine: Even the-
Squall (red faced): Yes.
Irvine: Damn, no wonder she got knocked up.
Squall: THAT had nothing to do with the actual reproduction probability.
Tinsir: Can you dumbasses stop debating how this happened, and deal with what's a result of it?!!!!!!!?
Squall: Yes, coming.
Squall O_O: Owwwwwwww....
Tinsir: Oh, helly day upon the midnight ridge of fate!
Others: ....?
Tinsir: Bad contraction.
Quistis: We got that much.
Tinsir: Oh, that... A Guardian way of cussing. Don't ask...
Zell: What's it mean?
Tinsir: Since you did...
_+_+_+_+_+CENSORED_+_+_+_+_+
Others (twitch): ....
Tinsir: Told ya not to ask.
Irvine: You belong to one dirty race.
Tinsir: As if you aren't Mr. Lechy Pants.
Irvine: I'd never do THAT...
Tinsir: I never did either. Also, our anatomy is slightly different then human. It's OOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWie.
Squall: Can I have my hand back?
Tinsir: K
Squall removed glove to show a withered hand.
Squall: I lost feeling in it fifteen minutes ago.
Tinsir: Sorry (heals it). Oo... Hand me something NOW...
Irvine (hands her a steel pipe): Here.
Tinsir (bends it): Here.
Irvine: Holy shit!
Tinsir: Never underestimate the power of a woman in labor.
Quistis: ... Okay, here we go.
(I shall do the audio tape. Selphie forgot to take off that lens cover)
Can you hand me that?...Sure... Where are you sticking that?!... Her back...I wouldn't bother, it won't WWWWWWWWOOOOOORRRKKKK... Better? .... NU. That hurt, and a contraction AT THE SAME TIME... Heh heh heh... WHAP... OUch... Serves you right....Shit, she's bending the bed frame!... OWIE... Get the tranqus!... It will do no goooooooood... Here it comes... Eww, what's that stuff?... Her water broke a while ago, didn't you notice?... So that's what we're literally waist high in it... Yep... Eww... Hey!... Sorry, but it is gross... True... I feel warm....................What?.....(sigh) .... What?.... Dork.... Owwwwwie.... Oooh! I see a mass of dark stuff.... Selph, that's it's hair... At least it's not bald.... CUT ME OPEN, AND GET IT OUT!!!!!!!!!... Hurts? ....(WHAP).... It's not very nice to drown Irvine in amniotic fluid.... Dun care, me in pain... Let him up... He is up so to speak... Ewwie, I did not want to know that... Hey, you sucked it before... Yeah, WITH MY EYES CLOSED... (snicker) Even she doesn't want to look at it.... (muffled) Help!.... Okay, before he drowns.... Can't he breath in it?... I think so, but would he think about that?.......... Nah.... Whoooo! What the hell?! I could have died!... So?... That's harsh. It was all warm though. It tasted like grape juice. I'm sleepy now... Irvine, smile.... Um, Selph- ...OOOOOOOWWWW... It's a.... BOY!... (baby cries) .... Selphie, the lens cover!
Selphie (takes it off): Whooops!
Irvine: Okay, tape them.
A touching scene unfolds before the camera, Squall holding his son for the first time. The babe wrapped up in blue, and black blankets, smiles, and shows his two fangs. How sweet.
Irvine: ...Your kid...
Squall: Shut up.
Selphie: He's cute. (gets too close, baby sinks teeth in camera)
Tinsir: (sigh) Just like Dewn, hungry fom the start.
Irvine (turns away from Tinsir, towards Selphie to walk away) Glad I wasn't there for that birth.
Tinsir: You previous incarnation was.... You died.
Irvine (horror stricken): How?
Tinsir: I strangled you. Your head went one way, your body the other.
Irvine (hold throat): ....
Tinsir ^v^: But that's in the past.
Quistis: (finishes cleaning baby) Here we go! We'll circumcise him in eight days.
Males: Owwwwww.....
Tinsir: I want everyone to be there. Even Zell, and Irvine.
Squall (holding crotch in sympathy pain): Laguna too.
Tinsir: Yes, him too. (evil laugh) Whew, the look on your faces is hilarious.
Irvine: Glad to be of service...(twinge of pain) Ma'am.
Selphie: Smile!
Tinsir (holds her son): You're cute. One day you'll be a hot man like your daddy, and beat the woman away with gunblades, or staffs.
Irvine: Don't you mean sticks?
Tinsir: Sticks are outdated. Yeesh, I've been around the past couple millenia, and I know more about style. Except in clothes. I may have you shop with me, Vine.
Irvine: Vine?
Selphie: I told her your pet name.
Irvine: Even about how I-
Selphie: Yep.
Irvine: You must give sympathy sex now (jokingly starts kissing her).
Selphie: Damn perv.(giggles)
Irvine: Hey, we can use the camera for other things.. *wink, wink*
Selphie: Damn porno freak.
Irvine: We can title it "Selphie Sex."
Selphie: Or "Irvine Erection."
Squall: We can hear you.
Tinsir: Not in front of baby! He'll get corrupted soon enough around Zell, and Squall alone. I don't need him to have sex ed at ten minutes old!
Irvine: He just went through the best sex ed class available! So what if he was created halfway through Squall's thrusting?
Tinsir: You know that sperm can live upto-
Quistis: Don't bother correcting him...
Irvine: I was just saying, so friggin what!? He can't understand us anyways.
Baby (points to Irvine): Ass hole
Quistis: He hit the nail on the head.
Irvine: Whoa.. Your kid's a genius, or something.
Baby: Pussy licker.
Irvine: ...Whoa, he's right... I have eaten Selphie out.
Selphie (holding baby, and actually the one that it saying the stuff): (laughs) Dork.
Quistis: I'll need a sample of your fluids now.
Tinsir: There's planty of it. Gallon, or quart?
Quistis: (laughs) If it can be used as a drug, we may have to get you knocked up more often.
Squall/Tinsir: NO!
Tinsir: Um, I should feed him now. Will you guys please leave?
Irvine: The room is spinning.
Selphie: Her amniotic fluid is the world's oldest form of pot.
Tinsir: All natural. Can we please feed him?
Selphie (Irvine, and she leaves): Bye
Irvine: Buh-bye!
Quistis: Okay, I remember you said it was not like the average human form of feeding. I wish to watch.
Tinsir: Okay. (a tail curls around her back, and feeds baby) See?
Squall: ...O_O
Quistis: Cool.
Squall: Why do you have breasts then?
Tinsir: Looks, and pleasure. And for you to grope.
Squall: Do your sisters-
Tinsir: Yes, they have boobs too. Big ones. Why am I the flat one?!
Squall: They're a B. Be glad they're not an A.
Tinsir: True. Ow.
Squall: Bit you?
Tinsir: Yeah. Fangs hurt Mommy.
Baby: (smiles) ...
Quistis: A true sadist.
Squall: He's definitely yours.
Tinsir: Your son too. See his eyes? Totally you. And he has the lion birth mark.
Squall: Like mine?
Tinsir: Yep, on the back.
Quistis: This is very odd.
Tinsir: What?
Quistis: (holding baby, he's already even been burped) He has angel wings birth mark on his back too.
Tinsir: I, and Dewn do as well. No big. Instead of last names, birthmarks are passed down in our family. Such as, (undresses) I have a "birthmark" here of my water element, a sacred symbol for Hyne here, and Geae's mountains on my ass. Oddly enough, my butt isn't big though...
Quistis: I will have to give you a full body exam later. I want to know all about your culture.
Tinsir: Uh, no. I do not need a papsmear.
Quistis: Not funny.
Tinsir: I thought it was...
Squall: ...?
Squall: What's that?
Tinsir: Where?
Squall: On his ass.
Quistis: (documenting everything about the nude child, down to even where moles were) I think it's a T.
Tinsir: Oh! My symbol. On his ass?... I was hoping his chest, or something...
Squall: The poor thing won't go out shirtless.
Tinsir: (flirting w/ Squall) I think lion birthmarks are sexy.
Squall: Even mine?
Tinsir: The best.
Quistis: Selphie left the camera here. It's still on I think.
Tinsir: ...Oh...
Squall: Now it's not.
Quistis: What does a sword mean?
Tinsir: (gets up, healed) Let me see.
Quistis: It's right below his belly button.
Tinsir: Oh, my Hyne....
